


The Sound of Silence

by aMUSEment345



Series: Soundings [5]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Family, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-16 08:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 43
Words: 148,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18091190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aMUSEment345/pseuds/aMUSEment345
Summary: Part of the 'Soundings' series. His work and his family are both threatened as Reid faces a moral and ethical...and possibly deadly... dilemma. What, exactly, is the cost of silence? Is it worth the price?





	1. Chapter 1

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 1**

"Hey, Kid, how is it having the old lady back at work?"

It was out before he had a chance to stop himself. The moment the thought crossed his mind, he tried to trap it there…..but it reached his mouth anyway. Morgan readied himself for the onslaught.

And heard nothing. But if looks could kill….well, he just might have been the BAU's next case. Surprisingly, Reid didn't react at all. He didn't need to.

"What, Baby Girl? What did I do?" He put his hands out in a gesture of 'I don't have a clue'.

Penelope Garcia sniffed. "If you don't know, then….well, then there's no hope for you."

Prentiss was more direct. "We don't call someone's wife 'the old lady', Morgan."

_Now_ , Reid spoke up. "Yeah, and especially when she looks like JJ!"

There was something so liberating about being able to publicly state what he'd only been able to think to himself before. So, just because he could, he added, "My wife!"

Emily had to turn away so he wouldn't see her laugh. He'd grown so much, been through so much, matured so much…and yet he was like a kid who couldn't believe he'd been given free rein in a candy store when it came to JJ. In a bittersweet moment, she wished she could have someone in her life who took such unabashed delight in their relationship.

"To answer your question, Morgan," Reid made a point of sounding completely formal, "It's great. We're less of a team without her, and I'm glad we're back up to speed, finally."

"Here, here," interjected Rossi. He'd stopped by the bullpen on his way to his office. "Where is she, by the way?"

"Meeting with Hotch. There's some paperwork she needs to fill out."

Almost on cue, Hotch's door opened and the two agents appeared at the railing, looking down at their colleagues.

"Don't you all have work to do?" Hotch had a smile on his face when he said it.

Morgan, Rossi and Garcia headed quickly off to their private spaces, while Emily and Reid each grabbed a file. But Reid looked over the top of the folder to smile at his wife as she came down the stairs and approached her desk.

"Okay?"

She sighed. "I miss her." It was her first day away from five month old Rosie. "It feels good to be back here…..although kind of strange, I guess…but I miss her."

He smiled in understanding.

Rosie was at a great age. Old enough to have personality, and to have discovered laughter. Young enough not to be able to get into trouble. Sandy Jareau had told him it was "one of the best ages".

It was hard enough for  _him_ to be away from her. And yet, he understood that maternal longing was something completely different. He didn't have a frame of reference, but he could see it in JJ. He'd ruminated that, just as his job required him to get into the mind of an unsub without sharing the unsub's feelings, being a good partner required him to perceive the mind of a nursing mother. Of this  _particular_  nursing mother. He would never know if he'd succeeded, but it made him so much more sympathetic.  _Who knew profiling skills would come in so handy in a marriage?_

He teased her. "How many times have you called?"

"Only once. I wanted to be sure Karen knew we'd started cereal."

"Because you and she haven't talked about this endlessly in the past two weeks?"

Henry's former sitter still provided after school care for him, and now she'd taken on Rosie as well. And Casey.

She shrugged her shoulders. "You caught me. I just hoped Rosie was awake, so I could hear her. I love her little voice."

He smiled. So did he. They'd both hit the internet after Rosie started babbling at three months of age.

* * *

"I think that's early, JJ! Most babies don't babble until four or five months."

He hadn't really needed to hit the internet. He'd already memorized everything he could find on infant development. And he began to expound on it.

"Did you know the first sound most babies make is the 'ba' sound? And then the 'da' sound. And, did you ever notice, the familiar word for 'father' in many languages uses those sounds? In Hebrew, it's 'abba', in Aramaic, it's 'baba'. And in English, it's 'daddy'."

She'd snorted, amused. "So, does that mean that the words came about from Mr. Wonderful being in the baby's face and saying, "Honey, I think she's calling my name!"

He had to think for a minute. "You know, you might be right." And from that time on, he got right into Rosie's face whenever she babbled 'da'.

* * *

"So, was she awake?"

"I could hear her squealing at Ben. He's so gentle, he comes right up to her and lets her pet him."

"Just like Casey. That's how goldens tend to be. It's a big reason why they're used as therapy dogs."

"Well, Casey has been great therapy for Henry. And for his dad too, I think, no?" JJ remembered that Reid had been almost as excited about getting the puppy as Henry had been.

"Casey listens to everything I have to say, she doesn't judge me…..and she doesn't charge a co-pay. So, yes, I'd say she's a great therapy dog!"

"Hey, cats are no slouches when it comes to therapy, you know." Emily wanted in on the banter. "Sergio is the most faithful relationship I've had in…..forever…and he eats a lot less than Casey.  _And_  he cleans up after himself."

The three good friends enjoyed being back at work together after JJ's maternity leave. They'd visited with each other a few times while she was out, but it seemed so much more natural when they were doing what they all did best.

"It  _is_  good to have you back, JJ. How's my little goddaughter?"

Emily had been an easy choice as godmother, but the godfather decision had been much more difficult. They were blessed with having strong relationships with all three of their male colleagues. In the end, they'd decided to ask Rossi. JJ remembered how paternal he'd been with her all through the ordeal of Reid being wounded and, importantly, she remembered how he'd asked to pray with her. And so, over dinner and wine at the Reids', they'd asked him.

* * *

Reid cleared his throat. "Ahem. Um…..Rossi, there's…something we wanted to ask you."

Rossi was just leaning back in his chair, enjoying the last of his wine. "Ask away, young ones. But tell me, did you ply me with food and drink just to ask me a favor?" He was teasing them. But he also didn't have any idea what was coming.

JJ took over. "Rossi….Dave…..you've been so good to us and to our family. You were there with me every minute when Spence was hurt." She flashed a glance at Reid. He'd been unconscious, in the ICU during the time that Dave Rossi stood by his fiancée. But she'd told him about it many times.

JJ continued. "And…..we wanted to ask you….we would really be honored...if you would be Rosie's godfather."

He was caught totally off guard. They could see how touched he was. He'd grown very fond of this young couple and their children.

"You want…..you want me to be Rosie's godfather."

Both of them nodded. "Yes."

JJ leaned over and touched his arm. "We don't want to impose. It's okay if you're not comfortable with it."

Rossi shook his head. Now that he'd had a moment to collect himself, he was ready to respond.

"You misunderstand me, young JJ. I will gladly serve as godfather to the newest little Reid. Rosie is a sweetheart. I can't think of anything that would make me happier than to be a part of her life." He looked back and forth between both of them. "Thank you, I'm touched."

Reid smiled, remembering the day JJ had asked him to be godfather to Henry.  _Amazing what can happen in six years!_

He shook his colleague's hand. "Thanks, Rossi. It means a lot to us."

Henry came in from the other room, where he'd been playing with his trucks.

"Mommy, is it time for dessert now?"

"Soon as the coffee's ready, honey. Do you want to help me get the cake?"

The little blonde's eyes lit up. Until his mother issued her next directive.

"But no fingers in the icing, little man."

Busted. Helping in the kitchen suddenly didn't sound so enticing. "I'm gonna help Daddy wake Rosie up."

"Ah, my little soon-to-be goddaughter is about to make an appearance. Maybe we won't need cake. We'll already have something sweet at the table."

Henry looked at him with horrified eyes. "Oh, no, Uncle Dave, we  _need_ cake! We  _have_  to have dessert!"

Reid chuckled. "It's the whole point of having dinner, right, Henry?"

JJ laughed at her two men. In at least this one aspect, they were carved from the same stone.

* * *

The ceremony took place in the same church where they were married.

Now, over a year after that event, Reid was known to make an occasional appearance on a Sunday. Father O'Neill was always sure to give him a nod in recognition, but still made it a point not to push him. The two men enjoyed coffee and a lively theological debate after services from time to time. Reid was open, but not yet convinced. He saw the value of ritual in trying to articulate the inarticulable. But he still considered the dome of the night sky  _his_ church, and the place where he felt closest to the divine.

Still, he saw the value in acknowledging Rosie as a child of God, and was happy to participate in this particular ritual. The whole idea had brought him out to the patio many a late night, to enter into conversation.

_I think I'm starting to get it now. I didn't so much, when it was Henry. But loving him helped me to grow into it. It's not just taking responsibility, 'just in case'. It's promising to nurture them, and help them understand the world. And everything that's beyond the world. I think Rossi and Emily get it in a way I didn't. Maturity, maybe? Or maybe they grew up with the nurturing that I didn't. Maybe they were already familiar with it. It's funny, I think maybe Henry taught it to me, while I was supposed to be looking after him. 'JJ wisdom'...or Yours, maybe?...already present in my life, and I didn't know it. Somehow she knew to ask me. Not so much because Henry needed me, but because I needed him._

Reid had taken on the responsibility of asking Emily Prentiss to stand with Rosie. He smiled as he recounted it for JJ.

"Really, Reid? Are you sure?"

"Emily, you're one of our best friends and, whether you admit it or not, we know you love kids."

They both remembered how much she'd sacrificed for Declan Doyle.

"But….."

He cut off her protest. "I know, maybe it seems weird because you've struggled with your faith."

She shook her head. "Never with my faith. A whole lot with the church, but never with my faith. I've just had some dark times, but….who hasn't?"

_Indeed._  "Well, will you do it? Will you be Rosie's godmother?"

She was, in fact, deeply touched. Of course she would. She leaned up and kissed his cheek.

"Anything for you, Handsome. And for that beautiful baby girl of yours."

And so, the day had come and they were all gathered around the baptismal font. The oils were administered, the water poured, the blessings given. Rosie was clothed in white, symbolizing her purity. Remarkably, and completely out of character for her, she'd remained silent throughout the ceremony.

JJ noticed that Henry was also unusually quiet, and seemed pensive.

"What's up, little man?"

His brow was furrowed. "Mommy, did Rosie come from heaven?" He'd heard the priest call her a 'child of God'.

JJ paused before she answered, considering.  _Does he mean literally?_  Henry had his own special relationship with heaven, and she wanted to be careful with her answer. So she hedged.

"Well, sort of. I guess. Why?"

"Do you think she was with Daddy Will there? Do you think she knows him?"

_Ah._  "Well, you know, Henry, your dad and I like to think that Daddy Will and your Nana Diana helped pick her out for us. So I guess they must have all met up in heaven."

He smiled. "I knew it!"

JJ didn't understand. "What do you mean?"

"I could tell. When I asked her if she knew Daddy Will, she smiled at me."

JJ didn't have the heart to tell him that Rosie was just smiling because that's what babies do when you talk to them. Besides, just maybe….

* * *

"JJ?"

Emily wondered where her good friend had gone. She'd simply asked about her goddaughter, and JJ had begun staring off, clearly lost in reverie.

"Huh? Oh! Oh, I'm sorry, Emily. I guess I'm only half back. The rest of me is with Rosie."

Prentiss smiled at her. "Perfectly understandable. Especially considering how absolutely gorgeous she is." She took a seat on JJ's desk. "So, how is she? Or, more to the point, how are _you_? Is it that hard to be back?"

She was taken by surprise to see the tears in JJ's eyes.

"It's crazy. I love being with the kids, but I miss adult conversation. Not that I don't get it with Spence, but, you know."

She did. Conversation with Reid was… _hyperadult_ …..as in, sometimes hard to follow.

"So I was looking forward to coming back, but I think I started missing Rosie a couple of weeks ago…..and I was still with her! She's just so sunny, and eager to learn….and smart!"

JJ lowered her voice so that only Emily could hear. "I think she might have gotten Spence's IQ genes, Em. She's doing everything early, and it's almost like you can  _see_  her thinking. What will I do if I have a genius for a daughter?"

Emily started to laugh at her, but reconsidered. Because, in this particular instance, it might be real. There was a definite chance that Rosie could have the kind of genius her father possessed. And it could, in fact, be its own kind of burden. She began to see her godmotherly responsibilities in a whole new light.

Their conversation was interrupted by Garcia's summons.

"Hey, boys and girls…..oh, it's so good to be able to say 'girls' instead of 'girl'!...Boss Man wants us in the conference room, pronto."

JJ and Emily grabbed their tablets and followed Reid upstairs. Rossi and Morgan joined them from their offices as Hotch entered the room to lead their usual morning meeting.

Ever serious, his words belied his mood.

"It's good to have a full complement around the table again. Welcome back, JJ."

They were all smiling as he continued with his announcements.

"As I think most of you know, we have JJ in a limited capacity for the next couple of months. She won't be traveling with the team during that time, although she will be otherwise carrying a full caseload."

It had been a bargaining chip. She'd returned three weeks early in exchange for the opportunity to be home with Rosie for a just little bit longer.

Morgan knew she and Reid were hoping the team could work locally for a while. He'd teased his young colleague about it.

"So, isn't that a catch-22, Pretty Boy? You get to stay home near the kids…..but only because DC has a serial killer to deal with? Not sure I'd want to make that deal!"

They'd both laughed, not having any idea just how prophetic his words would prove to be.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 2**

_Whew! Finally, it's Friday! TGIF and amen!_ JJ felt like she'd been on a treadmill the entire week. She'd been in constant motion, tending kids, tending house, tending to her cases, only to have to do the same again the next day.

Their luck hadn't even lasted a day. The team had been called out on Tuesday, and only arrived back to the airport this afternoon, as she was getting ready to leave to pick the kids up at Karen's. She'd been single-parenting all week. It wasn't the first time since Rosie was born, but it  _was_  the first time since she'd added working at the BAU into the mix.

"Let me get them, JJ. I haven't seen them in three days. And it will give you a couple of minutes to put your feet up." Reid had called her as soon as they'd landed.

"Ha! It will give me a few minutes to pick things up and get dinner started, you mean."

She'd said it with good nature, but he could hear the exhaustion in her voice.

"How about soup and sandwiches tonight? I can whip it up when I get home. Seriously, Wife, I can tell you need a nice long bath. Am I right?"

He knew her weakness for luxuriating in the tub. It was a craving she was only rarely able to indulge.

"Ooh, you're tempting me now."

He was smiling, though she couldn't see. Both at the thought of her relaxing for a bit….and at the vision of her in the tub. It brought his brain somewhere else...

_But who'll watch the kids?_  Alas, it seemed that parenting was a joy that came with many sacrifices.

He arrived at Karen's and was barely out of the car when Henry came barreling down the front walk, followed closely by Casey.

"Daddy!" His son was growing taller but, thought Reid _, it will be a long, long time before you're too big for these arms_. He scooped Henry up and hugged him.

"Hey, little man, I missed you!"

Henry leaned back. "I missed you too, Daddy! And Rosie did too!"

Reid smiled at him. "She tell you that, did she?"

"Yep. She tells me everything!"

_Sometimes I wonder…_ "Were you being good for Karen?"

"I'm always good, Daddy!"

Karen had stepped out to the front porch in time to hear the last comment. "He really is, you know."

Reid caught the grateful look Henry passed to Karen, and knew something was being withheld. He raised his brows at the long-time sitter, who just smiled and subtly shook her head. As he passed her to enter the house, he whispered, "Anything I should know about?"

"It's between Henry and me. Just being a kid. No need to involve the parental units."

Reid wouldn't press it. He trusted her instincts. Karen was loving enough to set limits but not hold grudges, and kind enough to forgive. She viewed the normal childhood transgressions as opportunities for learning.  _She realizes that the word 'discipline' means 'teaching' and not 'punishment'._  It was among the many reasons they felt blessed to have her looking after their children.

As he entered the house, Reid could hear Rosie babbling.  _With inflection! She gets it! She thinks she's talking!_

"Hey, Baby Girl." The words came naturally to him, whenever he greeted his daughter. But, for the umpteenth time, he thought,  _I sound like Morgan._

Rosie ceased her babbling and started waving her arms and bouncing up and down on her padded bottom, excited to see her father. Reid bent down and lifted her from her playpen.

"How's my girl today? Did you miss your papa?"

She started babbling again, and Reid could have  _sworn_  she was trying to tell him something. He couldn't wait to get home and tell JJ.

But all thoughts of anything else drained from his head when Rosie performed her 'Daddy-mind-melt' trick. She snuggled up against him, laying her head on his shoulder, and burying her face in his neck. It worked... every, single time. It was almost a reflex. Rosie would assume the position, and Reid could do nothing but turn his chin to hold her against him, and close his eyes, lost in a moment of presence with his daughter. It was so reflexive that he hadn't even noticed it until JJ pointed it out to him.

"You're gonna have to get past that by the time she's a teenager, or she'll have you eating out of her hand."

"By the time she's a teenager, she won't fit."

"Oh yeah?" And JJ proceeded to show him just how easily _she_  fit into the crook of his neck. With nearly the same effect.  _Like mother, like daughter. I'm in trouble!_

Back in the present, Reid collected his children and their paraphernalia, and loaded them into the car. Casey raced out of the house again and into the front passenger seat just in time for Reid to wish Karen a good weekend and pull away. Henry waved goodbye to his secret ally, and then launched into an unsolicited retelling of his adventures for the past three days. Reid relished the opportunity. Once upon a time, he would have stopped what he was doing and listened with rapt attention, delighted that his godson would want him to know so much about his life. Now, the busy parent he'd become had more difficulty finding the time and the focus..….except when they were in the car. So he savored the times he performed 'the pick-up', as it allowed him to connect with Henry in a way that was becoming increasingly lost to him.

He took them a roundabout way home, partly to let his son finish his stories, but also to let JJ have more time to herself. By the time he pulled up to their home, Rosie had fallen asleep, lulled by the rhythm of the road and the chatter from the seat next to her. Reid lifted her out of her car seat without waking her and carried her inside, Henry leading the way.

"Mommy! Daddy's home!"

She was in the kitchen. He put Rosie in her playpen and headed out there.

"What are you doing here? I told you I would cook." He was always determined to carry his share of the household duties.

"I had a nice long bath, and it's only soup. Here, you can make the sandwiches."

She put the loaf of bread into his outstretched hand and then started to turn back to the stove. From the corner of her eye, she caught the look on his face. His hand hadn't been outstretched for the bread.

"Oh, my God….I'm sorry, Spence." She walked into his arms and embraced him, giving him what he'd actually been reaching for. "Welcome home. I missed you. We all did."

He kissed her. "Me too." He studied her. She looked as tired as she'd sounded on the phone. "Hard week, being back?"

"I'm probably just not up to speed yet. It takes a while to make the schedule work, you know?" She'd done it once before, with Henry. But it was proving to be a bit more challenging with two of them.

"I can ask Hotch if he'll let me stay local for a while….."

She interrupted him. "No, Spence. I appreciate it, and Hotch might even agree. But you know the FBI isn't going to give them a spare field agent. They'd be operating two persons down, and we can't do that to them again. No, it will be all right. It'll just take a while, that's all."

He so admired her willingness to put up with a personal inconvenience for the sake of the team. They all knew their work was important, but they were all also trying to live their private lives at the same time. It required a fair amount of sacrifice, and not everyone in the FBI was willing to make it so readily.

He shooed her out of the kitchen. "Go play with the kids. You need to decompress. I'll get the rest of this." He kissed her and patted her on the behind to get her going.

She turned around to look at him. "More of that…..later."

* * *

By now, Rosie was sleeping through the night, but she still didn't go down until almost ten. That meant very little 'grown up time' during the week. They barely had time for an adult conversation before both of them were too tired to speak. So most of it was relegated to the weekends.

By tacit consent, they never talked about work in front of either of the kids, and rarely even discussed any of what seemed like a never ending supply of violence and tragedy found in the news. Some of that would have to change, they knew. Now that he was in elementary school, they would have to find their way gingerly through what to share with Henry and what to withhold.

"It's probably better if he hears about things from us, don't you think, Spence? Rather than from his friends? We have no idea what other kids are exposed to at home."

"You're right. But I guess I was hoping to keep him sheltered from the dark stuff as long as possible. I definitely don't think we should ever let him hear what  _we_  hear on a daily basis."

"Of course not. But…Spence, he's already had the dark stuff creep into his life. He just doesn't quite realize it yet."

When Will was killed…and Reid nearly so…Henry had simply been told that his father had been injured, and gone to heaven to feel better again.

"We're going to have to tell him some day, JJ. But, God knows, we'll be needing a lot of guidance on when, and how."

"I pray about that sometimes, you know. That I'll know when is the right time. When he's old enough to understand, but not become resentful."

He was sitting next to her on the sofa, still their favorite snuggling spot. He drew her closer and kissed the top of her head.

"I do too. With both of us at it,  _somebody's_  got to guide us, right?"

Thinking about Will reminded her of something else she'd not felt comfortable mentioning in front of Henry.

"There was something in the news the other day. A DC Metro cop apparently shot himself in his patrol car. He was found inside it, in an alley. They'd not been able to raise him on the radio for a couple of hours by the time they found him."

He wasn't sure why she was mentioning it until she turned her face to him. He could see it was somehow personal.

"Friend of Will's?"

She nodded. " A good friend. One of his first on the force up here. Dave Sanders. We used to double date with him and his girlfriend."

"Did he marry? Have kids?"

"You know, I don't know. We….or I, at least….lost touch. I don't know if Will kept up with him. But…it makes you wonder, doesn't it? How some people cope with what we do, and some don't?"

He waited a beat, then squinted at her. Both of them had received some counseling after the incident in New Orleans, but that was well over a year ago.

"Are you? Are you coping?" He hadn't noticed anything but, even with him, JJ could sometimes play things very close to the vest.

She realized too late that her words had worried him. "Me? Oh, no, Spence. I wasn't talking about me. I'm too busy to worry about anything but getting through the day."

He squeezed her shoulder. "You sure?"

She leaned up and kissed him. "Sure. Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you. It just struck me, about Dave, that's all."

He decided to let it drop by changing he subject. "Hey, did I tell you about my genius daughter?"

"You mean,  _my_ genius daughter? What did she do?"

"She has inflection! Like she really understands the concept of language! I can't understand what she's saying, but  _she_  does. That's incredibly early, JJ!"

She laughed at how excited he got about every one of Rosie's accomplishments. It didn't surprise her, because he'd done the same with Henry. But Rosie  _was_  doing some things  _very_  early.

"Spence…..do you think she's…..well….like you?"

He'd thought about it. With very mixed feelings. His childhood had been so difficult. To this day, he wasn't sure how much of it had been because he'd been 'different', and how much because of his mother's debilitating mental illness.

"I don't know. I mean, I know I was reading early, but I just don't know about the first few years of my life."

She hesitated, but then said it anyway. "Your father might remember."

"No."

With great difficulty, he'd managed to forgive his father. Playing the paternal role for Henry had shown him how easy it was to make mistakes. But there was still too much bad feeling about the fact that William Reid had never tried to correct those mistakes.

"All right, I'm sorry." Then she had another idea. "What about the journals? Did your mother write about you when you were an infant?"

He had to think. "I don't know. I read through everything, but I was much more focused on learning about  _her_. I don't remember if there was anything about  _me_  from that time in my life. She was already ill by then. There might not have been."

"Well, there's homework for you. Take a look at them. See if you can find out if baby geniuses start talking at five months of age. Or, at least if  _my_  Baby Genius did."

He made a face at the appellation. "You've been hanging around Garcia too much."


	3. Chapter 3

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 3**

The weekend was refreshingly free of work intrusions, allowing the family Reid time to enjoy one another in peace, if not tranquility. Henry was still an early riser, but he'd been given permission to treat himself to Saturday morning cartoons if he was up before his parents. Rosie obligingly slept in until 8 o'clock, somehow knowing that Saturday was a  _different_ day. Otherwise she'd have been at Karen's already. It was another one of those traits that made JJ wonder….. _how does she know…and after only one week?_

JJ and Reid took advantage of the relative peace and quiet to alternate fitting in a run and a walk, respectively. Because of his family responsibilities, Reid's walks were becoming shorter, or taking place at a much faster pace than before.  _Maybe I should take the hint from JJ, and start running._  She'd explained to him a long time ago that her exercise needed to be  _efficient._

The rest of the morning passed quickly with household errands and chores. Rosie was awake for most of the day now, but still did manage an early afternoon cat nap. Henry mostly amused himself, but by lunchtime, he was antsy. This afternoon marked a big event in his life. He and Reid had been preparing for a while.

"Is it time yet, Daddy?"

"We have another half hour before we have to leave."

Five minutes later. "Is it time  _yet,_  Daddy?"

"Twenty-five minutes, little man."

Five minutes later. "When is it going to be time, Daddy?"

Father and mother exchanged a look. Rosie was still asleep.

"Why don't you guys go on ahead, and I'll stay with Rosie."

Reid hesitated. JJ really should be there. As much as he felt toward Henry, he still hadn't let go of the idea that the boy was, really, JJ's son. But she pushed him toward the door, understanding and appreciating the sentiment.

"Go. It's all right."

"Yay! Let's go, Daddy!"

Henry grabbed his father by the hand and pulled him out to the car, his gear already loaded. Their destination was only a short ten minutes away, but it seemed like Henry managed to fit in an hour's worth of chatter as Reid drove.

"I'm gonna play first base! And I'm gonna hit a home run!"

Reid smiled at his son's exuberance. But he also felt the need to protect him by adjusting his expectations. They'd been playing catch and hitting from a tee in the backyard, but Henry had missed his opportunity to play organized tee ball. That was for five year olds. Henry's life had been too turbulent for tee ball when he was five.

"This is just a practice, Henry. And remember, these will be pitched balls. It's harder to hit them, so don't be disappointed if you can't do it at first. You just keep trying, little man."

Reid flashed on his one-time experience playing with the FBI's softball team, and proffered the advice he'd gotten from Morgan. It had  _worked_ , after all. "Just  _feel_  it, and swing."

They'd arrived. Henry ran ahead of Reid to the baseball diamond, waving at a couple of classmates who were also on his team. "Hey, guys!"

Joey and Toby waved back, wearing their new T shirts. "We're the 'Tree Vers'!" yelled Joey, excitedly.

Henry caught the mistake. He was too smart for that. "No, we're the 'Retrievers! Like Casey!"

JJ had commented on the team name when she'd first heard it. "Why would they give them a name that most of them can't say, let alone spell? Why isn't it something like 'Mud Cats'?"

Reid had gone to the first team meeting with Henry. "I heard the coach joking with one of the other dads that, since most of them can't catch the ball yet, they spend a lot of the game 'retrieving'."

Henry had been happy to hear the name, since it put him on the same team as Casey. "You can be our….our…..our…..'team guy'!"

"You mean your 'mascot', Henry?" Reid offered.

"Yep!"

Reid agreed to oversee the tossing exercise while another dad helped with swinging. As he did, he visited a time in his memory, one he'd managed to suppress ever since the Riley Jenkins nightmares had caused him to falsely accuse his father of the boy's murder. He flashed on that time in his early boyhood when he'd played on a little league team coached by his own father. It was the only pleasant association with his father that his mind would ever grant him.

Despite his 'forgiving' his father last year, Reid knew the process was incomplete. And he was content to leave it so. He realized it was less a 'forgiving' than an understanding and acknowledgement of the man's weaknesses. But it was not a forgetting. And thinking about it enkindled a fear that he might carry some of his father's traits within him. He hadn't shared it with JJ, but he always worried that he would fail as a father, as his own father had failed him. It was one of the most frequent topics of conversation when he visited his church under the night sky.

He'd suppressed the memory of that time in little league until just a few years ago. But when he allowed it to return, his eidetic memory brought with it all of the rules and regulations. He'd actually read the entire little league manual way back when. He may not have been a physically gifted athlete, but he was a  _knowledgeable_ athlete.

Having remembered it all, he'd volunteered to teach the kids the rudiments of the game. But, like Henry, all most of them remembered was the idea of the home run'.

Coach Stan saw Reid shaking his head at the kids' disinterest in his lesson. "Don't sweat it. At this level, every game is a practice, and we're thrilled if they make some actual plays by the end of the season. When they ask you, tell them. When it's obvious, tell them. Otherwise….let them pick it up when they're ready."

Pressure off, Reid enjoyed the rest of the father-and-son afternoon together, hoping for many, many more to come.

* * *

"Mommy! Mommy, I hit the ball!" Henry had rapidly lowered his sights from hitting a home run to simply making contact with a pitched ball. "And I made a catch!" He'd run into the house ahead of Reid.

Rosie was up now, sitting on JJ's lap after eating. She was excited to see the men in her family, and even more excited by the tone in Henry's voice. She began to babble expressively.

"I think she's telling you 'good job', Henry." JJ was interpreting.

"Yep. And she wants to come next time." Henry was interpreting as well.

"She said that?"

"Yep. Can she? Can she come?"

JJ shrugged. "If she's awake…I don't see why not. We can watch from the stands."

"Yay!"

To which Rosie added, "Ay!" And her parents looked at each other, once again.

* * *

Henry was, blessedly, worn out at the end of the day and went down early. Fortuituously, JJ'd stumbled on a technique to tire Rosie out as well.

"I had her out in the yard with me most of the afternoon, and then took her on a short run around the block in the stroller. I think the fresh air did it." Their daughter was out cold by 8:30.

"You know, I think this is the first time I've outlasted her since…..well, since she was born." Reid loved his daughter, but he also loved his sleep. And he craved time alone with his wife. This discovery just might change his life style significantly….he hoped.

He'd lifted his arm as he was speaking, inviting her into his embrace.

"Mmmmm….this feels good." She settled in, and lifted her face to his, expectantly.

He looked down at her and smiled. "You don't want to talk?"

"Uh-uh."

"No? Isn't this our time for adult conversation?" he teased, but only because he was certain she wouldn't take him up on it.

"Later. Come here." She reached up and put her hand behind his neck, pulling his face down to hers. She didn't have to pull very hard.

Their lips met familiarly, knowing where to touch, how to taste, recognizing each other. When their kisses deepened, they were not so much probing, as with someone new, but caressing, giving and taking what each of them knew the other wanted.

There was certainly something to be said for heated passion. Actually, there was a  _lot_  to be said. But JJ also treasured these quiet times together, the kind that led to lovemaking that was deliberate, and gentle….and sweet. There'd been so much uncertainty in their lives together, so much peril and so much hurt, that it felt good to just calmly celebrate being with one another,  _for_  one another. They lay together in bed afterward, relaxed, content.

"I love you, you know." Reid stroked her cheek as he told her.

"I  _do_  know. You show me every day." She smiled back at him.

"And I plan to continue that for the rest of my life."

She lifted herself up to kiss him again, then settled back against his chest.

"I had a call today, while you were out with Henry." She'd held back from mentioning it in front of the kids. "It was from Bill Downs, Will's old partner. He was making sure I knew about Dave Sanders. He said the ME's calling it a suicide, but Bill's not sure he believes it. Remember I told you we used to double date with Dave and his girlfriend? Well, apparently they were planning to get married, in June. Bill said Dave was happy. He can't think why he would have shot himself."

Reid was reflective. "We never know what things people don't want to share, JJ. There might have been something Bill didn't know about."

"I know, but…..I don't know, it's just weird. I can't help but wonder if Will's dying triggered something in Dave. They'd been pretty close. I think they stayed in touch even after Will went back to New Orleans. I remember Dave sent flowers to the funeral."

She didn't really  _remember_ it. She'd been told, afterwards, of the tributes for Will. While JJ had been physically at the ceremony, her heart and her mind had been back in the ICU, with Reid.

"You think that might have triggered a depression?" Reid was acutely aware of the effects of sudden, unexpected loss.

"I don't know. It's just…..I don't know." She shook herself, trying to throw off the feeling. "Anyway, let's not talk about that now. Tell me again about Henry playing ball."

"I think he's a natural, JJ. You should see his swing! And he really did make a great catch!" Reid knew enough not to take credit. "Did Will play ball?"

"Tight end." She saw the look on Reid's face. Baseball was the  _only_  sport he'd played as a child.

"Football, Spence. Remember….the Redskins?"

They'd been husband and wife for over a year, they'd been intimate for longer than that. And still, he blushed to think of how embarrassing his ignorance of the sport had been when he'd invited her to that game so long ago. When Gideon had orchestrated the whole thing. Their first, failed, date.

"Oh, right. Tight end."

She laughed. "Anyway, if he comes by his baseball prowess genetically, I'm claiming it. Soccer may have been my ticket to college, but I was a pretty decent softball player in high school."

He gave a comical sigh. "Softball…..that's like baseball, right? Only…..softer?"

She knew he was kidding this time. "C'mere, you." And she proceeded to give him a lesson about first base…and second base…and third base…..and... HOME RUN!

Reid began to think it might be a good idea to learn about a lot of sports...as long as JJ was doing the teaching.

* * *

Sunday passed in a blur, as Sundays were wont to do. Weekends, Reid ruminated, were never long enough to get anything done except the disruption of everyone's sleep schedule. Rosie was up when she was usually down, and down when she should be up. Henry grew tired of being told to keep his noise down so he wouldn't wake the baby, and perversely created a racket that roused his sister. Rosie returned the favor by shrieking her displeasure.

"The only thing good about this," shouted Reid to JJ, over the din, "is that it makes it easier to go back to work tomorrow!"

The other good thing about it was that it exhausted them. Both kids tired out early Sunday evening, leaving Reid and JJ to themselves.

He saw that she'd taken out her journal, and was writing. She'd started the practice after the example of his mother. When Diana died, Reid had been left with her books and journals, and had come to know his mother through the writing she'd done since she was a teen. JJ had been his sounding board as he'd read through the ups and downs of Diana's life, and read 'between the lines' to see the devastating effect of her illness.

"That reminds me….I think you gave me homework." He'd not had time to think about it before this.

"I think the journals are in the box in the bedroom closet."

He retrieved the box and rummaged through the books until he found the one that should contain the details of his infancy. He sat on the bed and began to page through it. Diana had already been ill, but had gone off her meds for the sake of her unborn baby. Her symptoms had been nearly overpowering by the time he was delivered. She was paranoid, angry, fearful of almost everything. Including, he noticed, her baby.

"He can see inside me. He's inside my head. I can tell. He knows what I'm thinking. Maybe he's putting thoughts there. But he smiles at me. And it's not an evil smile. He likes me, I think. Could he love me? He calls for his father, but William is never home. Little Spencer calls "da-da, da-da" all the time. He never calls for me. Never "ma-ma"! Does he love his father more than me?"

Reid put the journal down, shaken. He'd not processed this before, not with the first reading. Perhaps it had been too close to the time of his mother's death. But it seemed she'd been frightened of him, on some level.  _Frightened of her own infant son!_  He thought about how much in love he was with Rosie, and mourned his mother's loss of that particular treasure of life.  _That damn disease!_

He remembered why he'd pulled out the journal in the first place.  _When did I start to talk?_

The entry had been from when he was three months old. He'd been babbling even earlier than had Rosie. But had it turned into anything more? He flipped forward through the pages, and carried his search over into the next year's journal. Finished, he went back to the living room. JJ was still writing.

"Lot to talk about?"

She looked up at him. "Long first week back at work. Lots of 'mommy emotions', you know? It just helps to write them down."

He understood. JJ didn't particularly like public displays of emotion, so she always sought another outlet. Sometimes it was exercise, which helped her to put it out of her mind. But, especially since she'd been a mother, she'd felt the desire to remember, to remain mindful. The journal was the perfect vehicle for that.

"Well, I found the right journals."

"And? Did my Baby Genius talk early?"

"There's not that much from that time….at least not that much that's coherent….because she was so ill then."

A look of realization came over JJ. She'd forgotten the sacrifice Diana had made for her son.

Reid continued. "But, yes. I think I was a month or two ahead of Rosie. But only with the verbal stuff. Left brain stuff, I guess. My motor development was pretty normal."

"Hmm. You'd think everything would be advanced, wouldn't you?"

"Not necessarily. Motor development depends on myelinating the connection from head to toe. That's its own process. Language skills, knowledge, IQ….they have more to do with the brain alone. So you can have a kid who's a genius but who can trip over his own feet. Like me."

"You're hardly uncoordinated, Spence. Look at how you do magic."

"Learned at an older age. I'm hoping Rosie takes after you as far as her physical skills go. But, to answer the question at hand…..yes, it sounds like she's taking after me with her language. Now we just have to figure out what to do about it."

"Nothing, tonight. Let's just enjoy the fact that our kids are finding their talents, and are happy and healthy. And sleeping soundly, at the moment. Want to watch a movie?"

He let her pick. It wasn't of interest to him. But cuddling on the sofa was.

* * *

Monday morning was more hectic than Friday had been.  _Can things really become so unraveled over a weekend?_ Reid was sure they'd be late for the morning meeting by the time he got Henry to school. JJ would drop Rosie and Casey at Karen's.

They arrived within five minutes of one another, and met up at the coffee machine. Emily watched from her desk and laughed as she saw the couple high-five each other at having made it to work. As they returned to their desks, she teased them about it.

"I guess the good thing about having kids is that you feel like you've already accomplished something in your day, just having gotten to work."

"Tell me about it. I could take the rest of the day off," said the less-experienced Reid.

"Are you kidding? This was an  _easy_  morning." JJ flashed a look at Emily as both of the women enjoyed the panicked look on Reid's face.

Morgan stopped by on his way to the coffee bay. "Did you guys see the news this morning?"

Reid harrumphed. "The news? Only if you're talking about diapers, and spit up, and car seats, and spelling quizzes."

"Okay, Pretty Boy, I take it you were busy this morning. Well, do you remember when we did that case with the CIA? I couldn't place the face, but I remember hearing the name. Alan Greenly. He was one of the agents who'd been suspected, but cleared. Anyway, apparently he ate his gun yesterday. His body was found last night."

None of them had been in the field on that case, except Morgan. The name didn't ring a bell.

"Do you think he  _might_  have been involved? Did we miss him?" Emily was concerned.

"I don't know. But I wouldn't be surprised if it came up at this morning's meeting. I wouldn't be surprised if we were asked to investigate."

Reid had mixed feelings. Was this the case that would keep him in DC? But it meant that the BAU had made an error in that past case. And it had already cost a fellow law enforcement officer his life.  _Be careful what you pray for, Reid._


	4. Chapter 4

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 4**

They assembled themselves, as usual, at ten. Rossi walked into the conference room with JJ.

"How are you holding up, Cara? Is it hard having your heart in two places?"

She'd grown to feel very close with the man who'd inspired her to join the FBI. He had a knack for putting her feelings into words.

"Is it that obvious?"

He pulled a chair out for her. "Not at all. But I know how charming my goddaughter is. I'd be surprised if you found it easy to leave her."

"It's not easy to leave either of them. But it has to happen. And I'm sure it will get to be more of a routine….if not easier…with time."

"The paradox of parenting. You help them develop deep attachments so they can feel secure in the world. And that security makes them feel confident enough to leave you." He noticed the look on her face at his last few words. "But not for a very, very long time."

She smiled at him, and then to herself _. I'm so glad we asked him to be Rosie's godfather. He has such parental wisdom, it would be a shame for it to go to waste._

They all quieted down as Hotch hurried in, looking a bit ruffled. It was an unusual sight, and it caught their attention immediately.

"As you may have learned from this morning's news, a CIA agent, Alan Greenly, was found dead last night. It appears he killed himself with his own weapon."

It was the case Morgan had been talking about earlier. Apparently they  _were_ to be brought in on it.

Hotch continued. "Normally, CIA internal affairs would look into a case like this. However, as you might remember, Agent Greenly was on a list of possible suspects in our case with the CIA several years ago."

"And we cleared him." Emily's concern was evident in her voice. She'd not been with the team at the time, but she'd made it her business to familiarize herself with their cases before she joined them.

For many in law enforcement, profiling was still something of a mystery. The more cynical considered it a form of sorcery. If the BAU had missed the boat on a high stakes case such as the CIA case had been, there could be serious fallout for the FBI, and for the BAU in particular.

"We did. So, while the FBI is being asked to take on the case, it will be investigated by another unit. The BAU will have no official involvement."

Morgan was feeling defensive on the part of the team. "Not every profile can be accurate. We can't be faulted if the evidence pointed to him not being involved."

Hotch sympathized with the sentiment, but didn't want his team to start feeling at odds with their fellow FBI agents.

"I think everyone understands that, Morgan. But the FBI can't afford to subject itself to claims of conflict of interest. So, because the BAU was involved in the original case, it can't officially be involved in the re-investigation."

Emily needed clarification. "Are you talking about the investigation of Greenly's death? Or is the original CIA case being investigated again?"

"Both. Although it looks like a pretty straightforward suicide, but the ME will give us a definitive answer on that."

Rossi had been stroking his beard, having picked up on something in his friend's choice of words. "You said we can't be 'officially' involved in the investigation. Does that mean what I think It means?"

Hotch chanced a small upturning of his lips. "Only if you think it means that we'll be reexamining our prior evidence. I think the director would approve of it as a quality control measure."

"And we all know how the director feels about quality control." Emily joined her unit chief in smiling.

* * *

"This is so weird. I feel like I'm investigating, but trying to look like I'm  _not_  investigating. Sort of like 'act casual'. But it's annoying not to be able to put my hands on everything. I like to work visually."

Reid was venting to JJ and Emily over their adjoined desktops. JJ sympathized.

"Garcia says the electronic file is marked 'eyes only', and they'll know if anyone else tries to access it. And she can't very well hack into the FBI mainframe from the BAU."

"But it's annoying trying to piece this together from residual files on your personal computers. I'm with Reid. This  _is_  weird….but mostly it's just royally frustrating!" Emily was considerably less enthused than she'd been during the team meeting.

"Let's just put together what we  _do_  know." JJ tried to be practical.

Emily was game. "Okay. An undercover CIA agent from the counter-terrorism unit was killed, but initially it was thought to be a suicide. The hit was arranged by...…you know, maybe we should back up. Forget that we found our guy. Maybe we shouldn't make any assumptions."

Reid shook his head. "We had pretty solid evidence on our unsub. He was pretty brazen, calling us in to investigate, when he'd orchestrated the whole thing. No, I think we can stick with him. But maybe we closed the case out too quickly after that. Maybe we didn't look at the others closely enough."

JJ was willing to go down that road with her husband. "Okay. So what did we have against Greenly? And why did we clear him?"

Reid was able to handle that one from memory. "He'd only joined the unit about two weeks before, and they'd been working with the informant for much longer than that."

"Didn't he also have an alibi?" JJ had still been their liaison then, and spent most of the case working with Garcia in the computer room.

Reid's memory had sparked Emily's recall of her case review. "He did. But, then,  _all_  of them did. They're the CIA, they think of these things."

"So, does that mean Greenly was cleared just because he'd only recently joined the unit? What about what he did before?" JJ thought it was an unusually thin foundation for clearing a suspect, and not consistent with what she knew of her team.

"Before that, he'd been in South America, on a drug cartel detail. It really didn't have anything to do with the informant's information. That was all specifically related to the Middle East," explained her husband.

Morgan had wandered down from his office, feeling the need to brainstorm with his colleagues. He'd heard the last part of their discussion.

"Maybe we're looking at this all wrong. I mean, think about it. The first case involved a killing made to look like a suicide. Maybe this one is, too. It doesn't have to mean that Greenly was involved the first time, and killed himself out of remorse. What if he's a victim too?"

"So you think maybe there's someone  _else_  we missed on the first case? And that person might have killed Greenly?"

"Why limit it to that case? It could be related to something much more recent. That case was years ago," Reid pointed out.

"Or what if he just found this lifestyle too much to handle?" offered JJ. "He might have killed himself for reasons totally unrelated to any specific case."

Reid studied his wife after that comment. He knew she was thinking about the other recent suicide, that of Dave Sanders. Despite her assurances to the contrary, it had obviously been weighing heavily on her.  _Are you going through something, my love?_

Any further discussion was interrupted by a call from Garcia, leaning over the railing into the bullpen.

"Oh, boys and girls…I really do love saying 'girls'!...our fearless leader needs us back in the conference room. We have a case."

* * *

Hotch began by acknowledging their obvious frustration.

"I know you'd rather settle the Alan Greenly issue before taking on anything else. But  _you_  know that we're not officially involved. It's going to have to take a back seat to any of our active cases for now."

Rossi tried to support his old friend. "I, for one, trust our colleagues. If there's no connection to the old case, they'll be able to prove it. If we 'help' them along in our spare time, all the better. But if we don't have that spare time, I'm sure they'll get the job done just fine."

In truth, the rest of them trusted their colleagues as well. But it felt strange to lack control over a case.

"All right?" Hotch ran his eyes around the table, and received muttered response of "all right", "yes", "sure". Satisfied, he signaled Garcia to begin.

"Okay. We're in New Jersey for this one. A jogger found a body wrapped in a roll of carpet in the dunes along an undeveloped stretch of shoreline."

"They still  _have_  undeveloped shoreline in Jersey?" Morgan was surprised.

"Sure they do, Derek. A whole mile or two," joked Rossi.

Hotch cleared his throat to indicate he wanted their minds on the case at hand.

Garcia continued. "Rossi might be right, actually. The jogger had been on a boardwalk, and had to get off for a little stretch before the next boardwalk began. That's why he was running by the dunes. Anyway, the body was of a woman, late twenties or early thirties, blonde, thin build. She looked to have been dead for under 48 hours."

"Missing persons reports?" JJ asked.

"None local to that area, within a two week time frame. Going back, there are a couple over the past three years."

"Working girl, maybe? Are they checking to see if any of them went missing?" Morgan knew as well as the rest that serial killers had a predilection for targeting sex workers. It was unusual for them to actually be reported as missing.

"They're making the rounds of the known locations as we speak."

"Why are we being called in, Garcia?" Reid hadn't heard anything yet that would make this a BAU case.

"Ah, boy genius, the heart of the matter. We're being called because this is the third such discovery in the past three years."

"Three makes it a serial." Emily stated the usual thinking on homicides.

"Bingo. And they're hoping we'll be able to help them find something because it looks like this one is fresh."

"All right, people. Wheels up in thirty. JJ, you'll handle reviewing police reports on all three cases. We'll get everything sent to you electronically."

"Yes, sir."

As the meeting broke up, JJ and Reid lingered behind in the conference room.

"Two weeks, two away cases. What were the odds?" she tried to joke with him.

"For us, and our luck…..pretty much one hundred percent." His smile didn't reach his eyes. "Really, JJ, I'm so sorry to be pulled away again. I was hoping to give you a break this week."

She did her best to look upbeat, but the very thought of another week of single parenting while working full time was wearing her down already.

"It's the job, Spence. It's what we do. And it's what  _you_ do, so very well." She leaned up to kiss him. "We'll be okay. I'll ask Karen to tire them out so I can get them down early, how's that?"

He smiled, holding on to her. "Are you okay?"

She looked like she didn't understand. "Me? Yes, why?"

"I don't know. Just…..these suicides. Alan Greenly, and Will's friend. I thought it might be hard for you."

She looked away for a moment, thinking, deciding…then turned back to him.

"Okay, you got me. It  _is_  hard. I just…well, you never know about people, you know? I mean, from what Bill told me, Dave was fine. Happy, even. And then, suddenly, he was gone. Without warning, according to Bill. So, how do we know when someone is ready to snap? Did Dave know? Was he struggling? Or did he just lose it all of a sudden?"

The undercurrent to her statement was strong. They'd been through tremendous trauma a year ago, and they faced emotional distress with every case the BAU handled. Could it happen to them?

He felt it so strongly…..he couldn't leave her now. She needed him home.

"JJ, let me talk to Hotch. I can stay behind, with you and Garcia. I can still help them from here. It won't be that different from when I work out of the police station."

She'd begun shaking her head the moment he'd started speaking.

"No. No, Spence. We can't start doing that. I can tell what you're feeling. I'm feeling it too. But the moment we start giving in to it….well, that's the moment we need to think about stepping away from the work. And I'm not ready to do that. Are you?"

His eyes bored into hers. He knew she was right, but…

"No, no I guess you're right. I'm not ready to leave it…..yet. But I hate leaving you, JJ. Especially now."

She put a hand to his lips. "There's no 'especially now'. There are simply two unrelated incidents that we happen to have heard about. Nothing that affects us directly. Nothing has happened to  _us_. Right?"

He hesitated. "Right. Except…."

"No, Spence. I'm sorry I said anything. I'm all right. Really. I am."

He pulled her into an embrace. "I love you, you know."

It always made her smile. Always would. "I know. And I love you, too."

"I know." He lifted his hands to hold her face. "Anything, JJ. You can tell me anything. Count on me for anything. Please tell me you know that."

She hugged him. "Of course I do. I'm okay. Really. Now, go." She tried to lighten the mood by playfully shooing him out the door. "You don't want to miss the plane."

As he left her, he thought... _Oh, yes, I do._


	5. Chapter 5

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 5**

_I will never get used to this. It used to be so easy, just grab my 'go-bag' and…...go. But now, this leaving without saying goodbye…..it's a whole different thing._

Reid was still worried about JJ as he looked out the window while waiting for takeoff. But he was also worried about his children. What must they think when Daddy left for work, but sometimes didn't come home for days at a time? What would they think when it was both Mommy and Daddy?

JJ'd assured him that Henry had always handled it well.

"But he had his dad home with him, JJ. What happens when both of us 'disappear' without any warning?"

She'd simply assured him again. "Kids are remarkably resilient, Spence. They can adapt to almost any routine, as long as it's  _some_  kind of routine."

Not having a frame of reference, he'd had to take her word for it. The only routine in his early life had been the constant chaos precipitated by his mother's illness. He may have survived that childhood but, he thought, he'd hardly been resilient.

_They may not mind so much, but I do. I miss them already._ He could almost feel the weight of Rosie in his arms, and hear her squeals of excitement. Just thinking about her, his face fell into a smile.

"Bet I know where  _your_  head is." Emily took the seat next to him. "You're thinking about a certain lovely young lady who is _not_  your wife."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm hopeless. JJ says she has me wrapped around her little finger."

"And it is still a  _very_ little finger, isn't it? Don't worry, Handsome. I take my godmothering seriously. I'll have your back when it comes to the convertible."

He was lost. "What? What convertible?"

"The one she'll ask for when she's sixteen." She laughed when he paled at the thought, although whether it was at the idea of Rosie driving, or simply the idea of her being sixteen, Emily couldn't tell.

Hotch pulled them together for the rest of the case briefing once they were in the air.

"Go ahead, JJ." She'd had time to read through some of the police reports.

"Okay. As Garcia told us before, this is the third body found along a nearly thirty mile stretch of New Jersey shoreline in the past three years. Only the most recent victim has been identified so far. All were female, all wrapped in carpet, all thought to be in the neighborhood of thirty. Two were blonde, the third…..there was too little left when they found her."

"When were the other bodies found, JJ?" Emily asked.

"The first was just about three years ago, and the second was nine months after that. Then, nothing for almost two years. They'd suspected serial because of the way the bodies were disposed, but thought their killer had gone dormant."

"This sounds awfully familiar, doesn't it?" Morgan gave voice to what all of them were thinking. Reid recounted the case for them.

"Long Island. At least ten bodies found along beach roads, most of them known prostitutes, some not."

JJ's voice came through the computer. "So, maybe the killer didn't go dormant….just changed locations?"

"Didn't they pin those murders on someone already?" Emily was trying to remember.

"No arrests yet, but they've got a suspect," offered Rossi.

"Two suspects, actually," Reid clarified. "They suspect two different serial killers, operating in the same part of the country, in the same general time frame, and disposing of the bodies in the same way. It's fascinating."

"But those two killers couldn't be linked to all of the bodies found. It may be more fascinating than you know, my young friend. Maybe there's a third killer, operating in the same place, at the same time, with virtually the same MO." Rossi almost laughed at the look on Reid's face at his suggestion. But it was a very real possibility.

"Were the bodies on Long Island wrapped in carpet?" JJ was less familiar with this case than were the others.

"Some were wrapped in blankets, some not. Most were dismembered, just found in the dunes," Morgan answered. "So it makes it less likely that we've got the same killer, but it's not impossible."

Hotch broke in. "What would make him change his MO in the second location?"

Reid's brain had already gone there, and come up with a few scenarios.

"Wrapping a body in a carpet, or a tarp…or anything, really…..makes it easier to move it. Granted, it adds weight, but it makes the body more compact, and easier to drag. And wrapping it makes it easier to hide the body until it can be disposed of."

He waited a moment for the others to absorb the information, and then went on. "And, mind you we've only seen the carpet from this most recent killing….but notice, it's sand colored. It blends well into the landscape. Especially if he'd disposed of it in the winter, before the vegetation came back, it would have made it less likely for the body to be discovered right away."

"And yet," pointed out Rossi, "it was."

Reid nodded. "It was. That's got to mean something. Why would he hide the other bodies so well, but leave this one where it could be discovered so quickly?"

"The question of the day," mused Morgan, just as the pilot advised them to prepare for landing.

* * *

Detective Gary Edgars welcomed the team.

"We've got everybody in on this…..the county police, the state police, Atlantic City PD, the locals….and now, the FBI."

All of them tried not to visibly cringe to hear how many law enforcement officers were probably tripping over each other, not to mention the evidence. Hotch, long experienced in dealing with situations like this, spoke up after he'd made the introductions.

"We've had our most consistent success when we assemble a task force that meets regularly and stays in good communication with one another. We should probably avail ourselves of all the expertise already here by getting a representative from each of the agencies that are already involved. We can assign tasks to individual agencies and manage some real efficiency that way."

Mostly, he was trying to make sure the other LEOs weren't in the way of his team's investigation. But Hotch said the words so sincerely that he made the others feel valued instead of marginalized. Detective Edgars spoke up.

"Oh. Yeah, okay. I'll call together the bigwigs and they can each name somebody to the task force. Then you want to meet with them?"

"Yes. But let them know we'll give the profile to the  _whole_  group." Best not to slight anyone whose hard work might lead to a break in the case.

* * *

An hour later, the task force had convened and Hotch had made assignments for his team. Morgan and Rossi would go to the latest dump site, Reid and Prentiss to each of the prior two, and then join their colleagues at the most recent. It was unlikely they'd find evidence at the older sites, but the unit chief wanted them to look for similarities in the locations. He knew his visually oriented team genius might see something that had eluded law enforcement so far.

Emily drove as they followed behind a state police cruiser, allowing Reid to observe the landscape. She held back from talking until they reached an over-developed stretch of highway that they were certain would be of no interest to their unsub.

"Reid?" She was hesitant, not wanting to intrude. But they were both such good friends.

"Yes?"

"You can tell me to mind my own business. Really, I  _should_  mind my own business, but…"

"Go ahead, Emily. What do you want to know?"

"Just….is JJ okay? I noticed that you looked worried, and when we were talking about the Greenly case before….well, she seemed a little upset."

Emily's concern for her friends heightened when Reid didn't dismiss it immediately. Instead, he inhaled a deep breath and blew it out before responding.

"Last week…maybe before, now that I think of it, I'm not sure exactly when it happened….but one of Will's old friends in Metro shot himself. It threw her, because she'd known the guy pretty well when she and Will were together. And then, the Greenly thing happened…."

"And she's feeling it. Okay, I get it now. Do you think she's okay?"

He was torn. Once upon a time, he would have spilled everything to Emily. Just blurted it right out. But now, his relationship with JJ was different. Bonded. Private. It held him back.

"She will be. But if she ever seems like she wants to talk…..well, take her up on it, okay?"

She flashed him a look that said so much.  _I get it. I will. I'm sorry. I miss you._  She still felt like they were close…..but it was different now, in a way that was hard to define, but somehow tinged with sadness.

As they came upon the site where the first body had been found, both of them turned their attention to their surroundings. They used photographs to try to match their positions to the exact location of the body.

"We're a lot closer to the road than we are to the water," observed Emily. It likely meant the body had been transported by car and dumped.

"But it's also low tide right now. The ME wasn't able to determine a time of death for this one. If it was at high tide, he could have killed her right on the beach and wrapped her."

"Hmm, you're right. She was stabbed seven times, but if it happened in the water, the blood would have dissipated."

The original investigators had been certain the killing had happened elsewhere, because of the proximity to the road, and because there was no blood found with the body. But Reid's observations were putting that assumption in doubt.

The second dump site was similar, except that the location was far closer to the road than it was to the water, well back from the visible high tide detritus of seaweed and shells.

"So it's looking like the body was driven here and dumped, right?" Emily could see that Reid was still thinking.

"Maybe. But, remember, a wrapped body is easier to move, so he could have killed her on the beach and brought her back here to the dunes."

"What about the blood?"

"Same as the other site. He could have killed her by the water, and wrapped her on the beach, then dragged her." He seemed distracted, staring out toward the ocean.

"What is it? What do you see?"

He shrugged. "It's probably nothing. But I notice that we can see the same lighthouse from both locations. I wonder if it's visible from everywhere along the coastline. It would definitely have stood out at night."

It was presumed that the dumping, if not the killing, had happened at night in an effort at concealment.

"Aren't lighthouses meant to be visible from everywhere?"

"From the water, yes. But they may not be visible from everywhere along the shore. I'll have to watch to see if it disappears from view as we head to the fresh site."

"Okay….but how will that help us? We already have locations for the bodies, which might also be the kill sites. Would we be searching the entire shoreline within site of the lighthouse for more?"

Reid started to shake his head, then corrected himself. "Well, maybe. That's what happened on Long Island, isn't it? When they really started looking, they found them. But no, I was thinking more about what it might tell us about the unsub. That the light….or the lighthouse….might mean something to him."

She could see the wheels turning. Emily gave their resident genius the silence he needed to think as they drove off.

* * *

"Hey." He'd called just to hear her voice.

"Hey back. How's it going?"

"The task force will be meeting again in a few minutes. I think Hotch is planning to have you and Garcia conference in, isn't he?"

"Oh….I guess that means I'd better get up there. I was buried in reports from the Long Island cases, looking for any similarities. Did you know that they suspected a law enforcement connection? They felt like the unsub knew too much about police procedures."

"I remember reading that. But nothing came of it, right?"

"Nothing came of  _anything_  so far, it looks like. We lose so much time when the victims are people who seem disposable."

"Weren't some of the families pushing the police?"

"They were, about their loved ones being missing. But when the police realized the loved ones might be in the sex trade…..well, you know how it goes."

"They essentially stopped looking. Because so often those 'missing' really aren't."

"And because they don't want to be found. It's understandable, but it definitely hurts the investigation."

"And gives the killer freedom to continue killing."

"Okay, this is officially a depressing conversation now. So here's my attempt to brighten your day. Karen called before and said Rosie started crawling! She got video for us."

He was excited. "God bless Karen! JJ, do you know what this means? She's not as early as she is for talking….but she  _is_  early! It means she's probably got your athlete genes! Thank God!"

It felt good to laugh. "You are too much, my love. Rosie is a lucky girl to have  _any_  of your genes."

She'd been talking as she entered Garcia's computer room, and Reid could hear Penelope's voice in the background.

"Hey, Reid! I'm about to conference with you all. You better get into the meeting!"

He was already on his feet, heading in. "Talk to you later. Love you."

"Me too."

* * *

The task force was attentive as the BAU members presented their findings. When they were done, Detective Edgars, serving as the local head of the task force, exhaled his disappointment.

"It seems like, just when we think we've ruled something out…here it is, back on the table." He was referring to Reid's assertion that the murders could, indeed, have taken place on the beach.

The state police representative to the task force agreed with Edgars about that point. And he had several other areas of frustration as well.

"So, we're really no farther along than we were before. If it's the same unsub as the Island, he might be disorganized, because of the dismemberment….or that might mean he's organized, and trying to make it harder to identify his victims. But if he's not the same unsub, he's 'probably' (making finger quotes) organized, because of planning ahead to use the carpet."

Here was someone who seemed to be falling into the 'profiling as sorcery' camp. Hotch was understanding, but sternly truthful. "Yes."

The state police rep continued. "And the wrapping of the victims in the carpet may be an indicator of remorse….or it may simply be a convenience used to move the body."

Again, "Yes."

"So how, exactly, is this supposed to be helpful?" Some of the others moved to indicate their agreement with their state police colleague.

Morgan spoke up this time. "It's not. In a case like this, the unsub has been operating for too long, letting too much obscure his methodology. If we're going to figure this case out, we've got to go with the most recent evidence….namely, the victim." He gave the floor back to Hotch.

"Agent Morgan is right. Victimology is our best strategy in this case, and specifically as it regards the most recent victim, where the information, and the memories, are fresher. We gave you the rest of the information because we don't want you to close off any areas of inquiry that come up as we look at the victims. Two of my colleagues, SSA Prentiss and SSA Rossi, are interviewing her last known 'employer' as we speak."

Edgars spoke up again. "We already interviewed them, the day after the remains were found."

Hotch exercised his political savvy once again. "Yes, that was an excellent help to us. We were able to read through your interview to strategize about our own. Thank you."

Edgars was experienced enough to know when he was being handled. But he also appreciated the soft touch Hotch was using. He kept his thoughts, and his comments, to himself.

* * *

Emily took the lead as the presumed madam came to the door. It had been over an hour's drive to Atlantic City, and she and Rossi had found the time useful to plan their strategy.

"I think I should go first. So many of these girls have been beaten down by men…they feel more comfortable with a woman in charge."

Rossi agreed. "Maybe that's why they start working for the madams in the first place. It's a good idea, it will put you on equal footing with the 'boss lady'."

He watched for Emily's reaction as he used the term many on the team employed when they referred to their section chief. He was gratifyingly amused to see her double take, followed by her eye roll. Like the rest of the team, she tolerated Rossi's fondness for Erin Strauss, even when she didn't share it.

"Well, I hope  _this_ 'boss lady' is actually interested in looking out for her charges. It won't help us at all if she's one of those who does her best to know nothing about the women working for her." Emily knew they would have to have luck on their side, even in having the madam acknowledge she'd known the victim.

"It helps that we're FBI and not police. She's more likely to buy that we're not there to bust anyone."

In an unusual move, and partly as a show of good faith, they'd phoned ahead to announce their visit. That would give the inhabitants of the 'boarding house' time to sequester any materials they thought might need sequestering.

When the door opened, they were greeted with a slim, attractive, fifty-to-sixty-something female with short, white hair styled in a chic bob.

"Ms. Smith?" Even as she said it, Emily wondered how many 'Ms. Smith's might have inhabited the house, servicing how many 'Mr. Smith's.

"You must be Agents Prentiss and Rossi. May I see your badges?" Once they'd been shown, she was gracious. "Please come in."

She led them into a shabbily furnished 'parlor' where a coffee service had been laid out. "May I offer you something?"

They decided to be gracious in return, and accepted the coffee.

As she poured, Ms. Smith remarked, "We're all so broken up about Marjorie. She was a nice girl. Maybe not too bright, but very nice."

Her words had been innocent enough. But now she nailed them with a fierce stare.

"How is it that the FBI came to learn who she was? And that she might be known here?"

Obviously, trust went only so far.

As planned, Emily responded for them.

"Her remains were fairly fresh. The state police sketch artist created a likeness, and it ran in the newspaper, and on all of the local news stations. They received an anonymous tip, with her name….and this location."

Of interest to all of them, the tip had come in from a male voice. If the killer was, indeed, organized, this might have been his way of playing with them.

The madam seemed to accept Emily's explanation, so the BAU agent moved on.

"When was the last time anyone saw Marjorie here?"

"I think it was about eight or ten days ago. She had a habit of disappearing from time to time, usually when her government check came in. Well, not a check, but, you know, a deposit. Every so often, when she had money in her account, she would go….away."

"What did she get a check for?" Emily thought she knew.

Ms. Smith confirmed it. "Disability. I think she was officially (making finger quotes) "developmentally disabled". Isn't that what they call it these days?"

Rossi stepped in. "Family? Friends? Boyfriend? Drugs?" If the victim was, indeed, developmentally disabled, she would have been any easy mark for anyone.

Ms. Smith shook her head. "I could never get it out of her. My guess is that there was a boyfriend…or, more likely, someone who was using her, claiming to be her boyfriend. She was quite simple….quite naïve."

Emily wanted to clarify. "But you're certain it wasn't drugs. She wasn't using drugs?" The initial drug screen had been negative but it always took longer to rule in or out the less commonly used toxins.

Again Ms. Smith shook her head. "I think I would know. She was the same, day in and day out, day after day. Beautiful, and sexy, which made her popular. But thick as an oak when it came to brains."

"Had she ever said anything about being mistreated? Maybe had some bruising, other injuries?" Rossi knew it was a hazard of the sex trade, but he had a sense this particular madam wouldn't allow it in  _her_ house.

There was a long pause as Ms. Smith tried to remember. "There was one time….but, no, wait, that might not have been her. Let me check with one of the girls. There are so many, over the years, that I tend to mix them up, you know?" She chuckled as she left the room.

"Ugh! No, I don't know. Seriously, Rossi. She looks so put together, like a real businesswoman. And this….," she waved her hand to indicate their surroundings, "…this is her business? I can't believe I'm having a civil conversation with this woman. I can't believe I'm even  _trying_  to!"

Ms. Smith hadn't gone far. She'd heard Emily's comments.

"Agent Prentiss, I know you despise me. Despise what I do. But you don't see what I see. You don't see a young woman with literally nowhere to turn, no family, no education, no job. No roof over her head, no money for food. Sometimes she's hooked up with some guy who realizes all she has to give him is her body, so he takes it. And then sells it. But I  _do_  see that. And I take her in, give her a warm place to stay, three solid meals, security. And I make sure she's safe in the process."

The madam had made her statement to chastise the FBI agent. But Emily wasn't chastised. "Marjorie Harring wasn't very safe, was she?"

Ms. Smith wasn't flustered. She had too many years of experience, and had seen too many things.

"She was, when she was in my care. Now, to answer your earlier question, yes, it was Marjorie I was remembering. She'd been on a 'date' with a man named Wilson. Apparently it was someone she met here at the house, but she violated my rules and met up with him again on the outside."

Both of the agents knew that prostitutes sometimes bypassed the 'middleman' or 'middlemadam' in order to avoid paying a commission.

Ms. Smith continued. "He's slapped her around and choked her a bit, left marks everywhere. But he stopped on his own, according to Marjorie. He said he'd just been playing. But I banned him from my establishment nonetheless."

"How long ago was this?"

"Well over a year ago. Marjorie was with us, on and off, for two."

"So you never saw Wilson again?"

"Never. I wouldn't allow it."

Emily asked, "Can you describe him? Better yet, could you pick him out of a perp book?"

Ms. Smith gave a condescending smile. "I will respectfully decline, thank you."

Rossi realized she didn't want to compromise herself by being seen with the police. But that didn't mean the police couldn't continue to come to her.

"What about working with a sketch artist?"

"I might be able to consider that."

Emily had the sense she was about to name a price, and wanted to head off that particular line of conversation.

"Is there anything else you can think of? Anything else that seemed …off?" Emily also really wanted to interview the other girls in the house, but knew enough not to ask. Not on this trip, at least.

When the madam indicated she'd said all she had to say, Rossi stood and pulled out his card. "Please give our unit a call if you, or any of the girls, remember anything. The police will be in touch about the sketch."

"I will. Agent, does Marjorie's family know? Now that she's been identified?"

Emily knew the answer, but was not about to tell the madam that her description of the lost soul she'd taken in was accurate. The family had been found. And notified. And outright rejected anything to do with their missing member.


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N. For those interested-the Long Island case is real, albeit very glossed over in this story. Real, and unsolved.**

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 6**

They'd broken for the night. Reid excused himself early from dinner, as had been his routine since he'd joined the team. In the past, he'd left to absent himself from idle conversation and immerse himself in a book. Now, he left because he didn't want to miss bedtime.

"Hey, Buddy, how was your day?"

It was usually safe to ask Henry this question late in the day because the little guy was too tired to prattle on about the details. Part of Reid realized it was also because, even at six, it was becoming less 'cool' to explain everything that happened at school to your inquiring parents.

"Fine."

Even for the newly 'cool' Henry, this was terse.

"Fine?" Reid repeated his son's response.

"Yeah."

Reid was wishing they'd made this one a video chat. He wanted to see Henry's face. Something wasn't quite right.

"Everything okay there, Buddy?"

"Yeah."

"You're not in trouble, are you?"

Henry was actually a pretty easy child. He had the occasional squabble with a friend, and didn't always want to do what he was told  _when_  he was told to do it. But all in all, he was easy.  _It's Rosie we'll need to look out for._  She'd already shown some of her temperamental side. If the signs of intelligence were indeed to be believed….well, temperamental intelligence could be rather intimidating.  _Especially for the parents._

Reid couldn't help but notice that Henry hadn't responded to him. "Henry? Are you? Are you in trouble?"

Another long silence, then…."Maybe."

_Really._  "Did something happen, Buddy?"

"I didn't mean it, Daddy! She was laughing at me!"

"Who was laughing at you, Henry?"

"Rosie! She made fun of me when I fell!"

_Rosie?_  "Little Man, maybe you'd better start from the beginning. First of all, when did this happen?"

"Today, when Mommy came to get us. I fell."

"You fell? How? Did you get hurt? Are you okay?"

"I was running and I hurt my knee….and Rosie laughed at me!"

"Henry…I'm sure Rosie wasn't laughing about you getting hurt. Maybe she didn't understand about that."

"She's smart! I heard you telling Mommy that Rosie is very smart! She knew! She was laughing at me!"

The pieces were starting to fall together.  _Nice move, Dad. Why didn't you think about your son when you were so excited about your daughter?_

"Listen, Little Man, it's probably true that Rosie is smart. Just like you are. It seems to run in our family. But she has a lot of things she needs to learn. And your mom and I…well, we were kind of counting on you to help us teach her."

The silence on the other end of the phone told Reid he'd guessed correctly. Finally, Henry spoke. "Really?"

"Of course. It doesn't matter how smart she is if we don't all teach her, does it?"

"I can teach her how to play baseball! And magic!"

Reid was smiling now. "You can teach her an awful lot of things, Little Man."

Henry hadn't completed his list. "And tag and how to turn the TV on, and how to pump on the swing…."

"I think she'll need to grow longer legs for that one, Buddy…."

"And colors, and words, and Wheels on the Bus, and…."

"Whoa, Buddy! One thing at a time!"  _Don't make her grow up too fast!_

"I'm gonna show Rosie how to play cars now, Daddy!"

"Maybe wait until the morning, Henry. I think you both need to go to sleep now."

"Oh, yeah. Okay."

"Henry?"

"What, Daddy?"

"I'm sorry if you've been thinking that I'm more excited about what Rosie can do than I am about what you can do. It's not true. It's just that I already  _know_  how smart you are, and we're just finding it out about Rosie. I think it would be cool if  _everybody_  in our family was special, don't you?

"Yeah! Like 'The Incredibles'!

Now Reid was laughing. They'd watched the movie together as a family just a few months ago.

"Just like them."

"Yay!"

Reid was unexpectedly choked up at hearing the exclamation. It had been so long that he'd thought Henry had outgrown it. Now, he wondered.  _Maybe he just didn't have it in him. Has he been feeling bad all this time?_ He'd had so many changes to deal with in his young life, both wonderful and tragic, that it shouldn't have been surprising. Reid made a personal vow to spend more time with his young son, even if it was only spent  _listening._

They carried out the new bedtime tradition, where Henry read a story first, and then JJ read to both of the children, Reid contributing the occasional sound effect over the phone. He stayed on the line with them through prayers, and then waited for JJ to call him back when they were both sleeping.

They were in luck this evening. She called him back in twenty minutes.

"They're out already?"

"It was an exhausting day, all around." He could hear it in her voice.

"I'm sorry. You know I wish I was there."

"I wish you were too, Spence."

He picked up on her tone. "Something happen? With Henry, I'm guessing?"

She sighed. "He's been so good with her, it took me by surprise. From the look on his face, I think it took  _him_  by surprise, too."

"What happened?"

"He pushed her over. She was sitting on the carpet at Karen's….it was when I was picking them up…so she only fell over from sitting, onto the carpet. She didn't get hurt at all, but she was startled, so she started shrieking. But what was more scary was the look on Henry's face. He was  _angry_ , Spence. I've seen him upset before, and sometimes he gets mad at his friends, you know. But…he was _angry_."

"At Rosie?" He was having trouble absorbing this, even after his conversation with Henry.

"I don't think so, I think that's why it took him by surprise too. He'd fallen and skinned his knee, and he just lost it. I think he took it out on Rosie because she was there, but I don't think he was really upset with her. But then he turned it into a thing where he thought she was laughing at him for having fallen. But I really think he was just trying to give himself an explanation for something he didn't understand."

Reid told her about his conversation with their son.

"There's probably a lot more to it, JJ. God knows he's been through more than most kids his age. But at least part of it was my fault."

" _Our_ fault, Spence. I'm as guilty of being excited about Rosie as you are."

He was quiet a moment, thinking. "JJ, do you think we should have him see somebody? I mean, you and I both did. But he was so young, they told us to just wait and be on the lookout for symptoms. Did we miss them?"

They weren't on video, but he was sure he knew which expression was on her face. Guilt.

"My poor little boy, trying to handle this on his own all this time."

Reid was more than willing to shoulder this burden, but he didn't want her taking it on.

"It's not your fault, JJ. They told us to look for symptoms, and now we're noticing them. He was probably too young to benefit from it all that much before anyway. But maybe now…..now that he's so much more verbal..."

"I'll call Dr. Lucia in the morning for a recommendation. Then we'll just have to figure out how we're going to fit the appointments into our schedules."

He'd already thought of it. "I can cut my hours a little. The good thing about government work is that the hourly pay doesn't add up to enough to make you miss it."

She could always count on him to make her laugh.

* * *

The task force convened first thing in the morning, with Hotch leading the discussion. He began by distributing a sketch.

"This is the likeness of of a male who goes by the name of 'Wilson'. Marjorie Harring's madam was unclear whether it was a first name or a surname. But she recalls him as an occasionally violent customer whom she had banished from the premises. If Marjorie Harring continued to see Wilson, it was done away from the boarding home."

There were a few smirks around the room at the substitution of 'boarding home' for 'bordello'.

Hotch continued. "We are asking you to show this sketch up and down the coastline. Start with the likely sites….bars, sex houses, casinos…..but don't stop there. Hit the convenience stores, gas stations, banks, any place with an interior ATM, he had to be getting cash from somewhere….and any other place that just hits your gut."

There were general grunts of approval at the last. Hotch had purposely given homage to the investigatory instinct that existed in nearly every law enforcement officer.

"We'll ask each of you to report in to your task force leader by noon, and we will reconvene in person at 6 PM. You'll be kept apprised of any viable leads in the investigation."

Detective Edgars had worked with the FBI before. But he had to admire the finesse of this supervisory special agent. He had the task force eating out of his hand.

* * *

"I don't see how that helps us, Reid."

Hotch was responding to the young genius sharing his observations about the visibility of the lighthouses from the dump sites. It turned out that they were visible from much of the coastline.

"It was just something I noticed. I agree, it would be more helpful if we were sure the actual killings were taking place within sight of the lighthouse…"

"But since we can't be sure if the killings occurred on the beach, or somewhere else, we can't assume that the lighthouses are significant at all." Emily finished the thought for her colleague.

"What about the sketch? Have we had any hits yet?" Rossi was curious. The bulk of the task force had been showing the artist's rendering for most of the day. Edgars had been compiling any positive responses. The detective consulted his worksheet.

"A few 'he looks familiar's, no absolute positives. The 'familiar face' comments were all from the casinos, but no specific pattern to which, and none of them could recall having seen him recently.

Hotch turned to Morgan. "Anything from Garcia?"

In response, he pulled out his phone and hit a number on speed dial. "May as well hear it from her."

"Genie's lamp, your wish is my command."

"Baby Girl, you're on speaker. What do you have on the sketch?"

They heard her 'tsk'. "Not as much as you would like, my love, but we did just this minute get something very interesting. I ran it through my visual recognition software, no hits against any of our mugs on file, but we've got…..oh, maybe a zillion….still to go. But…we did get one hit."

Reflexively, all of those listening leaned in closer to Morgan's phone.

"The sketch hits almost point for point to another sketch. That one was made on Long Island, six years ago. A hook…excuse me.…a 'lady of the evening' escaped an assailant somewhere near Fire Island. She couldn't ID him against anyone in their perp books, but she gave a detailed description to a sketch artist. I'm sending a copy of the sketch to your phones now."

Once it arrived, Emily let out a low whistle. "It's the same guy. This is our  _guy_."

Reid pointed out, "He  _has_ been working both locations. If he's been going back and forth, it would explain the gaps in when the killings occur. He doesn't go dormant, he just changes locations."

"And, for all we know, he might have been active in other places besides south Jersey and Long Island," observed Rossi. "Garcia, you probably need to look for killings up and down the east coast."

Hotch agreed, but felt a need to extend the parameters. "Look for missing persons as well, Garcia. It took the police a long time to find these bodies. If he's hid them well enough, there could quite a few others. There might well be more than one community completely unaware that they've got a killer on the loose."

* * *

It was a very difficult search, one of her most challenging. Many of the police reports were filed by family members who didn't raise the issue of prostitution, either because they couldn't entertain the thought of it, or because it truly didn't apply in the case of their loved one. It took the entire night, but by ten the following morning, a very weary Garcia was satisfied with what she had.

"North Carolina, Georgia, Massachusetts and Florida all fit the bill." Her voice was raspy, revealing her fatigue.

"Eleven young women, twenties through thirties, who left home looking for a better job. At least three of them had kids, but it looks like the kids were already being raised by the extended family. One of the Massachusetts families admitted to knowing their girl was in prostitution, a couple of the others didn't admit it, but didn't deny it either. A few were outraged. None of the missings were found. But there  _was_  a body found on a beach in Georgia. This one had been wrapped in a beach blanket. Fit the age and body type, but didn't match to any of the missings."

Reid wanted to look for a pattern of evolution. "When was that one, Garcia?"

"Two years ago."

When they'd commissioned Garcia's search, Reid had requested and received a large map of the east coast. He marked it now with the specific cases as Garcia called them out. When she was done, he stood back, taking in the whole map. Hotch looked back and forth between the map and his genius, knowing not to interrupt as the young man processed what was before him.

"Okay. So, just looking at the actual killings, and forgetting about the missings for a moment….we have our unsub on Long Island until three years ago. On Long Island he kills and hides the bodies in the dunes along the roadside, but doesn't make an attempt to obscure them further. Then, it looks like he moves briefly to New Jersey, where he takes the first local victim. And then he moves down to Georgia…..and then back up here. His MO evolves as he moves. He uses a blanket….maybe an item of convenience, considering he was near a beach….in Georgia. And then, by the time he comes back here, he's moved on to using carpet."

"Actually, didn't he use the carpet once here in Jersey, then move to Georgia, and then back?" Emily had picked up on the detail, but couldn't know if it would ultimately prove to be important.

Reid squinted as his map. "You're right. He goes to the camouflage MO first, then changes  _how_  he camouflages, then changes back again. What would make him do that?"

"Convenience, maybe? Could he have access to carpet here, but not there?" Morgan offered a simple solution.

Six of them sat around the table, the BAU team and Detective Edgars. Sometimes the simple solution was the right one. At Morgan's comment, all six brains went in the same direction.  _Could we have our first break in this godawful case?_

Hotch turned to look at Edgars, but the man was already on his feet. "I'll have them canvass every carpet shop from here to New York."

"Add in carpet cleaners too," Rossi shouted after him.

* * *

There was a sense of urgency, despite there being no further missing persons reports. Jason Gideon had explained it to Reid when he first joined the team, in the way that only Gideon could.

"There's always a moment. A single moment. One moment, a person is living a normal life, having a typical day. And, the next, that person is caught up in web of evil that will ultimately rob them of life. It's like a cancer. There's a moment that it spreads. Remove the cancer before the spread, and you have a cure. Remove a killer before the next victim, and that non-victim goes on to live her life in peace, never even knowing what was averted. Our job Is not just to put an end to the evil, it's also to keep the rest of humanity from even knowing it exists."

That explanation, and that sense of urgency, was delivered to each entering member of the BAU. It motivated them in the most weary moments.

The task force worked through the night, continuing to show the sketch in the all-night establishments, while Garcia continued running her visual recognition program. By the next morning, most of the team had been working for 36 hours straight, and Garcia for 48. Only JJ had been ordered home, to be with her children overnight.

She'd had only a few moments to catch up with her husband after the kids were down for the night.

"How are you holding up?" she'd asked him.

"All right. You know how it is. Having the breakthrough about the carpet got all of us going again. But I'm sure we'll crash if it doesn't play out. How about you?"

She deflected. "Don't worry about me. I'll be sleeping in my own bed tonight." Then she sighed. "My great big, half-empty bed."

He smiled through the phone. "With any luck, it won't be half empty tomorrow night."

"Well then…..good luck!" She was about to end the call, then remembered.

"Hey, Spence…..were you expecting a call from anyone?"

He spent a few moments thinking. He didn't actually have much of a social life that didn't include JJ. And his only remaining family was his estranged father.

"No, not that I can think of, why?"

"Because I took a call earlier this evening, a man looking for 'Spencer'. I didn't recognize his voice, and when I said you weren't available just then, he wouldn't give me a message. Didn't say anything, really. He just hung up."

"Maybe somebody trying to sell me something?"

"I don't know. Even if that were legal, he'd still not have your first name from our phone listing. We're in under your first initial, remember?"

He shrugged, though she couldn't see. "Then I don't have a clue. But if he calls back…I don't want any."

She laughed. "Just try to grab a few minutes rest, okay? Tell the others the same. I'm going to make Garcia sleep tomorrow. She was like a fiend with that visual recognition program, but she's going to drop if she doesn't rest."

"Let's hope it pays off in the next 24 hours so we can all put this behind us….and our unsub behind bars."

"Amen. Good night, Husband. I love you."

"And I, you, Wife."

* * *

In the end, the break came from a thirty four year old undocumented worker for the housekeeping department in one of the largest casinos. She'd only seen the sketch through a complete fluke of nature…or divine providence. But her reaction to this chance encounter with a paper unsub was remarkable.

An Atlantic City PD officer had been showing the sketch around the major chain hotel, starting off with the general manager. He'd sent the officer to meet with the head of housekeeping, who was just completing a start-of-shift mini staff meeting. Lupe Juarez caught a glimpse of the sketch and clutched her hands to her chest, murmuring "¡Dios Mio, Dios Mio!" over and over again.

The officer was smart enough to call for a Spanish interpreter employed by Atlantic City PD rather than using another hotel employee. Lupe Juarez gave an initial statement at the hotel, and then was brought back to be interviewed by the task force. Emily spoke with the woman in the witness's native language, demonstrating a remarkable fluency. In turn, the woman responded, mixing broken English with the occasional Spanish word or phrase. The transcript told the full story.

"Have you seen this man before?"

"My God, yes, yes!"

"When?"

"Three months ago. I remember it to the day."

"Why is it so strong in your memory?"

"He tried to attack me! He tried to rape me!" She was becoming more agitated, just remembering the event.

"Where?"

"In the hotel! In the room with the flood."

"What do you mean about a flood?"

"The guest, he was…..drunken…drunk…..he did not turn the water off."

"Are you saying that the carpet was wet because of the water being left on?"

"Not wet….ruined! It was ruined. It had to be replaced."

"Okay, so how did you meet the un…..the man?"

"He fix the carpet in the room….take away and put new carpet in. I clean the next room, and wait to clean the room with the new carpet."

Emily leaned in. "And then what happened?"

"He talk to me, say he want to kiss me."

"And what did you do?"

"I make joke, laugh at him. But he not laughing. He say it again. And then he grab me!"

Emily didn't speak. Her eyes encouraged Lupe.

"But I take cleaner….spray cleaner….and I spray him, in his eyes! He let me go, and I run."

Subsequently, a review of hotel records indicated that there had, indeed, been a flooded guest room, requiring replacement of the carpet. And, on that day, Lupe Juarez had left work early, complaining of illness.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

Lupe Juarez shrugged. If they didn't realize that her lack of immigration papers kept her from bringing attention to herself  _then_ , she wasn't about to bring attention to the situation  _now_. If she hadn't been caught off guard by the sketch, she would still be maintaining her silence. She'd lived in extreme poverty in her native country. Her life was as much at risk there as it was in the hands of their unsub.

* * *

Things moved quickly after that. Until they came to a complete halt.

The hotel general manager was able to provide the name of the company used to replace the flooded carpet. The owner recognized the man in the sketch, but hadn't seen him since the day of the incident. But the association of their unsub with the carpet cleaning and replacement industry had given them the direction they needed.

"Walter Gibson, age thirty six, has worked for four different carpet services in south Jersey in the past fifteen years. Canvassing produced positive IDs from two of them, and the first one had been asked for a reference by two additional shops. His times of employment coincide with the estimated times of the local killings. He was 'between jobs' at the times the killings in the other states took place." Hotch reported a summary of their findings to his team. Now that they had an ID, they also had his photo, courtesy of the DMV.

Emily shook her head in amazement. "I know we've seen it before, but I don't think I'll ever get used to it. This guy commits heinous crimes, multiple times, in multiple states…..and then calmly poses for a DMV photo, using his real name. Amazing, " she repeated.

"He's a classic narcissist, Emily. It's all about him. And he doesn't think he needs to worry about us figuring out who he is. He thinks he's that good." Reid explained the phenomenon.

"He might  _actually_  be that good. Do we have a way to apprehend him?" Rossi, the voice of experience, knew that identifying the unsub was only the first of many long and necessary steps. "Do we know where he is now?"

In response, Hotch raised his phone. "Garcia?"

She was back at her computers, after a few Hotch (and JJ)-ordered hours of sleep on the sofa in the round table room.

"Nothing." Despite the rest, they could hear the exhaustion in her voice, as well as the frustration. "I can't find a trace of him anywhere since that incident at the hotel. He's gone underground."

"Or back to Long Island. Or to Georgia. Or anywhere in between." Morgan sounded disgusted at the situation.

Rossi was more philosophical. He'd been through this many times before. The BAU had taken the case as far as they could, had done what they'd been asked. They'd identified the unsub. Now, it would be up to some very dedicated police footwork to bring him to justice.

"We'll get him, Derek. It may take a while, but we know a  _lot_  more now than we did a few days ago. And we've got a photograph to put out to the public. You've got to have faith, son."

* * *

The plane ride back to Quantico was short and silent. None had the energy for conversation, nor the inclination. Reid opened and closed the cover of his book several times before giving up and staring out the window. He tried to replace visions of the murders with visions of the family he was heading home to see. They would likely all be asleep by the time he arrived, but he knew he would watch them in their slumber anyway, grateful for the reminder that life  _can_  be very good.

They'd worked through two full days straight, and were now into the third. As they landed, Hotch called for their attention.

"Everyone…we're down tomorrow…..today, actually. Take the day, rest, relax. I'll expect you all on Friday morning. Reid…you'll tell JJ?" He'd already spoken with Garcia.

"Gladly!"

* * *

The house was quiet when he got there, but she'd left a light on for him. When Reid came through the door, he realized the television was also on, his wife sound asleep on the sofa in front of it. She'd obviously tried to wait up for him.

He shut off the TV and stood there, watching her sleep, still finding her beauty captivating, even as she lay with her mouth open and her hair falling into her face. He broke himself away to check in on the children, laughing to himself at Henry being virtually upside down in his bed, his head pillowed by Casey. The golden retriever sensed Reid's presence and raised her head lazily in greeting, then settled back down on the bed.

"Some watch dog you are," whispered Reid.

Next he looked in on Rosie, who was rolled into a ball in a corner of her crib. He smiled to see her bum raised up in the air, her chubby legs tucked underneath, and touched to see her grasping the little white angel that had been a gift from her godfather.

As he made his way back to the living room, JJ stirred. He watched as she stretched and rolled over on her back.

"Hey, you."

Still sleepy, she smiled and opened her arms.

"Hey, you. C'mere."

He bent next to the sofa and filled the space between her arms. "Thanks for waiting up."

She chuckled. "Yeah, well, I guess I didn't quite make it, did I?"

"Let's go to bed. We've got the day off tomorrow."

"Really?"

"Yep. Hotch said we should rest and relax. I think," Reid smiled, "he was forgetting we have two kids and a dog."

She laughed. "You're right. We'd better get some sleep. The 'troops' won't be taking the day off, and we need to be prepared for battle."

They were too tired for talk, or anything else. The couple fell asleep in one another's arms, feeling safe and content in the cocoon of home and family, knowing better than most how fragile that cocoon could be. They would be reminded of that fragility in the coming days.


	7. Chapter 7

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 7**

Boinngg! The bed bounced under Reid. He turned his head to look at her, but the blonde hair on the pillow next to him didn't belong to JJ. It framed a smaller face.

"Hi Daddy!"

He'd had only five hours of sleep in the past sixty. Reid tried to uncloud his brain as he rolled over onto his back.

"Mmph." He couldn't quite get to his voice yet. But Henry could.

"Mommy says you're gonna stay home today. Can I stay home too?"

Reid had managed to keep one eye propped open, now got the other one to join it. He knew when he was being played.

"What did your mother say?" he rasped.

Henry couldn't believe it. How did parents always know?

Slightly abashed, he reported, "She said it's a school day and I have to go to school."

"I thought so. First grade is important, Henry. I thought you liked school." Reid propped himself on an elbow so he could see his son better.

"Yeah, I love school!" His enthusiasm was paradoxical. His next statement explained why. "But how come Rosie gets to stay home?"

"She's too young for school, my man. When you were little, you stayed home on Mommy's day off too, didn't you?"

"I did? And you, too?"

The changes in Henry's life were never far away from them. Not in any circumstance, and not in any conversation.

"Well, not me. I wasn't part of the family then. You stayed home with Mommy and Daddy Will."

"Oh. Did I have fun?"

"According to the stories your mom used to tell me, you were very funny. Still are, Little Man."

With that, Reid tickled Henry around his middle, loving the resultant giggle.

"Come on, I think I smell some breakfast in the kitchen." What he actually smelled was coffee, his official 'starter fluid'.

Reid rolled out of bed and put his son up on his shoulders.

"Watch out for the doorway!"

Henry was still giggling when they entered the kitchen.

"Mommy, look how big I am!"

JJ was seated at the table, feeding Rosie some cereal. Both of the females looked at the men in their lives and laughed.

"Isn't he getting heavy for that, Spence?"

"Not until after breakfast."

He deposited his son at the table and poured himself a mug of coffee. "Thanks for the extra sleep."

"You needed it more than I did, at least I got some the night before." JJ gave Henry his cereal and started going through his backpack.

"You have everything in here, Little Man? Your homework?"

"Yep."

"Anything I was supposed to sign?"

"Nope."

"Okay, well then finish your cereal and brush your teeth." She turned to her husband. "I'll take him, Spence. You can have some bonding time with Miss Rosie Cheeks." She pinched one of those cheeks as she spoke.

Henry swiped his sleeve over his mouth when he was done and then stood solemnly before his sister.

"Don't have any fun until I get home!"

* * *

Rosie's lips were sealed. She would never tell Henry that she'd had a great time playing blocks with Daddy, reading stories with Mommy and watching Casey chase a squirrel around the yard. She was innocently taking a nap when her big brother returned home from school.

JJ set him up with a snack and motioned Reid out onto the patio.

"Dr. Lucia called back while you were out. From what I described, she thinks Henry is a normal kid, having a normal reaction to what he's been through. She said it often plays out physically until the kids are verbal enough to put it into words."

Reid squinted at her. Henry was…..had  _always_  been….. _very_ verbal.

She read the message in his eyes. "I know. But he  _doesn't_ have all that good a command of how to describe his emotions. I think that's what Dr. Lucia meant."

Reid conceded the point. "All right. So what does she recommend?"

"She actually said he could probably just work with a counselor or social worker at school. You know, telling stories, drawing pictures, acting things out. She thinks that's probably all he needs."

Reid wasn't surprised, but he was relieved to have heard it from a professional.

"I kind of wish I'd had something like that growing up. You know, a sounding board."

JJ's eyes met his. Her own youth had been marred by the suicide of her sister. "Me too."

* * *

Friday morning came too early, but then….it was Friday morning. They were only a day away from the weekend.

The Reid household was too hectic this morning to listen to any of the morning news programming, so the two young profilers were taken by surprise when they settled in at the bullpen.

"I heard he had three kids." Garcia looked distressed. She was standing next to Emily's desk, with Morgan at her side.

"Who?" JJ had stopped at the coffee bay even before she approached the group.

"Sam Obiki." Garcia said the name like she thought they'd recognize it.

Reid was setting down his messenger bag. "Who's Sam Obiki?"

"What, are you living in a cave? It was all over the news this morning." Morgan chided his good friend.

JJ spoke up for them. "Well, Sam Ob…whatever…..may have been all over the news, but milk and cereal were all over the floor this morning. So, no, we didn't hear. Who is he? And what happened to him?"

Emily supplied the information. "He worked as a liaison to DHS. He was actually on site with Homeland Security, but he was an FBI agent."

"Was?" Reid noticed the use of the past tense.

"Found in his garage, car running, hose leading back to the driver's window."

JJ's hand went to her heart. "Dead?"

Morgan nodded.

JJ had heard Garcia's initial statement. "He had kids? Were they home?"

Emily slid her chair over so she could pull it up on her computer. She scanned the article and reacted.

"Oh, my God, his nine year old found him. The wife and kids weren't home, found the garage door wouldn't work with the remote. So they parked in the driveway and the nine year old found him."

Morgan didn't like emotional turmoil, but he was experiencing it now. Pity and fear for what led Obiki to take his life….and anger that the man would not have considered his family in the process.

"Idiot! If you're gonna off yourself, do it without hurting anyone else!"

"Derek!" Garcia was shocked at his statement…..and at the fact that she understood it.

Reid had been relatively quiet throughout the exchange, once again watching his wife. Her remark yesterday about having needed a sounding board when she was young reminded him that the very concept of suicide was more personal to her than to most. Perhaps that was why she was reacting so deeply to the recent deaths. What seemed to be a cluster of suicides...he couldn't help but wonder.

The group was still huddled when a somber David Rossi emerged from Hotch's office and leaned over the railing.

"Guys…..grab your coffee and come up to the conference room. We need to meet."

* * *

Hotch's features were, if possible, more serious than usual as he looked around the table at his team.

"I take it you are all aware of the death of SSA Sam Obiki, discovered yesterday afternoon."

At the nodding around the table, he continued.

"As with the death of CIA agent Alan Greenly, the COD seems to be an obvious suicide, and the investigation by law enforcement will be minimal. You also know that the BAU has been excluded from the internal investigation about Greenly….his death and his role in the prior case. However..."

He picked up the remote, prepared to present more information to the team.

"…I have met with Section Chief Strauss and convinced her that it might be beneficial to the federal agencies involved for us to profile the two men who've died, assess emotional or psychological risk factors, and provide the agencies with information that might help them stave off additional suicides."

They all took a moment to absorb his statement. On the surface of it, it appeared to be a simple offer of help to their superiors and their peers. But, gradually, they all realized Hotch's masterful move in getting the BAU into the investigation.

"Sweet." Was all Morgan had to say. It was all that was necessary.

Hotch clicked the remote, being the only one completely familiar with the information. There hadn't yet been time to include Garcia.

"This is Alan Greenly. As you know, he shot himself with his service weapon last weekend." He clicked the remote again.

"And this is Sam Obiki, whose death was reported in news accounts this morning, an apparent suicide via carbon monoxide poisoning."

The screen displayed shots of each man in death, and in his federal ID pose.

There was little reaction around the table, as none of them had known either man personally. Little reaction until Reid pushed back his chair and abruptly left the room.

Emily looked at JJ with raised brows and a smile, as if to say, "Too much coffee?"

JJ's gaze was still following Reid as he disappeared down the aisle and out of sight. She took a mental inventory.  _Did he eat something that the rest of us didn't? Is there something going around Henry's classroom?_  She'd already caught them all during Henry's preschool years and was now largely immune. But not so Reid.

The meeting continued, with Hotch giving an overview of what was known about each man's personal and professional lives. They were each very experienced agents in their respective agencies, and there was simply too much to go through in detail with the entire team. As he closed out the meeting, he assigned Morgan and Prentiss to go into depth on Greenly, and Rossi and JJ on Obiki. He was hesitant to count on Reid who, he assumed, was ill. But if he recovered quickly, the young agent could review both agents' e-mails and personal files at his usual lightning speed.

The meeting broke, and the agents headed back toward their respective desks. JJ was surprised to see that Reid's chair was empty, but his messenger bag was still on his desk. She turned to Morgan.

"Can you check…."

He was ahead of her, also concerned about the agent he regarded as a little brother. His unexplained fleeing of a team meeting was unprecedented….except for that period of time that all of them would rather forget.

"I'll get him."

While JJ waited outside, Morgan pushed open the door of the men's room and stepped inside, half expecting to find Reid kneeling in front of a toilet, or draped over a sink. It was a sight he'd seen before. But there was no sign of Reid. Morgan pushed open every door of every stall…the room was empty. He came back out to JJ.

"He's not here. Where else would he have gone?"

Without his messenger bag, nowhere, she was sure. "Maybe he's in another men's room? Maybe it was full?"

Even as she said it, she knew it was virtually impossible.

"Try calling him, or texting."

She did. The call went to voice mail, so she sent a text.

WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU OKAY?

Rossi had been assigned to work with JJ on Obiki, and now joined his two fellow agents in the hallway.

"Lose something?" He meant it as a joke, but saw some concern on JJ's face, and corrected himself.

"Is he okay?"

"We can't find him. He's disappeared," reported Morgan.

* * *

"The car is still there. He's got to be here." JJ had just come back from the parking lot, to meet with Rossi in his office.

"Try not to worry, Cara. You're right. He's got to be here." He pulled out a chair for her, intending that they should get to work.

But she was too distracted. "Should I try Employee Health?"

"Wouldn't someone have called by now? Seriously, JJ, relax, I'm sure he's fine. If there was something wrong, you would have heard."

She knew he was right, but still…this was behavior she wasn't familiar with, and couldn't explain. Sighing, she tried to get down to work with Rossi. They'd been at it for forty-five minutes when her phone sounded a text.

OKAY. DON'T WORRY. MEET YOU AT HOME. CAN YOU GET KIDS?

Rossi couldn't interpret the expression on her face. "Everything okay?"

She spoke as though she was still trying to process it. "He says he's okay. And that he'll see me at home. But nothing about what happened or where he is."

Rossi was reassuring. "Well, at least you know he's all right. I'm sure he'll explain when he sees you. It's probably just too much for a text. Isn't 'let's get pizza' too much for him?" The entire team knew how much Reid hated texting.

Her voice belied her uncertainty, but she had to concede his point. "You're right. At least I know he's okay."

* * *

He got home just before dinner, leaving them no time to talk until after the kids were down. There was a trace of tension between them through dinner and Henry's bedtime routine. And then that trace rose in amplitude when Reid announced, "I need to go out."

"What?"

"I need to go out. I won't be long. I'll probably be home by the time Rosie goes down."

She was still processing. He'd fled a team meeting, disappeared for the rest of the day, still not explained anything  _and now you have to go out._

"Where? Where do you have to go on a Friday night?"

He couldn't meet her eyes. Looking at the floor, he spoke.

JJ felt her heart sink at his words.

"I need to go to a meeting."


	8. Chapter 8

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 8**

"I need to go to a meeting."

That was all he'd said before he'd grabbed his keys and been out the door, leaving JJ shell-shocked.

_Did I miss something? Was I too wrapped up in my own reactions to the suicides? Was I too wrapped up in the kids? Too busy for him? What?!_

He hadn't been to a meeting in over a year, and then only because he'd been medically ordered there. The narcotics he'd been given after his shooting risked triggering a physical addiction, but they hadn't. He'd gone a few times, but then stepped away from them. JJ knew that he'd sought them out a few times in the past, when he felt stressed, and tempted. It had never occurred to her that he might feel those things without her realizing.

_Have I neglected you, my love? Have you been reaching out to me, and I didn't see?_

She couldn't keep herself from moving, she was too agitated. She set Rosie up in her playpen and then set about picking up toys, folding laundry, cleaing every shelf in the refrigerator. She was starting to rearrange the silverware when she heard him pull up. She stood immobile, listening for his key in the door. Still, she didn't go to him. But he came looking for her in the kitchen.

As he entered the room they both stood, looking at each other, each trying to read the other's face. Reid broke first.

"I know. I'm sorry. I know." He stretched his hand out to her, and she took it, following him to the living room. Rosie had seen her father come in and was reaching her hands up for him. Uncharacteristically, he ignored his daughter as he patted the seat next to him on the sofa, inviting JJ to sit. Also uncharacteristically, Rosie remained quiet, sensing in that prescient infant way that her parents were upset.

Reid remained facing forward, not looking at JJ directly.

"I'm sorry I ran out this morning. And that I didn't answer your text right away. I…..couldn't."

She angled herself to him, and bent her head, trying to see his face.

"Are you all right?"

He looked like he was trying to think of the words. His mouth opened…..and closed again, several times. JJ's concern was heightened.  _What is it that you're having so much trouble telling me?_

"Spence, what is it? Please!"

He couldn't meet her eyes. So much was running through his head. The need to tell her. The  _cost_ of telling her. The new understanding of why  _she_  couldn't tell  _him_ , that other difficult time, with Emily. The guilt about his anger with her over that.

"Spence!" She was frustrated, frightened, not understanding this sudden and complete change in what was between them.

Finally, he raised his eyes. But it didn't help. All she saw in them was turmoil and fear. Her voice was much quieter when she spoke again.

"Spence…."

He took her hand in his, and held it to his mouth in a prolonged kiss.

"I need to ask you to trust me, JJ. I'm not free to talk. It's…I have to keep confidence. But it's important. Can you do this for me?"

She felt like she was stranded in some foreign, vast wasteland, and she didn't know her way home. This was totally new territory for them. But, in the end, she loved him. And she trusted him.

"I'll do whatever you need me to do, Spence. You know that. But, please, tell me. Are you all right? Did I miss something?"

He'd been so preoccupied that he hadn't even realized she would internalize it. Now he mentally kicked himself for making her feel responsible.

This time he did turn to her.

"No….no, JJ, there's nothing. I'm all right."

He saw her gaze flash away, and knew she was deciding if she should believe him. He took her chin and turned her face to his, making sure he had her eyes. Those eyes, the ones he'd so often fallen into, were glazed with worry now.

"Really. I'm all right.  _We're_  all right. It's just….something I can't talk about. I…maybe tomorrow. I need to talk to someone tomorrow. Then maybe I'll be able to tell you. Please, God, I hope so."

Her eyes searched his for a long time. If this had to do with the BCC meetings, his discretion was understandable. Many members of AA and NA shared what happened at their meetings with their spouses. But what was shared at the Beltway Clean Cops meetings was different. Because of the work they did, the things that stressed them were often high profile, often in the news. It was impossible to talk about them with spouses and keep them confidential at the same time. And, especially because JJ was also in the business of law enforcement and might interact with some of the members, Reid could never share either their stories or their identities.

So, she understood. And yet….the change in his behavior had started  _before_  the meeting.

In the end, she had to settle on the knowledge of who he was, of his character, of what they had together.

"Just promise me that you'll tell me if you need help. Please, let me help you, Spence."

He loved her. He was reminded once again of how much he loved who she was, and  _how_ she was. And he loved that she loved him enough to trust him.

Now he took her face in both of his hands. "You're my other half, JJ. I can't do anything without you."

* * *

JJ waited for him to come in from the patio. She'd known he would seek guidance from under the stars that night. But, unlike so many other times, this time, it didn't settle him. He was still tense when they went in to bed. She tried to rub it out of his shoulders, but he turned back to her and pulled her to lean against his chest instead. He needed to feel her next to him.

The night was spent in restless sleep, each of them clinging to the other. It seemed important to have that physical connection, and whenever a toss or a turn took one of them apart, the other reached out again for them.

It was the first time in a very long time that they were up before Henry on a Saturday. Reid preceded JJ to the kitchen and put the coffee on. She took advantage of the kids being asleep to take an early run and shower, and then joined her husband in the kitchen.

"When is your meeting?"

"Eight. Jack has a soccer game at ten."

Hotch. He hadn't said who he needed to speak with, but it was obviously their unit chief. The thought comforted JJ.

"Will you be back after? Henry has a game at noon."

He tried to smile. "Wouldn't miss it."

She had so many questions, but she felt like she couldn't ask any of them.  _Will you talk to me after you talk to Hotch? What does this have to do with the suicides?_  She'd have to be the world's worst profiler to have missed the obvious connection between the case presentation and his abrupt response.  _Why can't you talk to me now? Are you in trouble? Are_ we _in trouble?_

Henry shuffled out to the kitchen, surprised to see his parents there so early on a weekend morning.

"Is it a school day?" He rubbed his eyes.

"No, Little Man." Reid picked him up and deposited him in a seat at the table. "But it  _is_  a baseball day. Let's have some breakfast to make you big and strong."

Henry started to come alive, and decided to go for it. "Chocolate chip pancakes?"

JJ gave her first genuine laugh of the past 24 hours. "How 'bout some eggs instead? You want to be able to really swing that bat, don't you?"

"Yeah! And I'm gonna hit a home run!"

"Well, if you do, your number one fan will be there to cheer you on." JJ picked said fan up from her high chair.

"Yay!" Henry was excited.

"Ay!" And so was his little sister.

* * *

He'd asked to meet with Hotch "anywhere but the BAU", so his unit chief chose a coffee shop not far from Jessica's home. Jack would visit with his aunt until it was time for soccer.

"Reid." As he sat down, he noticed that the younger man was already half done with his coffee. He also couldn't help but notice the worry in the features of his team genius.

"Hotch, thank you for meeting with me."

"Are you all right?" The unit chief could think of few reasons why his agent would need to keep whatever this was out of the BAU. One of those few reasons could well be a relapse. His abrupt exit from yesterday's meeting would be consistent with that.

Reid knew his behavior yesterday had triggered concern all around, but it couldn't be helped now. He sought to assure his boss.

"I'm okay. It's not that." Not needing to say what 'that' was.

"Then what?"

_Hotch's eyes really could bore a hole through steel_ , Reid thought, not for the first time.

"Yesterday, when you were presenting the case…..the suicides…..I recognized them."

Hotch's brow furrowed. "You recognized them? Why didn't you say so before?"

Reid shook his head. "I didn't recognize their names…..I'd only ever heard their first names…..it was their  _faces_  I recognized."

Hotch gave a subtle nod to encourage Reid to continue.

"I knew it could have been a coincidence, so I needed to see if the other one…the cop…to see if he was one, too."

Now Hotch looked puzzled. He'd been aware of the CIA and FBI agents, but he hadn't picked up on the prior Metro PD death. Reid explained, finishing with JJ's connection to the man through Will.

"So I went online to find a photo…..and he was one, too. One of …..us."

"Us?"

"The BCC. Beltway Clean Cops. It's the support group I've been to ….you know, before.  _All_  of them were members. We only use first names, I'd never known their full names. And I'd only  _heard_  about the deaths…I'd never seen photos, until the meeting."

Hotch took a few moments to process the information. On the good side, this made it unlikely that Greenly's death was related to a failed profile in the CIA case. But, on the other hand...they either had a cluster of suicides among law enforcement officers in recovery…..or they had a serial killer. One way or the other, there was a case for the BAU to solve…..or was there?

"Reid, why did you want to meet here? Why not at the BAU?"

Apparently, he'd hit a nerve. Reid suddenly looked more distressed.

"Because...Hotch, I don't know what to do. I need your advice on this. You know the BCC meetings are confidential. That's why only first names are used. But…..I don't know how to think about the men who've died. If this confidential meeting is what caused them to be targets, can that fact be broadcast? They're dead, so there's no harm to them, except maybe to their reputations. But what about their families? What if they don't want anyone to know?"

Hotch didn't think it was that complicated. "Death ends the promise of confidentiality, Reid. There's no reason not to tell the team."

Reid was relieved. He'd needed the confirmation. And now he could tell JJ.  _Thank God._

But it was more complicated than that. He hadn't gotten it all out yet.

"But an investigation would put the identity of  _all_  of the members of the BCC out in the open….at least to the team."

"Of course. If these men were murdered...which seems likely...the unsub may well be a member of the BCC…and the other members might need protection. Of  _course_  the investigation team would have to know who they are."

Finally, the crux of the matter.

"Hotch, there are senior members of the FBI in this group. I went to see one of them yesterday. They don't want their identity coming out, even to the investigators. They feel like it would compromise their position within the Bureau."

* * *

Erin Strauss had been adamant. She realized the members of the BAU had suspected...and maybe actually known...her addiction to alcohol. And she was proud of her hard-won sobriety. But she was also proud of the fact that she'd risen through the ranks of the FBI, one of the first women to have achieved such high office in the Bureau. She wasn't about to put that in jeopardy now.

"I appreciate your concern, Agent Reid. But I do  _not_  want my attendance at BCC meetings to become public knowledge. You may speak with SSA Hotchner about the men who've died, but you will need to ask each member of the BCC individually for permission to make their involvements known."

"But, ma'am, how can I do that without possibly tipping off the person who's committed the murders?"

To Reid, it was obvious that the unsub had to have a direct connection with the BCC.

"You're a genius, aren't you, Agent Reid? You'll figure it out."

* * *

Hotch read the look of frustration on the younger man's face. He could guess who Reid had spoken with, although she'd never verbally acknowledged to him either her addiction or her recovery. He knew Erin Strauss was a very proud woman.

"Reid, are we being shut down even before we start?"

"No. But we're being told to do this with one hand tied behind our back."

* * *

"Rosie, did you see? I made a hit!"

It hadn't been a home run, but Henry didn't care. He'd hit the ball, and he'd gotten on base. He was as excited as if he'd hit a grand slam.

"And I caught the ball, too!"

"Ay!" His sister clapped her hands in delight at his excitement.

"JJ, did you see that?" Reid knew enough to whisper about it now. "She clapped her hands! That's an eight month old thing to do! Maybe she's got my fine motor skills!" He had visions of teaching her sleight of hand tricks.

"You!" JJ laughed and playfully pushed him away. It had been a good afternoon, and his mood seemed a bit brighter. She could, for a moment, forget that something…..something she didn't know or understand…...was wrong.

After the game, they dropped Henry at his friend Joey's house for an afternoon play date and took a weary Rosie home for her nap. Once she was down, JJ brought lemonade out to the patio, where Reid was lost in thought.

She handed him his glass, and they sat side by side, holding hands, being quiet with one another. It felt normal, and sweet and, after the tension of the day before, comforting. After a long while, Reid squeezed JJ's hand as a signal that he was ready to talk. She waited, more than ready to listen.

"I spoke with Hotch this morning. He agreed that it would be all right to tell you, and the rest of the team, what I told him."

Not mentioning that there was more he  _hadn't_  been free to tell his superior.

Already JJ was relieved. This apparently had to do with the team, not the marriage. She continued to wait for him to be ready.

He explained. "When you told me about Doug Sanders, I was upset for your sake, but I didn't know the guy. Same with Alan Greenly. I was concerned that we'd missed something….the team, I mean, with the CIA case. And with Sam Obiki…well, I was concerned that it would hit you hard again, especially considering his kids. But, what I didn't know until I saw their pictures….I didn't know that I  _knew_ these men."

She shot her head around to look at him directly, as he continued.

"But I knew them as Doug, and Alan, and Sam. Pretty common names for their generation. I never even put it together until I saw the photos."

JJ's eyes widened. With these pieces in place, she could figure out the rest. "The BCC?"

He nodded, appreciating her ability to make the leap. "All of them. These may not be suicides at all, JJ."

She was thinking aloud now. "And you couldn't tell me because everything at the BCC is confidential…."

He reached for her hand again. "I wanted to, believe me. And I thought it might be okay, at least about the men who died. But I needed input from Hotch."

JJ closed her eyes, taking in and letting out a deep breath. During that time, she sent a silent prayer aloft.  _Thank you, God. He's okay._

He stood, pulling her up with him. He wanted more than her hand.

"I'm sorry it had to be that way. I don't think I can ever put into words how incredibly grateful I am that you accepted me at my word. I promise you, I will never do anything to betray such amazing trust."

She put her arms around him, and they hugged each other tightly. "I love you, Spence. And I love our family. Nothing can hurt us as long as we're in it together."


	9. Chapter 9

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 9**

Three quarters of the Reid family slept fitfully that night. Only Henry slept uninhibited, dreaming dreams of scoring the winning run, and making a diving catch in the outfield.

JJ was happy that Reid was talking to her about what was going on, but troubled…..frightened, actually….by the content. Someone was targeting the members of BCC….and her husband was one of those members.

Reid was relieved to be able to reassure his wife that what she'd feared might be going on with him, wasn't. But that relief was tempered by the knowledge of all he still hadn't shared with her…..and couldn't share with her.

Rosie was always sensitive to the moods of those around her. For her, the tension being experienced by her parents….even when it was no longer tension  _between_  them….was palpable. And it became visceral. She was awake, and loudly sharing her distress, at 4 AM.

"I'll get her. Go back to sleep." Reid had already thrown his legs over the side of the bed.

"Sure?" slurred JJ.

He leaned in and kissed her head. "Sure."

As he made his way to Rosie's room, Reid mused on his former designation as the conveyer of "The Reid Effect". Once upon a time, it had been a sure bet that he would cause small children and pets to cry out, even by his very presence. Now, this experienced hands-on dad was able to make his way to his daughter's room in the dark, identify a clean or dirty diaper by touch, make and heat a bottle by rote. He did two of those three things this night.

"Ah, Miss Rosie. What's the problem? What's got you up in the middle of the night?"

He felt her diaper….dry….and picked up his daughter. She stilled almost immediately in his arms.

"Just lonely, were you? Or did you have a bad dream, my beautiful little girl?"

He turned the rocker to face the window, and then sat, holding her against his chest while he looked out at the stars. When he felt her quiet, he turned her around and sat her on his lap, so that she could see the stars, too.

"Look at them, Rosie. There are whole worlds out there. Things we've never even dreamed of. They sure make our troubles seem so small, don't they?"

He sat for a while, quiet, content to feel his daughter against him, thanking God for her….for the fact of her, for her health, and her smile, and her giggles, and her intelligence _. Oh, and thanks for giving her JJ's gross motor skills!_

His thoughts went elsewhere as well.

_Please guide me. Now that I know what I know, I can't ignore it. I think Chief Strauss is wrong, but how do I not honor her wishes? Is it wrong of me to do what she wants, even when I think she's making a bad decision? Would it be wrong of me not to obey her? And what about 'John'?! I don't even know if he knows, and he could be in danger…..but the cost to him could be so much greater if it came out._   _And even my trying to meet with him would arouse suspicion._

Reid remembered how his superior had made a point of mentioning that "we don't talk about this at the office-especially  _our_  office".

The BCC meetings were fairly unique among support groups. There was a large group of shift workers, mostly cops, whose schedules changed frequently and sometimes precluded their attendance. And there was an even larger group of law enforcement officers whose work took them out of town, or to mandatory emergency meetings, thereby precluding regular attendance. Over five years, Reid himself had attended fewer than ten meetings. His chance encounter with 'John' had been an anomaly, as had a subsequent shared meeting with Erin Strauss. Reid didn't even know if either of them attended meetings regularly. But he would have to find out, with or without their cooperation.

His hands closed more tightly around Rosie, who sensed his returning agitation and became restless herself. Reid turned her around and held her against him once more. In that position, Rosie was able to perform her 'Daddy-mind-melt' maneuver. She buried her face in his neck and laid a tiny hand on his chest. Reid was helpless. He could do nothing but lay his head against hers and experience her. No thought, no agitation, no worry could ever penetrate such a moment between father and daughter. Later, he would realize that, in the very moment that he had sought to comfort her,  _she_  had turned the tables and comforted  _him. My Rosie._

* * *

She could never be sure, because it was one of those things that he didn't choose to share. But JJ had long suspected that Reid's intermittent accompaniment of his family to church services had more to do with his desire to kick things around with Father O'Neill than it did with his desire to hear scripture, or to participate in communal prayer. She realized her husband respected the priest for both his wisdom and his spirituality. So she wasn't all that surprised on Sunday morning when Spence announced that he and Henry would be waiting for the women in the car. From long practice, she asked no questions, but enjoyed the moment, no matter the volatility of what had brought it about.

After mass, Henry made a bee line for the donuts in the church hall, followed at a more leisurely pace by his parents and Rosie. At the back of the sanctuary, Father O'Neill put his hand out to Reid.

"Spencer, it's good to see you. How have you been?"

"Great, Father. Just pretty busy." He'd said it with an air of apology, but the priest waved him off.

"No need to explain. When you're here, you're here. It's not like I take attendance." Which he did, mentally, each week.

"Join us for coffee, Father?"

In some ways, pastoring a large congregation was a lot like profiling. Peter O'Neill always seemed to know who was in need, who was distressed, who had a bone to pick. Like JJ, he'd noticed that Reid always had something on his mind whenever he attended services. And, like a good cleric, he made himself available, even to the one member of his 'flock'.

"Sure, just let me get out of these vestments."

Much to Henry's chagrin, Missy was the only one of his classmates who was present in the hall. JJ encouraged him to go and play with her after she'd brushed all of the powdered sugar from his clothes.

"But she's a….she's a girl! And she  _likes_  me!" Said as though it was a dire circumstance. JJ flashed on a not-distant-enough future when Henry wouldn't be running away from the girls who liked him, and she sighed.

"Henry, just go and play with her. I'm sure she's very nice."

"Aww, Mom."

"Go ahead, you'll have fun."

Reluctantly, he went. Also reluctantly, and not that he would admit….he had fun.

They settled in at a table with Rosie, who had yet to sample her first donut. But Reid gave her a lick of the icing from his, rewarded with a huge grin.

"JJ! Did you see that? I think she's getting a tooth!"

She laughed at her husband. "And is that early?"

His eyes went off to the right, which, as he'd explained to her, meant he was using his left brain. She watched him virtually 'read' the information inside his head, and come to a conclusion.

"Nope. Early is four months. Unless they're born with one. Then it's called a natal tooth. Usually falls out."

"So our daughter is advanced in everything but teething."

"Yes. And, well, so far, in toilet training. I wouldn't mind if she was advanced in that." Reid hated changing dirty diapers.

Father O'Neill, now in his clerics, joined them.

"How's my little Miss Rosie?" He tickled her under her chin, and was given a big grin in return.

"She's great, Father," JJ responded for them. "She's happy, and growing, and busy…."

"And opinionated," added Reid. "She lets everyone know when she's  _not_  happy. But, fortunately, that's pretty rare these days."

There ensued an awkward silence, with all three of them sipping coffee and looking off to the distance, where Henry and Missy were happily playing hopscotch on invisible squares. JJ gradually came to realize that her husband wasn't comfortable discussing whatever he had to discuss in front of her. It was an unusual situation. He'd never held back before. But, given the circumstance, she realized there might be things he needed to keep confidential, even from her. So she found a reason to excuse herself and bring Rosie over to where the other children were playing.

Father O'Neill had picked up on it as well. "Something on your mind, Spencer?"

Reid flashed him a look and gave him an embarrassed snort.

"Pretty obvious, huh?"

The priest smiled in agreement, but offered a caveat. "In some ways, Spencer, we're in the same business."

Reid, still with a half smile on his face, nodded. "I guess there  _is_  something weighing on me. " He looked up briefly at the priest. "I can't talk about most of it….but I could use some advice."

Father O'Neill returned the half smile. "I'm not sure how helpful I'll be as an advice-giver…but I've got a good ear."

Reid nodded in agreement. He'd used that ear from time to time. He started in.

"What is more important? A person's right to choose? Or keeping them safe?"

Peter O'Neill took his time thinking. He had no context for the question, couldn't have imagined what Reid was  _actually_  struggling with.

"Are you saying this person might be making a decision that could be dangerous to them?"

"Yes."

"Is it also dangerous to others?"

Reid had to think. "Not sure."

Father O'Neill leaned back in his chair. "So, this person may be making a decision that you consider to be not in their best interests. Would that be correct?"

Reid gave a slow nod. "Yes."

"Is this person thinking freely? Or are they impaired?"

He couldn't be sure, given the context, but Reid responded, "Thinking freely, not impaired."

The priest took in and expelled a deep breath. "Welcome to my world, Spencer."

"Huh?"

"Humans are endowed with free will, whether they use it wisely or not. If your friend is making an unimpaired decision, and if no one else will be harmed in the process…..I'm afraid you need to let it play out. And then hope….and pray …..for the best. That they get the chance to learn from their mistake."

Reid leaned forward and placed his elbows on the table, using his hands to rub his face. After a long moment, he spoke.

"That's what I was afraid you'd say."

Father O'Neill leaned forward as well, so he could speak to Reid without fear of being overheard.

"Is it mortal, Spencer? Is it a matter of life and death?"

Reid could only sigh. "I hope not. But I think so."

"Then pray, Spencer. It's the most effective tool you have."

* * *

Reid greatly appreciated Father O'Neill and his advice. He knew the priest was right about the fact that he needed to let the others make the decisions for themselves. But he wasn't as certain that prayer was his most effective tool.

_You_ did  _make me a genius, after all!_

He also wasn't at all sure where to start with this. Friday night had been more of a reconnaissance mission than anything else. He hadn't alerted anyone in BCC, except Erin Strauss, to the danger, and she had rejected the warning. He had to find a way to make sure the other members knew of the risk, recognizing that one of those other members might, indeed, be the unsub. And, somehow, he had to get word to 'John'.

* * *

Reid spent a restless 'day of rest' with his family, playing catch with Henry in the yard, taking a leisurely afternoon walk around the neighborhood with his wife, and his children, and his dog. Before sleep overtook them that night, he and JJ sat in bed talking.

"What will you say to the team tomorrow?" She lay with her head propped up on her hand.

"I'll tell them."

He sounded resigned. His addiction had only been completely out in the open between the two of them. He knew the others 'knew'…but it had never been openly discussed.

"It will be okay, you know. They won't think anything of it."

At one time, he wouldn't have believed her. The first time the two of them had talked about it, he'd been embarrassed, and felt again the guilt of having failed her….of having failed all of them. But she'd reassured him and, very gradually, he'd come to trust that what she'd said was true. That his teammates had been focused on admiring his courage and strength of character, and not on the addiction that had been forced upon him. He could talk about it now, he thought, with his head held high.  _I think. I hope._

"No matter, JJ. I have to tell them anyway. Lives could be at stake."

She knew him better than he thought…..or, at least, better than he liked to think about. He could keep virtually nothing from her. She knew there was more, and she suspected she knew what it was.

JJ hesitated a moment, wanting to find the right words.

"Spence…I…I know that there are things that you're probably not telling me. Things that you can't say. But…..but…..well, I guess I just wanted to say…I trust you. I trust your judgment. You'll do the right thing. I'm sure of it."

He took her into his arms and hugged her, settling her against him for sleep. "I wish I was half as sure as you are, JJ."


	10. Chapter 10

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 10**

"Hey, Pretty Boy, how you feelin'?"

Reid looked up as Morgan joined him in the conference room in advance of their Monday morning meeting.

"Huh? Oh, right." He'd forgotten about his mysterious dash out of the room on Friday. "I'm fine, thanks for asking."

"Where's your beautiful better half?"

"It's Monday. That's 'divide and conquer day'. It's the hardest day to get the kids going, so we take two cars and drop them off separately. She had Rosie today. She should be along soon."

Morgan laughed, partly relieved to have had only himself to worry about this morning…..and partly wistful about it as well. There had been something different...happier, fuller...about Reid, ever since he'd had a family. Of late, Morgan had been thinking to himself,  _not a bad thing. Not a bad thing at all._

Slowly the others joined them in the room and settled in. JJ swept in just before Hotch, breathing hard, having run from the parking lot. She took her seat next to Reid.

"Coffee! Thank God. Thanks, Spence." He'd made it just the way she liked it.

"Rosie give you a hard time?"

"No, it was actually Ben. He'd gotten out without his collar and Karen had to chase him down through the neighborhood. I stayed at the house until she got back."

Morgan didn't understand. "She keeps a collar on her kid?"

"He's a golden, Morgan. Sheesh!" Reid teased his good friend.

"Oh."

The others were laughing at the misunderstanding when Hotch joined them in the room. Prentiss and Rossi were prepared to give their research reports on Greenly and Obiki, respectively, and were surprised when Hotch preempted them.

"Actually, I think we need to hear from Reid." He gestured in that direction. "Reid?"

JJ squeezed his hand in support. No matter her assurances about the team's understanding, no matter his  _trusting_  in their understanding, she knew that what he was about to do would be hard for him.

Reid cleared his throat. His eyes made a brief circuit of their faces, and then became glued to the table.

"When I left here on Friday…..and I'm sorry if I worried anyone….I left because I needed to look into something. Because I recognized the faces of the men who'd died."

Since Reid wasn't looking at any of them, the rest of the team shot glances at each other. The young agent continued.

"I recognized them because….." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I recognized them from my meetings."

For Reid and JJ, the addiction was an ever-present part of their reality, something he would always have to manage. For the rest, it seemed ancient history. Most of them were puzzled by his words, not getting the context.

"What meetings?" Morgan put the puzzlement into words.

Reid raised his eyes to meet those of his colleague, and saw the lack of understanding. Looking around the table, he could see that Emily and Garcia were equally confused. Rossi, however, was nodding at him knowingly.

Reid sighed. He would have to explain the whole thing. It was the first time it would be completely out in the open among all of them.

"Meetings of a group called Beltway Clean Cops. It's a support group. I went to them a while back, after…."

He'd sensed them catching on as soon as he gave the name of the meeting. Emily, as soon as she realized, also reacted to Reid's obvious discomfort.

"You don't have to….."

"Of course I do, Emily. It's the case." He'd snapped it at her, and was immediately apologetic. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

She was sitting on the other side of him, and reached her hand to cover his. "No, I'm sorry. Go on."

The largest hurdle cleared, Reid went quickly through the rest of it. "I've only been to eight or ten meetings in all these years. A bunch at the beginning, and then a couple last year, after I was released from the hospital."

JJ spoke up then, not wanting them to misunderstand. He hadn't relapsed, or even considered it.

"He was ordered to. They'd had to give him narcotics, and they said it was their protocol in….situations like Spence's."

He gave her a quick smile in gratitude for her support, then went on.

"Anyway, I haven't been back in over a year. But I recognized these guys. We only use first names there, and …well, Dave and Alan and Sam are pretty common first names. So I didn't realize that I knew them until I saw the photos."

"Who's Dave?" Like the rest of them, Garcia was confused.

JJ answered for them. "Dave Sanders. He was a Metro cop, a good friend of Will's. His body was found in his car a few weeks ago. It was presumed he'd shot himself, but now…..I'm not so sure."

Rossi whistled. "You know, until you mentioned Metro PD's being involved in this, I would have thought the BCC was a red herring. The others were federal agents, they could well have crossed paths elsewhere. But if the cop was also a victim….well, it looks like a broader attack on law enforcement. And you might well be right that BCC is the nexus."

Reid picked up on it right away. He'd called the group 'Beltway Clean Cops', yet Rossi was using its common acronym.  _Personal experience? Or…oh, right._ Perhaps the rumored association between his colleague and their section chief was more than a rumor. Reid began to sincerely hope that Rossi might prove an ally in moving Erin Strauss from her stance on the case.

With Rossi's statement, they were past it. Reid's public acknowledgement of his addiction, his sense of shame, were both in the past. He was so relieved that he didn't even notice when JJ patted Rossi on the arm in thanks. She'd seen that the older man, more experienced in both profiling and in life, had purposely diverted attention back to the case for the sake of his young colleague.

Now fully back in case mode, Reid continued talking.

"See, the thing is, I think these guys must have been regulars. A lot of us aren't. We come and go, with travel, or work, or just different life circumstances. There are a lot of people that I saw there only once. But these guys…..they were there every time."

"Were they group leaders? Did they run the meetings?" Emily wondered if such a role might have made them targets.

"Not that I could tell. I heard each of them speak at least once, though. That's how I knew their first names."

Reid went on to explain how the meetings worked, with anyone wanting or needing to speak, to vent, to seek support, able to do so. "At the meetings I attended, cases were only referred to in broad terms, to make it more difficult for anyone to connect them to something breaking in the news. But sometimes the situations were so unique that you couldn't help but know what they were talking about."

Morgan saw where he was going. "You think this could be related to one of their cases?"

"But why all of them, then?" Emily didn't see the logic of it. "Could there have been an interagency case?"

Hotch only had to look in Garcia's direction. "On it. See you later."

JJ joined in the speculation. "Could they have had a personal relationship outside of the meetings? Maybe known each other before, or met for coffee afterward?" She looked at her husband as she spoke.

"I can't tell. Several times I was paged out of the meeting before it ended, and last year….well, I always hurried home."

Because, last year, there was, for the first time, something to hurry home  _to_. JJ and Henry.

"All right." Hotch had made his decision. "We're going to have to look at all of it. Let's start with what you found on Greenly and Obiki. JJ.." He was about to ask her to look into Sanders, until the look on her face begged him not to. There was too much personal connection. "Never mind. Emily, when we're done here, you can look into Dave Sanders."

"Okay." She nodded, then proceeded with what she and Morgan had uncovered on Alan Greenly.

"As we know, he was peripherally involved in the CIA case from a few years ago. Going back through things, we still don't think he was involved in either the leak or the killings. He was too new to the unit. But he had been on a drug cartel detail in…." She shuffled through some notes. "….in Colombia very briefly, but the bulk of his time was spent in Mexico. The thing Morgan and I found interesting was that he was in the middle of a major infiltration...the takedown actually happened only a few days after he was transferred out. But he  _was_  transferred out, pretty abruptly. That's when he came back to DC."

Rossi was postulating already. "Do you think the transfer was related to his addiction? Do you think he became addicted while he was on the detail?"

Before Emily could answer, Morgan interjected, trying to put the pieces together. "What was he addicted to, Reid? Do you know?"

"It's a joint group, so people with addictions to both alcohol and other drugs can attend it. The only requirement is being in law enforcement. Unless someone says, you can't really tell what their addiction is. I don't remember Alan Greenly saying. To tell you the truth, guys, I don't remember much of anything about what any of them said. Whenever I was there, I was distracted….by the fact that I was there. That I needed to be there. So I don't think I can help at all."

Morgan was consoling. "Not to worry, Pretty Boy. How could you have known it would be important some day? We'll just have to go and interview the other members, see if anyone else knows."

Reid and Hotch exchanged a look. Hotch spoke for them.

"It's a closed meeting, Morgan. Membership is confidential. We can't just break in."

Morgan looked from his unit chief to his friend, seeking confirmation.

"Really? We can't interview these guys, even if it's for their own good?"

Emily broke in. "Speaking of which….is it only 'guys'? Is this an all male group, or are there women members?"

Reid spoke up, to answer both of them. "It's both. Men and women, that is, although there were always more men there when I attended. And, to answer your question, Morgan…..Hotch is right. It's not an open meeting, like some are. You have to be a member. It's confidential, for the sake of the members. And….there's something I haven't mentioned yet."

Rossi leaned back. He already had a sense of what was coming.

Reid continued. "There are some higher ups who attend. FBI, CIA, NSA, DHS, Metro PD….all of them. They don't usually say what they do or who they work for, but I've recognized some of them. Especially from the FBI. I even…."

He hesitated, looking to Hotch for permission. The senior agent nodded.

"I even spoke with one of them on Friday. I needed advice on what to do. And they told me to investigate without implicating their being involved. They don't want anyone to know…..even the team doing the investigation. They think it would threaten their authority."

Morgan was irritated. He didn't like being hogtied during a case. "So their privacy is more important than their safety."

Rossi, who knew better….who knew  _more_ …clarified. "Their ability to do their job might be compromised, Morgan. That affects everything."

Hotch tried to get them back on track. "Rossi, JJ, what do you have on Obiki?"

JJ deferred to Rossi. She'd been too distracted worrying about her husband when they'd been investigating Sam Obiki.

"He's a decorated, retired member of the United States Navy. Seals, actually. Won a Purple Heart and a Medal of Honor before being recruited by the FBI. He was on assignment with DHS. But, I have to tell you, my best guess is that he was NSA. I think he actually worked for them."

Even JJ was surprised by this. It hadn't been discussed when they'd been working together. He responded to the look she gave him.

"I took a little look at things again, over the weekend. This smacks of an NSA plant."

JJ was taken aback. "The NSA has 'plants'? In other agencies?"

Rossi explained his thinking. "The NSA assures national security through its expertise in cryptology. That includes electronics. They certainly monitor electronic traffic among all of our federal agencies, but they also, from time to time, use "human vectors" (making finger quotes) of information gathering. Guys…..and gals…..who  _notice_  things, behaviors. It gives what they see electronically a human, behavioral context."

"How do you know all this?" Emily was impressed….if he was right.

"Old drinking buddy." Rossi leaned back in his chair, ready to pontificate. "Did you know that it's very helpful to go drinking with your old buddies…..as long as you don't actually swallow?"

Morgan snorted. "What, you were spying on him while you were drinking with him?"

Rossi waved the comment away with finesse. "Not at all, my son. I was simply allowing him to share….whatever he wanted to share…..without benefit of impairment."

There was general laughter at that, but also true admiration. Rossi was a pro. And a role model.

"So, Rossi, are you saying that you think Obiki was spying on another agency?" Reid's mind was moving at hyperspeed, trying to frame a connection among all of the dead officers and their various agencies. But it wasn't helping. Obiki was FBI….and maybe NSA. Greenly was CIA. Sanders was Metro PD. Where, besides BCC, was the connection? Or was there really no connection at all?

Their unit chief could see the frustration on all of their faces. They were trying to operate on little beyond implication and innuendo, and they couldn't know if they were right. He knew they wanted to be able to act, but he didn't want the team running full throttle into a dead end.

"We need more information."

He made his assignments, and dismissed the team to them. Each of the deceased's professional and personal lives would be uncovered to the best of the team's abilities.

Rossi lingered until it was only himself and Reid in the room. The look on Rossi's face drew Reid out.

"Rossi,….." But he was stuck. There was so much to say, and yet he couldn't speak any of it.

The older man put his hand on the younger agent's shoulder. "There are things you can't say. I know." He made sure he had the younger man's eyes when he added, "I _know_ , Spencer."


	11. Chapter 11

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 11**

JJ parked herself on the edge of Reid's desk and waited for him to look up at her.

"Good?"

He gave her a smile. "Good."

"I told you they'd be great about it, didn't I?"

"You did. And they were."

She smiled her satisfaction at him. "I was right. As usual. Let me hear you say it, please. 'My wife is always right.'"

He raised his brows at her. "What about the meatloaf?"

She'd forgotten to set the timer. They'd eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner that particular night.

She crossed her arms. "Hmph. Momentary forgetfulness. Not wrong."

Now he gave her a look that said  _All right, Miss Know-It-All_ , as he crossed his own arms.

"Well, what about Little Will's birthday?"

"I was only off by a couple of days. Really, Spence, that's not fair. There was so much going on when he was born, it's not surprising I wrote the date wrong."

Now  _he_ looked satisfied. "Just saying." The look on her face told him he should hurry up and change the subject.

"Hey, have you asked Hotch yet?"

"For the time off? When I just got back?" She shook her head. "No."

"I know it's a bad time, but it will come upon us sooner than you think. Two months goes by pretty quickly."

"You're right. I'll ask him as soon as it seems like a decent time."

What had seemed pretty obvious to JJ and Reid had come to fruition. Charlene and Phil would be having a summer wedding in New Orleans. Henry had been invited to serve as ringbearer for his father's brother and his former fiancée.  _Will would be so happy for them_ , JJ had thought, more than once.

"Speaking of family…..are your parents still planning to come next weekend?" It was Father's Day.

"I told Dad we'd drive up, but he insisted. He says he wants to do it while he's still young enough, that we'll be making enough trips up there later on. But, really, I think he just wants to see Henry play ball. You know how big a sports fan Dad is."

Reid did. It was one of the things they did  _not_  have in common. But he cared a great deal for Charles Jareau, and knew the sentiment was returned. He looked forward to the visit.

"Do you think your mom might make that lemon chicken dish?" He could almost taste it.

She rolled up a journal and hit him with it. "I make that dish too, you know!"

He put his hands up in defense before he responded to her. "I know!"

* * *

"I don't see any cases that they had in common, although there was only so much trolling around I could do in the CIA servers without alerting them."

They'd gathered again at the end of the day, with Garcia leading off the reports.

"But I  _did_  notice something, mostly because italmost caught me. Notice I said 'almost'."

"Whoa, Penelope Garcia snared in a technological trap!" Morgan was delighted.

"I said 'almost', Derek! It was closing its jaws around me, but I got out without a scratch."

Hotch was concerned nonetheless. "Did you leave a trail, Garcia?"

"No, sir. At least, I don't think so. It was more a tool to catch someone in the act, not something to trace activity."

Rossi had been sitting back in his chair, hands clasped across his middle, waiting for the chit chat to end.

"What exactly did you notice, Penelope?"

"Ah, just this. That the tool that almost got me was first installed in their system just before Alan Greenly was assigned to the drug detail in Colombia."

Morgan was underwhelmed. "That's it?"

"Well, yes. And no. I noticed that our own security system was new to us right around the time Sam Obiki came back from Miami. But quite a bit before he moved over to DHS."

Reid wasn't all that impressed with the information either.

"So, two changes in computer security in two federal agencies, near the times the suicides made moves within those agencies." He'd summarized it for them. "I'm not sure that's anything. I mean, isn't security updated around here regularly?"

Garcia realized she hadn't been clear enough.

"Yes, it's updated. But these were brand new security systems. We'd had something totally different before. So had the CIA. And they're both essentially the same systems, bought from the same vendor."

Now Emily spoke up. "Well, that's not particularly surprising, is it? That two federal agencies would use the same vendor? Isn't that supposed to help with cost savings?"

Hotch didn't want the team bogged down with debate. "Let's get all of the information on the table, then we can sort through what's helpful." He saw nods around the room. "All right. Morgan?"

"Okay. Prentiss and I dug into Greenly some more. He's a University of Virginia graduate with a degree in psychology…..smart guy, graduated summa cum laude….. then was hired into the State Department right out of school. State funded a masters in…" Morgan looked down at his notes. "…..'Communications, Culture and Technology'. He got that at Georgetown. After that he was with the embassy in Mexico City, then back to DC, then an official transfer to the CIA."

JJ had an observation. "That major….the one for his masters….I get that all of those attributes might be helpful in cryptology…..communications, culture, technology. But when the courses are as broad as that, do they really give much of a background in anything?"

"Well, what Morgan didn't tell you is that our Mr. Greenly had an avocation outside his education," Emily responded. "He was a major tekkie. It looks like his talent went back as far as middle school. He even wrote his own program for a computer simulation game and made enough money to put himself through college."

"What kind of simulation?" Reid was curious.

Morgan answered for them. "Well, it seems he wasn't just a tekkie. He was a full-fledged geek. He wrote a program called "Bullygate" that basically let the geeks turn the tables on the bullies. It sounded like he wrote from experience."

Until he caught the almost undetectable wince from Reid, Morgan hadn't even realized he was being insensitive. Now it was too late to apologize without bringing further attention to it. He made a mental note to mend Reid's feelings at the very next opportunity. Only Morgan and JJ knew the full extent of what the young genius had been made to endure….as an even younger genius.

Emily resumed her part of the story. "So, anyway, it seems like Greenly was pretty comfortable around a computer. Put that together with the other aspects of his training, and you have the makings of a pretty good spy."

"Who is also good at spying on spies." The more Rossi thought about it, it seemed likely that Greenly had been an NSA plant within the CIA.  _Obiki and Greenly? Secrets upon secrets, that ultimately exact their price._

Morgan carried on with the remainder of the story. "As we already know, he was DC based until he went to Colombia, and then Mexico City, on the drug detail. Then he came back to DC during the CIA informant case, and he stayed here until….well, until he died."

"Any other high profile cases?" Hotch feared he already knew the answer.

"Once he was in the CIA, the flow of information slowed to a trickle. We only know what Garcia's uncovered."

Hotch nodded grimly. It wasn't impossible to subpoena information from the CIA, but it may as well have been. Most of it was so redacted that it was virtually useless. They would most likely have to move forward without it. The FBI would be minimally easier. He looked now to Rossi.

"Obiki?"

"Well, we've heard his background. The only other interesting thing about him is what he looks like, given his name. His father was of Japanese descent, but his mother was originally from Nigeria. Hence, and through the wonders of genetics, he is dark-skinned, with a very distinctive facial structure. He's memorable. Which would have made it hard for him to do real undercover work. But that's another story."

Rossi's remarks indicated that he'd been trying to theorize about the case, albeit unproductively.

"Until two years ago, he worked in the Miami field office, and then was brought back to DC to act as liaison with DHS."

"Drug connection, maybe? Case in Miami, connected back to DHS for the international component?" Morgan, like Rossi, was already working the case, trying to postulate about the workings of the various intelligence and law enforcement agencies.

Rossi shrugged. "Couldn't dig it out. The FBI records are available to us….and there was definitely no shortage of drug activity in Miami…but it begs the question. If he was following a case that became international, why not liaise with DHS in Miami? Why bring him back to DC?"

No one had a ready answer to that, so Hotch moved on. "Emily? Anything on Dave Sanders?"

Reid watched JJ out of the corner of his eye. He saw her steel herself for whatever was about to come out about Will's old friend.

"Good cop, as far as I can tell. Fifteen years with Metro PD, criminal justice major at George Mason University before that. Nothing in his jacket."

Hotch was curious. "Not even anything to indicate why he might have been attending BCC?"

They all knew that cops were at higher risk. And that, before they sought help, they were likely to have been written up, or found with 'evidence' that didn't belong to them.

"Nothing. He was totally clean, as far as I could see."

JJ breathed again, after a minute of holding her breath. Reid reached over and squeezed her hand, and she flashed him a smile.

Hotch looked around the table at his frustrated team. "I know it doesn't look like we've gotten anywhere. But you all know this is how it has to start. We've got our foundation, and we'll just have to see which corner of it will support weight. Take it home with you tonight, sleep on it. We'll meet first thing in the morning."

Before they broke, Hotch added, "Reid. A moment?"

* * *

It was a crock pot night. JJ was officially in love with her slow cooker. She'd told Reid so many times, "We come home, and it smells like someone has made dinner for us. And then, I remember. It was me!"

Tonight, it was one of Reid's favorites, apricot chicken.

"Mmmm, that smells good!" He followed his nose to the kitchen after depositing Rosie in her playpen.

JJ sniffed, remembering their conversation of earlier in the day. "Well, it may not be as good as my mother's lemon chicken, but I suppose it will have to do."

He'd only been kidding, and he knew that she knew that. But he also realized she was a little bit hurt, though she would never say so. So he swept his arm behind her waist and pulled her to him.

"I have the best of every possible world. I have a wife who loves me…and can cook up a storm. And a mother-in-law who's determined to fatten me up…..who taught her daughter everything she knows about it. Can I love how both of you cook?"

She could do nothing but laugh. Her hands clasped behind his neck pulled his head down to hers. She kissed him, and then leaned back in his grasp and looked at him, smiling.

"I love you, you know." It was their thing, what they always said to one another. And Reid responded with their usual response, because it was true.

"I know."

* * *

"But what if the unsub is still a part of the group?" JJ was worried, after Reid recounted his final conversation with Hotch. The kids were just down for the night, so they were trying to keep their voices low.

"That's the whole point. He thinks the unsub  _has_  to be part of the group. And I agree with him. But we can't know if he…..the percentages would say it's a 'he'…..we can't know if he's a regular attender or not.

"So you have to go to all of the meetings? Every Tuesday and every Friday night?"

"Well….yes. Until we get him, anyway. Or until we figure it out."

"But how will we know if  _you're_  safe? We don't know what this is about yet. How can we protect you if you're the only one there?"

He wasn't necessarily  _supposed_  to be safe. But he wouldn't tell her that. He didn't want to frighten her more than she already was. And he couldn't tell her that he wasn't necessarily the only one there.  _I might as well be, since I can't bring Strauss or John into it._  He still didn't know if John was aware. And he'd been led to believe he shouldn't expect any help from Erin Strauss.

"It will be okay, JJ." He'd promised her that once before, and he'd been wrong.  _Please don't make me a liar again._


	12. Chapter 12

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 12**

"Go, Henry, run!"

Henry's legs flew beneath him as he tried to reach his destination without being caught. To him, it felt like miles, and he wasn't sure he could outrun the other. Until….

"Safe!"

Reid's shoulders fell in relief as Henry turned around and shot his father a grin. It was his first stand-up double. And it came in front of a full audience. The entire Reid family was at the Tuesday evening game, along with his Aunt Penelope, his Uncle Morgan and his Aunt Emily.

"Kid's got game, Kid!" Morgan back-slapped his good friend. "Takes after his dad!"

They all chuckled at Morgan's reference to Reid's one and only time playing softball for the FBI. Even Rosie joined in the laughter, more because it was fun to laugh than for any understanding of baseball...or jokes.

The bulk of the team had come directly from work, JJ swinging by to pick up the kids while Reid was busy working out some last minute details on the phone with Hotch. The BCC meeting didn't start until 9.

Morgan kept his voice down for his next comment to Reid.

"Tell me more about how these things work. I know a little bit, but it sounds like we'll all need to understand them better."

Reid shrugged. "It's not very complicated. There are a variety of meetings, some more faith-based than others, some more specific…..you know, some more AA, or alcohol related, some NA, or dealing with narcotic addictions. Some, like BCC, are specific to the work we do…in this case, law enforcement and intelligence. Some people are adjudicated into it. They go because the court told them to, or it's a condition of parole. Most are there because they finally reached the bottom, and want to climb up. Which is nearly impossible to do without support."

Reid's voice had fallen off with two final sentences. As always happened when he thought back to the time of his addiction, a sense of shame washed over him, along with an awareness of his vulnerability. He still couldn't believe it had happened to him. That he'd been that weak, that needy. And yet, it had. Ever present, but usually not acknowledged, was the sense that, if it could happen once, it could happen again. It was one of his greatest fears. He'd told JJ he was in a different place now, and he meant it. But it had snuck up on him once before. What was to keep it from sneaking up on him again?

"Kid? Pretty Boy?" Morgan was trying to get his attention. Reid was pulled out of his reverie.

"Hmm?"

"Where did you go?" One look at his young friend's face, and Morgan knew. Remarkably, the two polar opposites had shared some pretty deep feelings with one another over the years they'd worked together. It wasn't hard for either of them to read the other now.

"Kid, don't even think about it. You didn't choose addiction. It was forced on you. You're not like the others."

Reid shook his head, finding it difficult to keep his voice low. It was too filled with emotion.

"No, I'm not different. Do you think anyone chooses addiction, Morgan? None of the people at these meetings ever saw it in their future. None of them planned to have their lives consumed with the desire for a chemical. It's true, we all have different stories to tell, but we're really not all that different from one another."

That gave Morgan pause. He sat through the next half inning pondering what Reid had said to him. He'd always thought of addiction as a choice, albeit one made over and over again, to avoid facing life by getting high.  _But,_  he thought,  _maybe it's really only a choice that first time. Maybe, after that, it becomes a need._ Even so, Reid hadn't been given that first choice. It had been forced upon him. For what seemed like the thousandth time, Morgan felt anger toward the unsub who'd hurt his friend, and admiration for Reid's having emerged from the whole experience, stronger than before.

Henry was up again. This time, he worked out a walk….which wasn't all that hard to do on farm league level pitching. He finally crossed home plate when the three teammates after him walked as well.

"How many innings is this game?" Morgan knew they were only at the bottom of the third, and the game had already been going on for an hour and a half.

Reid snorted. "Don't worry. There's a 'mercy rule', no more than ten batters in a half inning, and it ends at eight o'clock no matter what."

"Whew!" Morgan wiped imaginary sweat from his brow. "So, back to what we were talking about before. How do these meetings work?"

Emily had come back from the snack stand, and was listening in as well. It might be important for all of them to understand.

"Well, there's usually someone who leads the meeting….you know, greets people, gets it going, makes sure there's coffee. Sometimes it's a designated permanent leader, sometimes it's a rotating schedule of volunteers. Occasionally there's a formal speaker, mostly if something has come up at a prior meeting that they think everyone could benefit from. The only time I heard one at a BCC meeting was when someone came from Al-Anon. That's the support group for the loved ones of the addicts. A bunch of guys in the group wanted to understand what their families were getting."

Reid noticed his friends' eyes shoot to JJ, and knew they wondered. He answered the question they were too polite to ask.

"JJ went a few times when we came back from New Orleans. She wanted to understand."

Although she'd been having a conversation with Garcia, JJ's ears were also partially on the one going on next to her. She turned to the group.

"It was eye-opening. So many families have had so much to deal with...and they've needed to be so strong. It made me realize all over again how lucky I am."

Reid hugged her with his eyes, as the others smiled in agreement.

Emily wondered, "Do we know if the families of the men who died were involved in support groups?"

Eyes flashed all around, and then rolled. It wasn't the first time the obvious had eluded the entire team, but every instance was annoying.

"I'll get on it tomorrow." Garcia knew the meetings would be confidential, but she could at least identify sessions that were taking place in proximity to the victims' families. After that, it would be up to the rest of her team.

"Go on," Morgan encouraged Reid.

"Okay. Well, most of the time it's an open floor, meaning anyone can get up and speak. Most of us talk about something that's going on in our lives that's stressing us. Maybe we've had a relapse, or are just afraid of one. Sometimes people get up to talk about the past, and how they got clean, how grateful they are that they've stayed that way. Occasionally someone….usually someone new, who's not quite drug-free yet…..well, they can abuse the privilege. Get up there and call every one 'losers' and insult the people, and the process. That's part of the leader's role, to get things back on track. I don't know how it works at other meetings, but at BCC meetings, the leader gets plenty of help in getting the meeting back under control."

"I'll bet…place is full of cops, isn't it?" Emily could just see it.

"Yeah, they really do like to jump on a situation, I guess. That's pretty much it." He snapped his fingers. "Oh, no, it's not. I forgot. They also award coins….tokens, really….to mark anniversaries. You get recognition when you've been sober a month, then you get your first token at a year, the next at five years, and so on."

He couldn't talk about the tokens without remembering John, and how he'd reached out to a young agent in trouble. Reid wondered once again if John knew about the current threat. And, if not, how he could warn the FBI leader.

"How long do people go to these meetings? It sounds like some of them go forever, but ….well, you didn't, right?" Garcia was now in the conversation as well, with JJ also listening. Only Rosie was still watching the game.

"You go as long as you want to. Or you come and go, as I did. For some of these guys, the support group…the support itself…becomes a mission. They become sponsors, they look out for people struggling. They do a lot of good. "

"Well, I, for one, am glad for whoever helped you, my gentle genius." Garcia stood to plant a kiss on Reid's forehead before heading down to where the teams seemed to be high-fiving one another.

"Is it over?" Emily had completely lost track of the game.

"It's over," JJ assured her.

"What was the score?" Morgan hadn't been paying attention either.

"No one ever seems to know," replied JJ. "The boys don't care. They just love to play, and they only care that, after the game, they get….."

She and Reid said it at the same time. "Snack!"

* * *

The meeting was held in a church hall on the outskirts of DC, a twenty minute ride for Reid. Attendees usually started to gather around 8:45, chatting over coffee before the formal meeting began at 9. It generally ran for an hour, but could go longer if there was a crucial sharing or discussion underway. Reid, not being very skilled with small talk, had usually elected to arrive right at 9. But tonight, he showed up twenty minutes early, wanting to notice the interactions that were taking place. He was also hoping to see John there, and to have time to speak with him.

The team had developed a strategy for Reid to use regarding the groups. He couldn't simply get up and announce that there might be a killer among them. He needed to identify one or more allies within the support group, but without knowing whom he could trust, it was virtually impossible.

Therefore, it had been decided that he would use the first few meetings to memorize faces and names. For his superior skills with memory, it wouldn't be quite the same as when he actually  _read_  something, but his visual memory for faces was still much better than most. If he was able to glean which agency the person belonged to, so much the better. Because the following day, he and Garcia would be holed up looking at employee photos of faces that matched those first names. Any matched identities would be vetted and, hopefully, a small cadre of potential allies found. Reid would reach out to them at a subsequent meeting.

"But we can't take too much time with this. We don't know the unsub's chronology." Emily pointed out at their last seating at the round table.

"We don't even know that there  _is_  a chronology, Princess. These could have been targeted kills. He could be done."

Rossi agreed, but realized the need for caution. "Morgan's right. But so is Emily. We're still pretty much working blind here. We don't know if there's an agenda, or a psychosis. I think we need to be careful, but…..speedy."

"Speedy caution. Right, I'm on it." Reid tried to bring some humor to a difficult situation, but succeeded only with sarcasm.

"Situation normal." All of them looked up in surprise when it was Hotch who actually brought the humor.

* * *

"You'll be careful, right?"

"I'll be careful. All I'm doing tonight is noticing who's there."

He made it sound simple enough, but JJ was still worried. Since they only knew there was a connection with BCC, but not what that connection was, there was no way to be one hundred percent sure he'd be safe.

_But you weren't going to say that to me, were you?_  Reid was grateful yet again for the unwavering support of his wife. She hadn't wanted to burden him with her worry, but he'd noticed that the goodbye kiss was more lingering than usual. Now, as he pulled into the church parking lot, he promised himself he'd give her back that kiss, and more, the moment he was home.

He'd never gotten to a meeting this early before. The man Reid knew as Stuart was still setting out coffee cups and condiments. Reid approached him.

"Can I help you with that?"

The man turned to respond and spent a moment searching his memory. He hadn't been present at the meeting last week, so hadn't seen Reid in a year.

Stuart squinted at him. "Hello….Spencer, is it?"

"Wow, good memory!"

"Unusual name. If you were a Dave, or a Jim, or a John, I wouldn't have remembered." Stuart put out his hand. "I don't think I've seen you here for a while, Spencer. Good to have you back."

No one ever asked. It was a courtesy. No one ever asked if you'd fallen off the wagon, or were tempted again, or were in a crisis. They just welcomed you back, and accepted whatever you had to say, when you were ready to say it.

"Thanks. So, can I help?"

"Just help yourself to the first cup. Otherwise, we're all set. But I might be able to use a little help breaking things down afterward, if you've got the time."

Reid didn't have to think long. This would give him a reason to linger when the meeting was over. "Sure, glad to."

By the time Reid over-sweetened his coffee, a number of others had arrived. He saw a few familiar faces, but didn't recognize most of them. He also didn't see either Strauss or John.

The meeting began with an official welcome to any first timers, and a series of announcements about other meetings and support services. Reid knew there were individuals who went to a meeting daily, sometimes several times a day, especially when they were newly sober. BCC tried to help them identify meetings that would offer more discretion. Reminded of this, Reid made a mental note to discuss it with the team. What if the deceased had frequented more than one meeting? What if  _anothe_ r meeting was the actual commonality?  _There's only one of me, and I can't go to meetings non-stop._

As the meeting progressed, Reid was able to pair several attendees with their likely services. It was fairly obvious that Elaine was with Metro, as she referred several times to arrests made on her 4-12 shift. Daniel was probably FBI, because he made a passing reference to his unit chief.  _Unless the CIA has them as well._  But Reid didn't think the CIA operated like that. He  _did_  think they might have brought someone back from overseas to 'dry out', so maybe Jeremy's reference to his extended stay at a residential hotel might indicate that.

Reid did his best to memorize names and faces, and likely places of employment by creating a visual 'page' that he could retrieve later. He was concentrating on this when he realized he was hearing a familiar voice.  _John!_

The older man was speaking out in encouragement of a first timer who'd just shared about a family tragedy.

"As many in the room will tell you, I've been coming to these meetings, on and off, for over twenty years. In that time, I've had my share of life's ups and downs. I'll admit that they got to me in the beginning. I went through recovery and relapse four times before it stuck. But, the point is, it  _did_  stick. Don't be afraid, son. You fight the battle every day, one day at a time, as we say. And if you have a bad day, you get up again, brush yourself off, and start again. One day, you won't get knocked down again. Life will still come at you, but you'll hold your ground. And until that day comes, we're here to help hold you up."

There was general applause and a number of "here, here"s at that. Reid was reminded of how much he owed to John. The meeting at which they'd met had marked the first major temptation he'd had since he'd first become sober.  _If you hadn't been there, I think I might have fallen. Thank you_.

Reid tried to find John at the end of the meeting, but his superior had been sitting in the back of the room, and seemed to have exited before Reid could make his way back there. So, instead, Reid chatted with a few of the people who seemed to have recognized him from before. He tried to bring it up in casual conversation.

"Say, do you remember a guy named 'Sam'? Black guy, looked a little Asian as well?"

He was talking to 'Dave'. "Oh, yeah. I remember him. Unusual looking guy."

"Whatever happened to him, do you know?"

"Hmm." Dave sipped his coffee, thinking. "Not sure. Come to think of it, I haven't seen him in a while. And I've been coming pretty regularly. Last time might have been three or four months ago. Why do you ask?"

Reid shrugged. "No special reason. He just stood out to me a little, he's one of the few I remember."

Only the photo of Dave Sanders….another 'Dave'…..had been in the news. The CIA wasn't about to allow the publishing of one of its employees photos, so Greenly had only been mentioned by name. And Obiki's photo had been suppressed because, by the time he died, they'd realized they had a pattern. It was only Reid who'd seen all of the photos.

Or so he thought. When most of the crowd had dispersed, Reid began breaking down the chairs and bringing them to the storage area. He was focused on working quickly, so he could get home to JJ, and so was caught off guard when he heard his name.

"Spencer."

"Sir! Er, I mean, John. I thought I'd missed you."

The FBI deputy chief squinted at him. "You know, don't you? You're not here because you needed the meeting."

It was almost code. If Reid hadn't been aware, nothing John had said would give it away. But it was enough for Reid to realize that John knew about the deaths.

"I didn't know if you knew, sir. I wanted to be able to tell you, but…"

"But you're not sure who you can trust here."

He was right, but every fiber of Reid's being told him he could trust John.

"Well, true, but I….well, you…I thought it would be better if I had someone I could work with. And I know you don't do this kind of thing any more, but…"

John smiled at the younger man's discomfort. "I was a pretty good agent in my day, Spencer. It might actually feel good to stretch those muscles again. Let's see what kind of a team we make."

"Sir…..John….my team knows about it. They know about me, but…"

"I'm sorry, Spencer. They can't know about me. There's too much at stake for me personally, and professionally."

Reid swallowed. He'd expected it, but it was still a disappointment. "Sir…John….I promise, I'll get that right…there might be others that we work with who could be in danger. Until we know exactly what this is about…..how do we protect them?"

He'd been fishing, but it hadn't worked. He couldn't tell from the look on John's face whether or not the man knew about Erin Strauss. Maybe they'd never been at the same meeting…..and maybe they had.

"We have  _all_  of these lives to protect, Spencer. For now, discretion is important. But tell me, what is it that your team has planned?"

Reid explained the task of trying to find trusted allies within the meeting, and working with them to try to uncover what connected the men who'd died.

John listened, but was skeptical. "You think you'll be able to identify these people visually by using only their first names and sorting through literally thousands of employee ID photos?"

"Well, we'll narrow by age groups, so it won't be quite as large a group, but yes, that's the plan. We're not as sure about looking at the CIA database, but we should be able to get the others."

John studied him, deciding. "You tell your technical analyst to alert you before she goes into the CIA servers. Then you alert me. I'll see what I can do."

With that, John departed, leaving behind a stunned Reid.  _John….a hacker?_


	13. Chapter 13

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 13**

He'd stayed at the meeting much later than he'd planned, so Reid let himself in quietly. No sleeping wife on the sofa tonight, no TV blaring a thirty minute info-mercial. He let Casey out one final time, and then checked on his children.

At some point along the way, Reid had come to realize the paradox. That he loved his children almost as much when they were asleep as he did when were awake and giggling, and laughing, and hugging, and totally enjoying life. Asleep, they were all innocence and unchallenged promise. Tomorrow, they might do, or be, anything.

_I wonder_ , he would think as he watched them in slumber,  _what they'll do to change the world. Why they were necessary. What we would have been like without them. What we would have missed if they'd never been born._  It was the kind of mystery he was more than willing to leave unsolved.

He stood in each doorway, pondering, loving, appreciating, for a few minutes. Then he headed for his own bedroom, expecting to do no more than undress and slip into bed, without benefit of lamplight.

"Hey, Handsome."

The word stopped his movement, and he smiled in the dim light. "Emily?"

The sliver of the moon's reflection allowed him to see and catch the pillow as it arced a missile path across the room at him.

"You!"

"Well…..who else calls me 'Handsome'?"

He brought the pillow with him as he slipped into the bed next to his wife.

"Can't I think my husband is handsome?"

He played with her chin. "Is he, now?"

Two could play this game. "Well…..yes….in the dark."

"In the d….." Time for the big guns. He reached around her middle and started tickling her.

"Stop! Spence, stop!" It would have sounded like a serious demand if it hadn't been interrupted by a slew of giggles.

Her wish was his command. He stopped tickling, his arms still around her, and pulled her close for a kiss. He started to pull away again, thinking they would talk. But JJ had other ideas. She grabbed onto his tee shirt, holding him close to her, pulling him down for another kiss, and another, and another.

He'd thought he would talk with her about the meeting. But it could wait…..

* * *

It was tricky. In the end, Reid thought he'd be able to protect confidentiality only so far _. Maybe they won't care, since the situation is life and death. But then, so is addiction._

In order for Reid to protect the identities of those in the meeting, he had to be the only one who knew when he'd matched a photo ID to a first name. Garcia could provide him with the array…often a  _huge_ array….of photographs from the various agencies in the area, but only Reid could know if one of them had panned out. He spent the next three days going through the employee lists of every local police department, state agency and federal agency….save the CIA and the NSA. Too late, he'd realized he didn't have a way to contact John without going through official channels and thereby arousing suspicion. His superior had neglected to leave a cell phone number. Reid would have to wait until Friday night.

And the NSA was untouchable, at least for now. Garcia was timid about attempting to get in and out of its servers undetected. She'd even brought Kevin Lynch into the dilemma, but both tech analysts concluded that it was impossible to fool the cryptologists.

Two of the people who'd shared at Tuesday's meeting looked promising. But, following Hotch's direction, Reid asked Garcia to run background checks on six people, having chosen the additional four names at random from the agency employee lists. That way, Garcia wouldn't inadvertently be able to identify the actual candidates among the meeting attendees.

Elaine Modell was, as Reid suspected, a DC cop. She had seven years of experience, no red flags in her folder. Apparently her addiction hadn't caused her a problem…or perhaps she was already in recovery before joining the Metro PD.

Daniel Pulaski was, as Reid suspected, in the FBI, employed in their biometrics division, and also passed the background check. Reid prioritized getting to know him. If the unsub was killing to cover something up, it might prove very helpful to team up with someone working on the cutting edge of tracing identities.

Wading through thousands of photographs had proven to be an incredibly taxing process. Although they'd become increasingly rare in his life, Reid had a wicked migraine by the time Friday evening came around.

"Want me to massage your shoulders?" JJ could see him wincing as he rubbed at his temples, and then his eyes. She slipped into position behind his chair and started rubbing pressure into his muscles.

Reid's head fell back on his neck reflexively. "You should hire yourself out."

She smiled down at him. "I'm too expensive for you."

He kept his eyes closed, but he was smiling. "Good thing you love me, then."

"Good thing."

* * *

"When will they get here, Mommy?" Henry was looking out the window yet again.

"In time for lunch, Little Man. Why don't you take Casey into the yard and play with her? She needs a good run." JJ realized that the restless Henry needed a good run, too.

"Okay! C'mon, Casey!"

Just as Henry and the golden went out the back, Reid came in the front door, returning from a long walk.

"Feel any better?" He'd been frustrated last night. Neither Daniel Pulaski nor John had been at the meeting. He'd been able to gather a few more names for Garcia to run, but that just meant hours more in front of the computer on Monday.

He nodded, although he was stretching the truth. "Yeah. I'll be fine. When are your parents supposed to get here?"

She almost sent him out to play in the yard with Henry and Casey.

"They'll be here for lunch, like always. Dad likes to get an early start."

It was a good six hour drive for the Jareaus, but they were always on the road early. Not so the Reids, who were lucky to make it for dinner when they reversed the trip.

Rosie made her presence known just then. She'd been down for only thirty minutes, which JJ realized as a sign that she might be soon ridding herself of the morning nap.

"I'll get her." Reid was feeling the sacrifice of attending the BCC meetings. He was missing his children.

"How's my little Miss Rosie Cheeks this morning?" he asked as he lifted her from the crib. The recesses of his brain pondered how much his vocabulary had changed in the almost seven months since his daughter was born.  _Miss Rosie Cheeks?!_

Apparently Miss Rosie Cheeks was doing just fine. She demonstrated her favorite oral skill against Reid's shoulder as he carried her out to the kitchen. Raspberry after raspberry came out, and Rosie broke into delighted laughter every time Reid gave her a look of surprise.

"Look at her, JJ. She's got my whole arm wet."

"Well, she should have it down by now. She's been doing it for months." JJ teased him. "Was she early with  _that_?"

"Naw. But she's very talented at it."

JJ had to look at his face to see if he was kidding. With Spence, about Rosie, she could never be sure.

* * *

"They're heerrrree!" Henry bellowed his delight as he ran from the living room window to the door. It was sooner than expected.

"Henry, try not to bowl them over, okay?" Reid chuckled at the boy's unbridled delight at seeing his grandparents. Holding Rosie, he noticed that she seemed to be picking up on her brother's excitement.

"I won't! Meme! Papa!" He ran down the front walk into their waiting arms.

"How's my favorite grandson?" Charles hugged Henry and lifted him so Sandy could do the same.

"I'm great, Papa! I have a game today….do you want to come?"

Sandy laughed. "Henry, your grandfather had me out the door an hour early just so we could be here in time for your game."

"That's right, Buddy. I can't wait to see you play!"

"Yay!"

JJ and Reid met them at the front door. Both of the older Jareaus had eyes only for Rosie.

"There's my girl! My sweet little Rosie!" Sandy reached for her granddaughter, who easily slipped away from Reid's grasp.

Charles leaned over his wife's shoulder to flirt with the newest member of his family. "Hi there, Miss Rosie! Sandy, doesn't she look like my brother Joe?"

"Actually, I think she looks a lot like my mother."

They went on into the house, leaving JJ and Reid behind, looking at one another. When she saw the look on Reid's face, JJ laughed.

"Get used to it. You're no longer your own person, you're just an accessory to their granddaughter. Don't worry. Pretty soon they'll remember to say hello."

* * *

The Jareaus did eventually remember to greet their daughter and her husband, but not until Rosie went down for her afternoon nap. It would be an abbreviated one today, so she could join the rest of the family in cheering Henry on at his game.

"So, how are you two doing?" Sandy, ever gracious, was serving coffee to the others. "Jennifer, you look like you're getting a little bit more sleep. Are you?"

"Rosie's been very kind to us the past couple of weeks. I think she's given up her nighttime feeding, finally."

Reid snorted. "That's because Miss Nosy-Pants is too busy staying up all day, watching what's going on. She's too tired to get up and yell at night."

"Well, be thankful for that, Spencer. I don't think Jennifer gave up her naps until she was almost a year, so she was up almost every night, raring to go."

Reid tucked that piece of information away for future use. Not wanting to give him any more ammunition, JJ attempted to change the subject.

"So, Mom, Dad...what's new at home?"

"Well, Dear, your father, in his retirement, has discovered cooking. I can barely work in my own kitchen anymore!"

"Now, Sandy, I just made some minor changes...improvements, I would say... in where things are stored. The new arrangement is much more efficient, don't you agree?"

"After forty-four years? Charles, I could work in that kitchen with my eyes closed...before."

Reid was starting to feel uncomfortable. Was this an actual argument taking place in front of him? He looked to JJ for guidance. She seemed much more relaxed. She'd heard her parents bicker all her life. It was never serious. It was, in many ways, their way of expressing affection for one another. She flashed a grin at her husband as she joined in the banter.

"Mom, look at it this way. After all this time, Dad's putting some adventure back into your life."

"Hmph. I'll get all the adventure I need at little Henry's game this afternoon," Sandy responded good naturedly. "When do we leave?"

"Rosie will only be down for thirty minutes or so, then we can head over. Henry likes to hit some balls to his dad before the game. Maybe his grandad can join them today."

Sandy looked at her husband and laughed.

"What's so funny?" Reid felt like he was learning a whole new Jareau family dynamic today.

"He's got his mitt in the car."

* * *

In the end, no one was sure of the score, or who won or lost. But the Retrievers had great fun, as did their fan section. Even Rosie became caught up in the excitement of clapping and yelling.

"Did she just say 'Yay'"? Sandy was amazed.

"Yep. She's talking!" Reported her proud father.

"Sort of," corrected her mother.

"That's my granddaughter," said Charles and Sandy, as one.

Henry came up for what promised to be his final time at bat during this game. He'd already been walked twice, scoring a run the second time. Reid saw the little blond head look over toward his grandparents, and knew Henry was anxious to show off for them. But the anxiety probably wouldn't help.

Channeling Morgan, Reid put his hands around his mouth and shouted, "Feel it, Henry! Don't think, just feel it!"

Which Henry did, on the third swing. He hit the ball over the head of the second baseman, for his first fly ball to the outfield. "My first one  _ever_!" he would say, later. The Reid/Jareau section of the park erupted in cheers. Henry wasn't quite carried off the field by his peers, but he was as excited as his father had been at the FBI/Secret Service game.

"What do you say we celebrate with some ice cream, Buddy?" Charles knew exactly how to get Henry excited all over again.

The little blonde turned to the taller one for permission, as his mother held nutritional authority in the family.

"Can we, Mom? Please?"

"Well...I guess this is a special occasion. And since your grandfather's treating..." she gave a teasing smile in that direction..."I'll have some too."

"Yay!"

* * *

He did his best to compartmentalize, and remain present to what was going on around him. The busyness of the afternoon helped with that. But the burden of what was happening with the BCC, and his inability to be totally open with  _anyone_  about it, gradually took its toll on Reid. JJ noticed as he fell into silence now and then, a distant look in his eyes. She was frustrated for him, understanding the position he was in, without being able to do much to help him.  _I think I know what you need._

Reid was always good about helping with after-dinner cleanup, and Charles, having recently invaded his wife's kitchen, was gradually becoming more accustomed to putting it to rights as well. But this evening, the women shooed them out to the patio. They wanted their own mother/daughter time together...and JJ had a sense that her husband could benefit from some fatherly wisdom. She hoped he would avail himself of Charles. She knew her father had nothing but respect and fondness for his son-in-law.

"Is everything all right, Honey?" Sandy had picked up on JJ's preoccupation.

JJ shook herself back to the conversation they'd been having.

"Sure, Mom. Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know. You look a little worried. And Spencer has seemed a bit tense ever since we got here."

JJ sighed. For much of her later childhood, after they'd lost her sister, Sandy had been a little remote, as though distancing herself from her remaining daughter might protect her from the hurt of further loss. JJ had left home for college, and graduate school, and then her career, with that distance between them. But a very wise Charles Jareau had hung in there with his wife, worked with her, loved her through it, and gotten her to accept the help she needed. Miraculously, once the distance between mother and daughter could actually be measured in miles, they'd found a way to reconcile. Although it had been a long time ago, JJ had actually written about it in a recent journal entry.

_Reconciliation probably isn't the right word. We never had any differences. We just never had anything. So maybe I should call it a discovery. Mom discovered that she still had a daughter, long after it seemed like she'd forgotten. It's been hitting me so much lately, the mistakes we can make with our children. How we affect them. How, sometimes, they manage to grow up well in spite of us. Mom is with me now, but she was absent then. And look at Spence! He had his mom, but he might have been better off without her. At least I had my dad to balance things out. Poor Spence had only the man who abandoned him….and yet he managed. I'm so glad Henry will have had the love of two good men as his fathers. And Rosie…..well, I don't think Spence is ever going to let her go!_

Now, in her kitchen, JJ realized that Sandy had not only rediscovered her daughter, but had also become finely attuned to her moods. As they finished the last of the dishes, she explained what was going on, to the best of her knowledge, aware that her knowledge wasn't the best.

* * *

In the yard, the two men tossed a ball with Henry for a bit, then were abandoned by the youngster when he realized his friend was playing in the yard next door. Charles and Reid took seats on the patio.

"He seems happy, doesn't he? Pretty much back to normal?"

Charles didn't have to explain why he was asking. Henry's life had been disrupted by the disappearance and death of his father, the near-fatal shooting of Reid, and more happily, but equally stressful, the addition of Rosie to his life. They'd all been worried about how their favorite little boy would cope.

Reid smiled the proud smile of a father. "He's great. Couldn't be more excited about…..pretty much everything. He loves baseball….and he's pretty good at it, thanks to JJ's side of the family." He knew he'd get a smile from Charles at that.

"And Rosie's precious. I remember Jennifer at that age. So cute. So delighted, and happy." Charles seemed lost in his own thought. He turned to Reid and added, "Remember this time, Spencer. It passes all too quickly."

An eidetic memory could be a burden, thought Reid. But it could also be a treasure. He knew he wouldn't forget this time….or any other time, with any of them. "I will."

Now Charles turned to fully face his son-in-law. "So, Henry's great, Rosie's great. And yet there's something troubling you and Jennifer. Tell me to butt out if it's not my business…I don't belong in the middle of your marriage…..but I just want to make sure you know that you can talk to me, if you want to. I'm a good listener."

Reid suddenly looked so uncomfortable that Charles nearly regretted having spoken.  _But still, I love my daughter, and I won't see her hurt. Not by anyone._

Reid finally made eye contact long enough to see the expression on Charles' face, realized the man thought it was about their marriage, and knew he had to respond.

"Oh, no! No. It's nothing like that. JJ's….she's everything to me. Always will be. No. It's not that."

Charles sat back with some relief, but was still concerned about whatever was troubling them.

"So, if not that….what? Anything I can help with?"

Reid sat himself forward, forearms on his knees, looking into the distance.

"Sir…Charles…..I can't talk about most of it. It's work, and it's sensitive. I haven't even been able to tell JJ all of it."

He paused, trying to think how to phrase it. "There are people who could be hurt if information came out….innocent people. But at least one of them is  _not_  so innocent. And there are …obstacles….to finding out who that is."

Charles was, indeed, a good listener. He knew when to hold his tongue. He did so now, waiting. It gave Reid the room he needed to continue. Charles sat forward to encourage him as Reid turned to face his father-in-law.

"How do I know who to trust? How do I know how  _much_  to trust? There are secrets all around this, and I'm the only one who knows all of them. Except the one secret I need to know….the identity of the unsub."

Charles knew to be concerned now. "Are you in danger, Spencer?"

"Probably not. Maybe. Yes. I don't know." Reid threw up his hands in a gesture that demonstrated his frustration.

Charles pressed. "Are Jennifer and the children in danger?"

Reid shook his head. "I don't think so. It doesn't seem to fit the pattern. The families are okay."

Charles wasn't finding this all that comforting. "Spencer, if you even think for a minute…"

"I'll send them. Absolutely. I'll send them to you. Charles, I promise you, they are the only things of value in my life. If there's the slightest doubt, I'll send them."

Placated for now, Charles refocused on Reid. "What about Aaron Hotchner? What does he think?" Charles had great respect for Jennifer's unit chief.

Reid shook his head. "That's the thing.  _He_  doesn't know everything. I am, literally, the only one who knows all of it. And I've been forbidden to disclose some of it to others, even if I think they need to know." Both Strauss and John were in his mind now.

He looked again at Charles, looking deep into the blue eyes JJ seemed to have inherited from her father, seeking wisdom.

"What do I do when I know someone is making a mistake, one that I think can hurt them? Do I let them make it? What if other people might be hurt in the process? Does that free me to break confidence? How do I know what's right?"

Charles felt for him. But he knew the answers weren't going to come from his advice...or that of anyone else.

"You've got a serious dilemma, Spencer. One that won't have an easy solution. Not from me, nor from anyone else. But I absolutely believe that you'll find it yourself. Someone else might have thrown up their hands and left the others to their own mistakes. Not you. You care too much. I know that causes you pain sometimes, but...believe me, son, not caring is far worse. Because you care, you'll find the right thing, at the right time."

Charles was aware of the vacancy of his words. He hadn't offered a solution at all, nor advice. Only a true, heartfelt, support of a young man he truly cared about and admired.

Reid hadn't noticed the absence of a substantive answer. His ears had focused on only one word. The one he'd not heard a man address to him in over twenty years.  _Son._

It was enough.


	14. Chapter 14

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 14**

Clackety, clackety, clickety, clack. Clackety, clackety, clickety, clack.

If that racket hadn't already awakened Reid, the much softer sound next to his ear would have.

"Tee-hee-hee…."

He knew the sound of Henry's not-so-suppressed giggle. Reid rolled over on the bed and propped one eye open.

"Hi, Daddy! Happy Father's Day!" No attempt at suppression there. Reid found himself covering his ears.

"Ay!"

At that sound, Reid woke all the way up. Rosie was sitting in their wagon, clapping her hands.

_That's an eight month thing, I'm sure of it. Early again!_

"We're havin' a parade, Daddy!"

That's when Reid grabbed his glasses and noticed that the wagon was fully decorated with streamers and posters that wished 'Happy Father's Day, Daddy!' on one side, and 'Happy Father's Day, Papa!' on the other.

"Did you make those, Little Man?" Reid's voice needed caffeine.

"Yep. And Rosie helped me color, see?" Henry pointed to scribbles on each sign.

_I wonder if she used a pincer grasp with the crayon._

"Where's Papa? Maybe you should bring the parade into  _his_  room." Reid loved his children, but he needed  _just five minutes more_  of shuteye.

"He's in the kitchen! Everybody's up, Daddy! We're waiting for you! Guess what we're having for breakfast!"

Reid had a vision of the future just then. Of a grown-up Henry waking to his own children on some distant Father's Day, being feted with his very favorite breakfast food…..chocolate chip pancakes.

He smiled to himself.  _Don't rush it, that day will come soon enough. Savor this one first_. He threw his feet over the side of the bed, made a quick dash to the bathroom, helped Henry turn the wagon around, and followed the parade into the kitchen.

"Here he is, Mom!"

JJ turned from the sink and smiled at her husband. "Happy Father's Day." She stretched to kiss him as he walked over.

Reid and Charles shook each other's hands and wished each other the same, and Sandy squeezed her son-in-law in a tight hug.

"Happy Father's Day to my favorite son-in law!"

He looked at her with a sly grin. "Am I or am I not your  _only_  son-in-law?"

She laughed. "You've got me. But I want you to know, Spencer," Sandy patted him on the chest, "that I could never have wished for a more wonderful father for my grandchildren."

Charles watched as Reid blushed, then added to it. "She's right, you know. We're very happy to have you in our family, Spencer."

JJ beamed at her parents, both because she loved them, and because they'd both just made her husband feel so loved.

* * *

"What's that, Pretty Boy?"

Reid sniffed. "It's a key chain, Morgan. You've never seen one before?"

"Well…..yeah…..but it's neon green. And it's plastic."

"And it says 'Number One Dad' on it, which makes it "the best key chain in the whole wide world", right Spence?" JJ breezed past the two men on her way to the conference room.

As he followed her, Reid nodded and patted the key chain, which would never be strong enough to carry keys _. So how is it that it can hold a man's heart?_

The team settled themselves around the table, waiting for Hotch to start them off.

"Reid, anything?"

"I've got two people I can try to make contact with at this week's meetings, and a few more names to run through with Garcia. But it's an uncontrollable situation. I mean, no one is required to attend these meetings. So there was almost a completely different group there on Friday, from who'd been there on Tuesday."

"Do you think they're just choosing one meeting a week? Like, maybe, if you go back on Tuesday, you'll find a 'Tuesday group', and the same on Friday?" Emily thought it likely, and Reid agreed.

"But that means that I'm probably going to have to be at both meetings, every week. Anybody else who's attending both will be curious about me. About why I'm going. So far, I haven't shared, but I'll only be able to hold back for so long, before they start to reach out to me."

"So, maybe we need to give you a back story. A reason why you're suddenly back, and attending twice a week." Rossi was tapping his fingertips together, thinking. "So, what would work?"

"A failed case, maybe?" Morgan offered one scenario.

Hotch wanted them to be cautious. "Remember, we think our unsub may be at the meetings…..and that he may even have an investigative background. We need something real, in case they look into it."

"Or maybe just something that l _ooks_  real," offered Reid. "Maybe we can create a stressor, and give it a real case report."

Morgan was more practical. "Why not just PTSD? It would be realistic, given what happened last year."

He watched Reid carefully as he spoke what none of the rest of them would have dared to speak. It was too close, and too possible…and too frightening. But Morgan was confident that Reid would put the case before his own needs. He knew Reid would be with him on this.

All eyes settled on the young profiler for his response. Reid shifted in his seat.

"Morgan's right. It's real, and there would be no way for them to discount it. I can tell the group that I'm having flashbacks, and that they're tempting me….making me want to forget."

JJ wasn't as comfortable with it as Reid seemed to be, but she held her tongue. It was the thing they'd both feared when he'd been hurt, and Will killed. They were both at risk, and they didn't it to invade their family life.

"That's it, then. Reid, you and Garcia will run the new names. JJ, Emily….we'll need interviews with the families of the deceased…if you're up for it?"

He was looking directly at JJ. It would mean interviewing the family and fiancée of Dave Sanders.

She nodded. "I can do it." Reid sent her a supportive look as Hotch continued.

"Rossi and Morgan, I want you to go the ME's office. Push them. Make sure they've looked at each of these deaths as though they could have been arranged to look like suicide. We need to figure out if these men were killed outright, or if they were forced to take their own lives."

With that, the meeting broke. While JJ checked in quickly with Karen, Emily made sure she had a moment with Reid.

"It's not true, is it?"

"What?" He'd already mentally moved on to his next task.

"That you have PTSD. You don't, do you?"

Reid stopped his motion, and looked at her steadily. "We _all_  have it, Emily…..to one degree or another. In this business, we'd be in trouble if it  _didn't_ affect us. But if you're asking me if I'm tempted…..the answer is 'no'. I'm okay. I've got too much to lose, and I'm not about to lose it."

She grinned at him. "Amen."

* * *

They started with the family of the most recent victim and worked their way back. JJ's long experience as their community and press liaison won her the responsibility of starting things off. She explained who they were and why they were there. Sonda Obiki reacted with relief.

"Oh, thank God! Someone actually believes me that Sam would never have taken his own life!" She grabbed one of JJ's hands in both of hers as she spoke. "Oh, thank you!"

JJ returned a smile to her. "Mrs. Obiki.."

"Sondra. Please call me Sondra." She was feeling close to the two female FBI agents already.

"Sondra. What can you tell us about your husband? His mood? His work? His friends? Enemies, maybe? Anyone who would wish him harm?"

"Sam was a good man. You probably already know….he was a hero. Navy Seals. He won a Purple Heart when he was hurt getting some hostages out of….." She stopped abruptly.

Emily spoke up this time. "You're not supposed to talk about those things. We understand. You don't need to tell us any details that you feel uncomfortable about."

Sondra was grateful for the concession. "It's just that….well, Sam wasn't really supposed to talk about it with me. Not in any kind of detail. But, sometimes, he would seem so torn up about things, and he'd always found comfort with me before, so….so, sometimes, he did. But please don't tell about that. I wouldn't want him to be in trouble, even if….."  _Even if he's dead._  She didn't have to say it.

JJ smiled encouragingly. "It's understandable, Sondra. Everyone needs someone to confide in, who better than a spouse? But Emily's right. We don't need that level of detail….not now, anyway….and we certainly don't need to tell his superiors. We just want to get to know who your husband was, and why someone may have wanted to hurt him."

"He was a wonderful man. A loving husband. An incredible father…." She broke up at the last. When she could speak again, she explained. "It was Father's Day this weekend…yesterday, I guess…..and the kids had already made him gifts. So we took them to Arlington. He's not even there yet, they haven't released him. But we know the spot. We took the gifts and left them at his grave." She looked off as she repeated the last words, clearly still trying to fathom the fact of her husband's death. "We left them at his grave."

Both Emily and JJ were tough. They could hold their own in most situations. But this woman's grief was palpable, and they each had to take a moment before they could find their own voices again.

Emily went for it. "Sondra, did your husband have trouble coping? You said he would confide in you when he needed to, but…..did he use any other…strategies, I suppose…..to cope? Maybe drinking? Or something else?"

Sondra looked confused, and then upset. "Drugs? You think he used….did they find something? Was there something in his blood?"

JJ tried to calm her. "Not that we know of, no. What are you thinking about? Did he have a problem? If not now, ever?"

"No, no. Nothing that I ever knew about. I just thought, when you asked….I just thought maybe he'd been given something. That it had made him do….what he did."

JJ felt like they had to play their hand. "Sondra…did your husband ever attend meetings of a support group? One that would have met in the evenings?"

The woman still looked confused. "No. Sam was home every evening, with us. Well, except for his course work. He was working toward a masters in psychology. He took courses every Tuesday and Friday evening."

* * *

The ME had been alerted to the BAU's suspicions, and gone over each autopsy again. He was ready for Morgan and Rossi when they arrived.

"Sanders and Greenly each died from a single gunshot wound to the right temple, and they each had gunshot residue on their right hands. There was no exit wound for either of them, so we were able to retrieve the bullets at post. I understand they each used their service weapons, correct?"

The FBI agents nodded.

"Well, the crime lab will have to tell you if they can find evidence that someone else touched the guns or the bullets. Sanders' toxicology was completely negative. Greenly's blood was negative for the usual players, but his full toxicology won't be ready for a couple of weeks. Same with Obiki's by the way."

"So, is there anything at all that might make you question these as suicides, other than the fact that there have now been three deaths?" Morgan's frustration with this case was growing.

"Nothing. If these weren't suicides…or if they were  _forced_  suicides…..whoever did them knows his stuff."

Rossi was thinking. "So, how do you force a suicide if your subject isn't drugged? Or disabled in some way?"

Morgan was ready to brainstorm. "Threat of harm to someone else? Physical harm? Financial? Is there someone who benefited from these deaths?"

The ME interjected. "This is more your line of work than mine, but…..wouldn't a beneficiary be  _less_  likely to get anything from a suicide? If these guys were worried about leaving behind enough for their families, it seems to me they wouldn't have cooperated with anything that looked like suicide."

Morgan and Rossi looked at each other. "He's right, you know," said Morgan. "Even if the unsub had broken these guys enough for them to resign themselves to dying, they wouldn't have gone for a suicide. They'd have wanted it to look like an accidental death, or just forced the guy to murder them."

Rossi agreed. "So blackmail as a means of forcing them to do it is less likely. But not impossible." The look he threw Morgan indicated there was more to talk about in that regard. For now, he turned back to the ME. "So, is there some way he could have disabled them long enough to kill them himself, but without leaving a mark or trace evidence?"

Morgan had heard of something like this before. "What about that drug that paralyzes them? Isn't it really hard to detect?"

"You mean succinylcholine?" the ME offered. It had been used in a number of "Angel of Mercy" deaths around the country.

At Morgan's nod, the ME continued. "It's got a short enough half-life, so it would be nearly impossible to find in the blood. I heard a case report at one of our national meetings. My colleague said they'd only concluded it as the cause of death because they'd found a supply at the killer's home."

"So, unless we find the unsub, and he has a supply…you can't really help us?" Rossi wanted clarification.

"If that was the method." The ME nodded reluctantly. "But I don't think that's likely in these cases. There would have been evidence of respiratory arrest. It's not entirely impossible, if things unfolded very quickly….but it's not what  _I_  would use."

Morgan was intrigued now. "Really. What would  _you_ use?"

"Something to make them lose consciousness, not something that stops their breathing. Anesthesia would do it, of course, but our toxicology would have picked it up on Sanders. No, I think it would be something else."

Rossi recognized the game. "Okay, Doc, I'll bite. What?"

The ME smiled at them. "Do you know the first thing an EMT does when he arrives to the scene where someone is found unconscious without explanation?"

Now Rossi knew where he was going. "He gives sugar."

The ME nodded. "He gives sugar. Hypoglycemia is the most easily treatable cause of unexplained loss of consciousness. If I wanted to knock my victim out for a short period of time, I'd give him insulin."

Morgan was more excited now. Could this be a break in a most frustrating case?

"And you don't test for that, because it's found naturally in the body?"

The ME nodded. "If we'd thought of it, we might have found elevated levels….but maybe not."

Morgan pursued it further. "So, did you find any needle marks?"

The ME looked embarrassed now. "We didn't look hard enough. Street drugs show up in the rapid toxicology testing. When it was negative…..well, we didn't look in the more hidden places….you know, in the hair, or between digits. It's too late on Sanders. Greenly and Obiki are still here. I'll get on it and let you know."

* * *

Reid had his glasses up on his forehead and was rubbing his eyes again, trying without success to stave off another headache. The three names he'd gotten from Friday's BCC meeting hadn't panned out to anything.

"I must have missed them. Queue them up for me again, will you please, Garcia?"

They'd been almost the entire day in her electronic palace.

"Sweet genius, don't you think you should take a break? You've looked at thousands of photographs today. Look at you, your head is hurting, isn't it?"

His reply was interrupted when JJ knocked on the doorjamb.

"Hey, how's it….." She'd gotten a good look at her husband. "Not so well, I see."

"He wants to start all over again, but I don't think he should."

JJ moved behind Reid. He expected her to start massaging him again, but instead he felt her push him out of the chair.

"I don't think he should, either. C'mon, Hotch wants us all in the conference room to debrief. And then," she looked authoritatively at her husband, "we're going home."

* * *

"Any better?" She was kneading the muscles in his shoulders and neck.

"Mmmm."

JJ leaned around him so she could see his face, and was pleased to see the tension gone. She slipped back behind him and wrapped her arms around his chest, leaning her chin on his shoulder.

"At least we made some progress today." She knew she was stretching the truth.

He agreed…on both the progress and the stretching. "Well, if you call finding out that Obiki lied to his family about going to meetings progress, then yes, I guess so. But we still don't know how the unsub manipulated him, or why."

He twisted around to face her, so she could snuggle against him. "So I guess, technically, the only thing we've really made progress with are the questions. We have all sorts of new questions now."

He'd meant it as a wry joke, but they both also knew that his observation was true of many of their cases. Often, the initial profile had to be discarded and a new one evolved as information came in.

"How was it with Dave's girlfriend?"

He could feel, more than hear, JJ's sigh.

"She's devastated. But, just like Sam Obiki's wife, she's happy that we're looking into it. She's had a little more time to try to absorb that he's gone, so now she's just glad that we're trying to prove he didn't kill himself. They'd been together since before I knew Will. It just took Dave that much longer to propose, I guess."

"Maybe he wanted to be in a better place in his life before he invited her to become a permanent part of it."

Unlike Obiki, Dave Sanders had been open with his fiancée about his addiction. It had started, and ended, well over eight years ago, and he'd been sober for a long time. But two years ago, when he'd been assigned to a drug detail, he'd stepped up his meetings, concerned about the risk for relapse.

"I guess. I feel so bad for both Lisa and Sondra, Spence. They've lost the men they loved…and they've lost their good reputations as well. We have to find a way to give them back."

He kissed the top of her head. "We will."


	15. Chapter 15

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 15**

It was his fourth meeting in a row. The more experienced attendees knew there had to be some trigger that was causing the man named 'Spencer' to suddenly need such intense support. One of them approached Reid as he poured himself coffee before the meeting began.

"Hey, Spencer."

"Oh, hey. Hi. I'm….well, that's right, you already know. I'm Spencer."

"I know. Stuart told me. You looked familiar, but I didn't remember your name."

"Nice to meet you…"

"Oh! Frank, my name is Frank." The two shook hands, and then Frank got to the point.

"The reason I asked Stuart about you is that I couldn't help but notice that you've been coming to a lot of meetings lately….well, so have I, I guess, but that's nothing new. I'm pretty much always here. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that this is a great group, and you can feel free to share here. Anything that's said is private."

It was exactly what Reid had expected. For all the right reasons, the members of the group would be reaching out to the new man among them. It may have been co-ed, but it was still very much a brotherhood. And one that he'd been very grateful for in the past.

"Thanks, Frank. I know. And I know I should get up and speak. I've been here before, you know. Last year….and a while back as well."

"I remembered your face, but not much else. You must never have been much of a talker here. Some of these guys, I could tell you their whole life stories."

Reid chuckled, as he was meant to do. "Well, you're right, that's not exactly me. But I was already thinking that I might be ready to talk tonight. It's just been…..hard….you know how it is."

Frank slapped him on the back. "Indeed I do, my man. But hang in there. It always gets better. I oughta know. Been through it enough times."

With that, he moved off to speak with someone else, leaving Reid to ponder his final words. Most people relapsed more than once.  _God willing...and I hope You are... I'll continue to bring the average down._

Reid purposefully stayed toward the back this time, so he could assess the room better. To his relief, John slipped in a few rows up just before the meeting started. They'd have to be discrete, but at least they could exchange contact information tonight.

Stuart brought the meeting to order and went through a short list of announcements. There was no guest speaker this evening, so he opened the floor to the attendees. Reid could feel Frank's eyes on him and looked in that direction. Frank gave him an encouraging smile and a nod toward the front.

Reid swallowed, nervous. It was a planned performance, and yet it wasn't. They'd kept it real. He would talk about having flashbacks ... …which wasn't  _entirely_  fabricated. More than once…..more than four or five times, really….he'd found himself back in that dark basement, making a split-nano-second decision about saving a little girl's life, and maybe losing his own in the process. Feeling guilt about having become incapacitated before he could help to save Will's life. Feeling guilt about what he'd put JJ through, and, in the loss of his father, what he'd put Henry through as well. Feeling guilt about having life, and love, and a future, none of which had been granted Will. Sometimes feeling as though he was actually having the very life, and love and future, that had been  _meant_ for Will.

Usually he only allowed these thoughts to surface when he was in his starlit cathedral. It was safe there, and solitary, and dark. No one there to see his tears. He knew that JJ knew. He knew she could see when he'd been crying. But his very wise wife let him feel what he needed to feel, in the way he needed to feel it, without asking questions, without trying to make it better. The way she handled it was a large part of what made it safe. And a large part of why he loved her.

Reid went through all of this in his mind as he walked to the front of the room. Now, for the first time in over a year, he would speak some of it aloud.

"Hi. My name is Spencer." He had to clear his throat several times to get it out.

"Hello." "Hi Spencer." "Welcome." came back at him.

He stood for a moment, gathering his thoughts….and his courage.

"I….I guess I'm back…I was here before, last year, and a few years back as well. I used to have a problem. It was dilaudid. I….I haven't used in a really long time. I didn't even use it last year, when I came. It was because I'd been in the hospital….I'd been shot….and they had to give me narcotics. They told me I should go back to meetings, so I did. But I didn't think I really needed them. I mean, my life was pretty good. Well, except for being shot…."

He hadn't meant it as a joke, but he wasn't surprised when it got a chuckle.

"Ha, yeah, you're right. I guess it wasn't so great. But you know what I mean. Getting shot….that was work. Home was….great.  _Is_ great. But…..I flash, you know? Sometimes it just all comes back at me, all at once, and…and I'm back there again. And I don't want to be. It's too much. I feel scared…..and guilty…someone else, well two people actually, died in the same incident. It's been happening more lately, the flashing. I don't know why. But I have too much to lose now. I don't want to slip. I needed to come back here, to remember what it's like to lose myself. I need…..help."

Part of him meant every word he'd said, sincerely. But it was also part of a script. Since they didn't know exactly how the murdered men and the unsub fit into the meetings, they couldn't be sure of the approach. But Hotch had been convinced it wouldn't hurt for Reid to appear vulnerable. Maybe the unsub would approach him.

As happened at the end of each participant's sharing, there were shouts of encouragement and a small round of applause. Advice was never offered during this part of the meeting. It was all about uninterrupted, non-judged sharing. But that didn't mean that there wasn't a lot of unsolicited advice given over coffee after the formal meeting ended. Under that guise, it was easy for John to approach Reid.

"I didn't hear from you."

"Sir…John….we never exchanged numbers. I didn't know how to reach you except through official channels, and I didn't think…."

"You were right, there can be no use of official channels. Guess I'm more rusty at being an agent than I thought."

He rattled off a ten digit number so quickly that someone else would have missed it. But Reid's memory tucked it away until he could program it into his phone.

"Thanks. I'll give you the names tomorrow."

They were interrupted when Frank came over to shake Reid's hand again, followed by Stuart, who said "Great sharing, Spencer. I'm glad you decided tonight was the night." Stuart tended his 'flock' well.

"Thanks. It felt good."

"Will you be back on Friday?" Stuart was already starting to pack up the extra coffee cups and stirrers.

Reid joined in to help him. "Not sure. But I think so. Do you want help?"

He was still looking for reasons to be at the meeting both early and late. He'd missed connecting with Elaine Modell and Daniel Pulaski today. They'd arrived early, but he'd been tied up speaking with Frank. And both had left as soon as the meeting ended.

"Sure. Be here at 6:30 and be ready to work up a sweat. We've got a lot of chairs to set up."

* * *

The sound from Rosie's bedroom interrupted JJ's writing. She lifted her pen from the journal, listening. Rosie was restless tonight. I w _onder if she picked it up from us._  She and Reid had both been on edge all evening. JJ remembered how the infant Henry had been so attuned to his parents' moods, and wasn't surprised when it seemed like Rosie had the same talent… _or burden. I don't think Will and I had the same kind of stress when Henry was a baby._

JJ kept her ears perked for a few more seconds, but it sounded like Rosie was just turning in her crib, not rousing to full wakefulness. She turned back to her journal. It was serving two purposes tonight, giving her an outlet for a jumble of emotions, and keeping her busy while she waited up for her husband. She knew Reid would be 'sharing' tonight, knew it would be hard on him, and wanted to be awake for him when he got home.

"I know Spence has forgiven him. No, that's not right. Not forgiven. He was never angry. Sometimes I realize that, no matter how deeply I penetrate the layers of my husband, there's always something more I don't know, or don't understand. Like this. I don't understand how he could step back and be analytical. The man tortured him…mentally, emotionally, physically…..and he created this…..thing, this situation…..that will be with Spence for the rest of his life. I'm so  _angry_  whenever I think about it. And lately it's been unavoidable. I _have_  to think about it, all the time. But Spence…..Spence is able to separate out the personalities. He doesn't blame Tobias Hankel. He blames Tobias' father, dead long before those horrible things happened. It's like he  _can't_  be angry. Like he knows too much, understands too much. Maybe because of Diana, I don't know. Or maybe he won't  _let_  himself be angry. Maybe that anger is too strong, too frightening. Or maybe that's not it at all. Maybe it's just that he's so used to carrying around this overwhelming burden of guilt in his life, none of which he deserved. He just hefted this onto his shoulders too, and made it his fault."

The journal wasn't working tonight. Usually putting things into words settled her, let her move on to something else. But her own emotions had been so much in turmoil that writing them down now forced her to really look at them. And looking at them was upsetting her.  _She_ was upset, and  _Spence_  was upset, and she didn't know how to help him. JJ put her pen down and prayed for guidance.

_Help me, please. I love him so much, and I know he's hurting, and I don't know how to help him. Help me know what to do. And, please, help me to let this go…this anger I still hold. I know it's pointless. It's already done, and maybe Spence is right. Maybe there's really no one to be angry with. And yet I hold on to it. Help me, please._

She'd been fighting tears all night. Now she just closed her eyes and let them fall.

* * *

The house was quiet when Reid turned the key and entered. No sleeping wife. No TV on. He checked on his children, heart brimming as it always did, and then headed for his bedroom. And stopped abruptly. JJ wasn't there.

There'd been no specific threat against them, and yet Reid's heart was racing.  _Calm down, Spencer. Just be systematic._

He retraced his steps.  _Could she have been lying next to Henry?_  Maybe their son had awakened with a nightmare. But no, Henry was sleeping soundly, Casey at his side.

_Casey!_  She may not have been much of a watchdog, but surely she'd have tipped him off if something had gone wrong. So maybe I just need to look around more. He poked his head into the kitchen and bathrooms…even the garage….no JJ. Finally, he thought to look outside. And found her, sitting in his cathedral, staring at its ceiling.

The sound of Reid opening the door caught her attention, and she stood to greet him. Even in the pale moonlight, he could see the tracks of tears on her cheeks. And he could see her studying him, eyes roaming his face, assessing his state. Finally, each set of eyes settled into the other, and they gave each other a wry smile. Without words, they stepped into each other's arms and held one another…..held  _onto_  one another...held on. That was when JJ realized she'd gotten the answer she'd prayed for.

_Just be._

* * *

The next morning, Reid called John with the potential CIA names before he left for work. They hadn't discussed it, but both of them knew enough not to text. John assured him he would have information within a few days.

"It would be sooner, but it requires subtlety, which requires time. I have your number now, I'll call you with what I know."

"Thank you, Sir." Now, it was 'Sir'.

"And Spencer….be careful. I'll be out of town for Friday's meeting, so you won't have backup. I should be back for next week, but in this business…."

"You never know. I understand. Thank you, Sir."

* * *

By Thursday, he had a potential within the CIA. Jeremy Grayling, age 32, recently returned from a Middle East assignment, after having been there only three months.

"He was either burned, or burnt out." John had called Reid with the information himself. "If he'd been tagged as CIA, they would have gotten him out of there immediately. Or if his colleagues noticed something about his behavior. In the hot zone, one man's disability puts everyone at risk."

"Is there anything in his past that should raise our suspicion about him?"  _I don't want to be reaching out to the unsub right away, if I can help it._

"Nothing that stands out. And CIA jackets are usually pretty complete. They don't sugarcoat anything there."

"Okay, thank you, Sir. I'll hope that he's there tonight. Anything on Greenly yet, Sir?"

"I'm having to be a little more ….creative, shall we say…..on that one. It's flagged because of his death. But I'll find a way. You'll find I'm quite resourceful, Spencer."

"Yes, Sir."  _And then some._

* * *

The team ended the afternoon with a meeting. Reid may have been their point man, but Hotch wanted his youngest working with the collective wisdom of all of them.

"So we have Elaine Modell, Metro PD, and Daniel Pulaski, FBI to choose from, correct?" Rossi started them off. They were trying to prioritize whom Reid should approach.

"And Jeremy Grayling from the CIA." Reid added it without thinking.

"Whoa, Baby Girl, you got into the CIA server?" Morgan was ready to congratulate Garcia on her skill….and chutzpah.

"Me? No! I like my job too much."

"Then how….."

Hotch saw that his young agent was now looking very uncomfortable. "Reid?"

"Um…I..uh…..I may have another source."

All of them, including JJ, stared at him. Hotch was using his furrowed brow look that could usually shake loose information from almost anyone. But it wasn't working now.

Emily, who was unfortunate enough to have had much life experience with those things that could not be said, saved him.

"You mean, the kind you could tell us about, but then you'd have to kill us?"

The tension broke. They all knew there might be some truth to the joke, but they also realized they needed to trust Reid's decision to keep it confidential.

"All right, then,  _three_  possibles." Hotch got the discussion going again. "Who first?"

Rossi started off. "Not just because he's CIA….although I don't trust that they're ever completely honest with us….but your man Grayling is too new. I'd go with either of the others. It sounds like they've been there longer."

"Well, of those two, I'd go with Elaine Modell." Emily put the idea forth. "She's a woman, she would likely be more receptive."

"What makes you say that, Princess?"

"Well….it's Reid."

Morgan looked at Reid, who looked back at him, puzzled. Then both of them studied the smugly knowing faces of the three women on the team, while both Hotch and Rossi suppressed smiles.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Morgan.

"Yeah, I don't get it. What's that supposed to mean?" echoed Reid.

Emily laughed, shaking her head. "You really  _don't_  get it, do you, Handsome?"

_And you'd better stay that way_ , thought JJ.

* * *

Long after the rest had gone for the weekend, Hotch was still in his office, his eyes staring at the paperwork in front of him without really seeing it.

_It can't be Strauss. She's not that connected. And, even if she were, she wouldn't take the chance. It's got to be someone else._

He put down his pen and rubbed his eyes.

If Reid was working with someone else within the Bureau, it could go either way. If that someone was trustworthy….and truly sober….. it could help their case tremendously. But, if not, it could put his young genius in the midst of a great moral dilemma, one where the intellectual prowess he possessed wouldn't be as helpful as the full maturity he had yet to reach. And that moral dilemma could easily transform into mortal danger.

He gave up on the paperwork and packed his briefcase. Maybe a weekend with Jack would help him clear his head. And he had a very real sense that his head would have to be  _very_  clear for this case, if he wanted his team to emerge from it intact in body and soul.


	16. Chapter 16

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 16**

"Good luck. Be safe, please."

"Always am."

JJ eyed him _. Right. My husband. The trouble magnet. How about the fact that the only link we have to whoever is killing these men…. is you?_

She didn't have to say it aloud. He heard it.

"I promise I won't do anything to make anyone suspicious. I'll just go to the meeting and try to connect with the others. Elaine first, if I can. And if not, then Daniel."

"And not Jeremy." JJ was with Rossi on this. The CIA was simply too secretive, anything could be the truth. She'd rather have left them out of it altogether. But Alan Greenly's death made that impossible.

"Not Jeremy. Not tonight, at least." He couldn't help but be honest with her.

"Okay, I'll wait up."

"You don't have to, JJ. You're still getting used to being back full time. You're exhausted."

"I'll be up."

He loved her for that. And everything else.

* * *

He was glad he'd gotten there early to help Stuart set up. It gave him a chance to quiz the group leader without appearing to be doing so.

Stuart was right. They were working up a bit of a sweat setting up the chairs.

"Ugh. You do this every meeting?"

Stuart chuckled. "It's all in the mindset, Spencer. For me, BCC is a mission. It saved my life, a long time ago, and I'm determined it will do the same for others."

Reid appreciated the sentiment. He thought it had done the same for him as well.

"So, you already know I haven't been here very often. But do others come regularly? Do you have a lot of long-timers?"

Stuart answered without interrupting his activity. Reid took note of his upper arm musculature.  _He gets a workout twice a week, at least. Maybe I'll get something out of this after all.  
_

"Yes, and yes. But you know how it is in our businesses. There's always a case, or a shift, or a meeting, to take you away."

It wasn't technically part of his investigation, but Reid was curious.

"So how do  _you_  manage it? How do you work your schedule so you can always be here?" He stood, rubbing his lower back and wiping the sweat from his brow.

"Ah, you've hit on a sore point, Spencer. I'm out on permanent disability. The drugs…the cocaine, specifically….gave me a stroke. I got most of the physical part back, but my memory is a sieve. I can't work anymore."

It took Reid a minute to absorb the information. He'd really only thought about how drugs ruined relationships and work ethics…..but here was a reminder of how dangerous they could be to a person's health.

"I'm sorry."

Stuart shrugged it off. "Don't be. It happened a long time ago now, and I've found ways to cope. Make myself notes, label everything under the sun. It works."

"Still….I'm sorry."

"I got most of my life back. I'm on speaking terms with my ex-wife and kids. I have a little money coming in from SSI. Life is good."

The arrival of a couple of attendees interrupted their conversation. As Stuart went to welcome them, Reid watched, pondering Stuart's lesson in gratitude.

* * *

Reid was very glad he'd gotten there early when Elaine Modell made her entrance ten minutes before the meeting start time. He made his way over to the coffee table, under the guise of needing a refill.

"Hi." His spit-fire brain observed how much easier it was to approach a female when the interaction was part of a case.

"Hi. You're Spencer, aren't you? You shared on Tuesday."

"Right, yeah, I did. And you're….."

"Elaine." She put her hand out, and Reid shook it. "Metro PD."

"Pleased to meet you, Elaine Metro PD." It made her laugh. "I'm Spencer, FBI."

"Likewise." Her eyes made a not-so-subtle trip to his hands. He realized too late that he probably should have removed the ring. "You're married?"

He did the next best thing. "Well, yeah, sort of. But…well, you know how it is." Praying that she would conjure up a marriage on the rocks because of his addiction.

"Tell me about it. I lost my first husband over alcohol…my problem, not his. So I'm making sure it doesn't happen again."

"Oh…..are you remarried?"

She chuckled. "I wish. No, but there's someone I've been seeing….who knows?" She tried to make herself seem available without having to outright lie.

Reid was conscious of the time. As abrupt as it might seem, he wanted to move the conversation to the topic he needed to explore.

"Hey, have you been coming for a long time?"

"Six years. Pretty regularly, too. I've tried skipping a few months at a time, but the beast always comes back to get me whenever I do. So, I had to give in and acknowledge that I'll be in this battle for the rest of my life."

"Just as long as you win." There was something about her that Reid liked. He was rooting for her.

"From your mouth to God's ear, my friend."

He decided to go for it. "Hey, did you know another guy from Metro, Dave Sanders? I don't think I ever met him here, but a friend told me to look out for him."

She gave him a look. "Lucky you, to have friends you can talk about this with." Then her expression abruptly changed. "Dave is …..gone." She was silent for a few seconds, clearly moved.

Reid responded in kind, using his softest voice. "Gone?"

She had to swallow before she responded. "He committed suicide about a month ago. I didn't know him that well outside of here, but we'd kind of bonded, you know? Both Metro PD and both BCC. And I didn't pick up on it at all. I totally missed that he was heading that way."

Reid mentally kicked himself for not having a prepared response. He could only go from his gut. "I'm sorry."

"You and me both."

"Does that happen often? I mean, I haven't been here a lot. Do we lose members…that way….often?"

She looked at him, taking measure. "Don't worry. It's not common. Don't worry about it happening to you. Just hang in there. Share like you did. Come to a meeting whenever your gut tells you to. You'll be okay." She laid a hand on his arm as she finished.

Reid was moved. Here he was, using her for a case, and here  _she_  was, taking care of him. "Thank you."

Their conversation came to an abrupt halt as the meeting was called to order.

* * *

As promised, JJ was up and waiting for him.

"Hi, You." He took a seat beside her on the sofa, ignoring the evening news playing on the television.

"Hi, Yourself." JJ moved herself into her husband's arms, leaning her head against his chest so that she could still look up at his face.

"They went down okay?" Both kids had still been awake when he'd left, their biorhythms somehow knowing that it was Friday.

"It took a while, but they went. But I'm guessing we'll have at least one grump in the morning."

"Just park him in front of a cartoon until he's fully awake. He'll be fine."

"Ha! Is that what your mother did with you?"

Reid had a wistful look on his face. "My mother didn't believe in cartoons. I had to sneak them, when she was asleep. I was convinced that Mighty Mouse would come and save me."

"Is he the guy that 'comes to save the day'?"

"The very guy. And I was sure that he knew I needed saving."

JJ sat up now, looking at him more closely.  _You really mean that, don't you?_  But she kept it light, somehow knowing that he wasn't up for a heavy conversation.

"Well, hopefully Henry will stick with Tom and Jerry. Or Yogi."

"Speaking of, how is my little Boo-Boo Bear?"

"Out like a light. But, Spence, you should have seen her. She was completely wrapped up in the story Henry was reading. I think she was really getting it!"

He grinned. "That's my Rosie."

If she hadn't loved him so much, if she hadn't been so delighted about his delight in his daughter, JJ would have called him on that. Rosie belonged to  _both_  of them. But she loved that her husband was so entranced by their daughter.

"So, did anything happen?"

He took a breath. "Well, yes and no. I made contact with Elaine Modell. She knew Dave…..not that well, but they'd apparently bonded about being in BCC. But it sounded like she was totally buying his suicide. She was shocked by it….feeling a little guilty about not picking up that it might happen, if I read her correctly…but she doesn't seem to suspect it as anything more than a suicide."

It took JJ a minute to process, thinking about Dave once again….and how Will would have reacted to his loss.

"What about the others?"

Reid shifted to pull her closer. "That's the thing. I don't think she even knew. And she's been attending for a long time. It made me wonder if anyone else there realizes. Besides me and….."

He caught himself just in time. Almost.

"You…..and who?"

He wouldn't lie. "Someone else. I can't say. I don't have permission."

She studied him again, until their eyes met. In that moment, she knew.  _There's someone else in the FBI. He's working with someone else._

JJ could keep a secret too. She wouldn't say anything. Not to Reid, and not to anyone else. But she was greatly comforted.  _He's not alone_.

* * *

"Robert Nunley, age 46, father of two, died on Friday in a car fire in Rock Creek Park. He worked for the Department of Homeland Security."

Garcia presented a series of photographs on their smart board on Monday morning.

"Do we know what started the fire, Baby Girl?"

She clicked the remote once more, turning her head so she couldn't see. The photograph that came up now showed what they could make out to be a metal lighter, held in a darkly burnt hand.

"They think he started it himself. There was an accelerant, and he ignited it with the lighter."

Reid was on it right away. "Did they find the accelerant, Garcia?"

"No, my gentle genius. They identified it as gasoline, but didn't find a gas can. They did find a metal travel mug. They're testing to see if the gasoline was in there."

They all exchanged glances, certain that the travel mug would prove fruitless. Clearly this was another in the series of faked or forced suicides. They were certain the gas can had been removed from the scene.

Rossi turned to his youngest colleague. "Reid, was he a member?"

The young man had to shake his head. "I don't remember his face, but that doesn't have to mean he'd never been a member. Garcia, is there anything in his record? Anything that could be consistent with drug use?"

"Just a one month FMLA-family medical leave. It could have been related to that, but who knows?"

They'd all turned to Reid to see his response, so they were all watching when the look came over his face.

"That's it! It's not what's there, it's what's  _not_  there!"

Hotch trusted him. They  _all_ trusted him. But sometimes they couldn't follow him.

"Reid?" The unit chief spoke for the rest.

"It's not what's in their records. It's what you'd expect to find, but don't. I think I might have an idea about what's going on!"

Morgan spoke up. "Okay, Pretty Boy….spill."

"It's not what you can find in the record. It's what's  _not_  there. Alan Greenly. There's nothing in his record. No performance write ups, no police call outs to his home, no doctor or hospital visits. He didn't even hit his bank account."

"None of that is in your history either, Reid." Hotch was the only one who knew what had made it to the official record. Unless Garcia had snooped…

Reid was briefly uncomfortable, but recovered himself. "But I _should_  have had it. I should at least have had a write up. I wasn't carrying my weight, I was unreliable."

"Reid…" Emily started to interrupt him. She'd been the target of some of his snarky behavior during that time, but didn't want him punishing himself for it now.

"No, Emily, let me finish." He was on a roll. "The only reason I didn't get written up was Hotch. He looked out for me. Maybe to his detriment, I don't know. Certainly he took a personal risk for my sake."

Reid was so intent that he didn't even notice his unit chief's embarrassment. But the others did. A dull red was rising up through Aaron Hotchner's face.

"But Greenly was transferred. He was new to the Langley office. They didn't owe him anything, his supervisor wouldn't have been looking out for him…. and yet he didn't get written up."

"Reid, they were a little distracted with the investigation about the killing of the informant. You can't make anything of how they behaved." Morgan tried to be a realist.

The genius wasn't about to be put off. "But he would have slipped. There would have been  _something_. Believe me, I know. Coming in late, leaving early, disappearing for long periods of time."

Suddenly, in that moment, it hit him. What he was saying. How he was describing himself, and how he'd been, those years ago. And he was unexpectedly crushed with shame. It silenced him.

JJ realized what was happening.  _Spence!_

She broke the silence, stepping in for her husband. "He's right. There's something different about this. Greenly started going to meetings when he came back from Mexico. But, even though he had plenty of opportunity…..he doesn't profile as a user. I think Spence is on to something here. Greenly joined BCC….but he was never an addict."


	17. Chapter 17

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 17**

"JJ, I don't like this any better than you do, but I think Hotch is right. We need to step it up. We've got another LEO dead. And we still aren't sure exactly what this is about. We need to push it."

They'd removed themselves to a hallway, to keep their conversation private. JJ stood in front of Reid, eyes focused into the distance.

"I know, Spence. I get it. But I'm afraid….for you, for us…for our family. I just….."

They both knew there really wasn't anything else to be said. Or done. They were in this situation, like it or not. And they were who they were. As much as each would have liked to walk away from this, they simply couldn't. Not when lives were at stake. Even when it put one of  _their_  lives at stake.

* * *

The team meeting this morning had evolved rapidly after JJ's statement about Greenly.

"Really." Rossi forcibly blew out a breath. "So we're thinking Greenly infiltrated the BCC for some reason?"

Reid had found his voice again. "It looks like it. But the question remains….for w _hat_  reason? Was he aware there was something wrong there? Was he assigned there? …."

Emily took it up. "Or was he there to accomplish something apart from his job? On his own? Was he a part of the problem?"

Morgan was on the same path. "And, if he was, what went wrong for him? Did he cross someone? Is that why he was killed?"

"How would he fit in with the others, then? After Dave, Greenly was the first of the LEOs killed. Doesn't it seem like he was there to investigate? Like maybe the CIA had sent him there?"

Morgan's voice belied his frustration. "There's too much we don't know. Even when we make a breakthrough, like about Greenly, we can't be sure if he was one of the good guys or one of the bad guys."

Hotch agreed. "Morgan's right. Any progress we make in this case just leads us to realize how much more we don't have. And there are still people being killed. We need to find some point of leverage here."

Rossi knew what it had to be. But he was hesitant to put it out there. Instead, he offered an observation.

"We need to make whoever it is….. _whatever_  it is…..show itself. We need to make it come to us."

They'd functioned as a team for so long that all seven minds went in the same direction. Five of them knew they couldn't speak it. It would have to come from the remaining two. It would most perilously affect them.

JJ's gaze was riveted to the table. Reid subtly reached over to squeeze her hand, causing her to shift her eyes briefly toward him.  _Please don't,_ they said.  _You know I have to_ , he looked in return. Reluctantly, she answered him, with the slightest of nods.

He cleared his throat and spoke. "I need to relapse. They'll see me as vulnerable. Somebody who can be used, or turned. They'll come to me."

Glances all around the table. They'd all known it had to go that way, but none of them were happy about it.

"Reid…you don't have to do this." Hotch had to offer the out, even though he knew it would mean keeping other lives at risk. But he couldn't  _require_  it of anyone.

Morgan agreed with the strategy, but not the risk. Always the protector, he'd rather take the chance himself.

"Why couldn't it be me? Why couldn't  _I_  develop a problem and end up at the meeting?"

"Or me! Maybe a female would be seen as more vulnerable." Emily was with Morgan on this. These were her friends. And, now, the parents of her goddaughter.

Reid sent a grateful smile to both of them. But his voice was resigned.

"Guys, thanks. I know you're just trying to protect me. But I don't think it would work. Whoever this is…..whatever it's about…..we have to assume they're connected. They're investigators. It wouldn't take them two minutes to figure out who you are and where you work."

He put his hands up to quiet the comments he could see they were about to make.

"I know, I work here too. But I've got a record there. I've been to BCC before, a few times, as recently as a year ago. It's not suspicious that I'm there again now. And it wouldn't be surprising if I'd relapsed."

Rossi agreed, albeit reluctantly. "Reid's right. If this is the way we go, I don't see that we have a choice. It has to be him."

Another silence ensued, as they all absorbed it. Reid reached again for JJ's hand, this time holding it to still the shaking.

The remainder of the meeting was spent in putting together a solid plan.

* * *

They couldn't be sure. Eyes could be anywhere. So the young couple would have to be 'on' whenever they were in public. Which made it very difficult, whenever being in public meant being with their children.

_I'll bet this would made a great exercise for an acting class_ , thought JJ.  _Try to make everyone else think you're angry, without letting your kids see it…when you're all in the same space! Come to think of it, I wish they'd sent us for lessons!_

Henry had baseball games on both Monday and Tuesday evenings, so they were in public as a family both nights. Reid spent his time on the sidelines, coaching third base and directing the kids in the field. At the end of the game, he and JJ imposed what they hoped looked like a frosty silence between them until they'd gotten the kids into the car. And then went back into family mode.

"Did you see my hit, Mommy? Did you see? I almost got a home run!"

"We  _both_  saw, Buddy. Rosie was clapping for you all the way around the bases!"

"Daddy, can we get ice cream to celebrate?"

Reid eyed him via the rear view mirror. "Didn't you just have a snack after the game?"

"Yeah!" Not seeing the relevance of the question.

"Well, how can you have room for ice cream?"

JJ interrupted what she was sure would be a very logical explanation. "It's also getting a little late, Henry. It's a 'school night' for your father and me. Maybe we can do ice cream after Saturday's game."

"Two scoops?"

At times like this, JJ was sure her son would end up with a career in law. "All right, two scoops."

"Yay!"

"Ay!"

* * *

They embraced before he left for the Tuesday night meeting.

"I love you. "

"And I love you. I'll be okay. Just….be careful here, all right?"

Reid thought they'd be okay tonight. But once he admitted his relapse, once they thought he was vulnerable, they might surveill the home, looking for any clue that he was lying. They all thought it might have been what got Greenly killed….that he'd feigned addiction, and simply looked too functional in his home life.

"I'll be alert, but I'm more worried about you."

"I don't think there's any real risk for at least a few days. I'm just putting things in motion tonight."

"Still…" She leaned up and kissed him. "Come home to me."

* * *

He'd told Stuart he'd be there early again tonight, but thought better of it. Little slips, like missing an appointment, or a minor obligation, were what came first. Better to show some of that now, to back up his story. He breezed in at the last minute, and headed for the coffee.

"Hey, Stuart." He did his best to look a little unfocused.

"Spencer, how are you?" The keen eyes, honed by long years of experience, picked up on Reid's change of behavior. "How was your weekend?"

The Friday meetings were usually filled with those feeling a strong temptation, knowing that the weekend was the time of greatest risk. The Tuesday meetings were usually filled with remorse.

Reid waited a beat before answering. Then, "Great."

Stuart eyed him a moment longer than was necessary, then went off to start the meeting.

As he moved to find a seat in the back of the room, Reid zeroed in on the back of a familiar blonde head.  _Strauss!_ He'd not spoken with her directly since that first day, when she'd rebuffed him. But he assumed she'd been following the case, since one of her units was officially investigating it. Still, he didn't know if she was aware of this latest plan.  _Will she think I've really relapsed? Or does she know?_  A tickle in the back of his mind roused the thought that she might have been there at the behest of David Rossi.  _Maybe….._

He made sure he wasn't the first to speak, wanting to show  _some_  remorse, but not that much. Not so much that he might not use again. Just enough to leave the idea that he might have enjoyed the experience, but didn't like getting caught.

"Hi. I'm Spencer."

It was a formality, done every time someone shared.

"I….I'm an addict. I used to have a problem with dilaudid, but I beat it. And I thought it was all over. I know I told you last week that life was good, but I was having flashbacks to something that happened last year. I…I thought…..I  _hoped_ …that coming back here would help me deal with it. Help me get through it clean. And it was working.."

He stopped, staring at the ground, seeming to be lost in a troubling thought. It wasn't an unusual behavior for those who shared. The meeting waited him out.

"I thought it was working. I thought I could beat it. But….it beat me. I fell. Hard. Saturday night, I just went out to run an errand….to get diapers, actually."

There was some chuckling among the parents in the group, each of whom had run the same errand at one time or another.

"And it …there was somebody outside the store…..and…it was so easy. It was so easy. I thought, 'I'll only take one..or two…..you know? But I bought twenty. And….they're gone, now. I used all of them. I can't even remember most of the weekend. But I know my family….my wife, really….was angry with me. She knew right away. She's barely speaking to me now. And if I hadn't agreed to come back here, she'd already have left me. She made that clear. So, here I am. I need help."

Shouts of encouragement met him as he took his seat again, several people patting his back as he walked by. Stuart watched him amble towards his chair and made a mental note to seek Reid out after the meeting.

As he passed her row, Reid stole a glance in Strauss' direction, but her eyes were focused straight ahead. He scanned the rest of the crowd for John, but didn't see him. Briefly, Reid wondered if John purposely came to meetings late, so he could decide if it was safe to show himself to the others. In that moment, he was sure of it. He would never see John and Erin Strauss at the same meeting.

* * *

She made a point of avoiding him afterwards. He couldn't tell if she was shocked and angry….or if she was just keeping her distance for the sake of the case. But Reid was glad not to have to deal with his section chief as he stood among the others at the back, sipping his coffee.

"Spencer." He turned to see Elaine Modell approaching him. "That was powerful. I just wanted you to know that I'm rooting for you. I guess I knew you were married, but I didn't realize you had kids."

He nodded. "Two. A boy and a girl."

The 'Dave' from the other night approached both of them. "Did I hear right? You've got a boy and a girl? Me too. I get to see them every other weekend, and we split the holidays."

Reid looked at him. "I'm sorry, man."

Dave shrugged him off. "It was a long time ago. I took her patience for granted one time too often, and I lost her….lost all of them. But I got them back…sort of….when I got my sobriety back. Keep that in mind, brother." He slapped Reid on the back and moved on.

Elaine was still with him, reaching out. "Do you have a sponsor, Spencer? If you don't, I can do it. I mean, you know, someone you can call before you make that bad choice."

_She really is a kind woman._  For the second time, Reid felt bad about using her. Their plan had, of necessity, changed from recruiting allies within BCC to trying to draw out the unsub. He wouldn't be sharing any of that with Elaine Modell.

"I have one. He's not here tonight, but I'll call him. I promise." He said it sincerely, truly not wanting to trouble this person whose heart seemed in the right place.

She studied him a moment, liking the sincerity she saw. "All right." She laid a hand on his arm. "Just make sure you call him  _tonight_."

* * *

The team spent the rest of the week digging into the background of the latest victim and trying to find something that connected  _all_  of the victims. Something  _besides_ the BCC.

"It seems like something drug-related would be the obvious connection, doesn't it?" offered Morgan.

"On the surface, yes." Emily agreed. "But given that several of these guys worked for the FBI and CIA….and, maybe, NSA.." She looked in Rossi's direction, and received a nod in return. "...it could be related to intelligence. DHS is involved, by extension. It could also have to do with terrorism."

Even as she uttered the words, a thought came to Emily Prentiss. She saw the light go on in Hotch's eyes at the same moment.

"Get with Garcia and look into it."

"Aye, Sir!" She said as she hurried from the room.

Morgan hated to be in the dark. "Did I miss something there?"

Rossi knew. "There may be an international component to this. We need to see if there's anything similar happening somewhere else in this crazy world."

"What about the cops?" Morgan wasn't sure they were heading in the right direction.

Reid spoke up. "Collateral damage, maybe? Or they caught onto something?"

"There's a lot of intermingling of law enforcement here in the District," observed Hotch. "It's not hard to imagine that there were a lot of connections among them."

They all thought immediately of the most obvious example, of the connection between Will LaMontagne and JJ.

She took that moment to voice a thought. Apart from Reid….or maybe  _including_  Reid…..this case was taking its most taxing toll on her. It was starting to show in her face.

"Hotch, isn't there any way we can get access to more information from the CIA and DHS? Even if NSA is impossible to deal with, can't we get the others to tell us what these men were working on? It seems like we've exhausted everything about their home lives. It has to be about their work, doesn't it?"

Rossi spoke up again. "Actually, young JJ, addicts are  _very_  good at subterfuge. Especially high functioning addicts. If these guys hadn't been good at hiding things, they'd have lost their jobs a long time ago." His was the voice of experience….of  _vicarious_  experience.

Reid tried not to fully process what had just been said. He was probably one of the most high-functioning addicts ever to grace the FBI. The fact that his own work had begun to suffer just served to demonstrate the depth of his addiction, and its hold over him. As he had done countless times before, he sent a quick prayer of gratitude that he'd been granted sobriety.

When he spoke again, it was to answer JJ's original question. "There may be a way. Let me work on it."

By silent assent, none of them questioned him. It was clear to all of them by now that Reid had some sort of ally. Most of them assumed it was Strauss, and marveled that she could and would be so helpful. Only Hotch and Rossi were certain it had to be someone else. But neither had any inkling of whom.

* * *

They agreed he would skip the Friday meeting. It would look appropriately irresponsible. And it would speak volumes that he was avoiding the meeting that might help him get through the weekend in a sober state. Reid and JJ were grateful for the full end-of-week evening at home with the kids. Except…

It had also been decided that he should make an angry, hasty exit from the house. Late. On the prowl.

The evening started with Henry's next to last game of the season. Reid and Henry went early, to practice, and Rosie and JJ joined them later at the park. Reid coached again, making it easy to maintain distance from his wife. At the end of the game, he and Henry made their way over to the female half of the family, still in the stands. As difficult as it was for the introverted Reid, he made a point of being uncharacteristically boisterous and loose with the other parents in the area, and JJ made a point of looking annoyed. Except when Henry was watching.

_It's a good thing Rosie's not talking yet, or we'd be sunk. It's hard enough to pull this off without letting Henry know something's up._

They put off another attempt to divert them to the ice cream parlor.

"Tomorrow, Henry. After your last game. I promise."

"Two scoops, Mommy. Remember, you said."

"Yeah, Mommy, you said." Reid grinned at her. JJ hoped no one was watching them in the car as she punched her husband's arm and laughed at him.

* * *

An exhausted Henry went down easily, but Rosie was a different thing altogether. She seemed on edge tonight, restless, unwilling to close her eyes. It was pretty clear she was far from sleep.

Reid held her in his lap, bouncing her gently. "C'mon Miss Rosie Posie. Miss Rosie Cheeks. You need to give in to it. I know you're tired."

She just sat there, staring at him.  _Like she knows. But she can't, can she?_

Just in case, Reid talked to her. "It will be all right, Rosie. Daddy just has a little job to do. Mommy will be here with you, and Henry, and Casey. It's all right, you can go to sleep. You'll be safe, my baby girl."

As he always did when he heard those words in his mind, he chided himself.  _Channeling Morgan again!_

JJ came in from the kitchen with a warmed bottle and handed it to Reid. She'd heard what he'd said to Rosie.

"You know, Spence, sometimes I think she  _knows._  Like she knows what's going on."

"You too? I thought I was the only one who thought that."

JJ shook her head. "But sometimes I think she understands too much. Like tonight. I don't think she's worried about being here without you. I think she's worried about  _you."_

Reid heard it as JJ's projection of her own worries. "I'll be okay, JJ. Nothing will happen tonight. It's just a role I'm playing. I'll make a 'buy' from an undercover near the convenience store where I'm supposed to have bought the diapers, and I'll hope somebody's watching. Then I'll sit it out in the car for a couple of hours, supposedly high, and then I'll come home."

JJ wasn't so sure. The same restlessness that had afflicted Rosie all night was also afflicting Rosie's mother. She lifted Reid's free arm and snuggled under it, smiling at Rosie.

"I still don't know how you do that, but I'm glad you do." His arms and hands were so long that he could hold Rosie in the crook of his elbow and still use the hand on that side to help her hold the bottle. Leaving one arm free.

"How else would I be able to hold my two beautiful girls at the same time?"


	18. Chapter 18

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 18**

He was sitting in his car, engine off, lights off. Not even music to distract him. Reid had his cell open and was speaking intermittently with Morgan.

"Kid, what's happening there?"

"Same thing as five minutes ago, Morgan. Absolutely nothing."

"Well, talk to me, Pretty Boy. When it's quiet, I think something's going on."

"That doesn't make any sense, Morgan. If there was something happening, you'd hear it. We're on the phone."

Reid had a mental image of Morgan shaking his head, as he knew his good friend  _would_  be at this moment.

"Kid, just humor me. C'mon, talk to me. We don't get to do it so much anymore."

Reid had a pang of guilt over that. Even though Morgan seemed to have the dominant role in their relationship, he knew his fellow profiler valued their friendship. Now that he was with JJ, their free time on cases was often taken up with each other. They were so busy as parents to two small children that sometimes their best communication happened during the lulls of a case. But, hearing a certain loneliness in Morgan's voice, Reid vowed to spend more time with his old friend. And marveled.  _Who would ever have thought I'd be reaching out to him?_

"Okay, what do you want to talk about?"

There was a brief silence, then, "Tell me about the kids. They seem to make you guys so happy. Tell me about them."

Reid was unexpectedly choked up. Morgan, the ladies' man, wanting to know about the kids. Morgan, who might one day take stock of his own status in life and find himself jealous of his friends. But now, instead of jealousy, he was happy for them, and for their family. Such was the size of his heart. Suddenly Reid was reminded of how much  _Morgan_  felt like family.

"They're great. Henry is….he's happy, you know? After all that's happened, all he's been through….he's happy. And he's so smart, Morgan! He gets concepts that kids a couple of grades ahead of him are having trouble with."

Morgan was smiling in his darkened car, parked a mile away from Reid's.

"I gather he's pretty good at baseball, too."

Reid snorted. "That's from JJ's side of the family."

In the moment of silence that ensued, it struck both of them at the same time. Reid attributing Henry's sports prowess to JJ's genes…..as though he'd actually forgotten that Henry didn't carry any of his. Morgan realized that for Reid, Henry was, in every sense of the word, his son.

The 'elder brother' broke the silence.

"And Rosie?" He'd overheard Reid bragging about Rosie's development and was pretty sure he knew what he was about to hear.

"Ah, man. Rosie. She's …..Morgan, I can't even describe it. She's smart, and intuitive. But mostly, she's ….well, she's Rosie! She loves me-just 'because'! Can you imagine that? I can't even tell you how it feels to have her in my life."

Not for the first time, Morgan wondered if it wasn't time to settle down and have a little someone like Rosie in _his_  life.

"I'm glad for you, Kid. For you and Blondie both. It's about time you had some real happiness going on."

A long pause met that comment, until Reid could find his voice again. "Thanks, Morgan."

* * *

The rest of their exchanges were lighter, some gossip about members of other units, items in the news. Finally, it was time to leave.

"I guess that's it for tonight, Pretty Boy. You were right. They might be watching, but they're not sure they should approach you yet."

"Yeah. Or they don't want to talk to me while I'm high. I've been thinking about it. About the logic. If I were them, I'd wait until I was sober and  _needing_ to get high. That's when I'm most vulnerable. If they get me when I've used, I might forget everything we talk about."

"So, what, we need to tail you all the time?"

"Just when I'm alone. They won't come to me when I'm with the team, or the family. That much I'm sure of."

They rang off and Reid started his vehicle. He pulled out of the small park he'd been in, and started home…but then remembered. They actually  _did_  need diapers, this time. He pulled into a local 24 hour box store.

Rosie seemed to be getting bigger by the minute. JJ'd told him to get the next size of diaper, but even his eidetic memory couldn't help him when he hadn't noticed the information in the first place. Not wanting to wake his wife, he took a stab at the right size and headed for the checkout.

"Spencer!"

He turned, realizing he knew the voice, but not able to place it.

Dave. "Oh, hey, hi, Dave." Reid stole a look at his watch. The meeting would have ended almost an hour ago. Maybe Dave had helped Stuart break it down, since Reid had bailed on him.

"We missed you tonight. Everything all right?"

Reid knew he was being studied.

"Fine. Just a busy night, you know how it is."

"You mean, I  _remembe_ r how it  _was_. Yeah, I get it. I was just a little worried about you, you know, after the other night, and then you didn't show…."

Reid tried to fall into his role. "Yeah, well. I'll be back….probably."

It was his turn to pay the cashier, and he did so. "Take care, Dave."

"You too, Spencer. Maybe I'll run into you again some time." Implying that he didn't think it would happen at a BCC meeting.

* * *

He undressed in the silent dark. By design, she hadn't even left a light on for him.

As he got into bed, he felt arms wrap around him, and he smiled. "Hi."

"Hi. Was it okay?"

"Fine. Morgan and I just chatted for a bit, and then we left." He remembered. "Hey, I got the diapers. But I couldn't remember what size you said. Was it seven?"

"Seven?! You got her a seven?"

_Oops._  "Yeah, well, I figured it might be sized on the number of months…..no, huh?"

"Spence, I think she'll only need a seven if she's still wetting the bed at five! In fact, I'm not even sure they  _make_  a seven." Now she was giggling at the thought.

He was annoyed with himself. "Well, obviously they make it, or I wouldn't have been able to buy it. I'll bring it back in the morning. What size?"

"Two…or three, maybe. She's been chowing down since we introduced her to real food, hasn't she?"

"Wait until Henry introduces her to chocolate chip pancakes!"

JJ giggled again. It felt good to chuckle over something small in the face of the tension they were under. She propped herself up on one arm.

"Can you just picture it? The two of them, chattering over…whatever…and downing chocolate chip pancakes on some Saturday morning?"

He got on board with her. "Maybe even making them for their parents one day. That day that they let us sleep in for the first time."

She laid her head on his chest. "It's amazing to think about them being that old, isn't it? And yet, I know it will come all too quickly." She was quiet a moment, then added…."I'm going to miss having babies in the house, you know?"

Reid angled his face so he could look at hers. He watched the idea wash over her, and wasn't the least bit surprised.

"Spence….."

"Yes."

She looked up at him. "Yes? But you don't even know what I was going to say."

"Yes I do. And yes."

Her eyes widened as her smile grew. "Yes?"

"Yes. And yes, and yes, and…"

She'd put her hand over his mouth. "How about just one 'yes' at a time?"

"If you insist. Are we talking about  _now_?

She studied him for a bit. "Not now. But soon."

"Well, maybe we can, you know,  _rehearse_  tonight. Just to make sure we have it down."

She answered him with the kiss that led into act one.

* * *

Saturday. The day of Henry's final game of the season. The kind of day that was supposed to be filled with family, and fun.

"I'm gonna hit a home run!"

He'd been saying it all season, and by now a hint of wistfulness had entered his voice. JJ recognized it as a formative opportunity.

"Home runs aren't everything, Little Man. It's just as important to play as a team, isn't it? Like when you get a hit, and then Toby does, and then Joey….and then your team scores a run. See, you don't need a home run to score a run, do you? The other way, all three of you get to have a hit, and you do it together."

Henry seemed to ponder that for a moment. "Yeah. But I still want to hit a home run!"

Reid entered the kitchen in the middle of the mother/son moment, and caught its gist. He decided JJ could use some back up.

"Home runs are exciting, aren't they?"

Henry gave him a vigorous nod. "They're great!"

"But what do you want to do when you finish running around the bases?"

"High-five!"

"That's right. Who do you want to high-five with?"

"My friends!"

"Wouldn't it be great if you were all high-fiving because  _all_  of you helped to score the run?"

"Yeah! But I still want to hit a home run!"

His parents could do nothing but look at each other and laugh…and pray for a home run.

* * *

Garcia's parasol stood out in the stands. She wasn't about to miss her godson's final game of the season, and she'd dragged Morgan along to create a 'Henry Reid cheering section'. JJ climbed the steps with Rosie on her hip, and joined them.

"How's it going, Blondie?" Morgan made a show of reaching out to lift Rosie's little hat. "Make that, Blondies."

They hadn't been able to tell for a long time. Rosie had been born with some light brown fuzz on her head, but her hair simply refused to grow for months. Now, finally, it was coming in. And it was looking like she was the third blonde in the family. Both Reid and JJ were, secretly…..even from each other…glad.

JJ laughed. "Yeah, it's finally growing. But not enough for her to go without a hat. My mom said I had a bow taped to my head until I was almost two, so I guess I'll have to take responsibility. It comes from my side."

"Well it was a sure bet it didn't come from Reid's. Look at that boy's head of hair."

They did. It was sticking out every which way from under his baseball cap.

"You leave his hair alone, Morgan. Don't you tease him about it. I love my gentle genius with long hair."

"Whatever you say, Mama."

JJ grinned. It felt so normal to hear Morgan and Garcia's banter. In the face of a most abnormal situation, it was a reminder of the way things were supposed to be.

Morgan went down to the field to talk to Reid, leaving the women in the stands. Garcia's next words to JJ were whispered.

"Morgan told me about last night. I guess neither of them really expected anything to happen, but they were still disappointed."

JJ sighed and whispered her response as well. "That makes all of us. The sooner this is over, the better. I'm so glad this is the last game. It's been like walking a tightrope to look like there's something between us without raining on Henry's parade. Spence was even talking about…"

Her words cut off abruptly, choked by an unexpected sob. Garcia went into full maternal mode.

"Jayje? What is it? What's wrong?"

JJ regained her composure. "He thought it might be easier for all of us…..if he moved out for a while. We wouldn't have to worry about Henry picking up on it, and it might help make the relapse look more real."

"Oh, Jayje, my poor girl. And my poor junior G-man! This is crazy, this case is awful." Garcia spent a few more minutes thinking about it. "But he might be right, right? And it would make you guys safer…."

"And leave my husband at risk, by himself. Not to mention what it will look like to the neighbors, and Henry's friends' families….. That might be as hard on Henry as anything else."

Suddenly, and without explanation, Garcia started giggling. As incongruous as it was, it was also contagious. Without even realizing what it was about, JJ found herself joining in.

"What are you laughing about? What are  _we_  laughing about?"

Garcia was laughing so hard that she was crying. She put a hand on JJ's arm.

"Oh, Jayje, I'm sorry. It's not funny at all, but….can you just imagine? Trying to explain to all the nosy neighbors? "We really weren't fighting, it was only make believe. You see, we're not really spies, but we work with them…sort of …..and we were spying on other spies…sort of ….but we thought  _they_  might be spying on  _us_ …..so we had to make it look like we  _weren't_ spying on them. So we pretended to be fighting. But, really, we're fine. Think nothing of it. Go back to what you were doing."

JJ was still giggling. "Right! Because if you ask any questions, we'd tell you, but then we'd have to kill you." That set Garcia off again.

Now JJ joined her in near hysterical laughter, drawing the attention of others around them….and Reid and Morgan down on the field. When she could catch her breath again, JJ panted.

"Oh, you're right. That wasn't funny at all." Which set them both off again. All of which frightened Rosie, who began to whimper. That sobered both of the women.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Pumpkin. Did Auntie Penelope scare you? I didn't mean to."

"She's all right, aren't you, Miss Rosie?"

JJ lifted her so that Rosie was standing on her thighs, and bouncing. It was one of her favorite things to do, and she had a rapid mood swing back to laughing.

To Garcia, JJ said, "Thank you for that. I needed to laugh. And I don't think you exaggerated all that much about how crazy this is. But you  _did_  help me decide. I don't want Spence to leave us. He's certain the kids will be safe, and I can tell that he needs us. This is taking a pretty big toll on him emotionally, even if he won't admit it. I can see it. And the kids and I are going to be there to hold him together."

Garcia rubbed her good friend's back. "He's one lucky man, my gentle genius is. And he loves you all to pieces."

"And we love him. And we've got his back, haven't we, Rosie?"

"You've got plenty of company there, my girl." Garcia motioned toward Morgan. "Starting right there, and here. But you know none of us will let anything happen to him…or to any of you guys. We love you too much."

"And we count on it."

* * *

"Chocolate and vanilla. Two scoops."

"That's it, Slugger? You have 54 flavors to choose from, and you pick chocolate and vanilla?" Morgan and Garcia had accompanied the Reids for ice cream.

"They're my favorite, Uncle D…" Henry remembered Garcia's whispered instructions from the drive over…"Uncle Thunder."

The little blonde didn't quite understand the reactions of the other adults. JJ and Reid's brows went up as they turned to look at Garcia, who was exuding innocence. Morgan was just staring, open-mouthed, at Henry. Until he noticed the expression on Garcia's face.

"Penelope….."

"Oops. Think I'll just bring my cone outside and find a place to sit."

Morgan paid for the ice cream….it was his treat, in honor of Henry's feat…..and followed the rest out to the tables. As they walked, Reid leaned down and whispered to Henry, "I think you should go back to calling him 'Uncle Derek', okay? And remember to say 'thank you'."

The adults had decided it was safe to have a Reid family outing with Morgan and Garcia along. If they were being watched, it would be understandable that the Reids would try to be civil with each other in front of their friends. That allowed them to be themselves with the children. But Reid studiously….and with great difficulty…..kept himself from touching his wife.

"Thank you for the ice cream, Uncle Derek."

Morgan sent a friendly glare at Garcia before responding. "You're welcome, Henry. It was a great game, and a great season. Did you know I used to play baseball?"

Big eyes. "You did?"

"Yep. So if you ever want to hit a few, or just throw the ball around…I'm your man."

"That's what Daddy said. And Papa. Do all grown ups play baseball, Uncle Derek?"

Morgan ruffled the little blonde head. "All grown ups who have little boys, I guess."

It had confused Henry in the past, but by now he knew. Not every grown up was lucky enough to have children. And he'd figured out that his Uncle Derek did not have a little boy. So he offered, "Well, I could play with you whenever you want. Until you get your own little boy."

Morgan had a quip for almost everything. But not that. All that came out was, "Thank you, Henry."

JJ had Rosie on her lap, and was trying to ignore the fact that Reid was sneaking licks of ice cream to his daughter. "So, Henry, how did it feel to get your home run?"

He took a few more licks before responding. "Good."

"Good? Not great?"

"Well, Danny…he's the boy on the Lookouts…..he dropped the ball. And he felt bad, I could tell. So I didn't high-five, so he would feel better." He took a few more licks before adding, "And when we did 'good game' at the end, I told him he was a really good player."

They'd all noticed Henry's lack of celebration, but not understood why. Now, they were all moved, but none so much as JJ. She and Reid had tried to teach him a lesson this morning, and yet, here he was, teaching all of them.  _My little, compassionate, six year old hero._

* * *

Monday came around all too quickly, and yet not quickly enough. All of them were anxious for the case to move forward. For it to be over.

After the morning meeting, Reid tried to sneak off to see Strauss, but she was out. If only she would let him tell the team what he was sure the majority of them already suspected, this part of the case would be so much easier. But, for now, it would have to remain confidential.

He had better luck with John, since he was just trying to reach the man on his cell. It seemed calling before 6:30 AM was the key. So Reid had already made contact, filled his superior in on their current strategy, and made his request.

"We really need access to what Greenly and Obiki were working on. Sanders may have been collateral, but if he's got any connection to their cases, we need it. There's nothing visible from the Metro PD end. And anything you can get on Nunley as well."

He could hear the smile in John's voice. "You don't ask for much, do you Spencer?"

Reid smiled in return. "It's all for a good cause, Sir."

"That it is. I'll get back to you within 24 hours with something, if not everything. And, Spencer?"

"Yes, Sir?"

"Be careful." The senior FBI man only knew Reid from the BCC….and the research he'd done on his file…but he'd become rather fond of the young agent. He would do what he could to protect him.


	19. Chapter 19

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 19**

The next week passed agonizingly slowly for Reid, who couldn't wait for this case to be over. He made an appearance at the Tuesday meeting, and then arrived half way through the Friday night gathering, narrowly avoiding contact with Stuart each time. He felt certain he'd correctly deduced the strategies of his two superiors' interactions with BCC. Erin Strauss was present at both meetings and John at neither. He was further confirmed in thinking that Strauss was attempting to play backup to him when Rossi made a passing comment on Friday.

"Good luck tonight, Reid. Remember, you're not alone in this."

Without her consent, neither of them could speak about it in any language but innuendo. And Strauss was, by plan or by coincidence, never available when Reid tried to meet with her.

He did connect with John by phone one early morning. The man's voice sounded irritated.

"It seems my resources become more limited when the subject is a case file rather than a personnel file. But I was able to get something for you."

Reid was once again grateful for his powerful memory. Taking notes on materials gained through questionable means was simply not an option. "Go ahead, Sir. I'm ready."

"All right. First, Greenly. He was definitely with a drug detail in South America, finishing up in Mexico. He was apparently fluent in Spanish, but wasn't letting the locals in on that fact. Sounds like he played the dumb American intermediary, and was thereby privy to quite a few conversations among the drug lords there. They were about to send a very large shipment through the Tijuana tunnel when said tunnel was uncovered by a task force consisting of both DEA and DHS. Looks like some ATF involved there as well. Anyway, the drug lords told their American friends that they were going to sit on the shipment for a while. They had another tunnel in the works in…Texas, I think. But Greenly understood the part of the conversation that they didn't mean for him to understand. They were planning instead to ship it with an even larger load from Honduras, which was scheduled to hit port in Miami."

"Where Obiki was originally stationed," noted Reid.

"Exactly. And, by the way, I know you have Obiki's background with the Bureau. I was able to see his DHS jacket as well. He was assigned to enforcement."

"Not investigations," clarified Reid.

"Not investigations."

Neither of them needed to speak it aloud. Most FBI agents working with DHS assisted in investigations. The fact that Obiki was in 'enforcement' was interesting. It would have put him directly in the path of the fallout from the drug shipment passing through his old haunting grounds, in Miami. His FBI file had already told them that Obiki's unit in Miami had been involved with investigating drug shipments into that port.

"Sir, do we know if Obiki's unit in Miami actually became involved with the specific shipment that Greenly found out about?"

There was silence for a moment as John perused the records. "It looks like the timeline fits. I can't see that the two men knew each other, but it looks like they were on the same case."

"And do we know who made Obiki's assignment to DHS?" This was crucial. The assignment to the enforcement division was odd enough that knowing who'd arranged it might lead them to a key operative in the case.

John understood the stakes. But whoever had done it had disguised himself well.

"His transfer was part of a twelve person shift in responsibilities. The only notation on it is from HR. Obviously, someone knows how to cover their tracks."

"Sir, back to Greenly. Do we know why he was pulled back to DC?"

"Ah, Spencer, you remind me of a younger me. Exactly the question, isn't it? It looks like he was originally pulled back because of a suspected mole within the CIA. Didn't your unit investigate that case?"

"We did."

"Hmm. Well, it looks like he was pulled back to delve into the CIA computers. Guy was good with languages, even better with computers. They wanted him to trace your mole's electronic activity."

While Garcia had held the main electronic responsibility during that case, Reid's role in the area had been significant. And he had never encountered Greenly, electronically or otherwise.

"It's funny, I don't remember him from that. I just remember seeing him at some meetings last year."

"He might have been nosing in the DHS computers for all we know. Maybe he found something related to the Miami shipment?"

Reid remembered Rossi's suspicions. "Sir, do you think he may have actually been working for the NSA? Or could Obiki have been working for them?"

John gave a bitter, frustrated chuckle. "Cyber-intrigue, eh, Spencer? I'm afraid NSA is beyond me, my young friend. I don't know that we'll ever know if either man was involved with them."

Reid was silent a moment, thinking. "Well, you've given us a great start. Are you all right with me bringing it to my team? Anonymously, of course."

"I'm a proud man, Spencer. But I'm also an honorable one. We need to put an end to these killings. The information is yours to share. Anonymously."

Reid breathed a silent sigh of relief. It emboldened him, and he decided to ask. "Sir…if I may?"

"Go ahead."

"Sir, there's another person …..one of my superiors…..who attends the meetings. I think that person is trying to look out for me, but I'm afraid they're putting themselves in danger by doing so. I'm not sure what to do about it…"

"She needs the meetings right now, Spencer. She may think she's trying to help you, but she also needs them for herself. I wouldn't get in her way." In using the female pronoun, John gave away his knowledge of Strauss' identity.

"But, Sir….if they catch on to my being there undercover….and if they know she's my superior…"

"Then you'd better not let them catch on, Spencer. Really, I think having her change her behavior now would be a bigger tipoff than if she avoided the meetings. You couldn't know this, but she was a faithful attendee….until the night you returned."

Reid took it in. "She didn't want me to see. Just like…" He cut himself off just in time.

Almost. "Like I don't want her to know about me." Reid could hear John's sigh. "It's a complicated bureaucracy we work in, Spencer."

"I'm sorry, Sir. I didn't mean to…." Reid paused, tempted to ask a question he'd long pondered. Finally, he decided to go for it.

"Sir, if I may….why did you decide to approach me? Why did you reveal yourself to me?"

Silence on the other end of the line. Then, "One day, Spencer, I'll tell you about a young man named 'John'."

* * *

Reid brought the fruits of his discussion to the team meeting.

"So it sounds like, if Obiki and Greenly were NSA…..well, we're not going to know about it. And we can't be sure, but the timeline fits. They might have crossed paths, at least electronically, about the shipment of drugs from Honduras to Miami."

"What do we know about that case?" Rossi was getting frustrated with the lack of solid information.

"I can answer that." Garcia had been at it since six in the morning, called in early by Reid. "The FBI office in Miami was involved in a crackdown on a major drug ring in the area. They'd been after these guys for six years, and finally felt like they had enough to put them away. They had a multi-site raid planned when, suddenly, there was an influx of heroin. We're talking major, like humongous, like ginormous…"

"Garcia." Hotch was accustomed to having to bring her back to the point.

"Oh, sorry, Sir! Well, like I was saying, before they could pull off the raids, there was a big change in the drug pipeline. So they put everything on hold to figure out where the new supply was coming from. And it turned out to be in the hold of a cruise ship….can you believe it?"

"A cruise ship?" Emily voiced the surprise that everyone felt.

"I know, right? There goes my next vacation," quipped Garcia. "But these guys were good. Sneaky, you know. But very good at it. The bad guys apparently got access to the cruise ship at sea, when the ship needed a new supply of fresh foods, after their refrigeration went on the fritz."

"And they loaded the drugs along with the food," concluded Morgan.

JJ wondered, "So, what, did someone sabotage the refrigerator? How else would they have known the cruise ship would need supplies?"

"Exactly, my most perceptive girlfriend. Once they figured out the supply was on the ship, it didn't take any time at all to figure out how it had gotten there. And Sam Obiki led the team that investigated."

"And then he was transferred back to DC, and sent to Homeland Security." Morgan recounted the part of the story they already knew. "So maybe it makes sense that they sent him to DHS. The FBI can't handle off shore crimes….not alone, anyway."

Reid agreed. "It does make sense. But there's more to the story." He nodded at Garcia to continue.

"The shipment was, as noted, large…." She watched as Hotch gave her a barely perceptible grin at her restraint in the use of adjectives. "It was large enough that they were able to notice the flooding of the Miami market from only a small part of the shipment. They confiscated the rest of it, thank God. But they found something out…."

Reid took it over then. "If Obiki hadn't been involved, we would never have found it. If it had only been in the DHS computers…" He shook his head. "But Obiki submitted reports to both services. So Garcia was able to find it…" He nodded in her direction again.

"Obiki broke one of the stewards on the ship. He found out. It wasn't the first time. They'd done this with cruise ships before, in Miami, New York….and Baltimore."

"So, what, are we thinking that Greenly and Obiki were on the same case? That Greenly found out about these guys in Mexico, and then Obiki picked it up in Miami?" Morgan was trying to put the pieces together.

"Both of them were brought back to DC in the space of a few months, weren't they?" Rossi thought there were even more parts to the puzzle.

Reid had been through all of this information already, and had time to digest it. "They were. And I think I know why."

Morgan just looked at him. "Well, spill, Pretty Boy. Let us in on it."

"I think they realized that it had been going on for a very long time. In places where the FBI and DHS…and, obviously, the CIA…. were active. Like it was going on right under their noses. So…..I'm just guessing here, but it's an educated guess…..I think they were brought back to find a mole. Someone within either or both agencies who was letting things slip through."

Emily studied their resident genius. "So, do you think they were NSA?"

He shook his head. "Not sure. They could have been. It wouldn't have been the first time there was someone working for both agencies. But, if they were, my guess would be that they were recruited to it from their real jobs with the FBI and CIA."

Hotch felt a need to recap. "Okay, so we've got a possible connection between Obiki and Greenly, in that they both may have been working different ends of the same drug case. And we've got a connection to the area, with the information that drugs would have been brought in through the port in Baltimore. It's likely they would have been channeled quickly to this area."

He referenced the sad fact of significant drug trafficking in the District and the surrounding area.

"I get that it's all drug related, and that BCC is a drug rehab support group….but can we connect the dots a little more explicitly?" Emily felt the same need for clarification as did the others.

"This is all guesswork, but it's the best I can come up with," responded Reid. "It looks like Alan Greenly infiltrated BCC for some reason. Now that we have the case information, it sounds like he was probably looking for the mole. The person who allowed the drugs to come into port, time after time."

"But why would he think he could find that person at a BCC meeting?" JJ would have thought those attending the meetings would be  _helping_  in the fight against drug use.

Rossi answered her. "He may not have been looking specifically for that person. But, considering that the attendance is taken from all of the law enforcement agencies in the area…from the feds, to the state, and city, to the locals…he was well positioned to make some interesting connections there."

"And a lot of drug use starts on the job, partly from the stress, and partly because opportunity presents itself."

JJ watched her husband closely after his comment, aware that he was speaking about himself…..as well as many others.

"So," Reid continued, "he would have had a potential gold mine of LEOs, and their street experience, to learn from."

Morgan wasn't sure he agreed with all of this. "Are we thinking Obiki was also undercover with BCC? Or do we think he actually had a drug problem that he was hiding from his family?"

Reid took that question as well. "It's virtually impossible to attend a support group without the family knowing. It's one of the first steps, after acknowledging that you have a problem. So I would say that, if he was lying to his family about being at BCC meetings, he had to be undercover."

Morgan eyed his little brother. "You know, Reid, if we're thinking that both Greenly and Obiki were undercover with BCC…..well, do you really think  _you_  should be undercover too? I mean, look at what happened to them."

JJ couldn't look at either of them. She understood Reid's motivation, but she agreed with Morgan's caution.

"People are dying, Morgan. And I may be able to stop it. I need to be there." His words were directed to Morgan, but his eyes were on his wife.

Rossi felt the tension, and completely understood it. He had his own stake in things going well for BCC.

"I think it would help for us to figure out exactly what brought them to focus on BCC, and how it may be involved."

"That's the ultimate question, isn't it? It all seems to revolve around BCC now." Emily agreed with her colleague. "Greenly and Obiki may have been there to get information, but something about that information got them killed."

"So, let's hear it, people. Throw me some ideas." Hotch exercised his leadership role.

JJ began. "It seems like the obvious thing would be that someone at BCC is involved with distribution."

Reid agreed with his wife. "At the very least, they're passing information to the distributors. I think a BCC meeting would be a great place to glean information about what was going on with various investigations."

"Are you guys that explicit at meetings?" Morgan was surprised.

"Not really, no. Not explicit. I mean, we'll talk about a case in general terms. But if it's been in the news….."

"People recognize it," finished Rossi.

"Right." Reid continued. "But Morgan's right. Most of the time people couch things in very general terms, so they don't reveal their cases completely. So, if someone was following drug investigations through BCC, they'd have to have another source as well. So that they'd recognize the case when it was described in such general terms."

Emily nodded slowly. "So, just like the information he got at BCC was only helpful to Greenly because he knew the bigger case…..if there's someone in BCC who's working with the distributors, they'd have to have some way to know what's going on in the streets. So they can understand what gets shared."

"Oh, my God, I just realized something," cried JJ. "Dave Sanders. Will's friend. He transferred to a drug detail after Will left for New Orleans. And he'd gone to BCC because he was afraid of a relapse. Apparently he'd had a problem with alcohol before, and he didn't want it back in his life."

"He was investigating the drug trade in DC?" Emily asked.

"Yes. And he was in a serious relationship, which he didn't want ruined. Lisa said that's why he was going to the meetings. But now, I'm not so sure."

"Only in DC." Morgan shook his head.

"What do you mean?" asked Emily.

"Only in DC would there ever be a support group where it seems like everyone attends only to spy on everyone else."

That got a few snorts around the table. But they had to admit that Morgan did have a point. And it was precisely why Reid was attending. He began to wonder if John had an ulterior motive for attending as well.

"Okay, so we've got reason to believe that the BCC might be a vector for distribution of drugs, or drug-related information." Hotch got them back on track. "What  _don't_ we know?"

They went around the table.

"Well, the obvious-we don't know  _who_." Emily.

"Or for how long." JJ.

"Or to whom." Reid.

"We don't know who they're working with on the outside." Morgan.

"We don't know what the murdered men found out that got them murdered." Rossi.

"Could we be thinking about this the wrong way?" Emily decided to play devil's advocate. "Could the men who were killed have been the ones receiving the drugs or information? Could they have been part of the ring?"

"Maybe. But I think our original premise is far more likely. I think they were killed because they infiltrated undercover as users, and were found out." Rossi knew when to trust his instincts, and his instincts were shouting loudly right now.

"You know," Reid offered, "we might have an idea of how long. It seems like it has to have predated Obiki and Greenly being pulled back to DC. So it's been at least four years."

"Seems like a long time for an operation, doesn't it?" Morgan had the most undercover experience in the group. "I was under for a year and a half, but that was a pretty unique case."

"So maybe things were evolving slowly. Or maybe they didn't consider it a solid lead. Sending an agent to a meeting once or twice a week is hardly a drain on resources. These guys could have been carrying a full caseload besides this one." Rossi had enough experience with government work to understand how things operated.

Hotch agreed. "Dave's right. It looks like it might have been a fishing expedition, without a lot of hard information leading into it."

"And then something heated up. Greenly was there for a few years, but Obiki only the past year and a half. That's how he was able to explain it away to his wife as evening coursework for his degree." Emily recalled the conversation with Mrs. Obiki.

"You know, I remember. Obiki shared at one of the meetings I was at after I was shot. He said it was his first meeting." Reid was irritated with himself for not having remembered sooner.

Hotch turned to their technical analyst. "Garcia, see what you can find. Get into the agency records. Look at everything drug related, no matter how small it seems. A pattern of arrests, or raids. Go back eighteen months."

" _All_  of the agencies, Sir?" Garcia had always had the capability, but not the permission.

"All of them. Be discrete. And try not to leave any footprints." Hotch was willing to take the heat, but only if he had to.

"Aye, aye, Sir." She started to push back her chair, but stopped when Reid gave her an additional task.

"Maybe look at transfers within the agencies, whichever ones will let you. Look at leaves of absence and employee assistance referrals. Look for disability applications."

Morgan wasn't quite following. "Reid?"

"The BCC didn't start as a spy gathering. That's recent. And it's not the reason most of them are there. It's primarily a gathering of human beings, trying to get through terrible situations. At one time or another, each of them has been vulnerable. We need to look for signs of that vulnerability. It's what makes them prey for whoever's using them. We need to see them the same way the unsub sees them."


	20. Chapter 20

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 20**

"Daddy, where do you go?"

"Go?"

"After me and Rosie go to bed. Where do you go?"

It was the first time Reid realized that Henry knew. He decided on a half-truth.

"Well, I have to go to work for a little while. Then I come home."

"Why doesn't Mommy have to go? Do you need 'special help'?" Henry could only extrapolate from his school experience.

_If you only knew, my little man._  "Sort of. It's more like I have to do a special project, so I need to spend a little more time on it."

"For extra credit?"

Now Reid could only laugh. "Yeah, I guess that's it, Henry. I need extra credit."

He recounted the conversation for JJ before he left for the meeting. "So I told him that you didn't ever have to do extra work because you were Hotch's favorite…the teacher's pet."

"You did not! Spence!"

"Okay, I didn't. But I think he figured it out on his own."

"Spence! I am not Hotch's favorite! And we're not in school!"

He laughed at her indignation.  _But you are his favorite….well, after Emily._

He pulled her close to apologize for teasing. "I'm just kidding, you know that. But it did give me pause. I guess I didn't realize that Henry knew I'd been leaving at night. It made me wonder what else he's noticed."

She was reassuring. "I think we're okay about that. He usually chats me up during bath time, so I think I would have heard if he'd noticed anything between us. Which, of course, makes me wonder if we've been convincing enough for anyone  _else_  who might be watching."

"I'm hoping we'll find out about that very soon. I can't wait for this to be over."

"Me either. But, Spence….please be extra careful. I don't know if it's just because we know more about what's been going on now, but….it feels like it might be coming to a head. Like, if they're going to make another move, it will be soon. Please, please, keep your eyes open, all the time."

"Not only my eyes, but my phone. Morgan and I decided that we should keep the line open all through the meeting, and afterwards."

JJ studied him. This was a change in attitude. "You're okay with that?" She knew he'd been adamant about protecting confidentiality.

"Morgan's assured me he can forget anything he shouldn't have heard. And I can't believe anybody there would argue with me. I think they would each give up confidentiality for the sake of saving their lives."

He'd been torn about this for so long that it felt good to move in a direction. It was the issue for which he'd sought counsel from his father-in-law. Charles had only assured him that he would know the answer when the time came. And he'd been right.

JJ took comfort in the idea of Morgan being aware of what was going on. "How close will he be?" Hoping to hear that he'd be  _very_  close.

"He'll be in the parking lot of the strip mall down the road. He can be there within a minute or two, if he needs to."

"Thank God."

"No, thank Morgan. It was his idea. I just agreed."

"Okay, thank Morgan. Which I will do, with a four course dinner, when this is over."

She put her arms around her husband. "I'll be waiting. Just….be careful, okay?"

He kissed her. "When I've got you to come home to? Of course!"

* * *

The meeting began unremarkably enough. Strauss was present, John not. The usual number of attendees rose to share their stories, the rest applauded them. One of the persons who spoke was the man named Spencer. By plan, he shared his ongoing battle with temptation, and the fact that he'd fallen again over the weekend. As he walked back to his seat, Reid heard murmurs of encouragement.

If the meeting itself had been typical, the after-meeting was anything but, for Reid. For the first time, Erin Strauss acknowledged his presence, by approaching him at the refreshment table. He was chatting with Dave when he saw her in his peripheral vision, and was surprised when she walked directly up to him.

"Spencer, is it?"

He was very glad to see that she was not about to reveal their work relationship.

"Uh, yes." He put out his hand. "And you are?"

She hesitated a moment. Even undercover, she had difficulty releasing her imperiousness. "My name is Erin."

She took his hand in a loose grip, and shook it, then turned to the man next to him.

"And you are?"

"Dave. Pleased to meet you, Erin." Dave shook her hand.

Strauss turned back to Reid and addressed her words to him.

"I just wanted to tell you, Spencer, that I admire what you're doing. That, even though you've fallen, you've come back to the meeting and tried to pick yourself up again. I sincerely hope you'll be able to stay on your feet this time."

Reid was flustered. He heard both text and subtext here. He and Erin Strauss had never openly discussed either of their histories with addiction. While he gathered she was playing a role, he also knew she was telling him a truth. And he was grateful for her understanding.

"Thank you. Thank you very much." He'd made sure to meet her eyes, and she returned his steady gaze.

She wasn't done. "I know as well as anyone here how hard it can be to win the battle. And I know how great the cost can be, if the battle is lost. I hope, for your sake, that you succeed before you have lost more than your self-esteem."

Reid sincerely didn't know how to respond to that. Something about it felt raw, like it was genuine, and unrehearsed. Like it was reflective of her own struggle. He wanted to acknowledge her, and her openness. But he couldn't. It wouldn't fit tonight's role.

Instead, Reid took the opportunity it offered him, to further display his weakness. He shifted his feet, appearing to squirm under her scrutiny.

"Ummm….thanks, I guess. I hope so, too."

Strauss wasn't much for small talk, whether in an undercover role or in real life. Into the silence that ensued her exchange with Reid, Dave remarked, "Hey, Spencer, Stuart asked if we could help him break things down tonight. Are you up for it?"

Reid had been avoiding Stuart, feeling like he'd been disappointing the meeting leader. Now, it seemed, Dave and Stuart had decided to reach out to him under the guise of work.

"Uh,….well, sure, I guess so." Reid turned back to Strauss. "I've got to get busy. Thanks for your support….Erin."

"You're welcome. Good night…Spencer." She headed in the direction of the exit, moving slowly through the thinning crowd.

Reid moved over to where Stuart was already taking down chairs and putting them on a rack. They acknowledged each other with a smile, and then worked side by side, in silence. When the rack was full, Reid started rolling it towards a large storage area off the hallway. Before he could push the chairs in, he saw Erin Strauss emerge from a ladies room…and she saw him. She started to leave, but then turned and spoke.

"Please be in my office at 8 tomorrow morning, Agent Reid."

_So much for being on a first name basis_ , he thought. "Yes ma'am."

Strauss nodded and exited to the parking lot, as Reid pushed the heavy rack of chairs into the storage closet.

Neither of them realized that their last two lines of conversation had been overheard…. by someone other than Morgan.

* * *

Outside, in the car, Reid spoke openly to his colleague.

"You didn't hear that."

"Kid, it's not exactly a secret. I'm just glad she got some help. She  _has_  seemed a little easier to deal with lately."

"It's been a while….over a year, really. She was at a few meetings when I went back last year." Now that Morgan knew about Strauss, Reid felt like he could share….a little.

"What does she think about all of this?"

"I don't know. I went to her that first day….you know, the day when we saw the photos of the victims. But she didn't want her involvement with BCC known, so I couldn't do anything about it. And she's managed not to meet with me since then, although I've tried a few times."

"Hmm. I wonder why she chose tonight to talk to you."

"I've been thinking about that. My guess is that Rossi's been pressuring her. You know about them, right?" Reid prayed that he'd not just revealed yet another secret.

"Kid, everybody knows about them. I'm convinced they sneak around just for the fun of it."

Reid laughed. It would be just like Rossi.

"Anyway, I think he's had her going to every meeting so she could be some sort of backup for me. But she's never been approachable. Now, with all the new information, he must have convinced her that we need to work together. And she needed to break the ice so that we could be seen talking without rousing suspicion."

"Well, it sounds like she's all in with it now, if she wants to see you tomorrow morning."

"Let's just hope that's all it is! Okay, I'm pulling in now, Morgan. I think we're good for tonight. I'll see you in the morning."

"'Kay. Tell Blondie 'goodnight' for me."

* * *

'Blondie' was, as promised, waiting up for him, once again in the dark.

"How did it go?"

"It was…interesting."

JJ had mixed feelings. She doubted that 'interesting' was a good thing…..but if it meant the case coming to a close sooner, she was all for it. Feigning a failing marriage was difficult enough; worrying about her husband becoming a target was excruciating.

"Oh? Why?"

"Well…" And then he remembered. He couldn't share Strauss with her. His freedom in talking with Morgan about it had made him forget.

"Um….I can't say."

_Another excruciating thing_. She took a deep breath.

"Okay, just tell me. 'Interesting' in an 'interesting' way? Or 'interesting' in a dangerous way?"

He'd undressed and gotten into bed beside her by now. "Not dangerous. Just interesting."

"And you'll never be able to tell me about it?"

He knew when it was time to change the subject.

"What about some more rehearsal? I'm not sure I got all of my lines right the other night."

She stared at him in the dim light for a moment, but then relented.

"One never  _can_  be too prepared, I suppose."

* * *

Both of their phones sounded at 4 AM, rousing them from deep sleep. With difficulty, each of them reached for the nightstand next to the bed and tried to adjust their vision to read the text.

'CALL GARCIA.'

They saw it simultaneously, and looked at one another, trying to rise to full wakefulness. JJ sat up against the headboard and made the call for both of them.

"Hey, Pen, it's JJ. What's going on?"

Reid watched as the expression on his wife's face changed from serious, to shock, to…..he wasn't sure what. His concern rose when, at the end of the call, JJ simply sat, staring straight ahead.

"What is it? What did she want?"

JJ looked at him, mouth open, but not yet speaking.

"JJ, what's wrong?"

"it's Strauss. She's been attacked. She's in the hospital."

His blood pressure fell.  _My God! Was this because of tonight?_

But JJ wasn't finished. Now she turned to her husband, seeking comfort.

"And Rossi..." She still sounded stunned. "Spence, Rossi's been shot!"


	21. Chapter 21

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 21**

Once upon a time, they'd have raced to the hospital, anxious to be there for one of their own. But that was two children ago. Things were much more complicated now, if no less anxious.

JJ tried to send Reid ahead.

"I'll call Karen at six and see if I can drop them off early. Go and be with Rossi and the team."

But he was torn. "JJ, if they went after her, it's got to be because they know that we know. Which means they'll likely come after me as well. For all I know, they heard her order me to her office tonight."

They had too little information. Garcia could only tell them that both Strauss and Rossi were at the hospital, Rossi with a gunshot wound. They weren't even sure of the nature of Strauss' injuries. And that lack of information put them into a real dilemma.

Reid's thoughts were racing.  _Were they together? Was Rossi targeted as well as Strauss? Or was he used as leverage? Was he hurt trying to protect her? What does this mean for my family? Would they only target me? Or would they go after JJ and the kids as well?_

He felt as though he had to make an immediate decision, and yet all of the criteria for making it were beyond his reach at the moment.  _D_ o _I leave to draw their attention away from my family? Or do I stay because my family is in danger?_

It was as though she could read his mind, probably because hers was working the case right alongside his. But, unlike Reid, JJ had made a decision.

"Oh, no. You're not leaving us. We're better together, Spence."

"JJ, I can't put you and the kids at risk. We have to be smart about this."

"I  _am_ being smart, Spence. Smart enough to keep my husband alive." She'd dressed quickly, and was pulling her hair into a pony tail.

"But the kids..."

She watched in the mirror as he came up behind her and laid his hands on her shoulders. He continued.

"I made a promise to your father, you know. I promised him that I wouldn't take any chances...not with his grandchildren, and not with his daughter. I told him that, if there was the slightest doubt, I would send you to him. All of you."

She nailed his eyes in the mirror.

"I'm not leaving."

She watched as he closed his eyes and turned away from her. She turned also, talking to his back.

"I'm not foolish, Spence. I won't put the kids at risk. Dad can come and get them. But I'm staying with you. I will not lose my husband to this….this….whatever it is, and whoever they are. That poor Obiki woman was devastated….and those kids will be growing up without a father. I refuse to stand by and watch it happen to us."

He still had his back to her, so she couldn't see. But his face somehow reflected a myriad of emotions in succession…..frustration, fear, exasperation, pride, love, gratitude, hope. He was reminded of why he'd fallen in love with her in the first place. The way she somehow combined toughness and caring, without making it seem incongruous. The way she always managed to make things happen, no matter how impossible it seemed. The way she reached past all of his barriers, to touch him inside, even when she didn't realize she had. How she'd made him believe they could face anything in life, if only they faced it together.

When he turned around to her again, all that showed in his face was wonder. That he'd been granted her in his life, and that she was, truly, in every sense of the word, his partner.

"I love you, you know."

She leaned up and kissed him. "I know."

* * *

Even before they called him to ask, Hotch had arranged a detail to watch the Reid home, and that of their babysitter.

"I can have them at your parents' place too, JJ."

She wasn't sure how the Jareaus would react to that. Sandy dealt with her daughter and son-in-law's profession mostly by  _not_  dealing with it. She knew it was dangerous…..they'd all lived through the horrific events of the year before…..but she was also resigned to it as a fact of life. One that was best ignored, else she wouldn't be able to live with her worry. Being watched by a security detail wouldn't jibe with Sandy's strategy of ignoring the danger.

Charles was more practical. He was a proud father and father-in-law, and understood the rigors of the job JJ and Reid had chosen to do. Not that he wouldn't have preferred them to be engaged in something far more mundane, and less dangerous. But he was, himself, a combat veteran, and he knew the call to service. He admired that his Jennifer and her Spence were answering that call, in their own way.

JJ considered it for a moment, and then went with her instinct. Better to be safe than sorry. She could placate any concern on her mother's part later.

"Please, yes. I'd feel better." And the matter was settled. Most likely the FBI would contract with the local PD to provide protection.

Reid took it upon himself to call his father-in-law.

"Sir…Charles. I promised you I'd call if I thought there was any danger…."

His father-n-law was immediately on alert. "Has anyone been hurt?"

Reid swallowed. "Not us. None of us. But someone else on the team has been….he's in the hospital. Dave Rossi."

Charles remembered Dave well. They'd hit it off the few times they'd been together.

"Is he…."

"He was shot. We haven't got a lot of detail yet….JJ and I are just on our way to the hospital. But I understand it was a neck wound."

There was a brief silence on the other end of the line. Charles knew neck wounds could be life-threatening. In that same moment of silence, he formed a resolve. That he would do as Reid asked, without asking questions. He'd come to trust his son-in-law that much.

"We'll be on the road in twenty minutes. I take it Jennifer won't be coming?" Why else would the Jareaus need to drive down?

Reid hesitated, not sure how this would be received. "JJ will be staying. She...she wants to be here, sir."

Charles knew his daughter well.  _Of course she does._ He didn't argue with Reid, but asked only, "Where will the children be?"

Reid breathed out his relief audibly.

"We're bringing them to Karen's…..there will be a security detail there…..but one of us will pick them up and meet you here." Pause. "Charles, thank you."

"I thank you for keeping your word on this, Spencer. I know it wasn't easy to call me." No man liked to admit he couldn't look after his own family. "But it's exactly what a father should do. You made the right decision, Son."

That word again. Coming at a time when he most needed to hear it.

"Thank you, Charl…..Dad."

* * *

They found the rest of the team, minus Rossi, in the waiting room for the surgical ICU. Morgan was pacing, Emily staring out the window, Hotch at the floor. Garcia was knitting. It was her new way to keep her hands busy when they weren't at a keyboard. She claimed it calmed her.

The others turned as they heard footsteps entering the room.

"Oh, my girl!" Garcia dropped her needles and enveloped JJ in a hug. Reid walked over to Hotch.

"How is he? What happened?"

Hotch was heavy-browed today. "We're not quite sure yet. Strauss has been sedated since she got here, so we haven't been able to interview her yet. And Dave is in a medically-induced coma."

JJ came over to join them, but caught only the final word. "He's in a coma?!"

"Medically-induced," corrected her boss. "The bullet sliced his carotid. He lost a lot of blood at the scene, and they had trouble with the repair. They're worried about his brain swelling."

"They're worried about an air embolism." Reid said it almost to himself, then realized the others were listening. "He's got a different injury from mine, but the same risk. Except his would be a lot higher."

As he spoke, Reid studied his unit chief's face. Hotch looked more shaken than he could ever remember seeing him. The younger man realized the closeness between his two older colleagues. With this crisis, he thought, they might well be reversing roles. The younger might well be comforting the older.

JJ wanted more information. "What happened to Strauss? Were they together? Do we think it was the same person? Was it more than one attacker?"

Emily answered for them. "It looks like they were at her place…Rossi and Strauss. But we're not sure they were both there together. There's some indication that she went home alone, and was attacked…..and then Rossi came over. We don't know if she called him, or was made to call him….or if he was just planning to go there anyway. But it looks like he walked in on something, and was shot. Evidence Response found six shells, all of them from FBI service weapons. Rossi's gun was unholstered, and it looked like it had been fired, so we think some of the casings came from him. The neighbors heard the gunfire and called the police."

"Strauss?" Reid needed to know. "How long did they have her?"

Hotch shook his head now. "We don't know. But she was found in the kitchen, just off the garage. Her purse and keys were still on the table. We think they followed her home."

Reid looked to Hotch and Morgan, and asked, "Does everyone know.. ?"

Morgan answered for them. "We had to tell the police…and our own brass. Everyone knows."

"Knows what?" JJ asked.

Reid turned to his wife. "That Erin Strauss is also a member of BCC. She was at the meeting tonight."

Their section chief's problem with alcohol was something they'd all 'known' without officially 'knowing'. Now that it was out in the open, it was a relief not to have to pretend. JJ was glad for Reid to have been able to release at least one secret.

"So…..how badly is she hurt?" asked JJ.

"They beat her up pretty well, and it looks like they tased her a few times." Morgan had trouble absorbing the words coming out of his own mouth. They'd been breached, and he didn't like it.

JJ's hand went to her chest. She had no particular love for Erin Strauss, but she did respect the woman who'd laboriously climbed the FBI ladder. And she knew Strauss was, like herself, a mother, even if her children were grown and out of the house.

"Why would they do that?"

Reid swallowed thickly. Whether or not it made sense, he felt somehow responsible. If they hadn't had their conversation at the end of the meeting, Strauss might not have been targeted.

"They want to know what she knows. They've had a good setup with BCC….probably pretty lucrative….and they don't want to end it if they don't have to. They want to know how close the FBI is to breaking the case. And they were willing to break her to find out." His voice had taken on a distinctively bitter tone.

JJ was feeling pretty shaken herself. "Do you think they tortured the others? We didn't hear that there was any sign of it, did we?"

Hotch shook his head. "No. But they were probably just cleaning up loose ends with those deaths. Now, they realize we've broken something, but they don't know what. The game has changed."

_Right. The game has changed, and they'll want to use my husband as a pawn._

* * *

They'd taken turns going in to see him, for the five minutes per hour allowed. This hour, JJ and Reid went together.

She'd gotten no farther than the nurses' station before JJ found herself in a flashback. A year and a half ago, she'd entered a similar unit in New Orleans to see a scrum of doctors and nurses working frantically on Will, as she'd made her way over to the bay that held Reid. The vision hit her all at once, unexpectedly, and she stopped her stride. Reid, who had no recollection of his time in the ICU, didn't understand at first what was happening. But when he turned to her, and saw the pallor of her face, he knew. He came back and put his arm around her.

"You okay? Do you want to go back outside?"

She swallowed and shook her head. She'd actually been overcome to the point of feeling lightheaded, but was coming back to herself already.

"No. I want to see Rossi. He's like family to us, Spence. He's done so much for us."

"And he's Rosie's godfather."

JJ tried to smile. "As soon as he's up to it, I'll bring her by. She's enough to speed up anyone's recovery." Hoping that speaking of the future would grant that their good friend would have one.

He smiled in agreement. "That she is. Come on, let's not use up our five minutes standing here."

They approached the bay. As Reid's had been, Rossi's entire face and neck were swollen, the rest of his body attached to an assortment of wires and tubes. He was unconscious and breathing with the assistance of a ventilator.

Reid whispered to JJ. "He doesn't even look like himself."

"It's pretty much what you looked like, Spence."

"Really? How did you even know it was me?"

"For a couple of days, I had to take their word for it. But then the swelling went down, and you looked like you again."

He didn't respond to her. So many thoughts ran through his head. What she'd actually been through in New Orleans. What Rossi was going through now. Whether he could have prevented it, if only he'd been wiser, or bolder, about sharing what he knew.

Reid knew it made no scientific sense….at least not yet….but he tried to penetrate Rossi's brain with his thoughts.

_Did you know? I thought you did. I assumed you did. But maybe you didn't. Maybe you didn't have any idea what you might be walking into. Maybe I should have told you. Maybe I should have broken her confidence. Should I have? Rossi? Dave?_

JJ looked up at her husband from her place at the bedside and winced. She recognized that look. It was the one he always bore when he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. She could virtually see the mantle of guilt descending.

This wasn't the place to discuss it. JJ just reached back with an open palm, drawing Spence to put his hand into it. She squeezed her support. They spent the rest of their time in silence, and prayer. When the nurse came by to change Rossi's IV bag, she gently told them their time was up.

"You can come back next hour….unless Mr. Rossi has even  _more_ 'family' out there." So far this was the third different set of visitors she'd seen.

"Thanks." As they backed out of the bay, JJ felt a need to correct the nurse. "It's Agent Rossi, by the way. He's with the FBI." Somehow she thought he might get special attention if they realized he'd been wounded on the job.

The nurse was understanding. "Agent Rossi. I'll remember that."

* * *

Reid wanted to see Strauss next. They'd been told she was starting to emerge from her sedation.

"But I think I should go alone. I mean…."

He didn't need to convince his unit chief. "I agree. She might be more open with you."

Hotch knew that Erin Strauss was no fool. She had to have realized, or soon would, that her involvement with BCC was now an open part of this case. As was, by extension, her alcoholism. The latter already had been a poorly hidden secret, especially from the BAU team. But, proud woman that she was, she was able to convince herself that it was known only by those with whom she'd chosen to share it, and not by those in her command. Hotch knew she was fooling no one, including herself. But she was trying to salvage what pride she had left.

For now, he would send only Reid to see her.

* * *

The young agent knocked on the doorjamb of the private hospital room. Unlike with Rossi, his section chief was recognizable, if not the expression on her face. Erin Strauss looked vulnerable, and afraid.

"Ma'am? May I come in?"

She silently nodded her assent and, when he approached the bed, indicated that he should take the chair next to it.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry this happened to you." Unconsciously, he was using his soft victim voice.

Her own voice was hoarse when she used it. "Have you seen Agent Rossi?"

He nodded, his eyes downcast. "Yes, ma'am."

"How is he?" She'd turned her face to study his, looking for any attempt at artifice. He didn't make one.

"He's hurt, badly. They're going to keep him under for a few days, so we won't know for sure until then."

"What do you mean, Agent?"

"They're keeping him in a medically-induced coma. His brain won't require as much blood or oxygen that way, so if either of those are restricted, it won't do as much damage."

She knew her face was beginning to crumple, so she turned it away from him, to look out the window. From that position, she continued their conversation.

"I didn't even know. I didn't know he'd come, or that he'd been hurt. Agent Hotchner told me when I was in Emergency."

Reid squinted at her. "So he wasn't with you already? He wasn't at the house when you were attacked?"

She shook her head. "He wanted to escort me to and from meetings these past few weeks, but I chased him away. Told him I could take care of myself. After all, I'm an FBI agent as well." She gave a bitter laugh as she added, more to herself than to him, "An FBI agent and a fool."

He felt for her. He was well acquainted with the guilt he could see she was carrying. But any sympathy would have to wait.

"Ma'am…I need to understand what happened to you tonight. Are you up to answering more questions?"

He could see her stiffen herself, getting ready. "Of course. But I don't know how helpful I'll be, Agent Reid. I didn't see their faces."

"Maybe we can go back to when you left the meeting. Or, maybe before that, to when we were talking at the refreshment table. Can you remember that?"

"Yes. I wished you good night, and left."

"But you didn't go directly outside. You went to the ladies room. Do you remember?"

"Of course I remember. And then I saw you in the hallway just before I left."

"Right. Now, think back to when you were in the ladies room. Were you alone?"

She looked to the distance, trying to recall. "I think so. There was no one else at the sinks with me, but I can't be sure about the stalls. I'm afraid I didn't notice."

"Ma'am….is that a regular habit for you? Stopping in the ladies room before you leave?" Reid wondered if someone could have gone in to wait for her, hiding in a stall.

"Usually. I drink a lot of coffee when I'm there."

They both gave a very small chuckle at that. It was the one addiction that was acceptable among the BCC.

Reid continued coaching her. "Do you remember going out to your car?"

"Of course, how else…" She silenced herself. It had been a long time since she'd conducted a recall exercise, but she realized that Reid was trying his best to accomplish it with her. "Oh, all right."

He gave her an encouraging smile. "What was the night like? Cool? Overcast? Was there moonlight?"

She knew he was trying to place her back into the scene.

"It was clear. Not quite cool yet….it had been so warm during the day. There was a quarter moon, I think. I can't be sure about that, but I remember being able to see more stars than usual."

His mind had trouble picturing the dour Erin Strauss noticing the night sky that had so often been his refuge. But no time for that now.

"Okay. Now, think about what you saw in the parking lot. Were there other people there? Were there still a lot of cars in the lot?"

"I waved goodbye to a couple of women across the lot. They waved again as they drove by me. I was fussing with my phone, wanting to use plug it in for the ride home, so it took me an extra minute. I don't remember seeing anyone else getting into cars."

"Okay, that's good. You're getting a clear picture of the night. Now, do you remember any other cars moving in the lot? Or maybe pulling out just before or after you?"

She started to shake her head, but then stopped herself. "Yes, I do. I remember it because the headlights were blinding me in my rearview mirror. So it must have been something larger, like an SUV. I'm pretty sure it wasn't a truck or a van." She thought some more, then became decisive. "Yes, it was an SUV. Dark."

"Great! Now, did it turn your way?"

"Yes, I remember, because I was still having trouble seeing, from the glare. But…." She squinted, trying to recall. "I know it was gone later, because I would have remembered having it follow me all the way home. But…..oh, I know. We got separated at a stop sign. But I don't know if it turned a different way, or if it was just that other cars came between us."

She looked frustrated at that, and Reid tried to reassure her.

"That's okay, ma'am. You're doing great. This is going to be very helpful. Now, can I take you to when you actually got home? Do you remember pulling into your driveway?"

"Yes, that I remember. Because I had a motion sensor light installed outside the garage a few years ago, and it didn't come on when I pulled in. I remember being annoyed that the bulb had gone, because it was supposed to last ten years."

Reid made a mental note to check with the police. Maybe the bulb hadn't failed. Maybe it had been loosened, or removed.

"Did your garage door work?"

"Like it always does. There was nothing unusual about that."

"Does a light come on when the door goes up?"

"Yes, and it did tonight, too. I know that because I use the light to see when I put my key in the door."

Like most people involved with law enforcement, Erin Strauss took precautions…which included keeping her house door locked inside her locked garage. And still she'd been attacked.

"What about when you went into the house? Was there a light on?"

"I leave a light on a timer in the living room. It throws enough light into kitchen and mudroom for me to see when I get in. It was all as it usually is."

"And did you put the garage door down again after you came in?"

He watched as she put her hand to her chest, mouth agape. Apparently she'd remembered something.

"What is it? Ma'am?"

"I left it up. I needed to empty the litter box into the trash outside, so I left it up. But.." She turned confused eyes to Reid. "..I don't remember if I ever went outside again. I…..there's a gap. I don't remember the beginning of it. I don't know if they took me when I went outside, or if they came into the house." He could hear the upset in her voice.

She'd taken a blow to the head. Per Hotch, she'd awakened some time later, only to be beaten and tasered when she'd failed to answer questions.

Reid swallowed, himself uncomfortable with the subject matter. He could only guess how hard it was for Strauss to talk about.

"Ma'am….what did they look like?"

She was still upset. "I couldn't see them. They'd put a black hood over my head. I couldn't see them at all. I couldn't see where they were holding…" She broke off.

He closed his eyes, remembering his own bout with torture. How he'd tried to steel himself for every blow that he could see coming. He couldn't imagine what it must have been like for his superior, who was helpless at the hands of her abusers, unable even to ready herself for the pain.

"I'm sorry. I….I'm sorry." He paused for a long moment. "Ma'am, can we talk about what they asked you?"

He was thrown by her response. Instead of answering his question, she made a correction. Sharing about her experience, remembering it together with him, felt…..intimate.

"It's Erin."

"Excuse me, ma…?"

"Please call me 'Erin'….Spencer. I've felt inhuman enough this night….or it's day now, isn't it? Please call me Erin."

Reid's eyes wandered the room, looking everywhere but at his section chief. He didn't know if he could oblige her. It had seemed so artificial when they'd spoken at the end of the meeting, with each of them playing a role. But now…he realized that they were once again playing roles, albeit ones neither wanted. She, as victim, and he, as interrogator. He would oblige her.

"All right….Erin. Can you remember the questions they asked you?"

"They…they wanted to know what happened to the others."

He didn't understand. "The others?"

"The men who died. They wanted to know what happened to them. It was like they thought  _I_  had done something to them. Or the FBI."

Now Reid was thoroughly confused. "They wanted to know if  _we_  had killed them?"

She shook her head as though to clear it. "I don't think so. I think they were trying to see if I knew….but..." She threw up her hands, exasperated. "I can't be sure. I couldn't tell then, and I can't be sure now. I don't know if they were asking me…or if they were  _testing_  me. To see what I knew. To find out if we realized they weren't suicides."

Reid sat back, thinking.  _They're not sure we know?! Then why show themselves by going after her? Or are they not the killers? Are they simply distributing? Is there someone else manipulating all of this?_   _Were Sanders, and Greenly, and Obiki working with them? Or were they investigating them?_  The deeper he went into this case, the more it seemed there was no end to that depth.

He sat forward again. "Did they ask you anything else?"

"They asked me who I was working with. They wanted to know if I was working with you."

He'd expected that. "What did you tell them?"

She eyed him steadily. "I told them I couldn't rely on someone who was relapsing."

His eyes widened at that. What presence of mind under pressure! Reid was finding a new level of respect for Erin Strauss.

"That's good. That's good. Maybe…. Do you think they believed you?"

She had to shrug. "I don't know. I can't be sure."

He took and released a deep breath. "All right. Let's hope they did. Now, can you tell me about Rossi?"

She was embarrassed to find herself tearing up in front of one of her agents, but the tears didn't care.

"I don't remember it at all. But I'd just been talking to him on the phone on the way home. It was the last call. I can only think that the phone redialed when I dropped it. I think he heard what was happening to me, and…." She put her face in her hands.

Without even thinking, Reid patted her shoulder in a gesture of comfort, then felt chagrined, and pulled his hand away. He used his words instead.

"He'll be all right, ma'am…..Erin. He's in good hands. And he's strong. And he's got all of us pulling for him."

She lowered her hands and looked at him. "I hope you're right…Spencer. He's got to be all right."

_Amen to that,_ thought the man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.


	22. Chapter 22

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 22**

The university hospital was accustomed to caring for VIP patients. And while David Rossi didn't quite meet their criteria as a VIP, his case was such that the hospital staff would do all they could to help those most affected. Thus, they found the BAU an empty conference room in which to meet while they awaited their next hourly ICU visit.

Reid came back from his time with Strauss looking pensive. They could all tell he'd learned something that puzzled him. And if it puzzled  _him_ , they were all concerned.

"What is it, Reid?" Hotch got right to the point.

"How is she?" interjected JJ. She was as anxious as the rest to find out what her husband had learned, but she was also concerned for Strauss' well-being. Reid answered his wife first.

"She's…..stunned, I think. Physically, they said she'll be okay. They may even let her out of here later today. But I think she's still pretty much in shock. And she doesn't remember everything. She was unconscious for a good part of it."

Emily was concerned about Strauss as well.  _It's amazing how much you can forgive when someone it hurting._  "Is it wise? I mean, should she go home alone tonight?"

Hotch shook his head. "I don't think either she or Reid should be alone. I'll talk to the medical staff and try to get them to keep her."

"I can do that, Hotch." JJ's skills as a liaison still came in handy on a regular basis.

He nodded his appreciation. "And have Metro put a man on her door, will you?" Then he turned back to the original question. "Reid?"

Reid realized that, while Morgan had been listening in on the BCC meeting, he hadn't been able to see anything. So the younger profiler reported everything that had transpired, from his point of view, until the time he and Strauss parted. Then he told what he'd been able to extract from her.

Reid's mind provided its best recall when other distractions were removed. So he recounted the whole thing while staring at the table, seeing only what was in his mind's eye. When he reached the part about what the attackers had said to Strauss, he looked up again, at the faces around the table. Every one of them looked as confused as he probably had.

Morgan voiced it. "What? Wait….are you saying that they're  _not_  the people who've been killing the BCC members?"

Reid shook his head. "She wasn't sure. She said she couldn't tell if they were really thinking someone else had killed them….maybe even  _us_ …or whether they were testing her to see if the FBI believed  _they_  had killed them."

Emily made a face. "That doesn't make any sense. If they  _did_  do it, why would they purposely show themselves to the FBI? And if they  _didn't_  do it…and especially if they thought the FBI was responsible….why would they confront us?"

"Well, there's the obvious," said Morgan. "They might have been trying to throw  _off_  suspicion. It would be a really stupid way to do it, but who's to say?" It wouldn't have been the first time they'd encountered an unsub with a shortage of intelligence.

This was one of those occasions when they would most miss the input of their injured member. Reid might be the genius, and Garcia the technical whiz…but when it came to understanding the convoluted behavior of human beings, there was nothing more helpful than the vast experience and analysis of David Rossi. The others would have to do their best to fill in, having been schooled at his knee for years now.

Hotch started them on the task. "Okay, those are the questions. What are the answers?"

Morgan threw out an alternative idea. "Maybe they're scared. Maybe somebody else  _is_  doing the killing, and they want to point us in that direction."

"Or at least, away from them," offered JJ.

Emily wanted to clarify. "So, you're saying that these guys are up to  _something_ …..but they're not responsible for the killings. And so they decided to threaten and torture an FBI agent to see if they could get her to investigate it?" She guffawed. "I'm back to what I said before. It doesn't make any sense."

Reid had been quiet up until now. "I agree that it doesn't make any sense. But I also believe that these are not the guys who killed the others. I mean, think about it, they didn't try to kill Strauss. They just wanted information. That would be a total change in behavior."

"Yeah, Pretty Boy, but maybe they just didn't get a chance to kill her because Rossi showed up, and the neighbors called the police."

Reid shook his head. "I thought about that, but…..the whole thing is different. It didn't happen in an isolated spot, they used their fists and a taser. There was no evidence of prior injury on the others.  _They_  weren't tortured. They were just killed."

The team wasn't getting anywhere this way. JJ turned their conversation in a different direction.

"What does Evidence Response say?"

They all looked over to a corner of the room, where Garcia had managed to commandeer a couple of laptops for her use.

"So far, no prints, but they probably had gloves. There were a few droplets of blood in the driveway, and Rossi was found in the kitchen, so they think the blood is probably from one of them. Rossi must have gotten at least one hit. They'll go for DNA, but….you know."

"Yeah, we know, Baby Girl. It will take a while."

"I'm scanning hospital emergency admissions for patients with gunshot wounds, have thirteen so far."

"Thirteen. Ridiculous. Life in the big city." Emily spoke what all of them were thinking.

"I know, right? But so far none of them fit the weapon profile. I'll keep the program running."

"Look at urgent care centers too, Garcia. It may not have been that significant a wound."

"Good thinking, Mademoiselle Prentiss. Will do."

"Anything else, Garcia?" Hotch wanted to get started on strategy.

"Just a partial tire track in the dirt next to the driveway. We'll have that ID'd within the next hour or two."

"All right, keep us updated. The rest of you…..we need to think this through. If Reid is right, we may have two sets of operators here, and we need to sort through them and their agendas."

Morgan rubbed his face. "It feels like every time we think we have a handle on what's going on, we lose our grip."

Emily agreed. "And a different handle pops up. We need to get a different perspective on this. We have a lot of information, but we can't see how it fits."

"I think I can help with that." Reid spoke up. "Strauss did her best to deflect them from me. Even under duress, she told them I was in relapse. I think I can still work that."

As much as she hated the thought, JJ knew he was right. And this had become too personal to the whole team now. It had to end.

"With the kids away, we'll be able to make it look more convincing. It was hard to seem to be coming apart without scaring Henry, and even Rosie. We should be able to do it now." She looked at her husband, sadness in her eyes at the idea of even a feigned separation.

Reid squeezed her hand in appreciation. "We can make it look like we've sent the kids away so they won't be around for the break-up. It won't be surprising if I spiral down after that. I think I can make it look convincing. Hopefully they'll come to me then." He'd not made eye contact with anyone while speaking.

"Kid, you can come and stay with me."

"I can't, Morgan. I'll look too connected. And besides, if it were real, would you let me?"

Morgan just looked at him, not having an answer for that.

"Well then, where will you go?" Emily was concerned about both her friend, and the plan.

"I've thought about it already. I can get a cheap hotel room. Maybe a motel would be better, actually. More accessible."

"And more dangerous," pointed out his wife.

"But easier to surveill." Hotch agreed with Reid. He pushed back his chair. "All right. We've got work to do. Let's put some things in motion."

* * *

JJ and Reid were next up to visit Rossi, and did so before they left to get the kids and transfer them to the Jareaus. This time they walked into the ICU hand in hand.

When they arrived at his bedside, JJ bent to speak into his ear, over the noise of the machines surrounding him.

"We love you, David Rossi. The team…and especially the Reids…need you in our lives. Spence and I owe you so much. And Rosie! She needs to be bounced on your knee about a thousand times more. Come back to us, Dave. We're all praying for you."

Her voice had become choked as she spoke. When she stepped back, her husband took her place.

"Reid here. Erin wants you to know that she's all right. I spoke with her today. I think they'll let her come down here later. So, you did your job. You protected her. Now you can do the rest of your job. Heal. Come back to us. JJ's right. We all need you, but none more than our family. We'll be waiting."

When he stood back up again, JJ moved next to him. "Did I ever tell you, he prayed with me? When you were in the ICU, and I was alone with him in the waiting room. He took my hands and he prayed with me. It was probably the most comfort I had during that awful time."

Reid squeezed her to him. "He told me once that you'd said he was responsible for your being in the FBI, so I should thank him for having you in my life." They both chuckled softly at that. "And I did…thank him, that is. And I still do."

"Didn't he help with our first date as well?" The one they'd finally had after they'd already been together for months.

"Yep. He picked the restaurant, and the wine…I would have been sunk without him."

JJ raised her voice again. "Have you been listening to this, Rossi? You're responsible for us….me, Spence, the kids. And we're not ready to let you go."

Reid added, "So don't plan on going anywhere. Except to a party in your honor the minute you're out of here. I know you love a good party!"

They saw the nurse coming to shoo them out, so they each found an available finger and rubbed it goodbye, praying it wasn't the final time.

* * *

Henry Reid was the son of two FBI profilers. He was excited about having both of his parents come to pick them up, but suspicious at the same time. They were, after all, hours early.

"Are we having a surprise? Are we?"

Rosie, facing backwards in the seat next to him, picked up on her brother's excitement and started babbling. And when Rosie babbled, Rosie was  _loud_.

Reid had to shout over her. "Sort of a surprise, Little Man. You'll see when we get home."

_A surprise at home_? Henry had an idea. "Did we get another puppy?"

JJ turned to look at him with raised brows. "Another puppy? Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Well, Casey needs somebody to play with."

"Casey  _has_  somebody to play with...her human brother and sister!" On some of the most difficult days, JJ found herself declaring Casey "the best kid in the house."

"Well, what is it then? Is it a present?"

"More of an adventure, my man. You'll like it." Reid knew Henry loved visiting at his grandparents' home, where there was a lot more open land for him to play in.

Henry was still throwing out possibilities when they pulled near the house and he recognized the car in the driveway. "Meme and Papa are here! Are they the surprise?"

JJ turned around again as Reid pulled them to a stop. "Partly. How would you like to go and visit with them for a while? You can stay for a nice long visit, since you don't have school."

"Yay!"

Both parents were grateful that Henry so enjoyed being with his grandparents. As they were grateful for the help and understanding of those grandparents.

Rosie didn't know them quite as well, but loved them just the same. "Ay!"

Casey only barked her approval.

* * *

They managed to get Rosie down for a short nap after lunch. While JJ and Sandy packed for the kids, Reid and Charles watched Henry and Casey chase each other around the yard. Nothing about the unusual nature of the visit had been discussed in front of the children.

Now, Reid explained what little he could reveal to his father-in-law, apologizing repeatedly for not being able to share more.

"It's the case I told you about before. But now Rossi's been hurt, and so has our section chief. The only thing I can tell you," for which he'd secured Hotch's permission, "is that it has to do with the support group I've attended in the past. For my problem with narcotics."

Telling the Jareaus about that had been one of the most anxious conversations Reid had ever had in his life. But it had been necessary, after the shooting. And, to his great surprise, and their great credit, not a word of judgment had been spoken. Instead, Charles had thanked him for his candor.

Reid finished telling Charles what little he could about BCC. "There's something wrong there, and my history with them gave us an opportunity."

Reid didn't need to spell out the 'something wrong'. Charles was aware that, if the BAU was involved, people were dying. Reid turned to face his father–in-law now, his eyes earnest.

"Charles, I don't know if any of this will be made public, but….you may hear some things about me. Some behaviors, some lapses. None of it will be true, I promise you. You may hear that JJ and I are apart. And we will be, for a while. But only for the case. I love her and I will never leave her. I'd have to be out of my mind to even think about it. Believe me, I know how lucky I am, and I meant those vows I took."

The elder Jareau had already had a sense of how upset his daughter and son-in-law were when he spoke with them early this morning. Now he was beginning to understand why. And he did what any good parent would do. He put a hand on Reid's shoulder in support, and pressed it.

"I think you may be downplaying the danger to yourself. Am I right?" He had Reid's eyes in a vise.

The younger man could only acknowledge it. "It's true, but…that die is already cast. They already know about me. The only thing I can do at this point is to play it out."

"And my daughter?"

"Being separated should give her protection."

Charles nodded. "And she won't leave without you, am I correct?"

"Correct."

"Then I raised her right." He laughed when he saw the surprise on Reid's face. "A husband and wife need to stand together in the face of adversity. If Sandy and I hadn't figured that out early on in our marriage, we'd have been torn apart at least a dozen times by now."

He reached over and patted Reid on the back.

"My Jennifer is doing the right thing. And so is her husband."

When he turned around to go inside, Reid could only speak to the space where he'd been. "Thank you, sir…..Cha…..Dad."

* * *

Despite their attempts at spinning the 'adventure' aspect of the visit to Pennsylvania, the goodbyes were difficult, most especially on the adults. JJ had to walk away, back inside the house, ostensibly to get something additional for Rosie's diaper bag, so the kids wouldn't see her cry.

Reid stood at the curb, holding Rosie before putting her into her car seat. He'd already hugged Henry so hard he'd been yelled at. "Daddy, you're squishing me!" But he noticed that Henry squished him right back.  _Empathic Henry._

Now he was holding Rosie, also a mini-empath. She picked up on something in him…..the rhythm of his heart, his breathing, the tension in his muscle…..and she knew. Rosie burrowed her face into the crook between her father's neck and shoulder. Reid closed his eyes for that 'mind-melt' moment of unintruded presence with his daughter, somehow trying to convey an entire lifetime of love and wisdom to her in those few seconds.  _Just in case._

Then, remembering that he might be under surveillance, he sloppily removed her from his shoulder and put her in the car seat, letting Charles attach the straps. JJ reemerged from the house with a random toy to add to the pile they were bringing with them. She purposely didn't bend to see the children again, afraid she would lose her hard-won composure. She hugged her parents, and Reid did the same.

"Be strong, Son," Charles said into his ear. Reid could only nod, afraid to speak.

As the car pulled away, and as the farewell waves died down, Reid and JJ stood apart, hoping someone who needed to, would notice the distance between them. Then they turned and went back into the house, and closed the distance behind the thickness of the front door.


	23. Chapter 23

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 23**

They had a few hours. By plan, Reid would go out in the early evening and make another buy from another undercover. He'd spend the next couple of hours In his car, presumably getting high. Then he'd return home, where there would be a loud argument that culminated in his leaving.

Not wanting to risk a wire, or to be seen installing devices anywhere, they'd gone low tech. They'd be using two sets of new, designated phones for intra-team surveillance. Morgan would be on the other end of Reid's extra cell, and Emily on the other end of JJ's. Back up teams would step in during rest periods. For now, the lack of understanding of the case meant that neither of the young couple would be left uncovered. Either, or both, could be at risk.

Garcia was in her lair, ready to assist electronically. Hotch monitored events from his position at the hospital, where he was maintaining the vigil for his old friend. As he awaited his next turn in the ICU, he was joined in the conference room by Erin Strauss. She'd been granted the overnight stay in the hospital, per Hotch's request, but refused to remain in her room.

"Aaron."

"Chief Strauss. I'm glad to see you up and about."

The woman had regained herself enough to connect with her anger over what had happened. How her home had been invaded. How she'd been made to feel helpless. How she'd  _been_  helpless. And, above all, she was angry about the fact that David Rossi was in the ICU, fighting for his life. Her filters down, she directed that anger at the only available target.

"I refuse to be kept prisoner in a hospital room. Do  _not_  attempt to influence the medical staff again!" She knew it had happened at his behest.

Hotch only looked at her through his heavy brow, sensing that silence was his wisest response.

Filling the conversational void, she went on.

"SSA Hotchner, your team has been working this case for nearly two weeks. And what do you have to show for it? An additional murder…..Nunley, I believe, was the name…and one of your unit critically injured. Not to mention an assault on your section chief. I'm beginning to think I should take your team off the case."

He knew it was emotion speaking, but he also knew that permanent, and often unwise, decisions were sometimes made in the heat of emotion. He needed to respond to her now.

"Ma'am…..it's true that we're still lacking some critical information. But we've made great strides, and we think we have a plan to help us unravel this further. You've been helpful in making that happen, with what you reported to Agent Reid. Thank you."

Some of the steam had gone out of her.

"What, exactly, is this plan? Are you thinking to put more of our agents at risk? When we already have one who may be dying?"

As she said those last words, her balloon of indignation collapsed, and she sank into a chair. Hotch was too good a profiler….too good a human being…..not to see what was actually distressing her. He walked over to her now, and squatted beside her.

"Chief Strauss…..Erin….he's holding his own. They think he'll be all right. What they're doing with him now….the medically-induced coma...is to help him. They think it will give him the best chance. It's frustrating for us, because he can't wake up….but that will only be for another day or two. It will be all right."

Her defenses had fallen. She was too weakened by her trauma, both physically and emotionally. For the first time in a very long time, Aaron Hotchner watched Erin Strauss cry.

"He was trying to help me. That's what they said. I can't remember….damn it, I can't remember! I don't remember him being there, I don't remember him being shot! I didn't help him, Aaron. Maybe I could have helped him!"

Hotch simply stayed by her now, his hand on her back. When the time came, he offered, "Would you like me to go in with you? It can be hard, the first time."

She nodded. They both rose, and proceeded to their five minute bedside vigil.

* * *

They'd spent the rest of the afternoon together, snuggling on the sofa and trying to pretend to watch a movie. But their hearts were on their way to Pennsylvania, and neither could engage with anything else. Finally, JJ broke down and started the conversation.

"I hope they didn't see me crying. Do you think they did?"

She was lying on his chest, enveloped by his arms. Now those arms pressed his assurance to her.

"I'm sure your parents knew, but the kids were oblivious. You pretty much cry every time we go away on a case, don't you? Rosie's new to it, but Henry should be used to it by now." He was teasing, trying to defuse the tension.

She raised up and hit his chest. "I do not!" She settled back against him. "My eyes just get a little irritated, that's all." She smiled. He'd gotten her, and he knew it.

"Seriously, Spence. I didn't want to upset them, but…I've never been away from Rosie before. And, somehow, this just feels different from other times, you know?"

He knew. "That's because we're not just going away on a case. We  _are_  the case."

Now that they were in the conversation, he thought he might as well go for it.

"JJ," he pushed her off him and held her by the shoulders. He wanted to see her face for this. "This isn't something that either of us asked for, but we're in it. So we have to see where it takes us. But…..it could get pretty difficult. And, if it does….and especially if there's danger…please, please promise me that you'll go. Go and be with the kids, and your parents. Be safe. It would put my mind at ease…..please."

She knew what he wanted to hear. But she also knew that she would never leave him. Not unless she absolutely had to. The idea that he could be in mortal danger was trying to rise from the place where she'd buried it. Finally, she found a way to answer him, without lying.

She held his cheek in the palm of her hand. "If the time comes when there's no choice….I'll do what I have to do. I'll do it for the kids….and for you." She couldn't restrain the tears.

He swallowed thickly. "Thank you." Then he rose and took her by the hand, and led her into their bedroom. They would do what humanity so often did in the face of the threat of death. They would defy it, by celebrating life.

* * *

They'd ended up staying in bed for hours, not even making at attempt at dinner. Then Reid rose, and dressed, and disappeared. JJ realized it wasn't yet time for him to leave, so she got up as well, and went in search of her husband. She wasn't all that surprised to spy him through the kitchen window. He was on the patio, staring up at the twilight sky. JJ recognized his prayer stance, and decided to give him some time. After a while, she went outside and joined him.

"It's beautiful tonight, isn't it, JJ? The stars are just coming out…and I think that, over there, is Jupiter."

She walked into his arms. "It _is_  beautiful. It amazes me how this beauty comes right into my own backyard."

He smiled down at her.  _That's not the only kind of beauty that comes into my backyard._

Aloud, he said, "See, you're getting it. Don't tell Father O'Neill, but this beats the inside of a church any day."

She laughed softly. "Somehow, I don't think he would disagree with you, Spence."

She felt him shift in her arms, and knew it was time for him to leave. She raised her head to him, and he leaned down to kiss her goodbye. This one was easy. It wasn't the final one.

"I'll be home in a couple of hours. Then…."

She leaned up and kissed him again. "Don't say it. I'll see you in a couple of hours."

* * *

Once he was gone, she was restless. No kids, no dog, no husband.  _How did I used to spend my time?_

She remembered. JJ went into their bedroom and dug out her journal. She'd written so little since Rosie was born, the sacrifice of the busy wife, mother, and profiler. But now, she had the time…..and the need.

_Hi, remember me?_  She'd fallen into that habit of addressing her journal directly.  _Actually, it hasn't been all that long, this time, has it? I came to you when Spence had to start going to meetings again. But not really. I mean, he didn't have to, he just did it for a case. And now, he's taking it to the next step. And here I am, back again. Because I'm scared. It was already dangerous, but the threat is so much more now. We actually had to send the kids away, to Mom and Dad. Thank God for them, by the way. They are so supportive and understanding...far more than I have a right to ask of them. And the kids! Oh, they've only been gone a few hours, and I miss them already! For all those times a parent longs for a moment of kid-less peace and quiet….well, just give them one of those moments, and I'll bet they'll be like we are...begging for them to come back._

_But we can't take the chance. They've already hurt Rossi. That's right, our beloved David Rossi. Rosie's godfather. The man who, on the surface of things, does the same job as the rest of us. But who, deep down, does so much more. He takes care of us. Especially of Spence, and me. And the kids. Dear God, please let him be all right! And Chief Strauss…..she was hurt…tortured, actually….by the same people Spence is trying to connect with. Please, please, God, keep him safe. Please keep my love safe!_

_I'm writing after the easy part. Something tells me I won't have the ability to do it after the next step.  
_

Her phone sounded. Emily.  _Oh, damn, I forgot._  She hit the button.

"Emily, I'm so sorry." She was supposed to have opened the line between them.

"So, are you bringing the brownies?"

It was the code they'd agreed on, should the unsubs somehow breach the security around the house. Emily would be a fellow school mom, planning a celebration for the teachers. Brownies were good, cupcakes were bad.

JJ laughed. "Yeah, I'm bringing the brownies. I'm sorry, I just….I forgot, I guess."

Emily waited a beat before responding. "Understandable. I can't imagine what this is like for you guys."

"It's…..unimaginable is a pretty good word, actually."

"Yeah, well hang in there. I don't know that we're near the end, but we're definitely moving forward. How's my favorite genius handling it?"

"Better than I am. He's pretty focused, especially since Rossi was hurt. He's angry, but not enough to make him sloppy. But we're both…." She cut herself off. Emily heard the words she didn't say.

"But you're both missing the kids like crazy. My little princess goddaughter and her brother, the princeling." She'd been trying to make JJ laugh, and she'd succeeded.

"Stop! You make it sound like we're spoiling them. And I was counting on you, and Garcia, and Rossi to do that."

Now Emily laughed…..and then stopped abruptly.

"Rossi. Any more word?"

"Garcia called before. She'd spoken to Hotch. I guess Strauss was down to see him. Of course, he couldn't respond, but she said the nurses noticed a spike in his heart rate."

Emily was sardonic. "Who knows if that's a good thing or a bad thing?"

* * *

Reid, having made his 'buy', was back in his car, parked in the same small park as before. They'd all thought it would help if he seemed to have a pattern of behavior. He sat behind the wheel, head lolling back against the headrest, mouth open, doing his best to look high. He had only a vague memory of the specifics, from years ago. Because he'd been too…high.

_I just hope somebody's watching me. I'd hate to be sitting here for two hours for no reason_. From time to time, he made himself appear to come awake, and pretended to put on the radio, so he could move his lips without suspicion. He and Morgan both had their second phones, the line between those phones open. Reid's was hidden above the raised visor, with his personal phone in his pocket for emergencies.

"Morgan, you there?" The dark-skinned profiler had been waiting for his colleague to indicate it was all right to talk. He was equally bored, needing to sit in the silent dark as well, about a mile away from his friend.

"Here, Pretty Boy. I take it nothing is happening."

"Not yet. It's been almost 90 minutes now, hasn't it?"

In a moment of role reversal, Morgan replied, "Eighty-seven minutes and…..thirteen seconds." Reid could hear the smile in his partner's voice.

"Ha, ha. You know, I've been thinking….trying to remember, actually. It's hard because….well, because I was so out of it at the time. So I don't really remember everything about it. But I'm pretty sure it didn't last for too many hours. Not with what I was using. I think it might have worn off by now."

"Are you saying you think you should go home now?" They'd been planning on another thirty minutes.

Reid had to pause for a few seconds, considering, questioning his own motives. "Yeah, I think so." Pause. "Yes, I think I should."

"Ah, I hear you, Kid. You're not sure if you just want to get home to your lady faster, right?"

Long pause. "Right. But I think it's also true that the highs didn't last for hours. I think it would be okay for me to go back now."

"Okay. I'm with you. For whatever reason. I'll let Baby Girl know, and she'll notify the others. Does this mean you'll leave the house again earlier than we thought?"

Reid had to think about that one. What would trigger the argument? The fact that he'd come home high? Or would he have done something to trigger it after he was home? The former would mean a shorter time with JJ, the latter, longer. He  _wished_  he thought it could be the longer. But...

"Yeah, I think it works better that way. I come home high, she gets upset, we argue and I leave." Now his colleague could hear the tension in Reid's voice.

Morgan was silent for a moment. "I'm sorry for this, Kid….Reid. To tell you the truth, I've kind of admired how you guys are with each other. No big drama. If you have your disagreements, you keep them to yourselves. I can't imagine it will be easy to have a semi-public argument, even if it isn't real."

"Yeah, well…I'm not exactly looking forward to it. I know JJ isn't either. But…."

"But it's one step closer to putting this behind us."

"Exactly that. Which is why we'll make it work. They've only been gone a few hours, and I already miss Henry and Rosie."

"And Casey. I think Clooney knows that Casey's gone. He wasn't himself when I stopped home tonight." The two dogs often played together.

In his vehicle, Reid had started to move about, looking like he was coming alert.

"Sure do hope they're watching. I'd hate for this to have been wasted."

"They're watching, Pretty Boy. I've got a feeling about it. You go on home now, and I'll set up near the motel."

"'Kay. Talk to you in a couple of hours."

* * *

He made sure to stumble slowly up the front walk, and had trouble putting his key into the door. When he finally got in, JJ met him on the other side.

"Nothing?"

"Well, Morgan thinks there's no chance the Cubs will make the playoffs."

She laughed, in spite of everything. "I take it you two had plenty of time to talk."

"Any longer and we'd have to go steady."

"Hmph. Well, good thing you're already taken, then."

"Good thing."

They'd made their way to the bedroom by now, where the lights were out and the shades drawn. No chance of anyone outside seeing a couple in love. They sat on the bed, settling themselves against the headboard, his arm around her, her head on his chest.

"How long do you think we have?"

He didn't hesitate. His internal clock was already counting down. "I think we can give it about half an hour, but not much longer than that."

"Thirty minutes. How is it that sometimes it can seem like forever, and sometimes it's an instant."

* * *

There  _were_  eyes on the house. The FBI security detail had backed off to a distance several blocks away. This was an instance in which they  _hoped_  their security would be breached….just not too badly. The eyes on the house didn't belong to the security detail.

There were lights on in what looked to be the kitchen and the living room, but there didn't seem to be any movement in either of the rooms. The watcher knew that the children had left earlier today, with whom they assumed were the grandparents.  _Getting them out of the way? For what? The breakup? Or the takedown?_

The distance between the young couple had been obvious, as they'd stood apart waving to their children. But was it feigned? Was the male resuming his drug dependence, and losing his family in the process? Or was it simply being made to look like that?

The watcher could only watch, and wonder.

* * *

Reid looked at the clock, and then turned his gaze to his wife. She tried to prolong their time together by waiting to look up at him. Finally, she did.

"Time?"

He nodded, and they both rose, and made ready to go into the living room, into the light, so they could be seen, hoping there was someone out there to see them.

They'd memorized their script, wincing inwardly at the words. But they were both intent on putting this behind them, so they would play their parts as best they could. Reid had lamented to his wife, "I wish I had taken acting lessons. I don't even know  _how_  to yell."

Once he'd said it, she realized how true it was. It struck JJ that, in all the time she'd known him, she'd never once heard Spence shout at anyone. He won his battles with his wit, and he garnered attention by  _lowering_  his voice, not raising it. But he would have to be loud for this. They were certain there were no listening devices in the home, as a visiting Penelope Garcia had been able to tell them during an electronic sweep. So, if they were being observed, they'd have to make certain their words were heard. JJ had cracked open a window earlier in the evening, just to make it easier.

Before they began, Reid told JJ, "I will never in my life say these things to you again. I'm so, so sorry for this."

His 'character' would provide the brunt of the ugliness, given his presumed lack of sobriety.

She kissed the lips that would momentarily abuse her. "I know. Let's get this over with, okay?"

With that, she turned and walked briskly into the light of the living room, visibly angry. He followed her more slowly, but with an equally angry stance. JJ turned and faced him.

"You're hurting our family, can't you see that? I  _had_  to send the kids away! I won't let them see you like this! Spence, you need to stop this! You need to get help!"

"Shut up, Bitch!" He almost choked on the words. And JJ, for all of her attempts to steel herself, visibly recoiled. That wasn't part of the act.

Softly, he whispered. "God." Then, "Turn around, please. I can't do this to your face."

She obliged him. He took a settling breath, and continued.

"You're so high and mighty, right, Princess? It's all my fault, is that it? It's all kids, all the time around here! When is there time for me, huh? When do I get mine? And if I go out to have a little fun…if I just try to take the edge off…. _that_  ruins the family? What did I do? Did I hit them? No! Did I hurt anyone? No!"

She'd gotten control. Now JJ whirled around at him again. "You're hurting yourself! Don't you see, Spence? You're not yourself when you're high! And the last time…..the last time, you almost lost your job!"

"Keep the damn job! It's not worth it!  _You're_  not worth it!" He paused a moment. "You know what, you can bring those brats back here. The mutt too. I'm out of here, Bitch. I'm gone."

"Don't think I'll try to stop you!" She pushed past him and into the bedroom. "I'll even pack your bag for you! Don't come back here until you're sober!"

Reid followed her. With the light now on, they needed their distance. But the yelling was over.

"You okay?" She was more worried about him. The tears on his face were genuine.

"No." He took a breath. "I'm so sorry, JJ. I know it was all for show, but I also know it hurt. It hurt me to say it, I'm sure it hurt to hear it."

"I'm a big girl, Spence. And, to tell you the truth, hearing that, feeling it…well, it made me so much more aware of how grateful I should be that it will never happen in our marriage." She looked her love at him. "Now, forget about it. Put it behind you. I want you focused on  _them_. Make sure you're paying attention, please, Spence."

He could be intensely focused….but his fascination with virtually everything could also easily distract him. JJ knew him well.

He smiled. "Yes, ma'am."

They turned off the light, and chanced a final moment together in the bedroom. He could still see her well enough. In the dim indirect light, her pupils were dilated, making it so much easier to fall into her eyes. He did so, and immersed himself in her for just a blessed few seconds.

They embraced, holding each other tightly. JJ looked up at her husband. Her eyes scanned his face, memorizing it. Her nose breathed in the scent of him, doing the same. Her body felt the placement of his fingers, the palms of his hands, the pressure of his chest against hers.

He knew he needed to treat it like a bandage. One quick pull, and it was done. Otherwise, the attachment, and the pain, lingered. So he kissed her once again, crushed her to him, and left.


	24. Chapter 24

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 24**

The phone above his visor sounded, reminding Reid that he'd forgotten to open the line of communication with Morgan. They'd agreed he would do so as soon as he left, on the chance that he'd be followed, or even approached. But he'd been too upset to remember.

He hit the button. "I'm here."

"Hey, Pretty Boy. Listen, I know this isn't easy, but you're gonna have to make sure you follow the plan."

"I am following the plan, Morgan. I just verbally tore my wife to shreds. That was the plan, wasn't it?"

Snarky Reid had emerged. He was angry, and anguished. He lashed out at his good friend.

"Hey, Kid, I'm on your side, remember?"

Long pause as he beat himself up for misdirecting his anger. In a much more subdued voice, he responded.

"I remember. I'm sorry."

"Understandable, Kid. I take it it was pretty hard." It was the one thing neither he nor Prentiss had listened in on. By request.

Big sigh. "If you only knew."

Morgan was sympathetic. "How's JJ?"

Reid tried in vain to suppress the snark. "About how you'd expect after being degraded by her husband."

In his vehicle, Morgan shook his head.  _So much for 'acting'._

"Kid, it wasn't real, and JJ knows that. The question is, do you?"

"Of course I know that, Morgan. We'd never be like that with one another. It's just…it was hard. Strange. It was awful."

Morgan knew he needed to move his young colleague off the topic.

"Well, now it's over. The security team didn't see anyone watching, but that doesn't mean they weren't there. We're pretty sure we're dealing with an experienced LEO."

Reid was successfully distracted. "LEOs."

"Huh?"

"LEOs. More than one. I think this has to be something that's involving a team. Or maybe even teams. Like, those guys who went after Strauss. Obviously a team. But they're not the real unsubs…or so they would have us believe. But they acted too much like underlings…like hired goons. I think they're working for someone else. And I think it might be a team."

"Because?"

"Because, the guys they killed….they were too good. They were too smart, from what we've been able to find out. And we know from their photos that they were strong. If it was only one guy, why couldn't they have fought him off?"

"I don't know, Kid. Prentiss and I were talking while you and JJ were at the house. Remember what the ME said? That he would have disabled them with insulin?"

"Yeah.."

"Well, suppose these guys were trying to get high. Suppose our unsub was posing as a dealer…."

Reid was on board with this now. "Or as someone wanting to get high with them...somebody willing to 'share'...

"Right. So, why would they fight him? All he had to do was give them the needle they were asking for."

"And put them under with insulin instead of narcotics. In a way that was virtually undetectable."

"Right. And then he could easily have shot them, and posed them."

"Or set the car on fire." As had happened in the latter deaths.

"Exactly."

Reid was quiet for a long while. This time, Morgan left him alone. He knew his friend's mind was back on the case.

Finally, the junior profiler spoke. "So, maybe. But we're back to 'why'. Why are they being killed?"

"We need to profile the unsub. We've tried going after it with victimology, but it hasn't brought us far enough. We need to start somewhere. We may as well assume we've got our method, and go from there."

"Okay. So he's confident. Calculating. Smart. He's either extremely well-connected, or he's a younger guy. The guys on the street are always suspicious of someone older making a buy. Most real junkies don't make it that far."

"But we don't know that he  _has_  other drugs. We're just assuming the insulin."

Reid was sure. He couldn't say how, but he was sure. "He'd have to be convincing, Morgan. He'd have to have experience. It's not that easy to shoot up…at least not at first." He stopped speaking abruptly.

Morgan didn't need to have eyes on Reid to know what had just happened to his younger friend.

"Not you, Reid. We are _not_  talking about you. Get it out of your head. It was over and done with a long time ago."  _Although I'm starting to get it. For you, it will never be over._

He could hear the younger man take and release a deep breath. "Okay."

"Okay, now. So you think our unsub has to have had real drug experience, but still is a younger man. But what's to say he's not in medicine? Maybe he's good with a needle because he uses them for work? It might explain how he could get the insulin."

"Anybody can get insulin, Morgan. It's over the counter in most places. Needles and syringes, too."

Morgan was astonished. "Really? Can't it be lethal?"

"There are lots of potentially lethal meds available over the counter. You should wander in your local drug store aisle some time, and read the labels. It will turn your hair white."

"What hair?"

It got the intended laugh. "Okay, I'm pulling in now. Hey, do you think they have breakfast in this place?"

Morgan was pleased to hear Reid joking. "If they do, get me a bagel. I'm here for the night."

Reid was surprised. "I thought the other team was coming on."

"Naw. Not tonight. I want to be here. Got a feeling."

"I don't think so, Morgan. I think they'll watch me tonight, make sure this is real. Tomorrow night might be a different story."

It would be a meeting night. And he would skip the meeting.

"I won't go in tomorrow, I'll be too hung over. But I think I can manage to call in to the round table room for the meeting. Then I'll hunt around for another fix. Mikey is supposed to meet me in the park so I can make another buy."

"And we'll do our phone routine all over again. All right, you're probably right. I'll call in the other team. I want to be fresh for these guys tomorrow. Keep your phone open, I'll just hand it off to Jerry."

"Okay. And Morgan…..thanks."

The place wasn't bad. They'd not chosen a dive just yet, though there were plenty in the district. But he'd only been 'relapsed' for a short time, and he'd still have some money available. But it wouldn't last for ever. They'd had JJ freeze their accounts, so Reid would become more desperate, more rapidly.

Garcia assured them she'd be able to sufficiently encrypt communication in and out of the BAU to allow JJ and Reid to communicate while JJ was there. But here, communication was banned. With no one he loved there to distract him, Reid fell into a fitful, restless sleep. His only dreams were of needles, and burning fish innards, and a shovel impaled into the ground.

* * *

He was up early the next morning, but dare not leave his room before ten. Making do with the in-room coffeemaker, he longed for some of the rich, dark stuff that usually started his day. At nine, he turned on the television to provide a noise cover, and took his phone into the bathroom. The team would be meeting any minute.

"Reid? Junior G-Man? Are you there?" It was Garcia's voice.

"I'm here. " He listened intently for JJ, but was disappointed. "Where is she?"

Morgan fielded it. "She's not here yet, Kid. She got….held up."

_They're all gone, what could have held her up?_  "By what?"

There was silence on the other end, unnerving Reid. "Guys? What happened? Where's my wife?"

Emily responded to him. "She's all right, Reid, don't worry. She just got a call from her mother. I guess Rosie is running a fever."

Rosie hadn't been sick a day in her life, so far. Not even a cold. "A fever? How high?"

In the round table room, the rest of the team were trying to communicate through their facial expressions. Morgan's told Emily to downplay it. Garcia's told her to be honest. Emily went with Garcia.

"Pretty high, I guess. It's 104. But they said she looks okay."

"But…."

"Don't worry, Reid. JJ's talking to her doctor. If she thinks Rosie needs to be seen, she'll recommend someone up there."

He wasn't placated. This was  _Rosie_.

"Emily, tell JJ to go to Pennsylvania. Make her go."

"Reid…"

He wasn't about to be put off. "Hotch? Are you there, Hotch?"

"Yes, Reid, I'm here."

"Can't you order her? Can't you make her go?"

Hotch tried to keep the smile out of his voice. "Reid, have I ever been able to order  _you_  anywhere?"

Reid's mind went immediately to the case with Owen, the boy who shot up his town, and his classmates. Reid had been ordered out of the sheriff's department. He'd been angry, but he'd obeyed. But then his memory played out the rest of the story. He'd obeyed Hotch about  _that_ ….but then purposely interfered with the rest of the case in order to save the unsub's life.  _But JJ is a better soldier than I am._

As though he'd had that whole mental conversation aloud, Reid responded, "But she's JJ.  _She'll_  listen to you!"

Garcia interjected, "Reid….my sweet baby genius. Rosie is with her grandparents. They're very experienced. Don't you worry. She'll be fine."

Easy for her to say. Rosie was his flesh and blood. And a temperature of 104 wasn't 'fine'.

Morgan was giving Prentiss an 'I told you we shouldn't have told him' look, prompting her to try once again to reassure their absent member.

"Reid, she's fine. Babies get sick all the time. It's normal. And the Jareaus will call if anything else happens. Come on now, Handsome, we need your mind on the case."

Reid shook his head, trying to clear it. She was right. About everything. But still…..Rosie..

"Okay. Okay, I'm with you. Did Morgan tell you about what we came up with last night? About the profile?"

Hotch took that as his cue to formally start the meeting. "Let's back up a minute. Anything on last night?"

Morgan responded for them. "Nothing in the park, and nothing at the house. If they were being watched, the watchers were good."

"I'm pretty sure they were watching. At least at the house, and probably here. I didn't see anyone following me from the park." Reid was still insistent. He could just feel it.

"But no contact, Reid?" Hotch was willing to go with his genius' sense of things, but he would build his strategy on facts.

"No contact. The night was quiet. I took a look at the parking lot this morning. None of the cars were occupied, but that's the best I could say."

Emily interrupted the topic.

"Before we do anything else, can we get an update on Rossi?" She knew Hotch had spent the night there, and she looked at him now for an answer.

"He's holding his own. When he came in, they had to give him quite a bit of blood….thirteen units, Ithink…just to stabilize him. So they're being very cautious about watching him. That being said, they were happy with his progress. It's possible they'll start to wean him from the meds tonight."

That excited Morgan. Presumably, Rossi had seen the thugs who shot him. "Will he be able to speak to us?"

Hotch shook his head, then realized that Reid couldn't see. "They said the weaning process can take up to 24 hours, sometimes longer. They'll stop giving the drugs, but they have to let them wear off."

"So, tomorrow then. Maybe?" Emily was anxious as well.

Reid heard a slight commotion on the other end of the line and a few comments of "Hey"…"Here she is"…"How's Rosie?" He closed his eyes in relief. JJ had arrived. And that meant that she, and Rosie, were okay.

He heard Morgan's voice speak over the others.

"Say hello to Pretty Boy. I think he's tearing all of that "pretty" hair out by now."

"Spence? Are you there?"

"JJ! Are you okay? Is  _Rosie_  okay?"

"I'm fine. Mom says Rosie is fussy when she's got the fever, happy when it comes down."

"What else is wrong with her? Could it be a cold, or the flu?"

JJ looked her apology at the rest of the team as she tried to alleviate her husband's worry.

"She doesn't have anything except the fever. I called Dr. Lawrence, and she said to wait it out. If she still has it after three days, they'll bring her to the emergency room."

"For what? If it's an emergency, isn't it an emergency  _now_?"

"Spence, relax. Kids get sick, that's all. It's all right. They'd only use emergency because she's too far away to see Dr. Lawrence." Before he could say anything else, JJ cut him off. "We can talk about this after the meeting, okay? Let's let everybody get back to business."

It didn't sit right with him, but what choice did he have?

"All right. Sorry, guys."

"Let's get back to the case now, please." Hotch retook control of the meeting. "As I was saying, we may be able to get some information from Rossi by tomorrow night. But we should probably plan on it being the following day, to be safe."

Reid brought them back to the rudimentary profile he and Morgan had started to put together. He recounted the supposition that the unsub would be younger, and with some real life experience injecting drugs. "So I'm thinking he was either a genuine member of BCC, who maybe fell into this during a relapse…or he's using BCC to cherry pick likely candidates."

"Candidates for what, though?" Emily knew that she'd just spoken the crucial question. They'd surmised this had something to do with drug shipments coming in from South and Central America, but they'd not been able to say why that process would require involvement of members of BCC.

Morgan was thinking aloud. "Even if they're looking to distribute further….why try to do it with a bunch of LEOs?"

An idea struck JJ. "Could they be trying to  _protect_  the whole operation? So, not really using BCC members to conduct the operation….just trying to recruit them to interfere with any investigations into it?"

It resonated. Reid thought she was on to something. "Or maybe they've been operating long enough that they were able to delay the investigation beginning in the first place. There are some highly placed people in BCC."

His thoughts went immediately to John, then dismissed the idea out of hand….and then came back again. It unsettled him. But he would say nothing. Not now.

Emily wanted to pursue JJ's idea further. "How do we think they would have gotten these guys to cooperate? Did they threaten them? Their careers? Their families? Did they pay them off? And why did they turn on them, then?"

Hotch turned to his technical analyst. "Garcia, look at the financials of the men who died. Look for any evidence of a large cash infusion, an extravagant purchase, vacations, real estate...anything."

"Yes, sir, Mr. Boss Man." As she started from the room, Morgan called after her. "Baby Girl…look at the families, too. Wives, girlfriends, parents, kids. If these guys had any sense they were living on borrowed time, they'd have passed the money along."

"Will do, my favorite chunk of chocolate. PG will get back to you all in a jif."

Hotch made the rest of his assignments. Since they were, essentially, down two people, the rest would work individually.

"Morgan, go over everything available on the cruise line drug shipment case." He saw the look on his profiler's face, and knew the man was picturing the mounds of material generated by a federal case. "I know, but we can't give it to Reid, obviously."

Morgan directed his response to the phone. "It's times like this one, Pretty Boy, that I miss you the most."

They could hear Reid laughing on the other end of the phone. "Sorry, Morgan. I'll be busy enjoying the park for most of the day."

"Ha. You just take care of yourself in that park, Pretty Boy. I'll be joining you in it later on." Morgan left to start his onerous task.

"Prentiss, besides the known victims, I want you to look at who else was assigned to the cruise line case. Then look at our victims' assignments going back two years. Look for any crossover with each other, and with anyone else working on the federal case. If they weren't intentionally mishandling the case themselves, they might have been influencing others. Or one of those 'others' might be our unsub." It was a complicated assignment, and Hotch waited to see that she understood it.

She nodded. "Aye, Sir." And she left the room as well.

"JJ, connect with the victims' families again. Focus this time on behaviors related to anything financial. If Garcia can't uncover it, maybe we can find it behaviorally. And go back over the old ground as well. Did any of these men act as though they were being threatened? Did they take new precautions for themselves or their families? See what you can get."

"Okay."

"But, before you do, would you do me a favor and see if you can straighten this room up a little?"

She smiled at him. He was giving her time alone with her husband.

"Sure, Hotch. Glad to. Thank you."

When they were alone…..telephonically speaking…..she said, "Hey."

"Hey." Pause. "Is she really okay, JJ? Because I've never seen her sick. And 104 sounds like an awfully high temperature. I mean, I know kids can get fevers after shots, but she hasn't had any shots in a month. Did you know that most kids don't even get a fever after a shot? So, it must be an infection. And there are all sorts of bad things that can go wrong when kids get an infect….."

"Spence!" She had to shout over him to get him to hear. "Spence!"

He silenced himself. "Sorry."

"Spence, Henry had plenty of fevers when he was little. Especially after he started preschool."

"But didn't he end up in the hospital with one of them? When he had that seizure?" Short pause. "JJ, what if Rosie has a seizure!?"

"Calm down, Spence. It's true Henry had to go to the hospital, but they didn't keep him. They said it was common, and not dangerous. And besides, they said it usually happens when the fever first goes up. Rosie's is already high. It won't happen to her."  _I hope._

"I think you should be there. She doesn't feel well. What if she's looking for one of us and we're not there? What if she needs us?"

She agreed with him. For all of those reasons, she should be with their daughter.  _We should both be with her. But…._

"Spence. Of course you're right. Rosie should be with us. So should Henry. But we can't do it right now. The team is already down, and we need to put an end to this. Mom says Rosie is back to normal whenever her fever comes down, and Dr. Lawrence told me that's a good sign. So, unless that changes, I'm going to stay here and work the case, so I can get my family…..including my husband….home. Okay?"

She was right. But he hated it.

"Okay, all right. But….if anything changes…promise me you'll go. I don't care how long I have to do this, just so long as all of you are all right…and together."

"Well,  _I_  care how long it takes. But I hear you. I'll put our family first…which includes my husband."

"Who loves you, very much."

She smiled. "I know."

* * *

He put on his 'drug shuffle' as he left the motel room for his car, hoping again that he was being watched. As he made his way toward the park, seeking the material for his next high, Reid watched the road carefully. There were cars behind him, but none that he could be sure he'd seen before. The park was only a short distance from the motel, off a main road, making it difficult to notice if any of the other vehicles were matching his turns…almost all of them were. He drove slowly, as if impaired, and whenever the road situation allowed, he drifted right or left of his designated lane. Reid swung wide into the park, and began looking for his contact. He spotted Mikey Gill relaxing on a bench near a playground, watching the kids enjoy themselves.

Mikey spotted Reid as well. After a ten minute wait, he slowly got up from the bench and ambled toward where Reid was parked. Anyone watching might have thought he'd run into a neighbor, or a friend, as he went over and leaned into the vehicle through the passenger side window. Anyone except those familiar with narcotic sales, that is.

Just in case…in case of listening devices, including parabolic mics…..both men would stay in role.

"Hey, man, good to see you." Mikey greeted his buyer.

"Man, same here. You got something for me?" Reid tried to infuse just a little desperation into his voice.

"Yeah, I might have something. But I don't know if you heard, but there's a shortage. I gotta charge you more, man." They wanted to make it harder for Reid to get his fix, to make him more vulnerable.

"Whatever, man. But don't make it too much. I got kicked out. I don't have much cash with me."

"Show me what you got, and I'll tell you how much you can get."

It was a classic dealer move on the impaired junkie. Find out what they're carrying, take most of it. Make it harder for the next time. Make them wait for the next fix. Because, by then, they'll pay anything. And do anything.

Reid showed him a pocketful of bills. Mikey took over half of it, and give him a small pile of pills.

"What's this?"

"It's your dilly, man."

"I don't take pills. Where's the vial?"

"Can't get no more of that, man. This is the same stuff. You just throw it down your throat. It just takes more when you do it that way. You might need to come back tomorrow, get more."

"That's all my cash I showed you. I can't buy like this tomorrow."

"You come back tomorrow, I'll give you enough to get through your day. Okay, my man?" The dealer being magnanimous with his junkie. Reeling him in.

"Okay. Thanks, man."

The two parted, and Reid drove away slowly, further into the park, to the spot he'd occupied last night. It would be 'his' spot. To anyone watching, he appeared to pop some pills, and wait for their effect. Which happened, twenty minutes later. His head fell back on the headrest, and he lay, mouth open, eyes slitted, peeking through his lashes at the woods surrounding him.

* * *

"He's out. Hey, I'm thinkin' we should hire his dealer. Guy's a master at stringing along a junkie. Might be a handy guy to have with us."

"We've got enough people with us. I don't want to take any more chances of loose tongues. Okay, keep an eye on him. When he comes to, follow him. If he stops anywhere, approach him. Not too closely. Just make contact. I think this might be our guy. By tomorrow, or the next day...he'll be needing us."


	25. Chapter 25

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 25**

The problem with low-tech communication was the….low-tech. Garcia had found them the longest lasting battery she could, but the visor phone still had power limitations. And it couldn't be seen to be charging. So it would be used for regular check-ins during the day, but the line wouldn't be kept open until the early evening, when Morgan came on.

Jerry, who served nearby backup during the day, checked in with Reid on the hour and the half hour. No words were exchanged, but simply a tapped-out code. In the evening, when it was more difficult for a watcher to see him, and when he could reasonably block outgoing sound waves with a rolled up window, Reid would be able to speak with Morgan. He couldn't wait for that moment to come. With nothing but time on his hands, he'd done his best to keep his mind on the case. But it insisted upon moving back to Rosie.

_Please, don't let it be serious. It's bad enough that she's sick and her parents aren't with her. But if it's something more than some virus…..please_. Then his brain started running down the list of viruses that could actually be harmful, and he began to wonder if he should pray for something else. Then he remembered having read about some of the 'something elses' that could cause fever in a child, and felt the panic setting in.

_Maybe I'm not cut out for this. Being a parent is scary. The responsibility is scary. The falling in love is amazing, but being afraid of losing the one you've fallen in love with is torture. I don't know how JJ has done it this long. I don't know how any parent does it._

But then he remembered that time. That awful time when Henry had been hurt. That time when he and JJ were only just beginning to realize what they meant to one another. She'd almost crumbled under the burden of her fear and anxiety that time.  _And she leaned on me. And I was able to stand. And I held her. That's how we do it…..together._

But they weren't together….not now. And they wouldn't be together again until this case was over. With that thought, Reid was able to exert the discipline that let him go back to analyzing the case.

_All right. So, we think someone is using BCC to recruit people to disrupt investigations that would affect their drug ring. Logic tells me it has to be someone connected with BCC, even if it's not an actual member. There has to be some way they're approaching these guys. So, the next question is…how do they know whom to approach? Obiki and Greenly were both directly involved with the cruise line investigation. Were they targeted because of that? And how would anyone know what they were doing? There has to be someone on the inside, someone with enough access to information…._

Again his brain went in the surprising direction it had taken him this morning. John met the criteria. And he'd proven resourceful in getting access to CIA information as well. Was he that good a hacker? Or was he calling in favors? The thought that John might be involved shook Reid at his foundation. The one person at BCC whom he'd been certain he could trust….

_Stop it, Reid. Your instincts are good. Go with them. He's a good man. He saved you, remember?_

He realized that part of his current anxiety was physical. He was  _hungry_. When one was actively using, he had little interest in food. The fix was everything. But when one was just  _pretending_  to use…..well, hunger was real. And distracting. And irritating. He decided to chance a trip down the road from the park, to one of the fast food establishments where he could stretch his dollar.

It was close to dinner time, and the park had significantly emptied out. The only other car in sight was a small silver sedan, late model, nothing fancy, parked near the rest rooms. It could have been simply someone making a rest stop.  _Or_ , he wondered,  _maybe they've got a day and night shift as well. The question would be...is this one coming or going?_

He kept an eye in his rear view mirror as he exited the park, but didn't see the sedan again. He drove slowly along the mile and a half to his destination, got out and looked around. No sedan. Just families going in and out, an occasional harried parent seeming to bring a gigantic bag of food home to a hungry brood.

Reid went inside. His first order of business was the rest room, where he freshened up. Looking into the mirror, he was glad to see the effect of last night's restless sleep….and today's worry about his daughter….in the deep circles around his eyes. It might have been normal for him, but it spelled 'junkie' to the uninformed.

He went back out and ordered his food, adding some items he could keep with him in the car for later. He topped it off with coffee, extra large, extra sweet. And then added more sugar, and took some extra packets to use with the unpalatable brew back at the motel.

"Sir, if you won't be using those here, you'll need to put them back."

_What the…_

He whipped his head up to see the smiling face of Elaine Modell, in full uniform.

"Uh…Elaine." He was caught off guard.

"Relax, Spencer. I was only kidding. I pulled in to grab some food and saw you over here. How's it going?" She was clearly studying him. "Everything okay?"

His brain was racing, visually tracking everything it had seen since he'd been in the park. Had there been a Metro PD unit around? He could see Elaine's in the parking lot now. Could she be the watcher? Or was the watcher watching both of them at this moment? He didn't want to endanger Elaine. He liked her.

"Everything's fine. I'm just on my own tonight, so I thought I'd take advantage and get my junk food fix."

"Ha. I guess we never get past our tendencies toward addiction, huh? But at least you can afford this one." Her eyes took in his thin physique.

"Yeah. I guess. Well, it was good to see you."

"Will I see you later?" At BCC.

He wasn't going. But he wouldn't tell her that. "Sure. Later. Bye."

* * *

Morgan buzzed him at seven, but they waited until full dark to speak. The older agent was set up in the parking lot of an all night grocery store.

"Anything, Pretty Boy?"

"Not really. I ran into someone from BCC when I went to get food. A Metro cop. But she was still in uniform, and was driving her unit. I doubt they'd be that blatant, right?"

"I don't know. Being obvious is sometimes a good cover, you know?"

He did. He'd been hoping Morgan would talk him out of it. "Yeah, I guess. How is Rosie?"

Morgan laughed. "Fifteen seconds. Prentiss wins."

"What?"

"Garcia said it would take you ten seconds to ask. I called thirty. But Prentiss won it, with fifteen."

"Very funny. How's my daughter?"

"Blondie said to tell you she's doing fine. She still has her fever, but she's been playing, and eating, and being normal Rosie, all day."

"She still has the fever?" It was apparently all he'd heard.

" _And_  she's fine. Come on, Reid. JJ's good at this. Don't you think she'd be up in PA in a heartbeat if she thought something was really wrong?"

He had a point. "How is she? How's JJ?"

"She's worried about you. But she's fine. And, before you ask, Rossi is fine too. Well, not fine, but he's getting there. They think he's doing well enough that they're starting to wean him tonight. We might be able to interview him in another day or so."

_Thank God._

"And Strauss?"

"Released, but staying at the hospital with Rossi."

"Good. Don't let her go to the meeting tonight, all right?" He wouldn't be there to look out for her. Not that he'd been that helpful the other night.

"I don't think she plans on it, Pretty Boy." He paused. "How are you, Kid? What did you do all day?"

"My legs are cramped from sitting in the car, I'm still hungry, and I can't wait for some decent coffee."

He waited for Morgan to stop chuckling, then added, "I got out and walked around a couple of times. Fell asleep on a bench…..pretended to, anyway. Got back in the car. Did it all over again." He'd been trying to make himself visible…and available.

"No takers, huh?"

"I'm not surprised. I think, if they're watching like I think they are, that they'll give it at least the day. They'll look for a pattern. It might come tonight, or tomorrow….or even after that. I'm just hoping for sooner."

"You and me both, Kid." Pause. "So, I'll bet that brain of yours didn't take the day off. What did you come up with?"

"More questions. I think we're on the right path with the idea of the unsubs trying to disrupt investigations. But don't you think it was an awfully big coincidence that two of the dead men were at least partially involved in the same cruise line investigation? The bad guys had to have knowledge of that already, don't you think? Why else would they have tried to recruit them?"

"Yeah…. _if_  we're sure that these guys were killed because they failed the recruitment. Or because they became superfluous, like maybe they'd outlived their usefulness."

"But you're thinking of something else…"

"Yeah. I'm thinking that Obiki and Greenly might already have been aware of the attempts at disruption. Remember how you concluded that Greenly was probably never an addict in the first place?"

"Because he didn't profile as one." Reid realized Morgan was on to something. "So you think they…or at least Greenly….infiltrated the BCC to find out how they were interfering with the investigation…."

"And got found out himself. Either these guys are really good…or someone gave Greenly away. Someone higher up."

The lump in Reid's stomach wasn't coming from his fast food dinner.

* * *

The rest of the night was uneventful. A little past one AM, Reid started his car and made his way slowly along the winding park road.

"I'm headed out. I'll let you know after I get back and clear the room. Then hopefully we can both get some rest. I've got a feeling about this, Morgan. I think it will be tomorrow. They'll realize I missed the meeting tonight. They'll know my supply is running low. I think they'll approach me tomorrow."

"I hope you're right, Pretty Boy. These late nights are messing with my workouts. Not to mention my social life."

* * *

Saturday morning brought another team meeting. They couldn't afford any time off until this was over. They were, in effect, under siege.

Reid followed the same morning routine, and phoned into the meeting from the motel room bathroom. This time, JJ was already there. He didn't even have to ask for a report.

"She's the same, Spence. Gets her fever later in the day. No other problems. Henry seems fine, so it's probably something he's already had."

"But…."

"Don't worry. If she's still with fever tomorrow morning, they'll bring her to be seen."

Long pause. "All right….I guess. Are you okay?"

"I miss my husband and my children. But, yeah, I'm okay."

"That's funny. I miss my wife. I can't even tell you how much..."

He stopped talking when he heard footsteps entering the room on the other end of the line.

Hotch walked in last, and got them started.

"Reid, I understand you and Morgan worked through some ideas last night. Morgan, can you fill the rest of us in?"

The experienced profiler did so, ending with, "So we're suspicious there's somebody pretty powerful, in at least one of the agencies, involved in this."

Hotch directed his next comment to Reid. "And you've recognized at least one higher up from the FBI."

Reid gulped. He still couldn't wrap his mind around any possible involvement by John. And he wasn't ready to turn the investigation in that direction.

"I have. But…I wouldn't recognize the same level authority from DHS, or the CIA. Or the NSA, for that matter. But I'm also not sure that the authority figures would necessarily be a part of BCC. They'd be able to operate pretty freely regardless. They'd just need a contact within BCC to make it happen."

Reid actually felt better, listening to his own words.

Emily saw the logic in what Reid was saying, but realized they had another question to work out. "So, what about these guys who attacked Strauss and Rossi? They actually asked her if  _we_  were killing the BCC members. How do they fit into this?"

Reid fielded that one as well. "I've been thinking about this a lot. Haven't had anything to do  _but_ think about it." A small wave of chuckle passed around the table.

"I think whoever is orchestrating this within BCC is probably pretty isolated from the actual drug operation. They're probably just the middleman, recruiting new people to help disrupt or delay investigations, punishing those who refuse, getting rid of anyone who catches on. But they couldn't be sure how much we knew. So they used those two guys to try to extract the information from Strauss….and it just all went wrong when Rossi barged in on them."

"So you think the two who shot Rossi were reporting to this middleman…..this liaison with whoever is actually running the whole operation?" JJ was having trouble following all the players.

"Either that, or they report directly to the higher up. Maybe he's not happy with how the middleman has been handling things." Emily was thinking aloud, animated by the idea. "This cruise line thing is a few years old already. And yet these killings have all happened over just the past two months. Maybe the middleman has been jumping the gun, and the bigwig is trying to get a handle on it."

Penelope Garcia had been silent until this point, watching the back and forth in the conversation much as she would a ping pong game. But now she erupted, "There are so many bad guys here I can't even keep track. This one can't trust that one, so they hire another one to spy on them, or the one bad guy hires new bad guys to pretend that they didn't kill the good guys…who might also be bad guys….."

"Chill, Baby Girl. It's not that bad."

"Actually, Morgan," came through the phone, "it kind of is."

* * *

When your day consists of practically nothing, it's easy to fall into a routine. Drive to the park. Sit. Make your buy. Sit. Sit. Walk around. Fall asleep on a bench. Sit some more. Try to ignore how hungry you are. Sit.

The only deviation from the script of the prior day was the buy. Reid was low on funds and Mikey was ready to string him out. Again leaning through the open window of Reid's vehicle, Mikey put on a show for the watchers.

"Hey, man, I sympathize. Really, I do. But this is business, you know? I can't give this stuff away, or  _my_  pockets would be empty."

"But I need it, man. These pills…..they're no good for me. They don't do it. I had to take all of them just to take the edge off."

"I told you, this is all I have. No more juice. You want these or not?" Mikey rose, as if to move away.

Reid sounded desperate. "No! No, don't go! All right, I'll take them. But I need them all."

"We've been through this, man. Your cash will only buy you three."

"But I need them! Please!" He took off his watch. "Here, take this."

"What, do I look like a freakin' pawn shop?"

More desperate. "The car! You want the car?"

Mikey looked disgusted with the junkie. "I don't do collateral. Get me some cash. Here, I'll throw in a couple, keep you steady today. Get some cash. Maybe  _you_  go to the pawn shop, huh?"

Reid was effusive. "Thank you, thank you." He'd grasped Mikey's hand, and was holding it in gratitude…..while pressing a note into it.

Mikey palmed the note and made a show of pushing Reid's hands away.

"Yeah, well. I'm just a model human being, right? Get me some cash by tomorrow."

* * *

"Yeah, it says, 'Reflection in woods to north. Watching.'"

"Hey, thanks, Mikey. Good job." Morgan ended the call and turned to Garcia. He was already in her lair, seeking distraction from the mounds of federal case files he'd been reviewing.

"Baby Girl, can you get me a satellite view of the park?"

She sucked her teeth. "Can I get a satellite view?" She was typing away on her keyboard. "You want it from today?"

He'd just been expecting a file view, like the rest of the world used. He should have known. "You can get it from today?"

"Oh, the pain of it. How my chocolate god underestimates his goddess." Still typing, rejecting one view after another until she was satisfied with just the right one. "Voila!"

Morgan leaned over her shoulder to look, kissing the top of her head as he did. "Mea culpa. I will never underestimate the goddess Penelope again." He looked at the screen. "Can you zoom?"

She cleared her throat.

"Oh, okay. Wrong phrasing. Of  _course_  you can zoom. Please?"

She narrowed the view and moved it around until Morgan was satisfied that he had Reid's car on the screen. Looking to the north, he could see nothing but fully-leaved tree tops. No vehicle. No road. The trees made it impossible.

"Can we see a winter view of the same thing?"

She had it up in seconds. Now he could see what looked like a paved road that led off to a footpath, just wide enough for a small vehicle. It was likely that's where the watcher was parked.

"Can you overlay them?"

Of course she could. Morgan still couldn't see the vehicle through the trees, but he could make out where the road probably was under the canopy. It was enough for him to be able to place someone who could watch the watchers.

"I suppose there's no way we can see if they move?"

"Alas, my black beauty, there's a limitation to my abilities. We can only see what's available during a satellite sweep. We can look, but we may not find."

"I get it. Timing is everything. Okay, we'll do it the old-fashioned way. Eyes on the ground."

* * *

When Reid left for his food run this evening, those eyes on the ground watched him. Anderson had left his car at a nearby convenience store and ambled into the park and onto a walking trail. Garcia was able to tell him when he'd reached his position. And there he stayed, waiting and watching.

Reid went by first. Almost a full minute later, a dark two door sedan made its way down the winding park road, and exited in the same direction. Anderson phoned in the tag number, and then ambled his way back out of the park.

* * *

Even the fast food was routine. Reid was inhaling the scent of his weakly brewed coffee when he was approached at the condiment station. This time, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Spencer."

He turned his head. Stuart. Reid squinted his surprise. "Hello."

"Can I join you?"

"Um…..I wasn't going to eat here. I was going to take it with me."

"Maybe you could change your mind? Or are you in a hurry? Getting home to the family?" Stuart looked pointedly at Reid's 'food for one'. He obviously wasn't bringing it to feed his family.

Reid gave in. He didn't want to be held up from getting back to the park. But he also didn't know if he was being approached here for another reason. He had to find out.

"Okay. You got me. I guess I can eat here."

Stuart smiled at him. "Great." He led them over to a table away from the other diners.

"Aren't you eating?"

Stuart helped himself to one of Reid's fries. "Maybe we can just share." He was making himself obvious, and Reid responded.

"You didn't just happen to run into me here, did you?"

"Ah, I forgot. FBI, right. Can't put anything over on you."

Reid was trying to remember if he'd ever identified his service to anyone at BCC.

Stuart continued. "I'm here because you're one of my guys. And you're off the wagon. We need to get you back on, Spencer."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Reid broke eye contact, tellingly.

"I think you do. You came back to BCC because you were struggling. And then you were on again, off again." He put a hand up when he saw Reid about to reply. "And don't tell me you were out of town. Dave saw you. And, last night, Elaine saw you. Right here. She said you were supposed to be at the meeting. But you weren't."

_Is that how he knew? Elaine told him?_

Reid shook his head. "Look, Stuart. My business is my business. And you're not my sponsor. And besides, isn't a support group supposed to be just that? You don't go chasing down every member who misses a meeting, do you?"

Stuart wasn't going down that path, not yet. "Do you have a sponsor, Spencer?"

He'd never had one. John was probably the closest thing to a sponsor that Reid had ever experienced.

"No," he had to admit.

"Well, maybe you need one. How about me?"

"You?"

"Sure. I know, I usually lead the group. But I've sponsored a few guys over the years. Mostly, it's guys like you. Guys with a lot of promise, but something happens to them. They lose it. Just like me. I thought I could beat it. Always told myself, "next time". But then one time, it got me. There  _was_  no "next time". It gave me a stroke. It won, and I lost. I don't want to see that happen to anyone else."

Reid swallowed, touched by Stuart's concern. Here he was, completely feigning his drug use, and yet here was a fellow former addict reaching out to him. He felt guilty at having troubled the man. He felt guiltier that he couldn't allow Stuart to 'save' him.

"Thanks…..thanks, Stuart. I….I appreciate it. And I know you mean well. But…I've just got a lot on my plate right now, okay?"

"All the more reason you need a sponsor, and BCC."

Reid tried to infuse some anger into his gaze. "I'm not ready, all right? Just leave it at that."

Stuart stared back at him for a long moment. "All right. But you call me when you are." He wrote his number on a napkin and slid it to Reid. "Maybe I'll run into you again." He stood and left the restaurant.

Reid watched him go, anxious now. He couldn't let Stuart get into the middle of the investigation. And yet it seemed the man was determined to save him…..who didn't need saving.

_Or do I? Don't we all?_


	26. Chapter 26

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 26**

"Hi, baby boy, I miss you!"

JJ was making her umpteenth call to her parents, checking on Rosie. But she also wanted to know how her firstborn was faring.

"Mooommm.."

"I know, you're not a baby any more, are you? But you know what, Henry? You will always be Mommy's baby boy."

"Not when I'm a grown up." He thought he had her.

"Yes, when you're a grown up. Always, little man."

Henry liked the latter name better. He was, after all, a big brother now. He was also ready to move the conversation along.

"Mommy, guess what!"

"What?"

"Papa and me were playing baseball, and I hit it waayy over his head, and he couldn't even catch it! It was a home run!"

JJ laughed. "I'll just bet it was. Did you run the bases before Papa got it?"

"I ran all the way home, but Papa didn't get it. He said it was too far. Papa said I should get it."

_Papa knows how to wear you out, little man._

"Mommy, can I talk to Daddy? I want to tell him about my home run!"

He'd asked for Reid yesterday as well. They'd never gone more than a day without speaking, except for that one time, twenty months ago. Even when the team was away, there were few occasions when the parents couldn't communicate with their offspring by phone.

"He's not here right now, Henry. He's working on a case. But I'll make sure to tell him when I see him."

"No, don't tell him, Mommy! I want to tell him. Can I talk to him later? Can he call me at bedtime?" Since he'd been born, JJ had always found a way to bid him goodnight.

"I think he'll still be working, Honey." It wasn't actually a lie. But it wasn't entirely the truth, either.

There was a long silence on the other end of the line. There had been multiple calls between the Jareau and Reid households in the past two days, and Reid had taken part in none of them. Henry was more aware of this than any of the adults realized.

"Mama,  _when_  can I talk to Daddy? I want to talk to Daddy!"

_Mama._  It was Henry's 'tell'. It was the name he reverted to when he was upset. And if the use of the name hadn't been enough, the near panic in his voice at the last sentence would have done it.

Henry couldn't have explained it. He couldn't really remember that time in his life very well. It had happened under two years ago…but that was a full quarter of his life span. And yet, he had visceral knowledge. His primitive brain connected to that other time in his life when his father had been gone. His  _first_  father. And then, Reid as well. His Uncle Spence. And only one of them had come back. Hurt. Not huggable. He remembered that.

_Henry_  couldn't have explained it, but his mother understood. In that inarticulable center, he was afraid the same thing would happen now. And so was she. But she couldn't afford to let him hear it in her voice. She took a steadying breath before responding.

"Honey, I'm not sure when he'll be free. It's a very important thing he's doing, Henry. He has to concentrate on it, just like when you do your homework. But he'll call you as soon as he can, sweetheart. I know he misses you as much as you miss him."

A very subdued, "Okay, Mama," came through the phone. Henry apparently handed off to Charles, as his was the next voice JJ heard.

"He'll be fine, Honey, don't worry about him."

"Can't help it, Dad. He's already been through so much, and he's still a little boy. Somehow, I think he knows…"

She realized she'd never told her parents about Reid's going undercover, and wasn't sure she should do so now.

Charles read her hesitation correctly. "He told me, Jennifer. Well, not exactly, but he told me enough that I could deduce. He's undercover."

He'd made it a statement, and not a question that she felt she couldn't answer. But he was certain he was correct when it took her several moments to respond. He took the opportunity to add, "Your mother doesn't know."

JJ breathed a sigh of relief at that.

"I….can't talk about it, Dad. But he's probably not going to be able to talk to Henry for a little while longer….at least, I  _hope_  it will only be a little while. Can you cover?"

Charles was brought back to another time in his life when he had to pretend that nothing was wrong. When he had a surviving daughter who needed to feel like it was all right to be alive. He could draw on that now. For his grandson's sake, he would.

"I can. It will be all right, Honey. Everything will be all right." He knew there was no guarantee, but he had to reassure her.  _It's what a parent does._

She knew his saying it didn't change anything. But it still made her feel better.  _Always does._

"Thanks, Dad. And, Dad? Don't tell Mom, okay? It's better if she doesn't know, you know?" Pause. "It's just better."

* * *

One more fruitless night and day had all of them discouraged. Maybe this wasn't how it would play out. Maybe they needed a different strategy. It was the topic of their morning conference call with Reid.

The young agent was frustrated. "I was so sure they'd approach me last night. They have to know I'm struggling, right?"

Hotch was torn between choosing to wait it out and working out a new plan. But bringing Reid back in from the field would likely show the FBI's hand, now that it was clear he was being watched. Whatever they decided, they would have to keep him undercover.

"Maybe Reid has to be more visible. You know, maybe he has to make himself more available, instead of being in the park all day," Emily postulated. "The most contact he's had has been when he's gone to get something to eat. Maybe they don't want to show themselves by suddenly appearing in the park. But they're willing to approach him in a more crowded place."

"Because it's easier to look like they've just run into him." Morgan agreed with Emily.

JJ liked the idea of her husband being less isolated, but she also liked it as a piece of strategy. "I'm in."

Hotch needed input from his genius. "Reid?"

"I think Emily's right. And it goes with something else I've been thinking…" He hesitated here. He knew what he was about to propose wouldn't go over all that well with his wife.

"I don't think I'm desperate enough. But I can get there. I think I should give Mikey the last of my cash today, for whatever he'll give me. Then I'll  _have_  to show myself, because I'll have to bum for food….and drugs….."

In the round table room, the others cast surreptitious glances at JJ. She simply stared ahead at the conference line in front of her…..and then closed her eyes when she heard him add,

"…..and I'll need to give up the motel. I need to live in my car."

"Reid…" Hotch knew he was right. But he was also concerned.

"Hotch, this isn't working the way we're doing it. Maybe they're still not sure about me. Maybe they need to see how low I can go. So I need to get there, fast. It's the only way."

"Spence, we don't have a way to get money to you without them seeing. You really  _won't_  have anything to eat." JJ was picturing a stick-thin Reid.

"He won't?" Garcia was just catching on. She'd always thought her profilers could accomplish  _anything_. That  _she_  could accomplish anything. The idea that one of them could be so near, and yet so out of reach, was anathema to her.

"Not without giving everything away, Baby Girl."

"I'll be all right, JJ. I can go a couple of days if I need to."

"No you can't!" It was Garcia again. "Sir, please tell him. My slender SSA will disappear altogether if he gets any skinnier!"

Hotch actually agreed with her, but didn't feel it appropriate to say so. Instead, he returned to strategizing.

"All right, Reid. Let's work it through. You lose your money and lodging, but you still need a fix."

"So I wander around, hang out, look for someone who can help me…you know. These guys tend to find you, they can tell."

"But what if it's just some run-of-the-mill drug dealer? Suppose he has nothing to do with the case?"

JJ was trying to be practical. She didn't want him in any more peril than he already was, and she wanted this case to be  _over._

"I think I should hover in the neighborhood near the park, and near the fast food place. We know they've already seen me at the park. And I know some BCC people have seen me at the restaurant, so the word's out at BCC about that. I think if I keep myself around there, they'll find me."

It made sense. There were nods all around the table.

Hotch watched JJ as he made his next point. He wasn't sure if she'd realized yet.

"Reid, if you're living in your car, we won't be able to have these conference calls any longer. Your only communication will be through your extra phone." And it would have to be limited in the light of day.

The widening of JJ's eyes told Hotch that she  _hadn't_  realized her husband would now be almost completely isolated from them. The senior agent admired her professionalism when she simply thinned her lips and remained silent.

Hotch's statement wasn't news to Reid. "I know. But I could try to call JJ, couldn't I? You know, to see if she'd take pity on me. Or any of you. Maybe we could figure out some sort of code."

Emily shook her head and smiled. "Resident genius, I think you might overestimate our ability to code and decode on our feet. It might work for you, but I'd worry about us giving you the wrong message…..or misunderstanding yours."

"She's right, Pretty Boy. I think we're stuck. You can tap something out on the visor phone…we'd be able to decode that. But any verbal exchange is gonna have to wait for you and me to have our nightly chat."

Reid wasn't satisfied. "I'll think of something."  _But what?_

They ran through a few possible scenarios, assuming they'd have no communication with Reid. Then, before they broke, they went around the table for updates. Disappointingly, few of them advanced their case.

The car Anderson had spotted was one of hundreds in the metropolitan area, although this was possibly the only one wearing stolen plates.

JJ's second interviews with the families of the murdered men proved a bit more fruitful. Lisa, the fiancée of Will's friend Dave, couldn't recall anything that might indicate a financial boon.

"No. In fact, he told me that's why he'd waited so long to propose. He'd saved up for the ring for a year and a half."

But she had remembered him coming home from a BCC meeting disturbed. He'd once told her they were confidential, so she'd respected his privacy about it. When he came home upset, she simply assumed he'd had difficulty sharing whatever he'd had to share. That had been only a few weeks before he'd died.

She cried to JJ. "I've been carrying this guilt about not asking him. Thinking that he was upset, and showing me, and I didn't respond. And then he killed…..but no, you're saying he didn't. That someone did it to him. Is it crazy that it makes me feel better to hear that? That it wasn't just that I wasn't there for him? That's crazy, isn't it?"

She was still an emotional mess, and the investigation was doing nothing to help that. JJ did her best to soothe the woman. It  _was_  crazy, and it wasn't.

Reid listened to the story and concluded, "To me, that sounds like Dave may have uncovered something. Or noticed something, or someone. The murder happened too close to the behavior change. If he'd been involved, his behavior would have changed earlier."

Emily agreed. "But it also sounds like he might have stumbled onto something, not like he was there to investigate it."

"Emily's right," came back through the phone. "But, for all the reasons we've discussed before, I do think Greenly  _was_  there undercover. I think he was investigating."

"So, what about Obiki?" asked JJ. "Was he a part of it, or investigating it, or did he stumble upon it?"

"Obiki was the one who lied to his wife about where he was going, wasn't he? So he had to have been either involved or investigating." Morgan's conclusion was shared by the others.

"Guys, I can't be sure, of course, but I think Obiki was probably a part of it. Remember, he was involved with the cruise line case in both Miami and DC. I think he was probably helping with recruitment. It sounds like the scheme had been going on for quite a while. So there may have been someone who actually delayed the opening of an investigation at all. But then Greenly ran into it in Mexico. And he came back for the CIA case we were involved in. Once that was over, he might have gotten the federal case opened on the cruise line. It was around that time that Obiki came back from Miami, wasn't it?"

"So you think..." began Morgan.

But Reid was on a roll. He spoke over his friend. "I think Obiki might have been transferred back to see if he could interfere with the investigation, slow it down. And then he probably went to BCC to recruit others who could help."

"There are probably other investigations being affected as well," Emily pointed out. "Once they found this worked, they probably used it more than once."

"Right," agreed Reid. "But I think it may have backfired on them. I think it might have been Obiki's involvement with BCC that tipped off the CIA. I'm willing to bet that's how Greenly got involved." In Reid's mind, many of the pieces of the puzzle were coming together.

"But why would the CIA investigate a case like this?" Garcia was lost. "Don't they do…..spy things?"

Morgan smiled. "There's very big money involved in this, Baby Girl. For all we know, it could be funding a terrorist group. There are plenty of them in the Americas."

Emily explained further, "The CIA handles most of our foreign involvement. Sometimes this kind of money funds corrupt governments, or elections, as well as terrorists. Technically, the CIA is supposed to hand it off to DHS or to us when it comes on shore, but….that doesn't always happen."

Garcia was slowly nodding, now having a sense of the complexity of it all.

Next, Morgan reported on his monumental task of reviewing the federal case files.

"Pretty Boy, I've never missed you more. It's a mountain of information, and without a way to cross reference, I'm afraid I'm probably missing things."

Garcia had regained her footing. "Which is where I come in. I've got a program running. Derek reads a name, it's automatically compiled into a new data base. Then it's automatically cross-referenced with names that have already been entered. Any name that's on there more than once triggers an automated background check."

"You can do that?" Emily was amazed. But also thinking,  _it takes three computer programs to replicate what Reid can do in his head._

"Oh, that, and so much more, my darlin'." Garcia turned to the rest. "The only problem is…"

Morgan finished for her. "The only problem is that the only names that have come up so far are the ones we already know….Greenly and Obiki. But I'll be back at it again today, to see if we can do better."

Hotch summarized their status. "So we've got some movement on the case, but we'll have to create our own momentum to accomplish anything. Reid's status change should help with that. Morgan and Garcia, continue with the files. The others can help you. We'll meet again just before Morgan goes out this evening, so he'll be able to pass any updates along to Reid."

He watched for their nods of understanding, then spoke again. "I do have some promising news. I was informed by the hospital that Dave is awake."

Smiles all around. "Thank God." "It's about time we got some good news." "What did he say?"

"He's not fully alert, and it sounds like he's having some trouble with his voice after having the tube removed. But he may be able to answer some questions later today." Pause. "That's all people. Let's get to work."

JJ lingered as the rest exited the room, but Hotch asked her to step out as well.

"I'd like a moment with Reid. Then I'll hand him over to you." He smiled as he said the last.

She looked her lack of understanding at him, but complied.

"Reid?"

"I'm here, Hotch."

The unit chief had given this much thought. He'd anticipated where the case might go, and what might be asked of those who served under him. And he knew it needed to be a choice.

"This case is putting you directly in the path of some very dangerous people. This isn't what you signed on for. You're here, in the BAU, for your intellect. It would be perfectly understandable if you chose to decline this assignment."

On the other end of the line, Reid couldn't be sure if Hotch was  _asking_  him to decline the assignment. It was telling that he'd asked JJ to leave before having this conversation. Reid thought for a full minute before responding, and his unit chief waited him out.

"Hotch…..thank you. But I need to do this. I know better than most people how drugs can steal a life away. And I respect BCC too much to let it fall to ruin over this. It saved me when I needed saving. Now I owe it."

It was what he'd expected to hear, but still... Hotch laughed softly to himself, thinking back to the arrival of Reid to the BAU. The new SSA, the genius who looked to be about twelve years old. And then the unit chief sobered to remember what that 'twelve year old' had been through, and how it had changed him. And how he'd grown into the man who was now on the other end of the line….mature, focused, sacrificing. Hotch felt the weight of his position in that moment. Should he allow such a sacrifice?

"All right. But remember that you can reconsider. If it becomes too hard, or too risky, step away. We'll find another way."

Reid was remembering back, too. He'd been afraid of Hotch when he first joined the BAU. The man could look downright scary when he wanted to. But he'd grown to see the senior agent as a kind man who didn't feel comfortable  _showing_  his kindness, a father-figure of sorts, a mentor.

"I'll remember. Hotch…thanks."

Aaron Hotchner wasn't comfortable with accepting gratitude either. Instead of responding directly, he said, "I'll put JJ on now." He stepped out and motioned her back into the room.

"Hi."

"Hi. How's my girl?"

She smiled at the conference line. "Are you referring to me?"

_Oops_. He hadn't been. But he was now. "Of course."

"No you weren't," she teased. "But, to answer your question, she's fine."

He knew her too well. And without those blue eyes to distract him, he could concentrate fully on the tone of her voice.

"No, she's not. What, does she still have the fever?"

_There is a down side to being married to a genius._  She sighed.

"Yes. It's the third day, so my parents are going to bring her to emergency."

"Not there, I hope. Not the local one. I mean, they won't know what to do with a child, will they? They'll probably just give her some stitches or something…."

_And there goes the genius._  "They're bringing her to the children's hospital. It's only about an hour away."

"When? Will you tell Morgan? JJ, I need to know if there's something wrong with her. You'll tell me, won't you?" Worried that she would withhold it, so as  _not_ to worry him.

"Of course I will, Spence. As soon as I know anything, I'll make sure Morgan knows, so he can tell you tonight."

Reid wasn't sure he could wait that long. All of the rest he was willing to tolerate...isolation, hunger, homelessness….but not knowing about his daughter was beyond him. He did his best to calm himself.

"All right. But if she's sick, JJ….." He would leave the case. Hotch had given him permission, and he would leave it. Only for Rosie.

"Spence, it really is probably just a virus. They're just being careful, that's all."  _I hope._ JJ was more experienced in dealing with a sick child, but she was also a little unnerved about this persistent high fever.

"I hope so. I really hope so." He asked then, about his other child. "How's Henry?"

She took too long to answer. "What's wrong with him? Is he sick too?" Again Reid wondered if he was cut out for the stress of parental worry.  _Give me an unsub, any day._

"No, no. He's fine. He's just…he's been asking for you. And….he hasn't actually said it….but I can tell it's in his head. What happened with Will, and with you. He's afraid, Spence. He thinks there's something wrong, and he's afraid he won't see you again."

It hit him hard. He loved that little boy more than he could ever express. He swore he would never do anything to hurt him. And yet, now, he was doing just that. He began to wonder if maybe he  _should_  step away from the case.

"What did you tell him?"

"Just that you're on a case. I was going to see if there was any way we could arrange a phone call, but now….."

"Now I'll be totally out of touch." He thought. "JJ, can we call him now? Can you conference us in? Maybe he won't have to know that we're not together." It would have to be fast, as Reid needed to be at the park to meet Mikey.

If it worked, it would be the last time, until the case was over. But they went for it. Fortunately, Charles answered the phone. He knew enough not to ask questions when JJ asked him to quickly put Henry on the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, little man! I hear you wanted to talk to me."

"DADDY!"

The adults both suppressed tears.

"How's it going there, Henry? Are you having fun with Papa and Meme?"

"Daddy, I hit a home run over Papa's head! I did it! I hit a home run, a real one!"

"Aw, man, you mean I missed it? You're gonna have to do it again, for me. Unless you have it on instant replay?"

For the sake of Henry, and his baseball prowess, Reid had become a consumer of baseball games on TV. The two of them watched together, although mostly it was Henry watching the screen and Reid watching Henry, enjoying the father and son time.

He could hear Henry turn to his grandfather and ask, "Did we get It on instant replay, Papa?"

Then the little guy turned back to the phone and said, "Nope."

"Well, then, we'll just have to have our own game and you can see if you can hit it over  _my_  head." Reid had a few inches on Charles.

"When, Daddy?"

_Exactly. When?_  "Oh, pretty soon. We have to finish up our case first. Then we'll have a game in the backyard. You can invite Joey and Toby over to play, so we can have teams."

"All of us against you!" It sounded right to Henry. All was becoming well again in his world.

_Sounds about how everything else goes, why not?_

"Sure thing, little man. Hey, Henry, I need to go. I have to get back to work. And, buddy, I already know I have to work really hard for a couple of days, so I might not be able to talk to you. Okay?"

It would never have occurred to Henry that his parents might be less than honest with him. "Okay, Daddy!"

"I love you, little man." Reid's voice wavered, just a little. "Always remember that. And give your sister a hug for me, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy! I love you too!"

Charles came back on the line. "Spencer, I know you probably don't have time to talk. I just wanted to say...I'm proud of you."

He could barely get it out. "Thank you, S...Dad."

* * *

They'd said their goodbyes, each holding it together for the sake of the other. Now, Reid was checked out of the motel, all of his meager belongings in the car, on his way back to the park, to make his final 'buy' from Mikey. The one that would leave him penniless.

_None of them understand. Even JJ doesn't. I_ lived _like this. Dependent on the kindness of others. When I was a boy, there were so many times we wouldn't have had anything to eat if I hadn't been able to get a neighbor to take pity on us. Who knew, Mom? Who knew that your illness was preparing me for this? And Dad? Who knew your abandonment would come in so handy?_

Feeling the weight of his isolation, burdened by worry about his children, Reid laid his head back against the headrest, eyes fully closed. In that position, he entered another conversation, one that he hoped would sustain him through the trials to come.

_We're never really alone, are we?_ It wasn't a rhetorical question. He needed to know. He needed the assurance. But he heard only his pleas. Apart from them, in his mind, there was only silence.


	27. Chapter 27

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 27**

He'd made his final buy, and spent the afternoon on a blissful high. Or so the watchers were meant to think. Now it was time to move. Reid started the car, and headed out of the park.

He debated where he should spend the night. Living out of one's car made one very portable. He could be almost anywhere. The restaurant? Back to the park? Then, it hit him. The church. The one where BCC met. It would make a strange sort of sense. Maybe he'd been drawn there because he regretted his relapse. Maybe he wanted to attend another meeting. Maybe he  _would_ attend another meeting.

By parking his new home-on-wheels in the parking lot of the church, he would make himself available to the BCC membership. He could strategize about whether to skulk into the meeting or to be passed out in the car later, leaving himself the flexibility. Tomorrow, though, he would hover between the park and the local downtown. Ready to be 'found' at either location.

When darkness finally fell, he raised Morgan on the visor phone and filled him in on the plan.

"Makes sense. Where are you now?" Wherever it was, Morgan would set up somewhere that was under two miles away.

"Just pulling up on the church parking lot. There are a lot of cars here. They must have something going on. But they've left me a nice, quiet, dark corner." The next BCC meeting was still two days away.

"Okay. I'm pulling over too. I think I'm only a few blocks from you." He'd found a spot on a residential street.

"Morgan, did you hear anything from JJ?" Reid couldn't keep the anxiety from his voice.

"She checked in with her parents just before I left. They were still waiting for some lab results. But she said the doctor wasn't that worried."

_Probably some intern just out of medical school._  Reid wasn't impressed.

"When will she know? Will you be able to tell me?"

"Pretty Boy, if she calls me, I will tell you immediately."

"Thanks, Morgan. Sorry if I'm driving you crazy."

"Kid, you're bearing the brunt of all of this. Go ahead and drive."

"Ha. I just…you know, I had no idea what it would be like to be a parent. I mean, even with Henry, I got to know him mostly when he was old enough to talk with me. With Rosie, it's just…..instinct….and intuition. I can only hope I'm hearing her right."

"Well, if she's as smart as you guys think she is, it won't be long before she'll be telling us herself. You won't need to wonder."

Inadvertently, he'd set Reid off. "I can't wait for that, Morgan. I'm always wondering what she already knows, and what she thinks. I can't wait until she can tell me for herself. Did you know…"

And he went through the entire history of the word 'father' on a global, language by language, scale, ending with, "So I've been waiting to hear if she'll call me 'baba', or 'abba'. But all I've gotten so far is 'dada". And I can't wait for the day that it really means something to her. The day that it's really my name. I can't wait to hear my little girl say my name."

Suddenly, Morgan felt the same way. The subtext to Reid's statement was not just his anticipation of Rosie's gain in language skills. It was also the presumption that there would be a future for all of them after this case.

"Hey, is anyone going to see Rossi tonight?"

"I think Hotch and Prentiss are on their way. But you know, I heard Strauss has been there pretty much the whole time."

"Really." Reid was hoping she'd  _stay_  at the hospital with their colleague. It would save him from having to worry about her at a BCC meeting.

"Yeah." Morgan laughed to himself. "Who knew she actually had a heart?"

* * *

The evening may have been uneventful, but the night was excruciatingly long. He'd had experience living off the kindness of others. But Reid had never before been without a roof over his head.  _I will never take it for granted again._  More specifically, his  _legs_  would never take it for granted again. He had difficulty folding his long frame into  _any_  position on the seat, let alone a comfortable one. After a mostly sleepless night, Reid was grateful for the morning twilight. It meant he could get up.

Except that he couldn't. He tried to unfold his legs, but his knee locked. The one that had taken the gunshot a few years ago. He had to use his arms to push himself as far across the seat as possible, and then manually lift his leg up. The leg had given him trouble on an off….it always would, according to the doctors….but he'd never experienced anything like this.  _Sure do hope I don't have to chase anybody. Or be chased._ He also hoped he'd be able to do the walking and loitering he planned for later in the day.

After he'd massaged it for a full twenty minutes, his leg decided to work for him. He stepped out of his car and stretched. The sun was just beyond the horizon, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It promised to be a beautiful day.  _Let's make it a productive one, okay?_

Last night, after Morgan signed off for the evening, and before he'd been able to nod off for even a few minutes, Reid had resumed the conversation he'd begun that morning _._

_I miss my family. I miss the kids, and JJ. I even miss Casey. I know You didn't put them into my life just to take them away again, did You? You wouldn't be that cruel…..would You? If this was supposed to show me how much they mean to me….well, it wasn't necessary. I already knew that. They're my life. My only reason for being here. Without them….I have nothing. I am nothing. So let's just get past this, okay? The sooner, the better._

This morning, he prayed that same prayer again. And he prayed for Rosie, prayed for news of her…. _good_  news. He would have to wait until the evening to find out. For all of the hardship he anticipated, not knowing about his daughter's health was paramount.

* * *

At home, JJ was just returning from a run, trying to work off her anxiety.

Uncharacteristically, she'd been up before the sun. The emptiness of the bed beside her, the absence of children's chatter in the house…it was all alien to her, and unsettling. She hadn't slept any better than her husband had, despite the comfort of a mattress.

Worry about Spence niggled at her. And, now, worry about Rosie. Blood tests in the ED had led to more blood tests.

"It's probably a virus", the doctor had told her on the phone. "But it might not be. We need to do a few more tests." They'd let the Jareaus take her home, awaiting a phone call today with results.

"Should I come up there?"

Sandy had been reassuring. "Honey, she looks fine. It's just the fever. Most likely they'll call us tomorrow and say it's just a virus." She could hear the tension in her daughter's voice. The dilemma of being needed by her family, of having to leave one of them to be with another.

"But, Mom, what if it's not?" Apart from his injury, she hadn't been through this with Henry. JJ wasn't accustomed to the not knowing.

"If it's not, we'll call you….and then you'll come. All right?"

Long pause.  _Please tell me what to do_.

"All right. But you'll call me the minute there are results, right?"

"Of course we will, Honey. You just concentrate on getting this case over with, so we can be sure you're all safe. Say hello to Spencer for us, will you? It sounds like he's working awfully hard on this." Sandy still didn't know that Reid was undercover.

JJ felt guilty not telling her. "I will, Mom. Thanks."

After the call, JJ found herself pacing the house. It had long since been picked up, was now as neat as she'd ever seen it, as she'd tried to work off nervous energy the previous two nights. She'd even tried visiting the backyard cathedral, all to no avail. She was too unsettled to pray.

_You've got to calm down, JJ. You won't do anyone any good like this. Let it out somehow._  She thought it was odd how her internal voice had begun to sound like Spence's….and so had her self-advice. Doubting it would work, she took out her journal and tried to force herself to put what she was feeling into words.

_Help me, Journal! I don't know what to do. Spence is in danger, and I can't help him. I have to let him do his job. But now we can't even be in contact. We can't be sure if our calls are being monitored, because the people we're up against may have exactly the same resources and tools that we have._

_He's here, so very near…and yet he may as well be a thousand miles away. And my poor little Rosie, sick….maybe even seriously so….and I'm so far away from her. But if I leave, my team will be down another person, and it could mean leaving Spence in danger for so much longer….and without protection. So, I can tend to my daughter or my husband…but not both. Is this some kind of trial? If it is, I don't think I'm going to pass it._

Writing wasn't getting her anywhere. All it did was to put her in touch with a bitterness that was creeping deep within. JJ abandoned the exercise and decided to go into work early. She would help Morgan tackle the remaining files in the federal investigations.  _Maybe, just maybe, we'll find a leverage point. Please?_

It was all the prayer she could muster today.

* * *

He was sunning himself on a park bench when he felt a shadow cross over him. Reid opened his eyes, using his hand to shield them from the glare.

"Dave?"

"Hello, Spencer."

"What are you doing here?" He swung his legs from the bench and sat up.

"Same thing as you, I guess. Enjoying a beautiful day in the park." His face told a different story.

Reid got the message. "Yeah, right. What are you doing here, really?"

Dave sat down next to him.

"All right, you've got me. I was looking for you. And I found you."

"How? Why?"

"How, is that Stuart told me you might be hanging near the burger place, and he gave me a description of your wheels."

Reid tried to look like he was not fully oriented at the same time that he was beginning to need a fix. A look of confusion would suffice. It wasn't hard. It wasn't entirely an act.

"But I wasn't at the burger place today."

"I know. I saw you pull out of the parking lot across the street. The grocery store?"

"Oh. Yeah. I found out they have free coffee for shoppers. And free samples."

Dave chuckled. "I didn't think anybody under 65 actually took advantage of those things."

"Hmph. Hungry people do. And I found out they let you have the coffee if they even just  _think_  you're going to buy something." He looked accusingly at Dave. "So, if you saw me there, did you follow me here?"

Dave nodded. "Yeah. And then I just watched for a while, in case you were…." Making a buy.

Reid decided to be sarcastic. The attitude would go well with his need for drugs. "In case I was wanting to enjoy a beautiful day on a park bench?"

"Spencer, we both know that's not why you're here."

"Really. Why don't you tell me why I'm here, Dave? Better yet, why don't you tell me why  _you're_ here?"

"Stuart sent me."

Reid's head jerked at that. It wasn't what he'd expected.

"Why?"

"He's worried about you. But he thought, after he spoke with you the other night, that you'd just tune him out."

"And he thought you would do so much better?"

Dave stared a hole into Reid. "I've been known to have success in the past."

Reid moved only his eyes. "How?"

Dave broke the eye contact and leaned back against the bench. "I'm a believer that you attract more bees with honey than with vinegar." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small handful of pills. "You're in relapse. You're out of funds, or you wouldn't be bumming free samples. You're probably starting to feel a little strung out about now, aren't you?"

Junkie Reid fidgeted on the bench. "No…..maybe."

"So, maybe these can get you through. Maybe you spread them out a little bit, take the edge off. Just enough to get you back to BCC."

Reid didn't have to feign his lack of understanding. "What do you mean?"

"I mean….they're yours, if you want them. No charge. But only if you agree to come back to BCC tomorrow night."

So Dave was trying to bribe him back to BCC with drugs? Was this a true act of outreach….or a lure to something more? Reid knew he would only find out by taking the bait.

"But…..where did you get them?"

"Tsk. Spencer…in our line of work, these aren't hard to come by, are they?"

Reid studied him for a moment, appearing to decide. His eyes fell again to the pills, longingly.

"All right. All right, I'll be at the meeting tomorrow. Should be easy, I live there now." Just in case they didn't already know. "Just….give them to me, all right?"

He held out his palm, and Dave dropped the pills into it.

"Like I said, you might want to spread these out a little, Spencer. Take the edge off. But don't use them all at once. You won't be getting any more from me until I see you at BCC."

With that, Dave rose and ambled off. It wasn't until he was out of sight that Reid processed what he'd said. "You won't be getting any more from me  _until_  I see you at BCC."  _So strange. Was it just odd phrasing? Or does he plan on supplying me? Why would he do that?_

* * *

"What do you mean, more tests? If it's just a virus, why did she need more tests?"

"Kid, I can only tell you what JJ told me. The doctor said it was probably a virus, but he wanted to do more tests."

"So, when will we have the results?" The anxiety in Reid's voice was making Morgan wish he'd lied about the doctor's findings.

"Blondie thinks they'll be ready some time tomorrow. I'll be able to tell you tomorrow night."

_Please, God._  "Morgan, promise me this. If there's anything wrong, I have to know it right away. I can't be away from her if she's really sick.  _Promise_  me, Morgan."

"Kid, there's no case worth you not being there for your family when they need you. I promise I'll tell you if there's anything bad."

Some of the tension went out of Reid at that. "Thank you. How is JJ doing with all of this?"

Morgan knew Reid wouldn't believe anything but the truth about this. "She's worried. About both of you, you and Rosie. But she's hanging in there."

"Tell her….well….."

"I will."

Reid filled Morgan in on the exchange with Dave. And then he had a special request.

"I need you to make a call. Don't ask his name, but tell him you're calling for me. Tell him about Dave, and Stuart, and Elaine. Tell him I'll be at the meeting." He recited the cell number from memory.

Morgan was no fool. This had to be Reid's contact in the upper echelons of the FBI. But he had a concern.

"Kid….remember you were thinking there might be someone highly placed who was involved in this. Someone who could influence investigations, and investigators. Are you sure you want to let him in on this?"

It was precisely Reid's dilemma. But he'd had to make a decision, and he'd decided to trust.

"I'm sure. If he's working with us, he needs to know. And, if he's not…..well,  _I_ need to know. This will help me find out."

* * *

"Take another one, Honey. You look like you need a good fattening up."

He'd heard it at almost every sampling station. Reid was making his rounds within the grocery store for the fourth time in two days. After this, he would spend a few hours wandering, and then head over to his favorite overnight parking spot. He'd eaten as much as he could of samples, but still found his stomach rumbling. He would definitely take advantage of the pastries at the meeting tonight.

He'd been left alone today. Since the contact with Dave, he hadn't felt a need to be seen on the streets. But if it didn't pan out, he'd be hitting the pavement tomorrow.

By nightfall, he was set up in his favorite overnight parking space. He saw Stuart pull in about forty five minutes before the meeting start time, presumably to get the coffee going and set up chairs. He was tempted to help the man, but didn't think the behavior would fit his current situation. Instead, he let the meeting begin without him, and then slowly slunk in and took a seat in the back row. He scanned the crowd, but didn't see John's head among the others.

Reid did his best to look sullen, like someone there against his will. He slouched in his seat, bored eyes staring away from the speaker. At some point, he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder, and turned around to see John taking a seat in the row across from him. The elder FBI man didn't make eye contact.

Dave had arrived shortly before the meeting began and was seated in the third row. He turned around to look for Reid, and winked when he briefly caught his eye.

After the meeting, Reid went immediately back to the refreshment table for a second helping of doughnuts. He heard a chuckle at his side.

"I guess a sugar high is better than the other kind, isn't it? But here, you look like you could use this. My eyes were bigger than my stomach when I stopped on my way here." John handed Reid a bag from a local sandwich shop. FBI superior or not, Reid could have kissed him.

"Thanks." Spencer took the bag from him. "Your name is John, right?" For the benefit of listening ears.

"Yes, and you're….Spencer, I believe?" John put out his hand, and Reid shook it. Then the older man eyed the younger one knowingly. "You're not in a good place, are you, Spencer?"

Reid played it. "I don't know what you mean."

"I think you do. Come on, let's sit for a couple of minutes. We can have a little chat while you eat."

If there was an eavesdropper, all they would have heard was one of the senior members of BCC reaching out to someone in trouble. The two FBI men moved to a quiet corner of the room.

"I can't talk long. I need to make myself available."

"I know. I can tell you that I was able to look at another name. One that your friend Agent Morgan gave to me."

There was a question in how he was looking at Reid.

"I didn't tell him anything, Sir. Only to call your number, and fill you in. Tell you I'd be here tonight."

John nodded. "Well, your friend is quite astute, then. I guess that goes with being a profiler, doesn't it? Anyway, he knew enough to give me a name, and tell me they could use more information about him."

Reid smiled briefly to himself. Morgan had obviously deduced that he was calling Reid's upper level contact in the FBI…and that it was that contact who had helped them get into the servers at the other agencies.

"He's pretty good."

John smiled too. He nodded at the sandwich. "You can thank him for that. Better get going on it."

Reid didn't need to be told twice. As he tore into his food, John continued.

"The name was Gendreau. He's with DHS. Agent Morgan said they'd identified him as the person who oversaw the DHS cases in both Miami and DC. They wondered if he had anything to do with bringing Obiki in. They're finding some evidence that Obiki may have slowed the FBI end of the investigation in Miami, and continued with it in DC."

"And?"

"And, it looks like they might be on to something. Gendreau reached out to the FBI and specifically requested Obiki as the DHS liaison. He cited his 'fine work' with the Miami case, but your team says it was anything but 'fine'."

Reid thought about that for a moment. They might have the higher up. But the team killing BCC members might not be operating under his auspices. It seemed like the killing team was lseveral evels removed, not working with the nuance of high level leadership.

"So, what happens now?"

"I've told Agent Morgan that your technical analyst should find no further difficulty if she should try to watch Gendreau electronically."

Reid brought up the other point. "Thank you, Sir. It will help with the larger case…but I'm not sure it helps us solve the problem of the murders." He explained his reasoning.

"Agreed. The killings are too crude a method….too obvious, even if they attempted to disguise them as suicides. If the killings had been done by the agencies, they'd have been far more subtle. We probably wouldn't even have realized they'd happened."

Reid nodded. "So I guess I need to stick this out. Let them approach me. See what happens."

"Be careful that 'what happens' isn't that we lose another agent. I'm not prepared to replace you, Spencer."

Reid smiled. "Are you saying I'm irreplaceable?"

John laughed, patted his knee, and left him.

* * *

Reid lingered until the meeting space was nearly empty. He saw that Dave was helping Stuart with the chairs, and decided to approach them. Neither looked up until he cleared his throat.

"I'm here. I came, see?"

Stuart continued folding and stacking, while Dave stopped and looked at Reid. "So you did."

"So…."

"So, are you ready to stay sober?"

Reid wasn't sure how to respond. Was Dave really trying to help him….no matter how foolhardy his technique? Or was he making another offer? Was this a test?

The other two men made brief eye contact, then Dave put an arm around Reid's shoulders and walked him off a bit.

"I take it from your hesitation that maybe you're not quite ready. Is that it, Spencer?"

"I….I don't know. I don't know if I can….."

Dave turned him around and looked at him.

"Did you make those few pills last? Did you stretch them out? Or did you find another supplier?"

Reid, more certain this time, responded, "I stretched them."

"Did they take the edge off enough? Were you able to function?"

"A little."

"Enough to go back to work?"

Again, Reid wasn't sure if the man was trying to help him,….or tempt him. He ran the middle ground.

"Maybe."

Dave studied Reid's face as he made his proposal. "Well, I might be able to help you out, man. If you're willing to go back to work, that is."

Reid looked at him warily. "Why?"

"Why?"

"Yeah. Why help me? And why do you want me to go back to work?"

"I like you, Spencer. And I don't like to see any of our members struggling. First thing you have to do is get back into your routine. If it takes using a little something to get through the day at first….well, I'm willing to help out."

Reid was still wary. He wanted to clarify.

"So, you're willing to give me some if I go back to work." At Dave's nod, he added, "And what else do I have to do?"

"Well, you'll have to check in with me every day or two. I'm not gonna give you an unlimited supply. Don't want you to get too tempted."

_Or maybe you want me to get very dependent_. Without a real direction in the case, Reid decided he needed to pick a path to follow. He would follow Dave.

He appeared to think for a long minute. Then he put out his hand. "Okay, I'll do it." They shook.

* * *

He sat in his car, silent. He'd tapped a message to Morgan tonight, a signal that he couldn't talk. Now that there had been overt contact, he thought it was more likely he'd be watched, even at night. He wouldn't chance talking on the phone. But it killed him. He still didn't know about Rosie.

Dave had encouraged him to go home to his wife, but Reid had refused, on the pretense of an unhappy marriage.

"I'll go to work, but don't ask me to do that." The last thing he was going to do was to put JJ in harm's way.

Dave had given him a half smile. "We'll see. Maybe once you get back to yourself, you'll find you still have a wife waiting for you."

"Hmph. I doubt it. What do you think made me use again?

* * *

He stopped at the FBI gym on his way in. He'd not showered in three days, and was getting a bit ripe. Praying that someone had brought in doughnuts, he made a detour by the coffee bay on the way to his cubicle. Morgan and JJ were together at her desk, looking at a file. Emily was alone at hers, and noticed him first.

"Reid!"

The others looked up.

"Spence!" JJ was out of her seat and in her husband's arms in a matter of seconds. "Oh, my God, I was so worried! Morgan said you couldn't talk to him last night. I didn't….I didn't…."

"Shh. I'm okay. Unless you squeeze the life out of me."

Morgan had stood back to let the couple reunite. Now he approached them.

"What are you doing here?"

He explained the situation. Morgan breathed a sigh of relief…and then yawned.

"I never left last night. I didn't know why you couldn't talk, and I didn't want to be far away if something went down."

Reid knew that Morgan could have called the night team in for close surveillance. But he also knew his good friend would always look out for him.

"Thanks."

Hotch emerged from his office for the morning meeting and saw who was in the bullpen. His brow went up….but he simply called down, "Round table room in five."

That gave Reid a few more minutes with his wife. "Rosie?"

"Mom says she woke up with a rash today, and she's fussy. But the fever was down a little bit."

"What do the doctors say?"

"The second blood tests were 'equivocal'. Still could be a virus, but could also be this other thing…..Kawasaki."

She watched his eyes move as his brain found the information. "I've read about that."

He'd read about  _everything_  related to childhood, since Rosie was born.

"It can cause heart problems."

JJ had read about it too, right after she'd spoken with the doctor. "I know. But they said they can prevent the heart problems, if that's what it is."

"Only if they treat her, now. But the treatment's not totally benign either." This was doing nothing to alleviate his anxiety. "JJ, I still think you should go up there."

"Spence, it sounds like we're getting a break in the case. I don't want to leave now. I don't want to leave  _you_."

He shook his head, prompting her to add, "If they're going to treat her….if that's what it is….I'll go. Okay? I promise."

He gave her a wry smile as he squeezed her hand. "Okay."

* * *

The team meeting began right after Garcia released Reid. He made a show of loosening his collar after she let him go.

"Before we get started, can someone tell me about Rossi?"

"We can do better than that, Handsome. We can take you to see him after we finish the meeting."

"He's awake?" Reid was immensely grateful for the first good news he'd heard in days.

"Awake and talking. But he hasn't been able to identify the shooters." Morgan had been as frustrated as Rossi at that.

"He'd like to see you, Reid," Hotch told him. "He asked about you several times yesterday."

JJ hadn't been to see Rossi yet either. She'd been too caught up in the problem of Rosie. "I'll go with you, Spence."

Reid filled them in on what had happened with Dave before and after the meeting, the prior run-ins with Elaine and Stuart, and the information given by John.

"My contact said you should be able to investigate and follow Gendreau electronically now, Garcia."

Rather than enthused, she looked irritated that someone else might have out-hacked her. "Well, okay. But next time I'm finding my own way in. Obviously there is one." She huffed as she left to spy.

"So, I'm supposed to meet Dave at the park before it closes. He'll supply me with enough for another day or two. And maybe he'll ask me to do something for him."

"If we're lucky." Morgan was hoping they were on their way to ending this case.

Reid had more mixed feelings. He still didn't know if Dave's motivations were pure, but misguided….or guided by evil. And he didn't want to prematurely condemn the man.

He didn't know if the evil would come from Dave's direction, or not. He knew only that it would come, and that it would be aimed at him. He prayed he would be ready.


	28. Chapter 28

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 28**

"Hi Sandy." Reid was taking advantage of being at the BAU to try to speak with his children.

"Spencer! I was beginning to think you'd gone missing."

Although he was back at work, he was also still undercover. So, not wanting to worry his mother-in-law, he deflected her remark. "Just busy. But I had a chance to call, so I wanted to see if I could talk to the kids. I miss them like crazy."

"And you're worried about Rosie, aren't you? I'll tell you what I told Jennifer…..she looks just fine, and she's happy and playing with her brother right now."

"And the fever?"

"It started coming down this morning. I haven't taken her temperature in a while, but she feels cool now."

"I thought she had a rash."

"Here and gone. She had it last night and this morning, but I don't see it any more."

_So, is she better? Is it over?_

"Sandy, I don't want to be a bother, but…do you think you could see if the fever is really gone?"

He could almost hear the smile in her voice. "Of course, Spencer. I'll do it now. While Miss Rosie and I are busy, would you like to talk with your son?"

She apparently assumed Reid's answer, because the next thing he heard was, "Hi Daddy!"

"Hi, Buddy. How's it going there? Any more home runs?"

"No. But Papa made a movie of me hitting the ball! We can show you when you come. When are you coming to take us home?"

It sounded a little plaintive. "Aren't you having a good time there, Henry?"

"Yeah. But I miss my friends, and my toys."

_Dissed already._  "Do you miss anything else? Like maybe some people who love you a whole lot?"

"Oh, yeah! I miss you and Mommy too!"

_Whew._  "Well, we miss you, too. We'll be up as soon as this case is over, Little Man."

"When, Daddy? Tomorrow?"

_I wish_. "Soon, Henry. Not tomorrow, but soon."

Reid could hear bustling near the receiver at the other end and thought Sandy had come back to take the phone from Henry. But it wasn't her voice her heard next.

"Ay!"

"Rosie! My little Rosie Posie!"

"Da! Ay!"

He was thrilled. It was  _almost_  'da-da'!

Now Sandy came on the line. "I wish we were on video, Spencer. You should have seen her face light up when she heard your voice."

_You should have seen my face light up when I heard hers_. "She's my girl. My second best girl." He remembered whose mother he was talking to. "So, does she still have a fever?"

"Not a bit. No fever and no rash. I don't think she's going to need those other tests the doctors wanted to run."

He knew she was probably right, but….it was  _Rosie_. "Could you maybe call the doctor and ask?"

She was patient with him. "All right, Spencer, I'll call. I'll let you know if I hear back."

* * *

After the call, Reid sat alone in the conference room. He looked around, his mind replaying the countless team interactions that had taken place around the round table. He'd taken them for granted, the give and take of information and ideas, the building of a consensus. Although he'd only been a few days removed from the team physically, he'd been on his own for much of this case, unable to share everything he knew, unable to be free about what he said in  _any_  environment.

_I will never again take that freedom, nor the people who give it to me, for granted._

He was still in his reverie when JJ joined him.

"Did you get to talk to the kids? How's Rosie?"

"Your mom thinks she's better. The rash is gone already and it seems like the fever is, too. She'll call the doctor to be sure, but…." His grin lit up his whole face.

"Really? She's better? Oh, thank God."

JJ sank into a chair. Now that this particular siege might be over, she could admit to the toll it had taken on her. Reid rolled his chair over to hers.

"You were scared, weren't you?"  _Even though you wouldn't admit it._ He would spend the rest of their life together learning new things about his wife, but this…..the tough exterior covering the softness inside….this, Reid already knew well. It was the vulnerability that she was willing to show only to him.

"To death. I think it would have been different if I'd been with her, you know? So I could see what Mom saw, that she looked all right. But just knowing she's that sick and not being able to tell for myself…." She trailed off as she realized, "….what am I telling you for? You were in the same boat."

He smiled at her again. "Indeed, and there's no one I'd rather be adrift with….but I'm glad to be back on shore again. For the moment."

JJ reached out for his face and kissed him. "This is going to end….soon, please God….and then we can be together again…our whole family."

He pulled away from her abruptly. "JJ! Guess what she said!"

"Guess what who said?"

"Rosie! Guess what she said!" He couldn't wait. "She said 'da'!"

"Da."

"Oh, I know, she's been saying it for a couple of months now, but the point is, she said it to  _me_! When she heard my voice! She called me 'da'!"

JJ laughed at him.  _Men._  Will had been excited when Henry did something similar _. Good thing women are secure in their roles. 'Ma' doesn't come for a while yet._

JJ stood and raised Reid with her. "Well let's try to make sure that she gets to see her 'da' soon, okay?"

He pulled her into his arms and held her close. She could sense his longing in the tightness of his grasp.

She spoke softly into his ear. "It will be okay, Spence, won't it? You'll be careful, and we'll be close by. We'll put an end to this so we can all be together again."

He snugged her even closer. "From your mouth to God's ear. I can't wait."

He pulled back so he could kiss her. Leaning his forehead down to touch hers, he told her, "I love you, Jennifer Jareau Reid. And I love the family you've given me. Thank you."

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Emily stuck her head in.

"Sorry to interrupt, lovebirds, but we're going over to see Rossi now. You coming?"

They'd decided it would be all right if they went as a full team. Reid and JJ would keep their distance while they were in public view.

"We're coming. Just give us a minute, okay?" JJ asked their good friend.

They spent that minute in silence. Leaning on one another, holding, being held, tasting, savoring, inscribing themselves in one another. Until the next time.

* * *

David Rossi was sitting up in bed. He'd been moved to a private room where the team found him sipping a cup of coffee and reading. A second, almost-full cup steamed on the bedside table, indicating someone had made a rapid exit from the room.

"What is this?" Garcia demanded.

"This? It's the newspaper. I'm trying to catch up."

"But…..," she reached out a finger to touch it, "….it's  _paper_. Who reads the newspaper on paper any more?"

"Just us Neanderthals, apparently."

The others laughed at the exchange as Rossi greeted them. JJ was last in line. She bent to hug him, whispering, "I was praying for you."

As she meant it to, it brought him back to New Orleans, when he'd sat and prayed with her. "Thank you, Cara. You've obviously got an 'in' with the Almighty."

She laughed. "Well, we manage to keep Him pretty busy. Speaking of which, we have a surprise for you."

On cue, Reid came through the doorway. Rossi hadn't known about him.

"Spencer! And you're in one piece! Does this mean we're done with this?" He hadn't had a formal update on the case.

Reid made his way over to the bed and shook Rossi's hand. "I'm glad to see  _you're_  in one piece, too. You had us worried."

"No, my young friend, don't worry about me. I'm too ornery to go anywhere just yet."

It seemed that no one could make Hotch smile quite the way his friend Dave Rossi did. Now, with that smile on his face, he remarked, "Lucky us."

Rossi took that as a challenge. "And I'm not quite done torturing my unit chief."

They all laughed at that. But Rossi sobered quickly. His brain was unfogged now. He'd noticed no one had answered the question about the case being over. He ran his eyes in a semicircle around the bed, looking at each one in turn. Then he brought them back and settled them on Reid.

"Tell me," was all he said.

Reid started, and the others filled in the rest of the story.

Emily was the last to speak, and ended with, "So we think the guys who went after chief Strauss, and ended up shooting you, were underlings. Or, under-underlings, actually. We think they were working for someone embedded in BCC, and were supposed to find out how much the FBI knew. We think the underling…..the one embedded in BCC…..is the liaison with someone high up in the agencies. And we think that underling is the one who committed the original murders."

"And you think the guys who got me don't know that it's their boss who committed the suicide murders. That's why they grilled Erin about it?"

Hotch nodded. "We think the ones you ran into may genuinely think the FBI is cleaning house. That we are aware of the BCC role in hindering drug investigations and are taking care of it 'quietly'."

As he was speaking, something triggered in Emily. "You know, these guys sound too stupid to be LEOs, don't they? Unless they're still impaired, still using. But they sure do sound like your run-of-the-mill street thug."

Morgan agreed. "Prentiss is right. So how might our BCC guy know them?"

JJ had an idea. "Maybe from working the street….and if that's true, it's more likely the BCC contact is a cop, and not someone from the agencies."

"Or they're in another support group. Maybe the BCC contact attends more than one." From his nights in the church parking lot, Reid had surmised that some of the evening activity consisted of various support groups, all using the same church facilities.

"Baby Girl, " started Morgan.

She knew. "As soon as we leave. I'll head back to the BAU and snoop."

Reid prepared her. "It's not likely you'll find much, Garcia. All groups have the same confidentiality requirements." He had another thought, "Unless you look for guys who were….."

"Adjudicated into them. Already there, my junior G man. I'll look for guys who were sent to support groups by a judge."

"Better look for guys who were sent as part of their parole, too, Baby Girl."

"Will do, O Bodacious One."

Rossi laughed. "And the nurses wonder why I can't wait to get back to work."

* * *

Rossi helped them strategize about how to lure out the BCC contact.

"So, you've been approached by three of them. But we don't know which, if any of them, is the contact. It's possible, isn't it, that the people who've reached out to you are doing just that….reaching out?"

Reid wanted to think so. He liked each of them. Elaine Modell, the Metro cop who'd lost her first marriage to alcohol, and who'd reached out to him several times, both at meetings and outside. But they'd just profiled it might be a cop, so...maybe. Or Stuart, who had residual brain damage from past drug use. He couldn't work because of his memory problems, but he faithfully ran each meeting. And, apparently, he reached out to lost sheep, as he'd done with Reid. And, finally, Dave, whom Reid knew best as a divorced father grateful for even the most distant contact with his children, who was close with Stuart, and who was his current 'lifeline'….both to the meetings, and to the drugs. Elaine fit their new profile requirement of being a cop. But, Reid realized, he didn't know what field of law enforcement either Dave or Stuart had been in.

"I hope they are, Rossi. I sincerely hope so. They've been nothing but good to me. But we have to work with what we've got. And, since they're the ones I have a relationship with right now, I think I have to play it out."

Rossi agreed. "Just make it fairly obvious what you're doing. If the contact is someone else at BCC, let them see how you're responding to the outreach. It may draw them out."

"Because they'll see me as still vulnerable. Especially if the outreach isn't working."

"Exactly. But if it's one of those who's already in contact with you...your resistance may force them to show their hand."

"So, should I cooperate…but not too much?"

Rossi nodded, the elder statesman enjoying his role. "Challenge them. This guy Dave…he sounds like a good candidate, given that he's supplying you. Sometimes the most likely candidate is the winner. But he's letting you sleep in a parking lot. Why? If he's so concerned about you, why isn't he giving you money for a place to stay? Why isn't he taking you home with him?"

Reid began thinking aloud. "Because he wants to keep me down? Make me a little more desperate? A little more dependent?"

JJ drew now on her experience with Al-Anon, the support group for those whose loved ones struggled with addiction. She'd attended several meetings when Reid had gone back to BCC after the shooting.

"Or he's trying to make sure the drugs are the most important thing to you. If you're really in relapse, the physical discomfort of sleeping in your car would be secondary to getting the drugs, wouldn't it?"

Reid was proud of her. She'd learned well. And she was right.

"So, maybe I'll mention it, but not push, and see how he responds."

Rossi agreed. "Push, but not too hard. Don't let him know you're watching him as much as he may be watching you."

* * *

Rossi's room was the only place JJ and Reid could safely be together in public. So, before they left, they phoned Pennsylvania one final time.

"Hi, Mommy!" Henry had read her name on the caller ID.

"Hi, Little Man. I have your dad here, too."

"Hi, Daddy!"

"Hey, Buddy. We just called to see if your sister was all better. Can you put Meme on the phone?"

"Rosie has Rosie."

"Huh?"

"Rosie has Rosie. Meme said."

"Honey, " JJ asked, "what do you mean, Rosie has Rosie?"

"She does, Mommy, Meme said. The doctor said."

"Honey, can you put Meme on the phone, please?"

Henry was frustrated with the adults. He'd been trying to tell them…

"Here she is."

"Jennifer?"

"Mom, hi. We were just calling to see about Rosie."

"She's fine, sweetheart. I called the doctor, and they said it was all right not to bring her back in. Her fever and her rash both seem to be gone for good."

"Henry said she has 'Rosie.' What did the doctor say?"

Sandy laughed. "I heard the tail end of that. 'Rosie has Rosie', he said, right? Well, he's  _almost_  right. It's roseola. Rosie has roseola. Or, she  _had_  it. It's just a virus. And now it's gone."

* * *

The next several days were spent as the previous one had been. Reid came to work, spent the day at the BAU, and then spent the evening and night outside the church hall. Dave visited him in the parking lot during the evenings, and supplied him with a few pills each time. He made no further demands on Reid. The only requirement was that he go to work, and that he attend BCC meetings.

On the second night, Reid challenged him.

"Hey, do you think you could help me out with a little cash so I can get a room? My back is killing me from this car. My bitch wife locked me out of our account, and I'm out of cash. Now I wish I'd never done direct deposit."

"Spencer, I'd like to, but I can't. You know how it goes. You need to make amends. Get back with her. Or at least make up enough so she'll let you get some cash. Maybe if she sees you're going to meetings, she'll ease up."

It sounded plausible. It even sounded supportive. But, it was still keeping him miserable, and dependent. Reid longed for certainty, but knew certainty wasn't in the cards.

It went on like that for the rest of the week. And then…..

"Spencer, sorry, I'm a little short today." Dave held out only two pills.

"That's all?" Reid tried to infuse just the right amount of panic into his voice. "But...okay, I understand, I guess. But can I get some tomorrow?"

Dave took his time answering. "Maybe. I'm having trouble getting hold of them. But…..maybe you could help with that."

Reid looked confused. And he was. "How? What do I have to do with it?"

Dave relaxed back against the car, but Reid noticed that he'd used the motion to survey the parking lot. They were alone.

"Well, it seems like my supply is temporarily held up because of an investigation. They're getting a little too close, and my guy wants to lay low for a while. But, if the investigation were to get pointed in a different direction….well, things might loosen up again."

Reid was so overwhelmed with conflicting emotions that he felt like he couldn't stand. It sounded like the break in the case they'd been hoping for. And it was going in the direction they'd expected. But it was coming from someone he'd come to hope was genuinely concerned for him. And who, obviously, was not. It took him a moment to recover.

"Well, how would the investigation get pointed in a different direction? And what makes you think I could do anything about it?"

"Ah, you know how it works, Spencer. All it takes is a little change in wording, or a lost report. Sometimes a brand new report, saying just the right thing."

Reid was shaking his head. "I don't understand how you think I could accomplish that."

Dave studied him, then said, "I could help you."

Now Reid was totally, truly, lost. "What do you mean?"

"There are certain back doors into certain computer servers. From one agency to another, you know? Can't be done from outside, need to get past that first firewall. But, once you're in….you're in."

"You can get me into other agencies' programs? Encrypted files?"

"Well, not so much the encrypted ones, although…" Dave let that hang. "But they're not all encrypted, are they?"

Now Reid studied Dave. "So, you'll give me a way to get into the investigation's files and….change them?"

"Exactly. But it needs to stay here, Spencer, between us." Dave waved his hand back and forth between the two of them. "Or no more pills."

Reid appeared to think long and hard. "I don't know. I could lose my job if I get caught."

"Then don't get caught."

"But…..they'll have my log-on, won't they? Won't they be able to tell who did it?"

Dave appeared to lose interest in the conversation. "Spencer, do you want the drugs or don't you? Because I seem to remember that you have a cash flow problem. This is your only option….unless you're ready to get clean again."

"No! No, I….can't. I don't think I can do it again. Please." Desperate.

"Then, you know what to do."

"But….."

Dave pulled out his phone as he stepped away from the car. "Maybe you need a little something more to work for, Spencer. How about this?"

There was a photograph on the screen. The image hit Reid's visual cortex, and triggered his sympathetic nervous system. He went pale, and fell back against the car, grabbing the handle of the door to keep himself from collapsing to the ground.


	29. Chapter 29

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 29**

He didn't even try to sleep. Never even got into the back seat, never stretched out.

_I could just drive up there, right now. Take them away. Put them somewhere safe._

But he knew that he couldn't, really. Where would he take them? They were obviously already being watched. And not just by the security detail.

Morgan was on the other end of the visor phone, but he hadn't heard Reid's conversation with Dave, which had taken place outside the car. And Reid was one hundred percent sure that he was being watched now. He couldn't take the chance on being seen talking. Instead, he spent the night ruminating on every word he'd exchanged with the turned BCC member.

* * *

"Cute baby. What's her name?"

Reid wouldn't have answered the man even if he  _could_  have found his voice.

Dave ignored the non-response. "Little boy seems to like baseball, from what I hear. Plays it all the time with the old man. That his grandfather?"

Reid finally raised his eyes from the photograph. It was obviously taken recently, when the kids were in the front yard of the Jareau home.

"What do you want?" Barely contained anger hoarsened Reid's voice.

Dave put his hands out, mimicking confused innocence. "What, with the kids? Nothing. They're just cute, that's all. I already told you what I want, Spencer. All you have to do is a little computer work, and then I'll be able to keep those pills coming. Otherwise…."

"Otherwise what?"

"Otherwise, my supply is dried up. Which means  _your_  supply is dried up. But, just in case you might decide to find another supplier…..well, I thought I'd give you a little incentive to stick with me."

"By threatening my children?" Reid was no longer acting. He was no longer even thinking. Reid was pure emotion in this moment.

"Who, me? Spencer, kids get hurt all the time, don't they? A little fall, a little accident. Why would I threaten a kid? Accidents just….happen."

The intensity of Dave's gaze belied the seriousness of his statement. But he continued in a casual vein.

"So, do we have a deal, Spencer? Shall I meet you here tomorrow night with a few more for you? Pills, that is. And, maybe, photos."

Reid broke eye contact and looked away _. Calm yourself. They're only pictures. Nothing has happened yet. Go along with him. Show him that you're desperate….because you are._

"All right. I'll do it. Do you have the code I'll need to get into the servers?"

Dave took a thin strip of paper from his front pocket and handed it to Reid.

"Smart thinking, Spencer. You made the right decision. You know, if you're good…..I might even be able to get you a little juice…..that's what you were used to using, right?"

Dave started to walk away, but turned around, snapping his fingers as though he'd forgotten something.

'"Oh, and Spencer? You probably don't need to mention our conversation….or these cute pictures…..to anyone. Hate to see something happen, you know? What do they say? An ounce of prevention…."

* * *

Hours later, Reid got out of the car. He needed to move. He was too agitated, too pent up, to simply sit, and wait. Once he'd gotten outside, he looked around at an empty parking lot. And then his eyes were drawn upward, and he realized...he was in his cathedral.

_All right, You need to hear me, and hear me well this time. This can't be. It can't happen. I'm not asking, this time, I'm telling. You need to get involved here. None of this 'I'll just watch from above' crap. These are my kids we're talking about. The ones You gave me. The ones YOU GAVE ME. Remember? You wanted me to take care of them. And I have, haven't I? So why is this happening? Why? No, You know what, I don't need to know 'why'. I don't care about 'why'. I don't want to hear that I'll find out it was all for good. Just make it go away. Just put a stop to this, You need to make them safe, You need to help me know what to do here. You need to help me. I need You to help me. I need You….. Please….please…_

He turned and leaned his arms against the roof of the car. Before he put his head down on them, he gently closed the door, so Morgan wouldn't hear that he was weeping.

* * *

Hotch was usually the first to arrive each morning. But not today. Today he walked into his office and was greeted by an unshaven, traumatized genius.

"What happened?"

Reid told him. "I don't know what to do, Hotch. If I cooperate, it just prolongs the time my family is in the crosshairs. There's no way they'll leave me alone if this is working for them."

Hotch nodded once. He agreed.

"But if I stop now….if I walk away from the case….they'll hurt them, just to punish me."

Aaron Hotchner was all too familiar with the dilemma of a family under threat. He wasn't about to have it happen to another member….two members….of his team.

"We'll increase the security around the house."

"That's not enough, Hotch. These guys have broken through the security already. They're LEOs, they'll know every trick we know. They need in-home protection."

"We'll arrange it. They'll have whatever they need, Reid."

Reid already knew what they needed. "Send JJ."

Hotch just raised his brows, prompting Reid to continue.

"Send JJ….and maybe Emily. They could be at the house, keep an eye on things. But the kids wouldn't have to know that anything's wrong. Neither would Charles and Sandy."

Although he was certain his father-in-law would figure it out in a heartbeat.

The unit chief spent a moment considering. It would completely decimate the team. But it was also the right thing to do.

"All right. Talk to JJ when she gets in. She should hear it before the meeting. Then we'll discuss it as a team."

* * *

He met her at the elevator, where he'd been pacing for eight minutes and thirty seven seconds. She almost ran into him as she came through the doors.

"JJ, come with me."

"Spence…..I….let me put my things down, okay?"

"Bring them with you. We need to talk." He took her by the arm and led her into the round table room. She could feel the urgency in the tension of his grasp.

"Spence, what's wrong? What happened? Are you all right?" His agitation was reminding her of that time, so long ago now, after his captivity in Georgia.

"Sit down. I have something to tell you."

Something told her not to argue. She sat, and he recounted the story, having to turn away when the look of panic came over her face.

"Oh, my God." She'd pulled out her phone, ready to call her parents. Reid grabbed for it.

"JJ, no, don't!" He explained what he'd concluded about how Dave….and who knew who else…..would react if they thought he'd told anyone.

"Spence, we can't just sit back and do nothing! Oh, my God, Henry…Rosie….my parents…"

He took her by the shoulders. "I already spoke with Hotch. He's agreed to let you go up there. Take Emily with you, so you can stand shifts. Don't tell your parents unless you have to. The fewer people who know what's going on, the less likely we'll have a slip-up."

JJ felt minimally better at the idea of being there to protect her children. But her being in Pennsylvania meant she wouldn't be available to the case in DC. Reid watched her face as the succession of ideas, and emotions, passed over her. He knew he had to reassure her.

"I'll be okay. Morgan is still here, and Hotch. Rossi can't be in the field, but we can pick his brain. It will be okay, JJ. And it would help me concentrate here if I knew you were watching them."  _And that Emily was watching you._ He dare not say it aloud.

Morgan barged in on them just then. He'd spoken to Hotch already.

"Kid, just let me get my hands on him. On  _all_ of them. I knew something was wrong when I heard you get out of the car last night. I knew it!" The senior agent was looking around for something to punch. Both JJ and Reid loved him in that moment.

Emily, Garcia and Hotch weren't far behind Morgan. Apparently the women had been briefed on their way into the conference room. Garcia made her way immediately over to JJ and embraced her.

"No one, and I mean no one, is going to hurt my godson. My Chocolate Thunder will make them pay for even thinking of it!"

Her Chocolate Thunder was seated across the room, looking every bit as though he agreed with her.

"And no one is hurting my precious little goddaughter!" Emily gave Reid a quick hug before taking her seat.

"All right, you're already briefed on the facts. Reid, can you give us specifics of your conversation?" Hotch got the formal meeting started.

Reid told them everything he could remember, verbatim. Garcia's antennae were up.

"He gave you code? Do you have it with you?"

Reid handed over the strip of paper. "He said you have to be in our system first, and then it gets you into the other systems."

Even as he said it, the thought struck him. That there was someone else from their agency who knew how to get into the other agencies' servers. John.  _Please, don't tell me…._

Garcia was looking at the information on the paper. "This doesn't look like…..oh, wait….yes, I see…."

"Baby Girl, what do you see?"

"This could actually work. I think it could actually work. But I don't know if it would leave a trail…"

"Leaving a trail would only be important if someone realized the records had been tampered with," pointed out Emily. "But if Reid just went in and altered something, and they didn't realize…they'd never think to look."

It was a logic issue, and they all agreed that Emily was right.

"Garcia, I'd like you to look anyway," said her unit chief. "See if it leaves a trail. Because if it does…"

"If it does, we'll be able to see who's accessed the pathway," JJ finished for him.

"But we already know who accessed it. The guys who died." Garcia was being practical.

"Right, Baby Girl. We know  _they_  did. But we don't know who  _else_  did."

Emily had another item for discussion. "Do we think they threatened the other families? JJ and I interviewed them, and it never came up. I can understand that maybe the men never told their families….but they also didn't seem to do anything to protect them. None of the families was asked to go out of town, no new security systems installed. Nothing."

Hotch thought she might be onto something. "So, if this is a change in methodology, why?"

It would have been understandable if JJ had been having trouble focusing on the conversation. But her reaction to the threat against her family had been paradoxical. Instead of being distracted, she was hyper-focused, intent on finding the solution that would keep safe all of those she loved. She was the first to respond to Hotch's inquiry.

"They're worried. Either we're closer than we think to solving this, or there's a piece of electronic information they're worried about."

"What do you mean, Blondie?"

"I mean that there's something in the computers that could incriminate someone…probably someone pretty high up, if they're willing to be so overt about it."

"JJ's right. Something has changed for the unsubs. We have the name of someone in DHS….Gendreau, who brought Obiki back from Florida to influence the investigation….but that doesn't mean there aren't others, in other agencies...including in our own." Hotch's heavy brow was deeply furrowed.

"So far, all they've asked me to do right now is to make changes to this one Metro PD drug operation. Are we thinking that next they'll want me to go in and clean up a mess that one of them created? To get me to try to cover their trail?"

"If they do, my gentle genius, I will be at your side. We'll find these sons-of-bitches together."

Reid gave Garcia a grateful smile.

They spent the rest of the meeting running a variety of scenarios, going through their options, and coming up with strategy. JJ and Emily would go to Pennsylvania. Garcia would help Reid hack Metro PD's drug case, and then attempt to track the rest of the case interventions. Once he was in the field, Morgan and Hotch would work in tandem as Reid's backup. And Reid would put himself back in the line of fire.

* * *

"It feels like all we ever do is say goodbye," she mourned.

They were in the conference room, granted privacy before JJ and Emily left for Pennsylvania.

He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head.

"The next time you see me, it will be nothing but hello…to you, and Henry, and Rosie. Even Casey."

He'd meant for her to smile, and she did. Still leaning against him, JJ iifted her head to look at him.

"I know how upset you are. But make sure you do everything with a cool head, please. They've already shown us how dangerous they can be. Don't react to them. They  _want_  you to be rash. They want you to be afraid. Don't be. Emily and I will take care of the kids and Mom and Dad. Put that worry out of your mind."

_My strong, confident JJ. My heart and soul._

Sometimes he still couldn't believe she was in his life. That they were making a life together. He fell one more time into her eyes, found her strength, and bound himself to it.

"I will. I trust you. I know you'll keep them safe." He knew she needed to hear him say it.

She patted his chest, over his heart…..and felt something in his pocket.

"What's this?"

He hadn't planned on telling her. It would just remind her of the danger  _he_  was in, when he wanted her to focus on the danger to their family. But now she reached in and pulled it out.

"Pills?" They were in their original packaging, clearly not the dilaudid.

He couldn't lie. "They're glucose tablets. Hotch got them for me."

"Glucose…." Suddenly, she understood. In case the unsubs injected him with insulin. To keep his blood sugar up, so he wouldn't pass out. To try to keep them from arranging his 'suicide'. "But….would you have enough time…."

He shook his head. "I don't know. But it's better that I have them, than that I don't. They should at least give Morgan and Hotch a chance to get there."

He'd said it so simply, so matter-of-factly. But they were talking about a life-or-death situation for him. One that was a very real threat now that one of the unsubs had shown himself. Despite her determination to be strong, it shook her.

_Spence, here, in mortal danger. The kids and my parents, hours away, under threat._

She felt almost literally split in two. Everything in JJ wanted to break down, curl up in a ball, and wait for all of this to be over. But she couldn't afford it. Battling back her tears, she pulled Reid to her as tightly as she could,  _willing_  him to be safe. Then she stepped back, took his face in her hands, and peppered it with kisses. He held on to the final one, the one on his lips, making it last, bringing it deep.

Finally, they stood apart from each other, holding hands, locking eyes. No tears now. No countenance for fearing the unknown. No room for doubt. They would focus on what was sure, and palpable, and theirs.

Holding each other at arms' length, they spoke it simultaneously.

"I love you."

"I know."


	30. Chapter 30

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 30**

"Did you tell them we were coming?"

JJ had her eyes on the road, grateful for the need to concentrate on something other than the task at hand.

"No. I talked about it with Spence. If he thinks they realize we've gone up, he's going to try to convince them that I'd already planned it. That I'd sent the kids away because of his behavior, took a while to cool down, and now am going up, with a friend, to get them."

"He doesn't think they'll assume he told?"

"I think he's planning to play it that he tried to stop me, afraid of what it would look like…..but I wouldn't listen to him."

"So…..your parents don't expect us at all?"

JJ chanced a look in Emily's direction. "Just in case someone's watching, or monitoring calls….no. We don't want to give the watchers advance notice if we can help it."

Emily nodded her understanding. "Well, I know two little people who will be thrilled to see you."

JJ smiled. "About as excited as I am to see them. I just wish it was under a different circumstance."

Turning her eyes back to the road, Emily observed, "You two definitely seem to end up with more than your share of 'circumstances'."

JJ gave a snort. "Oh, how I wish that was funny."

They rode for a bit in silence, broken by Emily asking, "How's Reid? Really, how is he handling all of this?"

JJ knew it in her heart. She knew exactly how he felt, such was their connection. But it took her a few minutes to find the right words.

"He's….roiling. I think that's probably the best way to put it. He's so angry, at them and at himself.."

"Why himself?" Emily couldn't help interrupting.

"You know how he is, Em. He feels like he should have been able to avoid it getting to this point, that somehow he ended up putting our family in the middle of this mess…"

"But, he didn't!"

JJ shot her friend a look. "It's  _Spence_ , Emily." She didn't have to be more explicit. They both knew he always had greater expectations of himself than anyone else had of him, genius or not. And that meant he always made himself bear a larger share of the responsibility when things went wrong.

"He's also scared to death. Not for himself. I don't think he's even processed that part yet. He's terrified that something will happen to one of the kids."

"Like any parent would be, right?"

JJ had to consider it. "Yes…..and no. Of course, everyone who becomes a parent immediately worries that it could all be taken away. It's the pessimist in all of us. You know it, right, from Declan?"

Emily was quiet for a moment after that, staring ahead. Declan  _had_  been taken away….twice.  _For some parents, the worst nightmare comes true._

JJ realized she'd sent Emily into a sad memory. "Sorry, Em, I didn't mean to…."

Emily shook her head, a sad smile on her face. "It's fine. It just….is."

In that way, the two women were alike. There was no point in ruing what couldn't be changed. One simply assumed the loss, and the grief, into oneself, and went on.

"Anyway, for Spence…..I don't know, maybe it's because his own family situation was so messed up….he just never had this kind of attachment before. So, for him, now that he's attached…and he's  _so_  attached…..now it terrifies him to think about losing it, so much so that it almost paralyzes him."

"And he can't afford to be paralyzed…..not with this set of unsubs."

JJ set her jaw. "No, he can't."

* * *

Reid was in Garcia's lair, logged onto the the FBI system under his own name. He took the ribbon of paper from his pocket and followed the directions to bring him to a new log-on, this one in the Metro PD server.

"Now what do I do?" It was asking him for his name and password. "It won't recognize my name, will it?"

"Only one way to find out, my gentle genius."

So he entered his FBI username and password...and he was in.

Garcia leaned forward in her seat. "Okay, how did that..." And she started clicking away on her keyboard. "Uh-huh...oh...what?...well, how...hmmm...I see, but..."

"What? What do you see? And what's the 'but'?"

"We need to talk to Rossi."

* * *

The senior agent had been discharged that morning, and was under firm orders to stay put at home for the rest of the week...although it was unclear if those orders had come from his physician, or someone else.

He was available for a video chat, however. Garcia and Reid were joined by Hotch and Morgan in the conference room.

"So, when Reid followed the code they'd given him, it let him access the Metro PD server. And then that server recognized his FBI log-on." Garcia made the statement as though it carried great meaning, not realizing that her audience wasn't following.

"Okay, Baby Girl, I'll bite. I get that it's important, because that's how they get in to change the case files...but it obviously means something more to you."

"You are so right, my delectable detective! Because after we tried it with Metro PD, we tried the one for DHS. And it did the very same thing. It lets him in, every time, with his FBI log-on."

Hotch was more direct with her. "Garcia, what does it mean? Do you know how they're accomplishing it?"

"Yes and no. It's brilliantly simple, but it took some bal...gumption... to accomplish it. All they did was to move the sentry system from each of the agencies and route them through a single server, probably one of their own. Then they linked it back to each system, and made the password protection the same across the board."

Rossi chimed in from home. "So they hacked  _every_ agency at some point, to route all of them through the same server?"

Garcia smiled at the screen. "Exactly! And the code they gave Reid leads them to that server, and back out to which ever agency they want."

The men exchanged glances around the table. Hotch spoke for them.

"What would it take to accomplish this, Garcia?"

"Like I said, the  _idea_  is simple...but hacking each of the systems, without triggering a security alarm, took a lot of experience. These guys were masters." There was a tone of admiration in her voice, despite the circumstance. "That's why I thought we might need Rossi. Because of his contacts."

Rossi understood, finally. "NSA."

Garcia nodded, silently.

Morgan wanted clarification. "We're thinking the NSA hacked all of the other agencies? To mess with drug investigations?" He sounded incredulous.

Reid shook his head. "No. Not the agency. But someone inside. That's the only way they could get around the built in security alarms in each system. They're that good."

Hotch took it all in, and reached a conclusion. "Dave, do you still have 'friends' there, at the NSA?"

"A few. I might be able to chat them up a little."

"Good. But we should remember that it's also possible the NSA has already become aware of this and has been watching without letting the word out." Hotch knew the agency to be secretive at nearly any cost. "We did profile that some of the victims might have been NSA, didn't we?"

Reid remembered. "Rossi, you thought Obiki sounded like NSA...and maybe Greenly as well, even though he was fronted as CIA. But I think we can safely eliminate Greenly. It's a pretty sure bet that he joined BCC to investigate them. My guess is he was working for the CIA as an undercover. Which means that at least  _someone_  there was suspicious that BCC was being used for something. I just hope Greenly wasn't the only one onto it."

"Would they let him work a case on his own? You know, without backup…and on his own initiative?" Garcia voiced what all of them wondered.

Rossi answered her. "Unlikely.  _Someone_  there at the CIA has to realize that it wasn't a suicide...that he was probably killed."

Morgan was thinking aloud. "Well, if there is, they've been awfully silent about it. Which makes me wonder if they're not involved as well. We're thinking this goes up the chain in the agencies, aren't we?"

Once again, Reid thought of John. But he couldn't bring himself to entertain the idea that his one time savior was involved on the wrong side of the case. Instead, he tried to correct Morgan.

"We're pretty certain we have someone in DHS…Gendreau….and there may be others, but we can't be sure of that."

Hotch wanted to move the discussion forward.

"All right. So we have Greenly working the case for the CIA. Presumably he was found out, and taken out. What about Obiki?"

Garcia spoke up, excited to be able to help with the case analysis. "Here's the thing. I looked back at his HR records. He was originally FBI, then went to Miami, still with the Bureau, and then back to DC, as liaison with DHS."

"Right." Morgan's tone indicated that she was rehashing old information.

"So, okay, I know you already knew that. But…..did you know that, while he was still in DC, before Miami, the FBI changed the program that monitors employee benefits?"

None of them spoke. It was entire unclear where she was going, but it  _was_  clear that she was going somewhere.

"Right. So, did you also know that, right after he went to DHS, they changed their on-line purchasing system?"

Reid's brain got there before the others. "So the systems were somehow vulnerable during those times, because changes were already being made?"

Garcia nodded excitedly. "Right! Our brilliant braniac does it again! Although it's not so much that the systems were vulnerable to change. They were  _always_ able to make the change. But the other changes going on…..the legitimate ones…hid the process. They hid the power downs and restarts of the system. Even so, it had to take someone with a really masterful hand to get it done."

"Obiki." Morgan and Rossi said the name at the same time.

"So," proferred Hotch, "we're thinking that Obiki made the changes, and then got involved with BCC…why?"

Reid took that one. "My guess is that he wanted to oversee the process of recruitment. He probably could have just used the back door into the systems himself, but eventually someone might have caught on to all of the log-ons under his name. He was better off making sure they had a whole slate of people doing it. I think Obiki wanted to make sure his system worked."

"And then what," wondered Morgan, "they decided they'd had enough of him? He'd outlived his usefulness?"

Rossi spoke up. "That part sounds a little more CIA than NSA, but yes, I would guess that the higher up wanted to cut ties to the ground operation. Once Obiki had things going, he was expendable."

"So, Greenly was caught as an undercover, Obiki eliminated to obliterate a trail…what about Dave Sanders?" Reid wanted to make sure there were no gaping holes in their theory. "I'm guessing they recruited BCC members who were in relapse, because that would make them more vulnerable….easier to manipulate, like me. But, from what JJ said, it doesn't sound like Dave Sanders  _was_  in relapse. He was at BCC because he was making a major life change, getting engaged. So, why him?"

There was silence in the round table room, and in Rossi's spacious home office. No one had an explanation for why Will LaMontagne's old friend had died.

Garcia wanted to be sure she understood everything. "So, you're saying that Obiki went to BCC to get the recruitment started, but he left this other guy Dave behind, to keep it going?"

"I don't think we can assume Dave is the only BCC member still involved. There's obviously someone in Pennsylvania, whether they're with BCC or not. And there's obviously someone up the line whom we haven't identified yet." Reid gave the factual, logical explanation. He didn't mention that he just  _had a feeling._

Keeping in mind the need to flush out the remaining players, they ran scenarios for how the other Dave might react to Reid's cooperation with changing the Metro PD investigation.

"Pretty Boy, I think you should cooperate with the next demand too. Make them really buy into you."

Rossi added to that, "But then, the next time, you push back. Question it. Maybe refuse it outright. We don't want to wait around until they think they don't need you anymore. We want to bring it to a head."

Hotch knew it would mean Reid putting his life on the line. He couldn't demand it.

"Are you all right with that?"

Reid ran his eyes around the table and the video screen.

"Guys, my entire family is in danger. Not to mention Emily. The sooner we can end this, the better. I say 'push'!"

* * *

"Jennifer! What…..we didn't expect you!"

"Hi, Mom. You remember Emily Prentiss, right?"

"Hello, Emily. It's nice to have you here." Despite her apprehension about what the unexpected visit might mean, Sandy Jareau was gracious.

"It's nice to see you again, Mrs. Jareau."

"Sandy, please."

"Sandy." Emily smiled, thinking, as she did so, how much JJ resembled her mother. Except for her eyes. She remembered noticing before...they came from her father.

"Mom, where's Dad? Where are the kids?"

"Oh, honey, he took them to the  _store_. We needed a few things and he thought it would be fun for them."

JJ laughed a disbelieving laugh. She couldn't quite picture her father shopping with an infant and a young child.  _I'll bet he didn't do it when we were young!_

Sandy was continuing, "They should be back very soon. They've been gone for over an hour already."

JJ did a quick mental calculation of how long it would take her father to drive to and from the store, extricate Rosie from her car seat and put her back into it, and do the shopping. It would have taken at least the hour.  _They're not unexplainably late._

"So, Jennifer….as glad as I am to see you…..do you want to tell me why you're here, with no notice at all?"

She'd been sure it would be her father who would question what was going on. But now, it seemed, it would come from both sides.  _Guess I come by my profession honestly._

She put her mother off. "We had a few days, and I thought I'd come up and get the kids. Emily decided to keep me company."

"Well, that's lovely. And I'm glad to see Emily again." Sandy smiled at JJ's friend and colleague. "But why didn't Spencer come with you?"

Emily decided to enter the fray. "He's tied up with case reports. You know how it is…" knowing that Sandy  _didn't_  exactly know how it was…"there's always so much paperwork. And Reid …. Spencer ….decided to let JJ come up, while he takes care of the reports." Emily rued the fact that lying had become so easy for her.

"Oh, I see. Well, come on out to the kitchen with me. I'll put on coffee, and you can help me cull the blueberries for the pie."

Emily's eyes widened. It had been...at least forever….since she'd had homemade blueberry pie.  _Thank you,Unsubs!_

Twenty minutes later, the pie was in the oven and a vehicle was pulling up to the house. Henry apparently recognized the Reid family car, and ran into the house yelling.

"Mommy! Daddy!"

The women emerged from the kitchen, and Henry ran into his mother's arms.

"Hi, Baby!"

After a week away, Henry didn't mind being called 'Baby'. He hugged JJ tightly. "Hi, Mommy!"

JJ released him as her father walked into the house carrying Rosie. She watched as the look on her father's face moved from pleasure, at seeing her, to concern, at seeing that she was accompanied by Emily, and not Reid. He tried to convey his question with his eyes.  _Later_ , hers responded to him.

Aloud, she said, "Hi, Dad. Hi, my little Miss Rosie!"

Little Miss Rosie's arms and legs were going as she expressed her excitement physically. "A! A!" She eagerly moved from her grandfather's arms and into her mother's. JJ had her own 'mind melt' moment with Rosie before Henry tugged at her blouse.

"Where's Daddy?"

Seeing the apprehension in his face, JJ was reminded once again of how bright and insightful her son was.

"He didn't come with us, Henry. He had to work."

Henry took that in, but was clearly not satisfied. "But  _when_  will he come, Mommy?"

She squatted so that she was at eye level with him. "He probably won't make it up here this time, Buddy. But you'll see him when we get home. Auntie Emily and I will bring you guys down in a couple of days."

"But I want to see Daddy!" For all of his insight, Henry was still a six year old, trying to exert control by demanding.

JJ pulled Henry into her, and hugged both of her children together. She whispered into Henry's ear, as though sharing a secret.

"He wants to see you hit a home run. He said to tell you to practice hard, so you can hit one for him when you get home."

That seemed to work. Henry broke out in a grin at the idea.

JJ decided a change of subject was in order. "Meme's got blueberry pie in the oven!"

"Yay!" Henry, rapidly recovered, ran to prepare himself for the feast, accompanied by his grandmother. In the living room, Charles acknowledged Emily.

"It's nice to see you again. Welcome to our home."  _Why are you here?_

"Thank you. You've got a lovely house here, and the area is so…bucolic."

"That it is. Jennifer, would you help me carry in the packages? I'm sure Emily would like to have a little time with her goddaughter."

Both of the women were aware of the subtext, and complied. Emily took Rosie from JJ and joined the others in the kitchen. No matter the reason behind it, she  _wa_ s actually thrilled to have some up-close time with the baby girl.

Outside, they each grabbed bags from the trunk of the car, but neither made a move to bring them inside. Charles decided to be direct.

"Where's Spencer?" When she didn't answer right away, he prodded, "Jennifer? Is he all right? Why are you here?"

His heart seized, just a little bit, when she raised troubled eyes to him.

"He's all right….for now. He just couldn't come up, he's still…working the case."

"So…"

"One of the guys he's watching approached him. It's what we thought would happen. But….."

No matter that his daughter was an FBI agent. Charles Jareau was in protective paternal mode as he saw how distressed she was. "But what?"

"But…they showed him a picture. Of Henry and Rosie, playing…..right here. It was obviously taken this past week."

Charles Jareau was shocked, both by the fact of it, and by the idea that it had happened under his watch. Someone had been targeting the children he loved, and he hadn't noticed.

JJ saw it in his face. "Dad, there was nothing you could have done. These guys are good. They have training, and they have access to all sorts of equipment. It's possible they were quite a distance away. You probably couldn't have known they were there."

He was placated…..minimally. "And that's why you and Emily are here?"

She nodded. "We thought we'd be the best protection, because it would be plausible for me to visit. They woudn't have to know that we're here for any other reason. And the kids wouldn't have to know."

"And your mother?"

JJ laughed softly. "I thought I could put it over on her too. But obviously not. We haven't talked about it yet, but I think she's figured it out."

Charles smiled to himself. Many people had underestimated Sandy Jareau over the years. He wasn't one of them.

* * *

"Reid?"

He jumped. Garcia had approached his desk so softly that he hadn't heard her at all.

"Calm down, Junior G Man. I just came to tell you I have a present for you."

"A present?"  _Now?_

"Yes. But you have to come with me."

Reid thought she meant to cheer him up with her chocolate chip cookies, but wasn't sure he had the stomach for them today. Still, he rose and followed her.

No cookies in sight. Instead, Garcia indicated he should pull up a chair next to hers, in front of her main console.

"There's a little something…a program….I've been working on for a while. I decided to try it out and….voila, it paid off."

Reid squinted at the screen, not quite understanding what he was looking at. There seemed to be a running series of numbers overlying a map. Garcia then zoomed in on the map, the numbers still running rapidly, until finally she'd zoomed in as much as possible. Now the numbers ran more slowly, as though there were fewer of them.

"What is this?"

She was very excited to be able to tell him…to tell  _anyone_.

"Well, you know how, if we know a cell number, we can triangulate off the towers and find the location?"

"Yes."

"Well, I thought, why couldn't we do the opposite? You know, find all the calls in a triangulation and then trace them back to the numbers?"

"So, if we know where someone was when they called, we might be able to figure out who they were?"

"Exactly! Oh, I love talking to genius!" Garcia hugged him before turning back to her screens. "Of course, not every cell number is traceable…..it could just lead us back to a disposable phone."

"So the application would have limited utility…"

"Yes. But….in this case….it's paid off."

Reid shook his head. "I don't understand."

"Well, look at this." She zoomed back out. "There are a prohibitive number of calls when we go out, right? But zooming in brings us to a much more manageable number." She zoomed in again.

Reid recognized the location. It was the church where BCC meetings were held. Now he was intrigued.

"So, I zoom in on the location that I want, and then I do a twenty four hour time period collection of numbers." She chanced a glance to the side, to see if he was with her. He was.

"And then I do the same thing triangulating on a second location." She moved the cursor around, and the map moved, and then zoomed. Pennsylvania. The Jareaus'.

She looked at him again, and saw the light go on.

"You can match the calls? You can tell which phone connected from one location to the other?"

She gave him a brilliant grin. "Yes! I can't tell you who they belong to, I can't tell you who is on that phone in Pennsylvania. But I can tell you which phone sent that photograph."

"And can you follow that phone? Can you tell where it is now?"

A very satisfied Penelope Garcia nodded. "I can. We can watch the watcher. And, when we're ready, we can go in and get him."

Reid leapt from his seat to run and tell Hotch, then turned back to Penelope. He bent down and kissed her, full on the lips.

"Henry's right. You  _are_  a fairy godmother!"


	31. Chapter 31

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 31**

Reid purposely arrived late to the parking lot that night. They wanted to put Dave on edge, and keep him there. A certain degree of unpredicatability on Reid's part would help them accomplish that. He was pleased to see Dave loitering outside the church hall when he pulled in.

The man started walking over even before Reid had the vehicle in 'park'.

"Spencer. You're later than usual. Whatcha been up to?"

Reid had already activated the visor phone before pulling into the parking lot. Now he stepped out of the car to talk, but left a window rolled down. Morgan had given strict orders that he wasn't to be excluded from any more of Reid's conversations with the unsub.

"Just work. I got overloaded with case reviews. It seems my lovely wife," said with dripping sarcasm," decided to go and get the kids. And she took one of her girlfriends with her….someone else from the team. So we're down two people. And that left a very tall stack of files on my desk."

He'd decided to be proactive in bringing it up, rather than waiting for the unsubs to ask.

Dave just looked at him, trying to read his face. Was there subterfuge there?

"Now, why wouldn't I think you'd sent her up there because of those nice pictures I showed you?"

Reid hoped he wasn't blushing. "Because I'm not stupid…..and I don't think you are either. Why would I do something so obvious when you've threatened my children? I wouldn't. In fact, I even tried to stop her, because I was worried about what you'd think. But no, she couldn't possibly listen to me. I told her they loved being with her parents. And, you know what?" Reid did his best to sound annoyed. "You know what? I'm right. And she knows it. The kids love being up there. But, because it was me who suggested it, she couldn't possibly admit that she agrees. So she's going up there to bring them home, even when  _she_ knows they want to stay there. Bitch."

David studied him a moment longer, as Reid held his breath. Then, apparently, the man made his decision. He'd had his own marital problems. He could relate.

"Ah, Spencer, you know, your problem is that you're still trying to understand her. You haven't made the break yet. You want my advice? Forget her, forget all about her. Women are fickle, and unforgiving, and vindictive. They can drive a man to drink…and other things, you know?" He winked at his fellow addict. "Just put her in your past. Too bad about the kids, though."

The statement panicked Reid, until he asked for clarification. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, they'll probably go with her. And she'll set them up against you. Many a good man's lost his kids because of a vicious woman."

Reid was relieved…and angry. He didn't like the idea of his wife being referenced that way, even if it was all for show. He needed to move away from this line of conversation if he was to stay in role.

"I did what you asked."

Dave nodded. "I know. Glad you decided to play along. There might be something in it for you if you keep playing for the right team."

"Like what?"

Dave reached into his pocket and pulled out four pills. One more than yesterday.

"Like more of these. Or the funds to buy them. Maybe even some juice, like I promised. I think we'll be getting a little in soon."

"Only four? How is that supposed to get me through?"

"It only needs to get you through to tomorrow, Spencer. I have another little job for you."

Reid started shaking his head. They'd agreed that he would go along…..but he wouldn't make it easy.

"I did what you asked. I can't keep going into the computers, they'll catch on to me. They'll see my name. It's not worth four pills."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk." Dave sucked his teeth. "Spencer, do I need to remind you? It wasn't just four pills you earned. You did it for them." He showed another photograph, this one of Charles getting Henry and Rosie out of the car. Reid made quick notice of his own family vehicle in the background. The photo had obviously been taken today.

Reid visibly deflated against the car. "Okay. All right. I'll do it. Just…..don't hurt them, please."

"Not ready to say goodbye to them yet, are you, Spencer? You know, if you're a good boy, it's just possible they could end up with you. Maybe she'll have a little accident or something. You never know."

His genius brain had a lightning-paced internal conversation.  _No! Don't hurt her! What do I do here? Do I go along to keep up the façade? Or do I protest, tell them I won't cooperate if she's hurt? Help me!_

He didn't realize help had arrived until he opened his mouth. "That's  _all_  I need. If something happens to her, I'm the first person they'll come after. The arguments haven't exactly been quiet."

Dave chuckled. "Good point. So, maybe she stays healthy. Or maybe not. But either way, you get your reward. Maybe I'll have a whole fistful for you tomorrow."

Reid was sullen. "What do I have to do now?"

"Same thing. Only this time, you follow another path. That Metro case has a trail back up to the supply line. My buddy thinks DEA and DHS are putting something together, may put him out of business. So we need you to take a little gander at what they've got. Let us know."

"You don't want me to change anything?"

"Not this time. Just nose around. Tell me tomorrow, after the meeting. You'll be at the meeting, won't you, Spencer?"

"Do I have a choice?"

Dave gave a false laugh as he slapped Reid on the back. "You're a real kidder, aren't you. You enjoy your little reward tonight. I'll see you inside tomorrow."

* * *

He couldn't do this for much longer. Even if worry about his family hadn't stolen his sleep, his body couldn't handle the physical discomfort of living out of his car. Reid couldn't fathom how so many individuals did so, let alone entire families.  _I promise, I will never think of homelessness the same way again._

He emerged from the back seat and stretched, then jogged a bit around the parking lot to work out the kinks in his back and legs. Next was a stop for coffee, and then a visit to the FBI gym to shower and change. He blessed Garcia for having taken home some of his clothes and returned them, freshly laundered. But he hoped this case would be over long before he was able to provide her with a second load.

The team meeting was at ten, Rossi phoning in from home again. First up was the report on the watcher in Pennsylvania.

"I spoke with Prentiss yesterday, after Baby Girl showed us her magic." After the demonstration to Reid, the others had been given their own. "So they know that we can find the watcher, and watch him. When we're ready, they can go after him, along with the security detail."

"And have we found the watcher?" Hotch knew there was always a translation from theory to reality.

Garcia nodded. "We have. Or, we've found the phone. It looks like he's about 100 yards from the house, but he obviously has an unobstructed view."

"It's pretty open up there. Lot of farmland," offered Reid. "They took another picture yesterday. I know it was after JJ and Emily arrived, because our car was there."

"So they're still watching. Which is good, because it probably means they don't realize we can find them." Rossi could be seen relaxing in his recliner, coffee in hand.

"It's also good because they had to move back into range of the triangulation to take the picture. Because now I can do something  _else_  magical. I can latch onto the GPS of said phone, and follow it, even when they're not making calls." Garcia was justifiably proud of her accomplishment.

Reid's brows went up. "You figured this out since yesterday?"

"Late breaking news, yes, my love. I just needed the proper incentive to get it done."

"Awesome." Was all the genius could mutter.

Rossi hadn't been briefed on the overnight developments yet. "Reid, do you have a new task?"

The younger agent explained what he'd been asked to do, in the context of last night's conversation. He didn't mention the threat against JJ. Only Morgan was aware of that.

"So, Garcia, you'll monitor as he goes into DHS. Dave, can you conference in to them? Since we're only 'looking around' at the DHS case, you might be able to help pick up on some aspect of it that would be of interest to our unsubs. Morgan, talk to the security detail in Pennsylvania. We need to have a plan ready. Once this thing breaks, whenever it breaks, we need to be on it in both locations."

Hotch didn't want to chance retribution in Pennsylvania for a takedown of the DC area ring.

* * *

Reid followed Garcia to her lair, but wasn't yet ready to attempt the DHS server break-in. He had another, more pressing issue, on his mind. He'd remembered something. It hadn't seemed significant at the time, so it hadn't really implanted in his brain. But it had come back to him last night, in his fifth hour of sleeplessness. And it just might help him answer a crucial question.

"Garcia, do you think you could do me a favor?"

She looked at him and laughed. "You are one of my dearest friends, your family is my family, you're all in trouble…and you have to  _ask_ if I would do you a favor?"

He gave her his shy smile. "Okay. Then, please, do me a favor."

"Anything, Sweetcheeks."

"If I give you a date and approximate time…can you find the phone number for a call that was made to my home? Even if the caller ID was blocked?"

"Can I…..Boy Genius, how can you even ask me such a question? Of course I can!"

"Well, then….." He gave her the date. "Some time in the evening is all I know."

Her fingers flew across the keyboard as he stood looking over her shoulder. "There. Only two calls that night. And one of them was from you." She'd recognized his number.

And he'd recognized the other. Garcia didn't understand his reaction when he sank into the seat beside her and closed his eyes.

"Uh-oh. Bad news? What does it mean?"

He rubbed his eyes in a vain attempt to clear his focus. "I'm not sure."

* * *

They'd made their way into the DHS server, found the case in question, and nosed around a bit. Reid read out anything that looked of interest to Rossi, who'd videoed in.

"Here's something. Well, not so much what we do see as what we don't. There's a gap in entries in the case file. There's some regularity to the notations and then, about eight months ago, they stop completely for about three months. Then, there's an entry that indicates the case has gone cold…..and then nothing until a month ago."

Garcia was clicking away on the keyboard of a neighboring computer. "Yes..yes. That entry that restarted the case last month came at the same time that Sam Obiki died."

Rossi and Reid made eye contact through their video screens.

Rossi offered the first possibility. "He screwed up? Maybe he was controlling the case, but let something slip, and he was punished."

"Or maybe his conscience got the better of him and he wanted out." Reid remembered Obiki as the family man, whose body had been discovered by his son, in the garage of his home. He doubted Obiki would have voluntarily subjected his family to such a scene.

"So they  _took_  him out, instead."

"Aha!" Garcia was back typing on the keyboard of the computer that had wormed its way into the DHS.

"What is it?" Both men asked at once.

"I can't tell you what it was, but I can tell you that information was deleted from this file, starting at that point eight months ago. It looks like the deletions went on for a month. After that, there was no activity at all until the entry that marks it as a cold case."

"Until it reopened last month. So they'll probably want me to delete more information."

"Or plant some that points the investigation in a different direction." Rossi pointed out the other possibility. "But, this time, you push back. This case is obviously important to them. They've already killed a man over it. You'll get a response if you refuse them."

Garcia ran wild eyes back and forth between Reid and Rossi's image on the screen. She'd known it was where the case was going, but….she was terrified for her sweet, gentle junior G man.

"Please be careful. Please watch  _everything_."

"Penelope's right, Spencer. Keep your eyes open, all the time. And keep the lines of communication open. We need to take down these SOBs, but we're going to do it on our terms."

* * *

Late in the day, Reid took the opportunity to call JJ on her parent's land line.

"Hey."

"Hi! Where are you?"

"In the conference room. I'm heading out shortly. There's a BCC meeting tonight, and I need to be there."

She caught the subtext. "Is something happening tonight?" It was a push/pull thing. She couldn't wait for this to end, but the process of ending it meant he was in the greatest danger.

"They'll ask me to do something, and I'll refuse. After that….we'll see."

_Spence._

"Please be careful. Make sure Morgan knows where you are and what's going on, at all times, okay? And, make sure you have those glucose tablets with you. Maybe you should practice getting one out of the package…."

He smiled. "I think I can manage to get a pill out of foil. I'm a genius, after all. Or hadn't you heard?"

She ignored his attempt at humor. She was frightened, and intended to do everything she could to make sure her worst nightmare didn't come true.

"Keep your head. You know they'll try to do something, or say something, to throw you. Don't react to it. They'll make threats, but don't give them credence. I know they took another picture, Morgan spoke with Emily before. We know they're here. But they don't know that we know, remember? So, no matter what they say, no matter what they threaten….don't believe it. We're fine. The kids are fine."

"I'll be careful. Just…..you be careful too, okay? Stick with Emily. Don't go anywhere alone. Please. Promise me."

Her antennae were up. "Did they threaten me?"

He gulped, nodding, though she couldn't see. "But I told him they'd blame me if something happened to you. So, if he wants me to do anything, he'll have to leave you alone."

She wasn't frightened for herself. She was confident in her ability to handle the situation at hand, especially with Emily at her side. But she knew he'd been shaken by the threat. She could hear it in his voice.

"I'm okay, Spence. And I'll stay that way. But okay, I will promise not to be alone, even though I'm sure Emily and I can handle anything that might come our way."

Cognitively, he agreed with her. Emotionally…was a different thing altogether.

"Okay. Thank you. I know…..but, thank you." He'd left out a full paragraph of how he felt, but she knew.

"Let's talk about something else, okay? Like…..Rosie called me 'A' today!"

Now he gave her a genuine laugh. "Not 'Ma'? Just 'A'?"

"Didn't you tell me….at great length, mind you….that the 'm' sound is one of the more difficult ones to make? So, I'm sure she meant to call me 'Ma'. She just couldn't get her lips to do it."

Now he teased her. "Okay, if you say so. But I'm pretty sure I heard an  _actual_  'Da'." He changed the subject then. "How's Henry?"

When she took an extra beat to answer, Reid had a sense that all was not quite well with their son.

"He's been asking for you, constantly. I told him you just had to work, and I thought he'd finally bought it. But, obviously not, because he asked again. He's worried, I can tell. I just don't think he can name it, so he can't quite get it out."

Reid swallowed thickly. The last thing he wanted was to further traumatize his already traumatized son. "Tell him I was asking for him, and that I can't wait to see him again. God willing, that will be very soon."

"God willing." Pause. "I love you, Spence. I know you know it. I just needed to say it, again."

"And I love you, too. And you can tell me in person in a couple of days. Better yet, you can show me."

She smiled. "Can't wait."

* * *

He arrived to the parking lot late, just as the meeting started, not wanting to chance running into Stuart again. He didn't want to disappoint the man who'd been trying so hard to reach out to him.

Reid took his now customary seat in the back row, and nodded when John entered the meeting shortly after he did. He would try to connect with the FBI man during the refreshment portion of the gathering. As one member after another stepped forward to speak, Reid scanned the rest of the crowd. Stuart was in his customary spot in the front row, Dave a row behind him. Somewhere halfway down the other side of the aisle sat Elaine Modell.

Reid couldn't focus on any of the sharing. His mind tried to wander down every path of possibility of what would happen once the meeting was over, and yet he knew he couldn't possibly anticipate all that might take place. He felt anxiety creeping in, and purposefully tried to hyperventilate himself to achieve calm.

When the meeting ended, Reid wandered back to the refreshment table. He hoped the hand he felt on his shoulder belonged to John. But, instead, it was Dave.

"Hey, Spencer. Good to see you here. Think you can stick around at the end, help us clean up?" His eyes asked a different question.

Reid kept his gaze steady. "I'll be here."

The next voice he heard was Elaine's. "Spencer! I'm so glad you made it. I actually stopped by the restaurant last night, hoping to see you, and invite you to come. You remember, when I ran into you before, you said you'd be at the meeting, but …something must have…"

"Come up. Yes, something came up. Sorry. But I'm here now."

"So you are," came a voice from behind him. "Hello," John greeted Elaine as well. "I hope you don't mind, but I think Spencer and I should talk for a few minutes. Don't you, Spencer?"

He'd meant it to sound as though he was a sponsor addressing his charge, and Elaine had interpreted it that way.

"Oh, of course. I understand. Good to see you, Spencer. I mean that." And she moved away.

John took the opportunity to steer Reid over to a corner. The behavior wasn't unusual for a meeting. All over the room, there were pairs of members, sponsors and their sponsorees, talking privately.

"She's a good woman, isn't she, Spencer?"

"I think so. She's never been anything but nice to me."

John nodded. "And it's people like her that motivate me to save this organization. It's saved lives. And it has many more yet to save."

Reid agreed with him. "Sir…before we talk about anything else…..there's something I need to ask you."

"It's 'John', Spencer. Go ahead and ask."

"Sir…John….did you call my home? A little over a month ago?"

John gave him a cryptic look. "I think you already know that I did. But how?"

"A good friend helped me out."

"Ah, your technical analyst. I think I would like to meet that young lady one day."

Reid smiled. "What did you want?"

He'd remembered JJ telling him about the call when they were away on a case. Someone asking for 'Spencer'. It had meant nothing to him at the time. He hadn't even realized there were murders taking place, hadn't been back to the BCC meeting yet….and yet the 'Spencer' should have tied the phone call to BCC in his mind. Much later, it did.

"Two of the men had been killed by then. I recognized both of them. Most of the membership would only have seen the Sanders photo, the one from Metro PD. It was the only one that made the paper. The CIA is much more reticent to share such things. But, through a CIA contact, I saw Greenly's photo too. And I realized something might be going on. I needed an ally in BCC. I was calling to recruit you."

"And then I finally figured it out and showed up on my own."

"Right then and there, I knew you were my man." John smiled at him.

Reid sat back and blew out a deep breath. Once he'd remembered the phone call, and realized what the timing of it had to mean, he'd thought it would clear John. That he would find out his instincts had been good. That he could trust the man. And now he knew. A sense of relief washed over him.

John read the body language. "You weren't sure, were you? You thought I might be involved?"

Reid couldn't tell if his superior was insulted. "I didn't believe it. I  _couldn't_  believe it. But, you're right. I didn't  _know_."

"And now you do?"

"Now I do."

"Good. You're careful. I like that. Now, brief me."

Reid did just that, ending with what he expected to happen this evening. "They'll make another demand, and I'll refuse. Then they'll have to decide if they can afford to have me around any more." He shifted in his seat. "My unit chief and a colleague are a mile away. They'll be on the other end of an open phone line. It's already going, as I wasn't sure I'd get a chance to turn it on after the meeting."

"Good thinking." John sat in silence for a moment, looking at the floor, pondering. Anyone watching would have read it as disappointment in the behavior of the young man he was sponsoring.

Finally, John looked up. "All right, Spencer." He patted Reid on the knee as he stood. "Good luck tonight. You have my number if you need me."

It was a surprisingly abrupt ending to the conversation. But Reid joined John in rising. "Thank you, sir. I won't disappoint you."

John walked away, nodding.

* * *

As requested, Reid stayed until all of the other members were gone, joining Stuart and Dave in folding and stacking chairs. It appeared he wouldn't be able to avoid the meeting leader forever.

"I'm very glad to see you coming regularly again, Spencer."

"Yeah, well…."

"You know the steps. Just because you fall off one of them, it doesn't mean you give up. You just get up and start climbing again."

"I know. It's just…it's a hard time, you know?"

"Yeah, I heard. Dave told me your wife kicked you out and sent the kids away. But I've got a feeling that's not what caused your relapse, was it? I'm guessing maybe she did what she did because you'd already slipped. Maybe you were already having a problem? Maybe the two of you were?"

It wouldn't have been the first time a bad marriage had led to chemical escape.

"That's what she said. But it's been coming for a while. She just wasn't the person I thought she was when I married her."

Stuart nodded knowingly. "And I suppose you weren't, either?" Trying to get him to own some of the responsibility.

Reid appeared to think for a moment. "No, I guess I wasn't."

Stuart gave him a quick pat on the back. "Good. Maybe you'd like to share about that at the next meeting." Knowing that sharing, having to put it into words, was often the most important step.

Reid gave a noncommittal shrug. "Maybe."

Before long, all of the chairs were stored. Stuart turned to his two helpers and said, "I've got the rest of this. You guys have earned your keep for the night." He would clean out the coffeemaker and make sure the kitchen was ready for the next group that would need it. But he needed a favor.

"Hey, Dave, can you give me a lift home? My car's in the shop. Sonny brought me over, but he couldn't stick around."

"Sure thing, Stu. We'll be outside." Dave put an arm on Reid's back and led him toward the door.

When they'd reached the parking lot, Dave stopped well short of Reid's car. "So, you took a look around?"

Reid wanted to get to where Morgan and Hotch could hear the conversation.

"I did. But give me a minute. I need to open a window to cool down my car for the night. It's too hot to sleep when it's been closed up. And since you've not seen fit to give me a loan…or a bed to sleep in…."

"Hey, you keep playing along with me, I'll see what I can do, all right?"

It was statements like that one that made Reid certain Dave wasn't acting on his own at BCC. He wasn't free to promise things. He was an underling.

The two made their way over to Reid's car, and Reid opened the driver's window…..the one closest to the visor phone.

"Okay, you wanna tell me what you saw?"

Reid gave him a summary of the most recent notations in the DHS case file.

"So, they didn't say anything about the Metro file? They didn't notice any changes?"

"There was nothing from the past 24 hours. If they noticed it, they didn't put it in the file."

Dave appeared to think for a moment. "All right. Give me a minute."

He stepped off to make a phone call out of earshot of Reid. The young agent seized the opportunity.

"He's on his phone," he whispered. "He's obviously checking with someone higher up about what to do. Have Garcia triangulate on him."

"Kid," Morgan was also keeping his voice to a whisper, "I think her program only helps if we already know the other location."

"But I think she has Dave's number, from her triangulating on the photos. Now she can see who he's calling."

"I'll take care of it." Reid heard Hotch's whisper, and listened to the rustle as the unit chief left the other car to step outside and call Garcia. Reid was excited. This might mean they'd find the person running the operation.

Shortly, Dave came back to the car. "So, Spencer. What we need you to do is to go back into the file and delete the entries that refer to the police investigation. You know, make it so someone looking at it wouldn't know that Metro had ever been involved."

Reid silently took in and expelled a deep breath. He was about to put something into motion, and he wouldn't be able to retract it. That 'something' could well threaten his life. But it could also put an end to the threat against his family.

"Hey, it's one thing to go in and look around. It's even not such a big deal to interfere with a police investigation. But you're asking me to mess with DHS, man. That's a threat to Homeland Security. For all I know, they could charge me with treason."

"Don't be dramatic. It's not treason."

"I didn't say it was. But you know the feds. They'd charge me anyway. I don't think I can do this one,man."

Dave was already pulling out his phone. "Do I have to remind you again, Spencer?"

"No! You know what, I've already lost them. That's right, they're already gone. She won't let me see them, and she'll convince a judge to back her up. And if I'm serving life for treason…..man, what's the point? No, I'm done with this. I'm done."

All traces of affability had gone from Dave's eyes. "You're making a mistake, Spencer. Be reasonable."

Reid shouted at him. "I am being reasonable! And my reasoning tells me this is a bad idea. I'd have to be high right now to go along with you."

Dave looked down and shook his head. Reid tried to read the body language, but couldn't quite. Was he disappointed in not having accomplished his task of recruitment? Or was he discouraged at what he knew would now happen to Reid?

All wondering was put aside when Stuart emerged from the church hall and made his way over to them.

"All set. Ready to go?" He'd directed his comments to Dave.

"Not quite. Spencer here is trying to make a decision."

Reid tried not to let it show. But Dave's words, and his tone, were alarming. They weren't something one would say to someone who…wasn't involved.

"Really? What's your dilemma, Spencer?" Reid was confused. Stuart sounded facilitative.

"I don't have a dilemma. Dave asked for a favor, and I told him I couldn't do it, that's all."

"Oh?" The expression on Stuart's face was inscrutable. Then he spoke again. "Spencer, maybe I can trouble  _you_  for a ride home, let Dave take care of his problem himself." A look passed between the two other BCC men. Then Dave spoke.

"Yeah, you know, I just remembered a little errand I have to run. Spencer will take you home, Stuart." Dave's tone, as well as the look he threw both men, was angry.

"Thanks, Spencer. I really appreciate this." Stuart got into the passenger seat without Reid having agreed to bring him home.

Reid's mind was racing _. NO! I can't let Dave go! I don't know what he's thinking, who he'll tell. They might decide to go after JJ, or the kids, just to punish me!_ But he couldn't come up with a way to get out of the situation without giving himself away.

"Spencer? You gonna stand out there all night?"

Dave was already gone, and Stuart was calling him. Reid shook his head as he got into the car to drive his BCC leader home.

"Where to?"

"You go left out of the parking lot. I'll direct you along the way."

They drove in silence for a few blocks. Then Stuart addressed his driver. "You're quiet, Spencer. Did Dave upset you?"

"No. No, he just….he just presumed I'd be able to help him, and I couldn't. I think he was angry with me."

Stuart gave a few more turning directions, and then came back to the conversation. "So, he asked you to do something you didn't want to do?"

Reid began to wonder if Stuart knew. If maybe  _he_  suspected Dave. Had he acquired another ally?

"Let's just say he asked for something I couldn't provide, and leave it at that, okay?"

Stuart was quiet for a moment. "Funny. I had almost this exact conversation with someone else a little while ago. Alan. You remember him? I think he was at BCC when you were there before."

_Greenly_. Maybe Stuart was reaching out to him, testing him. But how to know?

"Vaguely, I think. Tall guy? Dark hair?"

"Yeah, that's him. Did you know he offed himself?" Before Reid could reply, Stuart instructed, "Make the second left up here."

"No, really? Wow. I knew there was another guy, Dave Sanders, who did it, because my wife knew him."

Stuart nodded sadly. "That's right, I remember. Two guys. Three, if you count Sam."

Reid shot a glance in Stuart's direction. "Sam?"

"Obiki. He CO'd himself to death."

It happened at the same time. Reid realized that he was turning into the back entrance to the park. Just as he also realized that Stuart should not have known about either Obiki or Greenly. He shouldn't have known their last names, and he shouldn't have realized, from news reports alone, that they were members of BCC.

Stuart saw the realization come over his companion's face. "Well, hello, Spencer Reid."


	32. Chapter 32

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 32**

"Well, hello, Spencer Reid."

The young FBI agent looked sideways in time to see the sneer on Stuart's face. He couldn't tell if Stuart knew he was undercover, or had simply decided he didn't need this particular BCC member any longer. Not knowing, Reid decided to stay in role.

"How did you know my last name? And what are we doing in the park?"

They'd taken such a convoluted path to get there that Reid wasn't sure Morgan had been able to follow from so great a distance. He wanted to make sure his team knew where he was.

"Tsk, tsk, Spencer. You don't think we'd trust our information with just anyone, do you? Of course we know who you are. The BAU has made quite a name for itself in the DC press."

"Oh. Yeah, I guess. So, Dave works with you?"

"'With'. That's a word, I guess. But the correct word would be 'for'."

"'For'? Does that mean you're the 'buddy' who needed the favor done in the computers?"

Stuart had lost patience with the conversation. "Don't be stupid, Spencer. I'm the guy who decides what gets changed inside those computers. I'm the brains behind the outfit."

Reid knew he'd achieved something by getting Stuart to make the admission, but they still didn't have the person at the top. He decided to push.

"Seems like there'd have to be someone else, someone on the inside, to help those changes work."

Stuart studied Reid from the side. "That's right, I remember reading about you. You're a genius, aren't you? The prodigy who joined the BAU. There was a recruitment article, I remember. Well, you're right. There  _was_  someone. Computer geek. Gone now. Not needed anymore."

From the look on Stuart's face, Reid had a sense that  _he_  wasn't needed anymore either. But he couldn't back down now. This was what he'd been aiming for, and he had to see it through, no matter how terrifying the reality. He pushed again.

"There has to be someone else. How else would you know that DHS had a case open in the first place? You're working with someone else."

"And you'd like to know who, is that it, Spencer?"

If Stuart had any remaining doubt about whether Reid was who he said he was, an FBI agent down on his luck….or whether he was an FBI agent under cover…..Reid's line of questioning answered it for him. Not that it would change his plans for the federal agent. Those had already been put into motion.

"Well, you won't be finding out from me. And your friends won't be finding  _anything_ out from you. By the time they see you again, you'll be gone." He mimicked them, "Poor Spencer Reid, took his own life when he heard what happened to his wife and kids."

* * *

Hotch and Morgan had heard every word of conversation since Reid left the church hall. They'd heard his exchange with Dave, and then with Stuart. They'd tried to follow the driving directions Stuart had given to Reid, but they'd been too far back for them to make sense. And then they heard Stuart reveal himself. And Reid's hint that they were in the park.

"Baby Girl! Get me to the park! The one Reid's been hanging in—hurry!"

Garcia quickly found it, plotted coordinates and sent them to the vehicle. Next, she heard Hotch's stern command, issued when Stuart made his threat against the rest of the Reid family.

"Garcia, contact Prentiss, JJ and their security detail. Send them current coordinates for the watcher. And tell them to take him down….now!"

Realizing that something might already be happening at the Jareaus'...might already h _ave_  happened...he added. "Garcia, let me know when you've reached them."

No time for quips now. No stomach for them either. "Aye, sir."

* * *

At the statement about his family, Reid felt his blood pressure drop, and his vision went dark. He tried to convince himself that Stuart was only bluffing, but….this group of unsubs had been ruthless in the past. He lashed out at his tormentor.

"You haven't done anything to them!"

"Suddenly you care, Spencer? So sorry. If I'd known that, I wouldn't have had Dave call up to PA. Too late now."

Now Reid's heart was pounding, his mind racing. Dave had left the parking lot before they had. He'd had plenty of time to call and tell the watcher to attack. It was possible Stuart wasn't lying.  _JJ! Henry! Rosie! God…please!_

* * *

Henry had gone down about an hour ago, but Rosie was still awake and playing on her grandfather's lap. JJ watched the interaction with a smile, but her thoughts were of what had happened during prayer time with her son.

"God bless Mommy, and Daddy, and First Daddy Will, and Rosie, and Casey, and Meme and Papa, and Auntie Penelope, and Auntie Emily, and Uncle Aaron, and Uncle Dave, and Uncle Thunder…."

She'd smiled. He didn't always include the entire BAU, but with Emily present, he'd gotten himself on a roll. The look on Emily's face when she'd heard her own name on the list had been priceless.  _My little heartthrob….you have ladies melting over you already._

But then Henry had deviated from his usual prayer mantra. He'd become demanding.

"Please can I see my daddy tomorrow? I want to see him. You have to let him come here to see me! And Rosie says so too!". Thinking there might be power in numbers.

"Honey," JJ bent down and put her hands on Henry's shoulders. "I'm sure God will let Daddy come and see you as soon as he's done with his work. Just try to be patient, okay?"

"I will. But I want to see him tomorrow!" Henry had looked at his mother….and the ceiling…to make sure he was being heard.

Remembering, she sighed. The separation, the unnamed fear that Henry carried, was wearing on her little boy. JJ longed for the time when they could be together again as a whole family.

Now, the adults were sitting in front of the television news, catching up on the events of the day. JJ was grateful that Rosie was too young to process any of what was being reported.

When the land line rang, JJ sprang up to answer it, assuming it was her husband. She was surprised that he would call at all, but certain that no one else would call that late.

Just as she picked up the receiver, she heard the line go dead.

And the power in the house went out.

They were entirely in the dark.

* * *

He'd been so panicked, he hadn't noticed until it was too late. Now, from the corner of his eye, Reid picked up motion on his side of the car. He turned, hoping to see that Morgan and Hotch had crept up on them. But he was disappointed. Gravely disappointed. Because closing in quickly on the car was Dave. Reid hadn't heard his vehicle, hadn't seen his lights. But he remembered that Dave had left the church parking lot before them. He'd obviously been lying in wait.

Two unsubs, one lone FBI agent, and no backup in sight. Reid considered his options, and realized he only really had the one. He couldn't stay in the car, it would be too easy for them to overpower him. So he made the split second decision to run.

He waited until Dave was closer and then abruptly opened the door, slamming it into him. Reid leapt from the car and started running through the wooded part of the park, hoping the trees would give him some cover. There was only a sliver of moon, and the heavy canopy of leaves made the darkness almost inpenetrable. He could barely see in front of him, and had to hope he wouldn't encounter a hidden obstacle. The need for care slowed him down, and he could hear the running footsteps of the others closing in on him. He picked up his pace, wantonly ignoring the danger of the trees, spurred by the greater danger behind him. But it made him careless, and he was tripped up by a boulder. Reid felt himself go flying, and couldn't suppress a grunt when he landed hard on his shoulder. He felt as though he'd dislocated it.

The fall was enough to ruin his escape. They weren't that far behind him. As Reid started to get up, he was thrown back down to the ground, tackled by Dave. He tried to roll the man off him, and had almost succeeded when Stuart caught up with him. The stockier man wasn't as fast, but he had that tremendous upper body strength Reid had noticed when they'd stacked the chairs. Now he put that upper body strength to work, pulling Reid up and restraining his arms behind him. The pain in his dislocated shoulder was excruciating.

"Move! Now!"

Reid didn't make it easy. The two other men had to push him every step of the way, but Stuart never let go of his arms. Once they were in the clearing near the car, Stuart gave Dave a silent command. Dave went to his car and retrieved a vial, along with a tourniquet and a syringe.

Reid was panicked. They were about to give him the insulin, and he couldn't reach the glucose tablets in his shirt pocket. He could only hope that Morgan and Hotch had realized where he was, and were on their way.

* * *

"Garcia!"

She could always gauge Morgan's degree of upset by his failure to use any of her nicknames. She responded with the same degree of gravity.

"Here. What do you need?"

"They're not in the park. We're here, and we can't see any vehicles at all. Can you find him? Can you find the phone?"

Hotch had an idea. "Garcia, is there another entrance? Is there another way in and out of the park?"

She pulled up a satellite image. "Yes! Yes, there is! It's…..I've sent the directions to you phone. Should take you about…..three minutes."

"I'll make it one and a half." Morgan was angry with himself for having made the assumption. He should have asked in the first place, and not spent so much time looking in the wrong part of the park. Now he needed to make up for lost time.

* * *

They wanted to set it up right. It needed to look like a suicide. So they shoved Reid back into his car, and Stuart restrained him from behind, while Dave did his work with the needle. When he was done, he laughed.

"Sweet dreams, Spencer. Too bad. It could have been different for you, if only you'd decided to stay on the right team."

"Shut up, Dave. He was never on your team! Come on, let's get out of here!" The more astute Stuart had started putting things together. Now he joined his less insightful friend in making their escape.

Reid could feel it almost as soon as Dave had emptied the syringe into his vein. But he fought. Hard. Long enough to grab the strip of foil containing the glucose pills from his pocket. Hampered further by his bad arm, he managed to wrangle a tablet from the foil and slipped it into his mouth. He went back for another, but never made it. He was overcome. The foil packet slipped out of his flaccid hand and wafted to the floor of the car.

* * *

They'd kept their guns out of sight while the children were around. Now Emily and JJ ran for them, even as JJ called out, "Mom, Dad, take Rosie into the bedroom with Henry. Stay on the floor. All of you."

"But, Jennifer, what…"

"Mom, please! Don't ask any questions. just do as I say!"

Charles stood, holding Rosie, and reached for his wife's hand in the dark. "Come on, Sandy. We need to let them do their jobs."

"Their jobs? But…." She'd had some sense that they were there because something was wrong. But she'd never entertained the idea of danger. Not real danger.  _Not in her home._ She didn't understand, but her husband's grip on her hand told her it wasn't the time to ask questions.

Emily's cell vibrated. A quick glance at the screen told her it was Garcia. Holding her hand over the screen to hide the light, she whispered into it. "Here. Can't talk."

Garcia was already terrified for Reid. Now she realized that more of her friends were in trouble. She kept her voice low as she told Emily, "Morgan wanted you to move on the watcher, but it sounds like we're too late. I'll get the security team."

Emily whispered back, "Tell them we're in the front room, JJ's parents and the kids are in the east bedroom. Tell them to be  _careful_."

* * *

This was the part she always hated. The knowing that they were in danger, and she was not. The fear that they wouldn't return, and she'd have to continue on this journey without them. The idea that, because of what they did, few would ever know of their sacrifice.

Penelope Garcia would do what she did best. She would be their lifeline, their connection to the world and to each other. Whenever they called, she would answer. And when they didn't, she would stand ready.

She was so intent on her tasks that she didn't realize the door had been opened, and her lair penetrated, until he was already standing beside her. Later, he would tell her he'd felt drawn to come in to the BAU by a hunch…an intuition…..a feeling. For whatever reason he was there, she was grateful.

Tonight, David Rossi would join her in keeping vigil.


	33. Chapter 33

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 33**

"The line's been cut. I can hear it hitting against the side of the house." Emily whispered her discovery to JJ. "We need to split up, watch the doors. I'll take the kitchen."

JJ thought it might be more complicated than that. "Wait, Em! He'd only try to break in if he was looking for hostages. But then he'd go after the kids, wouldn't he?"

Both women reflexively looked in the direction of the bedroom. Emily asked, "Does your father know how to handle a weapon?"

JJ gave a grim smile. "He taught me before the FBI did."

"Okay. I've got my backup piece in my boot. Give it to him."

Emily pulled the weapon out and handed it to JJ. The younger woman crept along the floor and into the bedroom where most of her family hovered. She saw that her mother now held Rosie, and her father a very frightened Henry.

"Mommy!" He started to yell it in full voice, but was stifled by the hand of his grandfather clamping over his mouth.

"Henry, we need to be quiet, remember!" Charles whispered to his grandson. In response, Henry raised widened eyes and began to whimper. Charles pulled him closer and rocked him.

JJ moved close to her father and whispered into his ear. "I'm putting Emily's spare gun into your belt, behind you. Just in case."

He caught his daughter's eyes and nodded grimly. "Be careful."

"I will. I love you, Dad." She gave him a peck on the cheek and moved back out of the room, trying to block from her mind the image of Henry struggling in his arms.

Emily was watching both doors from the hallway. JJ crept over to her.

"Are they okay?"

JJ shook her head. "Of course not. How could they be?"

Emily understood. But there was nothing else to be done. While JJ had been in the bedroom, Emily had been thinking. Now she needed to share it with her friend.

"JJ, you realize….."

"That it means they know about Spence. Or he's refused them, and they're angry. Yes, I know."  _And I know they may have already hurt him…or worse._

Emily couldn't have heard that final thought more clearly if it had been said aloud. Her heart went out to her colleague, struggling to protect the members of her family, even as another member might be in great peril. She marveled at JJ's ability to focus in such a circumstance, not realizing it as a trait she owned herself.

JJ had more to say. "If they're trying to get Spence to do something for them, they'll come for hostages. But…if it's already…too late…" she literally choked on the words…"they'll try to kill us. To wipe the slate clean."

Emily saw the logic and agreed with her. "But they'll try to make it look accidental. What would they do? Start a fire? Use carbon monoxide?"

She'd barely whispered the words when her question was answered. A window shattered in the living room, broken by a Molotov cocktail tossed inside. In a matter of seconds, the curtains were ablaze.

* * *

"Morgan, there it is…the entrance!" Hotch pointed it out, and Morgan swung wide and took the turn at a full sixty miles per hour. He barreled down the narrow park road until Reid's car came into view.

"There! " Hotch was out of the car even before it came to a full stop. He saw the man leaning over Reid and pulled out his gun.

"Step away! Step back out of the vehicle!"

The man inside slowly put up both hands and backed out. When he turned, his face startled Hotch.

"Sir! What…"

Morgan had joined them by now and was equally staggered by what…and whom…he saw. "What the..?"

John still had his hands up. "There's no time now. Spencer is in trouble!"

The 'Spencer' gave it away. Morgan and Hotch both realized this had to be Reid's high level contact in the FBI. But they also realized he might be working the other side.

Hotch kept his gun trained on his superior. "Sir…move aside. Morgan…..keep him here."

John moved quickly, not wanting to hinder their attending to Reid. Hotch entered the car from the passenger side and reached immediately into the young agent's pocket. The glucose tablets weren't there. He started tapping Reid's face, trying to rouse him. He struck harder and harder, until he was slapping the younger man, all to no avail. Finally, Hotch spied the strip of tablets on the floor of the car. He took the remaining three and placed them all under Reid's tongue.

Outside the car, John was explaining to Morgan. "They left in the man 'Dave's' car. I got the license number."

He recited it, and Morgan called it in. As he did so, a Metro PD patrol car and an ambulance arrived, and two EMTs ran to assist. Hotch moved out of their way, explaining about the insulin and the glucose tablets. "But they weren't strong enough. They must have given him too much insulin. He's not responding."

One of the EMTs was getting Reid's vitals while the other performed a physical assessment.

"This guy's not out on insulin. Look at his pupils. He's OD'd. My guess would be heroin."

* * *

The EMTs pulled Reid from the car and laid him on the ground, working furiously over him.

Morgan was still holding his gun on John when Hotch walked over.

"You can put it down, Morgan."

His agent wasn't so sure. "Why? How do you know he's not working with them?"

Hotch looked at his superior, his eyes searching for the truth. "You called for the ambulance, didn't you?"

John nodded, and Hotch knew. The man was honest.

"Tell us what happened. Start with the meeting."

John took a deep breath. An internal battle was coming to an end. His 'secret' was obviously out. He knew he could demand that the BAU agents keep his confidence. He could even manage to have his name redacted from the case file. But he wouldn't. Secrecy had already proven too costly….and now that cost might be elevated. It might include the price of a young man's life. One that he'd come to greatly admire. John would tell his story tonight.

He told them what happened at the meeting, and then what followed.

* * *

He'd not done this in years. Maybe he was more rusty than he thought. But he knew that Spencer was being monitored by his colleagues, so John had chosen to follow the BCC member named Dave from the church parking lot. He'd seen Dave's car enter the rear entrance of the park, but John didn't dare enter behind him. Park roads were narrow, leaving little room to turn around. Instead, he parked outside the entrance and walked silently along the pitch dark road. When he saw the headlights of the second car make their turn, John dashed into the woods and watched it move past him.

Even from the side, the headlights blinded him, so he couldn't see the faces. But he recognized the vehicle.  _Spencer's._

Once the light faded, John emerged from his hiding place and continued walking carefully down the road. He tucked himself behind some trees when he reached a point where he could see Reid's car. The automobile had been turned off, and Reid and his passenger were sitting in the dark. There seemed to be little movement. Then,….a sound. John squinted into the night and caught a fleeting glimpse of someone moving toward Reid's car. Then the overhead light went on when the door suddenly swung open. Reid dashed into the woods, the two other men behind him.

John was in a dilemma. He was armed only with his cell phone. There wasn't much cause for those in the upper echelons of the FBI to carry a gun. He knew he couldn't win a physical fight with either of the men chasing Reid. His only option was to call for help. He dialed 911.

"There's an assault happening in Polk Park. Back entrance. Two men on another. Hurry!"

With help presumably on its way, he went back to his hiding spot. Before long, the trio of men returned to the vehicle, the two unsubs dragging and kicking Reid along with them. John cursed himself for having been so out of touch as to have shown up without a weapon.

He could only watch as they restrained Reid and injected him, and then ran for the other car. He prayed that they would leave quickly, so he could attend to his young colleague. As soon as the second vehicle was out of sight, John ran for Reid.

The young man was unconscious, head lolled back on the headrest, his breathing shallow, and slow. John began to slap at his face, trying to arouse him. "Spencer! Spencer!" But Spencer didn't rouse.

John pulled out his phone again and redialed 911. "Send an ambulance too!"

* * *

"And then you arrived."

John's reputation in the Bureau was a good one. Hotch had always respected this particular superior. And now, realizing both the personal sacrifice of revealing his history with addiction, as well as the man's courage in trying to help Reid, that respect deepened. He spoke with sincerity.

"Thank you, Sir."

John shook his head. "If we're able to close this case, all thanks should go to that young man." He nodded toward where Reid was still lying on the ground.

One of the EMTs called over. "We're moving him out! He's barely breathing, the naloxone isn't holding him! If we don't get him to a hospital now, we'll lose him!" Muttering under his breath, "we might have lost him already."

Morgan and Hotch looked at one another. Morgan made the decision for them this time.

"You go with him, Hotch. I'm gonna see if I can help the police get these guys. There's a little something I'd like to give them."

Hotch knew he should try to stop his agent from what he was obviously planning to do. But he wouldn't. He felt the same way, and he wouldn't interfere. He turned to see the same sentiment expressed on John's face.

"Sir?"

"Go ahead. Agent Morgan can drop me at my car. I'll meet you at the hospital."

"Hey!" yelled the EMT. "If you're coming, come now! We don't have a lot of time here!"

Hotch nodded at the other two men and ran for the ambulance.

Morgan rode John to his vehicle in silence. When he left, the older man simply sat behind the steering wheel, staring into the darkness, pondering all that had happened. Before he started the engine, he uttered a prayer for the life of Spencer Reid.

* * *

JJ knew there was a fire extinguisher in the kitchen. She started to run for it, but stopped abruptly when a second bottle was thrown through the window overlooking the sink, sending the kitchen curtains up in flames.

"JJ!"

"I'm all right! I think I can still reach it!"

She ran quickly toward the stove, singeing the hairs on her arm as she passed the sink. She was able to grab the extinguisher and sweep the chemical across the burning material. But she could feel the canister getting lighter, and knew that she was running through the contents too quickly. There wouldn't be enough for the fire in the living room as well.

"Em! Em, get them out! We have to get out!" Knowing that they might be exiting to a barrage of bullets. But she couldn't let her family be burned to death. She and Emily would go first, take whatever was coming their way, and hope that her parents had time to escape with the children.

Just then, both women heard more glass breaking. This time the sound came from the direction of the bedroom. Within seconds, it was followed by screams.

* * *

"Sir, I reached them….but….but.."

"Garcia." His impatience was obvious.

"They were already under siege, Aaron."

"Dave!" Hotch recovered quickly from the surprise. "I'm glad you're there. Tell me."

"Penelope reached Prentiss, but she wasn't able to talk. Something was obviously going on. They were hunkered down in the house. She gave instructions so the security detail would know which parts of the house they were in."

"Sir, I know you didn't tell me to, but….I called 911. I thought…."

"It's all right, Garcia. It was the right thing to do." As long as the locals didn't blow it by forcing a confrontation, or _creating_  a hostage situation.

"Thank you, Sir." Pause. "Sir, how's Reid?"

_How's Reid?_  He didn't know. They'd had to start bagging his breaths while they were still in the ambulance, and the unit chief been kept from entering the emergency bay where they were working on the young man.

Hotch had pushed back long enough to shout to anyone who would listen, "He's with the FBI! He's not a junkie! He's with the FBI!"

He knew it shouldn't have mattered, that they should work as hard to save one life as another…..but he also knew that it  _did_  matter. So it was imperative that they know.

All he said to Garcia was, "They're still working on him."

"Okay, thanks." Her voice was subdued. "I'll say a prayer." Rossi, sitting beside her, grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

Hotch had a question. "Anything from Morgan?"

As upset as she was, as concerned as she was for her charges, Penelope was still well aware that she could help the most by simply doing her job. And she had been.

"I got Dave's full name from his cell phone number and gave Morgan the address. He's on his way now, and Metro is sending a unit to meet him. Another unit is going to this guy Stuart's house. I ran all of Dave's calls until I was able to match one with a phone owned by a 'Stuart' and….there we were."

Her voice was picking up vigor as she went along. The best therapy for Garcia seemed to be an unsolved puzzle. Solving it always gave her strength and confidence.

"Good work, Garcia. Keep me up on anything from Morgan or Pennsylvania."

"Will do. PG, over and out."

* * *

At the hospital, Hotch was relegated to pacing, but had been granted the privilege of doing it in an unused conference room.

He had agents in two states, one already recovering from a gunshot, and three more in mortal danger. As he had done so many times before, he asked himself why he did it. Why  _any_  of them did it.

A voice from the doorway interrupted his thoughts. "I know those questions…..know them very well."

John walked over and took a seat near the window, indicating that Hotch should do the same.

"I didn't have to hear you say it. I've seen that look enough times, coming back at me from the mirror. The 'why' question. Why do this? Why take the risks? Why put your family through it?" He made eye contact with the younger man. "Am I correct?"

Hotch broke his eyes away and directed them toward the window. "You are."

"Did you ask young Spencer to take the risk he took?"

Hotch shook his head. "No. He chose it. But….there wasn't really another option."

"Of course there was. He had the option of walking away.  _You_  had the option of walking away. Of not taking the case at all. The BAU doesn't take everything that comes its way, does it?"

Now Hotch looked at John, wondering where the conversation was leading. "We couldn't possibly take every case."

"And yet, you chose to take this one."

"There were men dying, families grieving. And those men….most of them….were just trying to make life better for everyone else out there."

"But 'everyone else out there' would never have known about it, would they? If the drug operation had been successfully stopped, the general public would have been completely unaware of it."

"But the lives those drugs would ruin might be saved."

"Ah, so it was worth it, then? To keep lives from falling into ruin? Even if the individuals living those lives would never realize they'd been saved?"

Hotch felt like he was listening to his own conscience. John wasn't presenting new concepts. They were simply ones that had become buried by the emotion of worrying about those close to him.

"I know. I've said it myself, to my team. If we do our jobs well, no one will ever know. No one  _should_  ever know. A life will move happily along to old age, because a murder wasn't committed. A family will move into a second and third generation together because a child wasn't stolen."

John smiled at him. "Exactly. Most people don't know about the darkness the same way we do, Aaron. But, once we know it, we can't  _unknow_  it. We can only respond to it, and fight it. Bring a little light back in."

Hotch gave the closest thing that passed for a smile. "I can see when I'm outmatched. And outranked. And why."

* * *

Both women ran for the bedroom. The cocktail had landed on the bedding, softening the blow. The bottle hadn't broken. Charles was attempting to smother the flame of the wick by suffocating it with a throw rug.

"Get them out of here!" he yelled to his daughter.

Sandy was holding Rosie in her arms and a screaming Henry by the hand. She stood, unable to move, not wanting to leave her husband behind.

"Sandy!" Emily had to yell over the roar of the fire in the living room. "We need to go! Now! Come on!" She virtually shoved the woman out of the room.

JJ realized what her father was attempting, but she knew the effort would be in vain. The fire in the living room was too well established. The one in the bedroom wouldn't matter. And he risked having the bottle explode right next to him.

"Dad! Leave it! Come with me!"

"Go, Jennifer, I'll be right behind you!" He couldn't leave without trying to save the place that had been his family home for so many years.

JJ saw it in his face. She knew she needed to give him a reason to go. "I'm not leaving without you! I'm staying right here!"

He looked at her for the briefest of seconds, seeing his own stubbornness looking back at him.  _Jennifer._

"All right, I'm coming!" He tossed the throw rug over the bottle and followed his daughter out of the room.

* * *

"Sir, I haven't been able to get through to them again. It looks like their phones are in service, but they're not picking up. Neither of them." A waver of panic was creeping into Garcia's voice.

"We spoke with the security team. They're on their way, and so are the local cops. Actually, it's a sheriff's office up there. Pretty rural, I guess." Rossi added the details.

"OMG! "

"Garcia?"

"Sir! I've been monitoring 911 calls in that area, in case….well, you know, in case. There's just been a 911 call into the fire department. A neighbor is reporting seeing flames at the Jareau address!"

Rossi closed his eyes and made a silent sign of the cross. Miles away, Aaron Hotchner held his head in his hands, his own gesture of prayer.

* * *

Derek Morgan was a pragmatist. An emotional one, but a pragmatist. His good friends were in danger. Check. He couldn't do anything to change that from his current location. Check. But he could make sure those who had caused the danger, those who'd hurt the people he cared about, would see justice.

His mind split as he raced to the locations given by Garcia. One part sharp, alert, concentrating on the road before him. The other, containing visions of Reid, splayed out on the ground, no longer able to effect the life-sustaining rise and fall of his own chest. Of Emily and JJ, facing some unknown danger as they tried to protect the most vulnerable members of the Jareau and Reid families. Of David Rossi….the eminent, renowned David Rossi, struck down by a bullet in defense of yet another FBI agent, Erin Strauss.

Morgan could feel the anger rising. The fury. He battled it back. It had bested him in the past, but he wouldn't allow it now. He needed to be fully present to the moment if he was to see justice done. He may have desired retribution, but he was determined that there would be  _justice._

* * *

It only seemed like hours. The dearth of incoming information seemed to drag out time. But, eventually, Hotch was summoned from the conference room. He rose, and John rose simultaneously. The two men made eye contact, and then John started to sit back down.

"No, come with me. You should know. And, if he's awake, he'll want to see you."

"Oh, he's not awake," revealed the aide who'd come to get them, as she led the way down the hall. "He won't be awake for days. If he wakes up at all."

The two men looked at one another again, and then made a determined trip to the critical emergency bay. They were greeted by a somber looking male physician in pink surgical scrubs.

"You're here for Officer Reid?"

"Agent," they said, simultaneously.

"Oh, sorry, Agent Reid. I'm Doctor Massey." He put out a hand, and both FBI men shook it as they introduced themselves.

"I see. You're both from the FBI. And, I understand we are unable to reach Agent Reid's family?"

Hotch was discrete. "At the moment, yes. You can give the information to me. To both of us, actually."

Dr. Massey nodded grimly. "All right. Well, I'm afraid the news I have isn't encouraging. It's not terrible, but it's not encouraging."

They waited him out, and he continued. "Agent Reid was apparently given a massive overdose of some of the purest heroin we've come across. Really a massive dose. The EMTs gave him naloxone at the scene….it's a chemical that blocks the receptors for heroin..basically, it's designed to reverse the effects. It's had some effect, but I'm afraid it's of limited utility when the dose is this massive. His body has absorbed the heroin, and will keep releasing it from the tissues until it's all consumed."

"What does that mean?" John had followed the conversation, but needed a condensed version.

"It means that we'll have to keep giving him the naloxone, and supporting his bodily functions, until the heroin is gone from his system. It could take several days."

Hotch knew there was another issue. "Doctor, the drug affected his breathing. Was he without oxygen….."

Dr. Massey cut him off. "Apparently he had significant respiratory depression at the scene. The EMTs bagged him…..they supported his breathing…..but his oxygen level was still quite low when he came in. We don't have a way to know how long it was that low, so we won't be able to predict how it will affect him until he's fully alert. Again, that will mostly likely be in about 48 hours."

Hotch nodded as he absorbed the information. "Can we see him?"

"Of course. But…."

"We know," said John, remembering the old days of active FBI casework, "wires and tubes."

Dr. Massey gave him a wry smile. "Yes. Wires and tubes."

* * *

They were all huddled in the living room, crouched low to the floor to get the best air. The only egress available was through the kitchen door. JJ and Emily knew they might be met outside by the unsubs….and, possibly… a hail of gunfire. But there was no other choice.

"I'm going out first!" yelled Emily, over the roar of the flame, and the sounds of human terror. Henry was now fighting Sandy to get to JJ, and Rosie had begun screaming. She didn't understand the meaning of the fire, but she was suffering in the heat.

JJ knew her friend was setting herself up to be a target, should the watcher be outside. They shared a moment of eye contact in which JJ acknowledged what she knew, and expressed her thanks.

"We'll be right behind you!" JJ shouted back at her. "I'll get the door."

When he saw his mother moving away from him, and into the kitchen, Henry began screaming again. Terrified of the fire, terrified of the separation. Terrified.

"Mommy! Mommy!"

JJ felt her heart torn in two by his cries. The mother heart stayed in the flaming living room with Henry. The FBI heart took her into the kitchen, where she threw open the door and watched her good friend go through it, and into the line of fire.


	34. Chapter 34

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 34**

"Tell me, Baby Girl, I need to know. What's going on with the others?" The failed raids at the two men's homes had only served to bring Morgan's anger to new heights.

She tried to put him off. "Derek, I don't think…"

"Garcia! I want to know what's happened to the rest of my team!"

He'd so rarely spoken to her in anger. Her understanding it did nothing to lessen the sting.

The next voice he heard was a much deeper one.

"We'll let you know as soon as there's something substantive. For now, all you need to know is that Reid is being cared for by the best, and the ladies are receiving assistance from their security detail and the local sheriff's office."

Rossi purposely omitted the fact that the fire department was also on its way.

"Rossi?"

As glad as he was that Penelope wasn't alone, Morgan was also frustrated. With Rossi at her side, she wouldn't be giving him any more details. "Okay. Okay. I need something.  _Something._  Baby Girl, can you triangulate on their phones?"

"Derek, I'm so sorry, I already tried that. But my program only works if I start it when the phone is on. And both of their phones are off."

"Garcia, I need  _something_. Give me something.  _Anything_."

He would never admit it, even to himself. But Derek Morgan thought Penelope Garcia walked on water. She'd come through for him so many times before, and he couldn't conceive that she wouldn't do so now. Not when the stakes were this high. Not when so many people he cared about were in danger.

"I don't….I'm sorry…" Her voice was becoming choked. "I….wait! Wait a minute! Maybe…."

He could her tapping away on the keys.

Rossi saw the results of her work from his seat by her side. "Ahh…" He was impressed with her ingenuity.

"Okay, Derek…..I found a number that both of the men called frequently.  _That_  phone is on. And right now, it's in Rock Creek Park."

He could have kissed her. In fact, when he got back, he  _would_  kiss her.

"Thank you, Baby Girl. You're a miracle worker."

* * *

Emily Prentiss erupted from the kitchen door of the Jareau house, leaping over the door jamb and rolling to a controlled stop in the yard. When the spark of the gunshot showed itself in the dark, she saw it and zeroed in.

"Stay inside!" she called to JJ, even knowing that they had only a matter of seconds before the fire would force the rest to exit. Emily aimed at the spot where the spark had been, and fired.

JJ was crouched inside the open doorway. She'd seen the same thing Emily had and, from the thin cover of the doorjamb, aimed at the same spot. Even as she did so, she saw a spark from across the yard, and heard Emily's 'ugh". She knew her partner had been hit. But she'd also seen where that second gunshot had originated. JJ turned her fire in that direction.

_Is there a second shooter, or did the first one just move?_  She didn't have a way to be sure _. How do I bring my family out into this? But I can't leave them inside!_

JJ was given a brief reprieve from her dilemma when she heard Emily's voice. Emily's pain-filled voice.

"I've got it. I can cover. Get them out!"

JJ knew she'd have to help lay cover. She crawled back toward the others, all of whom were now coughing with the smoke.

"Emily and I will hold them. You need to move quickly. Stay low, and run around to the right side of the house. Run to the neighbors and call 911."

She'd barely said the number when they could hear sirens in the distance.  _Oh, dear God, are they for us? Are we saved?_

But she knew that, even if the sirens were headed their way, she needed to keep everyone alive in the intervening minutes. She put her hand on her father's arm. He was holding Henry again.

_All right?_  Her eyes asked.

_All right,_  his replied.

She grabbed Henry's head while avoiding the arms he flailed trying to grasp her.

"I love you, little boy. With my whole heart and soul. Remember that, no matter what. You have great things to do, my little hero."

She moved next to her mother, who held Rosie. Later, she would reflect that her mother's courage shouldn't have surprised her. But, in the moment, it did.

"Okay?"

Her mother put a hand to JJ's cheek. "We're all right, my precious child. I love you, Jennifer."

JJ had to swallow the lump in her throat. But all it did was swell back up again as she placed a kiss on Rosie's head, and hand, and foot, and… She had to stop. The fire was intensifying, and they needed to get out.

"I love you, my most amazing daughter. Please, always remember that." She gave Rosie a final kiss.

And then Jennifer Jareau followed in her friend Emily's footsteps. She leapt over the doorjamb, and rolled into the backyard in which she'd played as a child, now under enemy fire.

* * *

He wouldn't make the same mistake twice. Derek Morgan made certain every entrance to Rock Creek Park was covered, by either a patrol car or an FBI detail. With the approval of his superiors at the hospital, he'd gotten commitment from every branch of law enforcement that was involved in this case. There was anger, and determination, on all sides.

A DHS unit radioed in to the rest.

"We've got a threesome. Looks like they're engaged in a pretty heavy conversation…pretty heated one, too. Parking lot near the planetarium. Can't get a read on the license plate from here, but the make and model look good. You want us to wander over, see what's up?"

"No! " Morgan shouted into the radio. "Don't let them know that you're watching. I'll be there in a minute."

It was too hard to program a GPS within the park, so he had Garcia read him turn by turn instructions. He wanted to set up at a vantage point without showing himself.

"Okay. The satellite photo shows a service road about 100 yards from the parking lot. Do you see it?"

Morgan had dimmed his headlights a half mile back, and was creeping along under the sliver of moonlight. His eyes strained through the windshield….and then he saw it.

"Got it! Tell the other units I'm going in on foot. If I can surprise them, the rest can come in and block their exits."

"Will do, Chocolate Thunder." She didn't really have the heart for the banter, but she knew it relaxed him. "Derek…be careful, please."

"My middle name, Baby Girl."

Morgan left the protection of his vehicle and jogged along the road until he could just see the planetarium parking lot. He saw the three men talking, but only recognized the face of Gendreau, the top man presumed to be behind the drug investigation diversions within the DHS.

He turned away and whispered into his shoulder radio, "It's them. I recognize one of them." It went out to all of the units, and to the BAU.

"Morgan, be careful. These guys don't care what they do, they've already shown us that. And they have nothing left to lose."

"Noted, Rossi."  _I don't have much left to lose, either._

He crept up on the trio, circling them from behind the cover of the thickly wooded surround. When he heard the signal that two other teams were in place, he showed himself.

"FBI! Put your hands up, all of you! You're under arrest!"

Gendreau, the deputy director, was savvy enough to stay put. Why make himself look guilty by running? He would let his lawyers earn their keep.

The other two, the ones called 'Stuart' and 'Dave', each ran. Dave, the lighter on his feet, was chased by an FBI team already situated in that direction off the parking lot. Morgan let Dave go, trusting his unknown colleagues would do what was necessary. He had his sights set on Stuart. The "brains of the outfit". The man who'd decided that Spencer Reid was disposable.

Morgan took off after him into the woods The two men were probably equals in muscle mass and strength, but Morgan was fleeter on his feet. He caught up with Stuart within 50 yards.

* * *

"Derek? Derek! Morgan, where are you? Please, answer me!"

It went on for over nine minutes, Garcia pleading, demanding, and Morgan not answering. Rossi could picture several scenarios that might result in the lack of response. Only one was acceptable.

"Derek Morgan, you answer me this minute!" Maybe she hadn't been commanding enough.

Another twenty seconds passed, then…."I'm here, Baby Girl." Breathless, panting.

She closed her eyes and grasped Rossi's hand in gratitude…that he'd been there with her, and that she'd heard the voice she'd longed to hear at the end of her line.

"Derek…..." softly, "Derek…are you all right?"

Still breathless, but more forceful. "I'm fine, Baby Girl. You did good. You found them."

Rossi wanted details. "Do you have them? All of them?"

"We have the three who were here." Knowing they weren't the ones who'd attacked the man he was speaking with, nor the woman Rossi cared about. "They'll give us the others."

"Where are they going?" With so many agencies involved, it was anybody's guess as to who would 'own' the unsubs.

"They'll be going to the hospital first, it looks like. Then…we'll see."

David Rossi wasn't particularly proud of himself in that moment. But he was extraordinarily glad of the unsubs' need of emergency care.

* * *

They'd seen Reid. The young man was hooked to a variety of tubes delivering various chemicals and nutrients to his body. His vital signs were monitored by a host of wires attached to his limbs and trunk. He no longer required assistance with his breathing, but oxygen was being delivered through a nasal cannula. And, Hotch had noted, his right arm was in a sling.

"What happened to his arm? Is it broken?"

"Dislocated shoulder," replied Dr. Massey. "To be honest, we would have missed it, but he started thrashing around at one point, and one of the nurses noticed he wasn't using his right arm. We put it back into place. It's a pretty painful thing, but…..on the good news side of things….the heroin took care of the pain for him. Must have hurt like a son-of-a-bitch when it happened, though. But now, it should be okay. The sling is just there to take the pressure off, until the swelling goes down."

John had to look away. He could picture Reid being brought back into the clearing with his arms pinned behind him. And then being restrained in the car _. How painful that must have been. How blissful the heroin._ Suddenly, he was concerned in a new way about his young protégé.

Dr. Massey advised the senior FBI agents that Reid was to be moved to a room upstairs. "It's a step-down room. Still monitored, but not as off limits as the ICU. You'll be able to stay with him. Give us a few minutes, and someone will let you know when he's situated."

Hotch took a long look at his youngest team member. His mind flashed back through the years to the time he'd first met the gawky genius, and the impression he'd had of the young man. Much had happened in the intervening time, and Reid had come to earn Hotch's respect, both as an agent and as a man. Now the taciturn senior agent prayed he might have the chance to tell him so, one day.

John bent over the railing to speak into the young man's ear. "You did well, Spencer. More than well. You held your own. We'll take these guys down. All you need to do now is recover."

Then the two men exited back out to the corridor of the emergency department, where they saw a host of people with government ID tags hovering near the admission desk. One of them was Derek Morgan. He noticed the two men walking out of the emergency department bay and jogged over to them.

"Hotch! How is he?"

His unit chief gave a brief synopsis of what they'd learned from the physician. Morgan was only minimally comforted to learn that Reid wouldn't require the ICU.

"But he's still not out of danger, is he? He could wake up and not be himself anymore, couldn't he?"

"Morgan, they won't know anything for a couple of days. There's no point in getting worked up about it now." Hotch was quite used to having to talk his agent down. Now he nodded in the direction of the crowd of public servants. "What's this about? And what happened with the unsubs?"

"You're probably gonna have to get involved in it. Maybe both of you," He looked from Hotch to John. "There's some disagreement about who gets them."

"They're here?" John wasn't totally surprised.

Morgan flashed his eyes at both of his superiors.

"Yeah. They…..need a little medical attention, before they go….wherever."

Hotch wasn't even going to ask. Instead, he turned to his superior.

"I think the jurisdiction question is more in your bailiwick. For this one, anyway."

John nodded, already pulling out his phone. "I'll take care of it."

As he started to walk away, Morgan called after him.

"Sir...one of them didn't have to come here. He was brought to FBI Headquarters downtown. Deputy Chief Gendreau, DHS."

He wanted to make sure the senior FBI man knew they'd gotten the high-ranking offender. He might not be the only one operating in the upper echelons of the agencies.

"Understood. Thank you."

Morgan turned again to Hotch. "Any word from Pennsylvania?"

* * *

JJ and Emily were both lying on the ground in the yard of the Jareau home, firing in the directions from which they'd seen the two spurts of gunfire erupt, still not knowing if they were firing at one or two people. They could hear the sirens getting closer, and hoped the unsubs could as well. JJ thought she could make out two distinct sounds, meaning that both the sheriff and the fire department were converging on the house. It raised her spirits.

_They can't take us all out. They have to know that by now. If we can just hold on until somebody gets here, they'll go. They can't afford to stick around and be caught._

But the fire was growing, and the coughs and wheezes from inside the house were becoming more strangled. They couldn't afford to have the rest wait it out inside. JJ turned to see her father's face in the doorway. She waved her arm, urging him to come out. To bring all of them out.

Charles emerged first, holding Henry across his back, keeping his front to the yard. If the unsubs were going to fire at them, he would use his body to stop a bullet before it hit his grandson. Immediately behind him emerged Sandy, holding Rosie. They ran around to the side of the house, Charles standing in front of Henry, Sandy and Rosie the whole way. As they made their way to the front, he could see both a sheriff's vehicle and a fire truck less than a football field away.  _Thank God!_

He was even more thankful when he saw a second and third sheriff's vehicle coming up behind them. He would learn later that his neighbors had heard and reported the gunshots.

When the first car arrived, Charles ran to them.

"They're shooting in the yard! My daughter's back there, and her friend! They're FBI agents! We were attacked!"

The sheriff's deputy was unfamiliar with this kind of situation. He hesitated until Charles yelled at him, "You have to go back there! One of them is injured! They need backup!"

Charles was about to go back there himself, using Emily's spare piece. But he stopped when he saw the sheriff himself emerge from the third unit. He was a former NYPD lieutenant, now 'retired' in the hills of rural Pennsylvania. But he brought with him thirty years of experience.

"I've got this. Jimmy, you and Ted will go around to the far side of the house, I'll take the right. Keep your weapons up and your eyes and ears open. Make sure you can hear me in your earpiece. But first….go put on your vest."

Then he turned to the fire chief.

"There's shooting. Stay back until we clear it."

Charles closed his eyes. He'd owned this home for forty years. Now he would have to watch it burn until they could be certain the firefighters wouldn't come under fire. Then he chastised himself.  _Lord, teach me to be grateful. I've got my family. That's all I really need._

A minute later, the three lawmen started around the house.

In the yard, Emily and JJ slowed their shooting, realizing there was no longer any return fire. They lay in place, waiting for backup, waiting for the unsubs to show themselves…..waiting.

Sheriff Fitzgerald called out as he neared the back of the house.

"Sheriff's department! We're heavily manned and heavily armed. Show yourselves!"

Charles had given him a quick briefing while the others were getting ready. The unsubs were probably not from the area, probably not familiar with rural law enforcement. He saw no reason to let them think he had anything less than an army at his disposal.

He waited thirty seconds, and then aimed his most reliable weapon….a powerful floodlight, that lit up the yard and the fields and trees surrounding it. A sweep of the area yielded no sign of the unsubs. They had obviously run.

JJ realized their siege was over, and ran for Emily.

"I'm all right, he just got me in the shoulder. Just a graze, I think."

Her shirt sleeve was torn and blood soaked into the material surrounding her upper left arm. The sheriff advised her, "We've got an ambulance on the way. They'll check you out."

Then he used his radio to indicate to the fire chief that his unit could start fighting the fire. He would stay in the yard to provide cover, should the unsubs return, but he sent his deputies to cover the local roads. An APB would be fruitless. Every car the sheriff's department owned was on scene.

"Mommy! Mommy!" Henry wrangled himself away from his grandmother and ran into his mother's arms. "Mommy! Mama!"

She gave in to her tears now. "Oh, Honey, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry this happened! But you're all right, all of us are all right." She held him and rocked both of them back and forth. "Meme, and Rosie, and Papa, and Auntie Emily…..we're all here."

It took him a moment to process the names. Then JJ felt him stiffen in her arms.

"Casey! Where's Casey! CASEY!" He tried to wriggle free, clearly intending to run back into the burning structure.

JJ looked at her father, stricken. "Oh, my God!"

Charles actually started back toward the house, but one of the firefighters stopped him. He'd heard Henry cry out.

"Sir, you can't go back in there. Is there someone inside? Who's Casey?"

They explained. The affectionate golden retriever who'd brought such comfort to the little boy now screaming her name. The little boy who had already lost so much, and couldn't afford to lose anything more.

The firefighter was a dog owner himself. He knew.  _Family_.

"Where did you see her last?"

Sandy remembered. She was in her favorite spot on a hot summer night. Behind the sofa. On the air vent, hogging all the cool air.

JJ closed her eyes in sorrow. The sofa was up against the window. The one that had been broken by the cocktail, and whose curtains had been the first thing up in flames. She told the firefighter.

He sighed deeply. "All right. It's probably futile, but I'll look for her." He ran into the house.

The rest of the firefighters had made progress. The main fire had been, indeed, in the living room, with a minor one started by the smoldering wick of the cocktail thrown into the bedroom. They'd been able to smother that one before the bottle blew. But the whole house had suffered tremendous smoke and water damage.

JJ stood by her parents, holding a whimpering Henry. Rosie had exhausted herself with her screams, and was now sleeping against Sandy's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry. So sorry. I should never have brought this on you."

Her father put his arm around her as her mother spoke.

"Jennifer, you brought nothing. There were bad men intent on hurting our little girl and her family. How could we have done anything  _but_  to bring you all here?"

JJ was in tears, the little girl watching the end of her childhood home, seeking comfort from those who had  _made_  it a home for her, even when that home was tinged with sadness.

"But it's….home."

Sandy's wisdom emerged, the mother warrior intent on comforting her child.

"It's wood, and nails, filled with 'things'. It might have  _held_  our family, but it  _wasn't_ our family. Our family is here, whole, and together. And so we will stay."

Even as Sandy was speaking, JJ saw the contradiction over her shoulder. The helpful firefighter had emerged from the house and was running toward them. He carried in his arms the limp form of a golden retriever.


	35. Chapter 35

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 35**

JJ saw him coming, the firefighter holding the lifeless body of Casey, and took Henry back behind the fire truck, to obstruct his view.

_Yet another thing for you to absorb, my precious little man_. He'd been faced with so many losses, at such a young age.  _Which one will be the one that does it? Which will be the one too many?_ The worry had already consumed many sleepless nights. This would be another in a long line.

He was hugging her tightly, not crying, not speaking aloud. Just being. Waiting. Hoping. Maybe praying. At length, he stirred.

"Mama, we have to go see him now."

She wasn't expecting that statement.

"See who, Henry? What are you talking about?"

"The fireman. He got Casey. He found her! We have to go see the fireman. And Casey!"

_No, Honey, we don't._

But he was insistent. JJ kept trying to put him off, until she felt a hand on her shoulder and turned her head to see. It was her father. And he was smiling.

"There's someone over here who'd like to see Henry."

JJ welled up all over again. "Really?"

"Really."

"Oh, thank God. Thank You, God."

"I said 'thank You to God, too, Mama! When He told me Casey was okay!"

The two adults just looked at each other as JJ lowered Henry to the ground. They followed his running footsteps around the fire truck.

"Casey!"

JJ turned past the back wheel and nearly fell to her knees.

She was still lying on the ground, still wearing an oxygen mask, but her tail was going a mile a minute. Casey was alive. After so much tension, and fear, and loss….this one survival felt like a victory.

_Okay, I get it. Hold on, there's hope. Okay. And thank You. I know you love my little boy as much as I do._

JJ watched her father brush back tears as he gazed upon Henry hugging his beloved companion, and Casey trying to shed the oxygen so she could lick her little boy. Then JJ's eyes scanned up and looked at her mother. Sandy. Dry-eyed Sandy, holding Rosie, her hand on Charles' back.

_Mom. You amaze me. I always thought any courage I had came from Dad. But now, I see. You blended it. It came from both of you. You give it to one another…..and to me._

Her thoughts flashed immediately to Spence, and the last time they'd been together, willing one another to be strong. And then she remembered what she'd concluded. That the attack on the Jareau home had come because….. _oh, God._

The brief reprieve was over. JJ fished her phone out of her pocket and hit Garcia's number.

"JJ! Rossi, it's JJ!"

_Rossi?_ If Rossi was there, something had definitely happened in Virginia.

"Pen, yes, it's me. Tell me, what happened?"

"Not so fast. What happened  _there_? I've been trying to reach you for an hour!"

"It…we…..we're all okay. I'll tell you the rest later. Tell me what happened there. I  _know_  something happened with Spence. Tell me."

"Cara…."

Now she was sure it was bad news. Why else would he have started with the endearment?

"Rossi, please! Tell me…" Her voice had started off forceful, but fell into a pleading whisper.

A long hesitation, and then, "Cara….he's in the hospital. We have the men who did it to him."

"Did what?! One of you, please tell me!"

"Jayje….he's out of danger. It's just…."

"Just that he needs to stay in the hospital for a few more days. Cara…..I'm so sorry...…they gave him drugs."

She'd expected to hear that he was shot, or beaten...but, drugged?

"I don't understand. What happened?"

Rossi explained it to her as best he could, ending with, "Hotch says they don't expect him to be awake for about two days."

Charles had seen JJ's body language change as she listened on the phone. He walked over to put an arm around his daughter. He could hear only her half of the conversation, but it alarmed him.

"But what do they say about his brain? And what about a relapse?"

Without a frame of reference, Charles couldn't quite put the statements together. But he could see his daughter's distress.

"Jayje, Hotch is sending the plane. Strauss okayed it."

In Quantico, Penelope smiled at her companion, who, she was sure, had influenced the section chief's decision.

"It will take me an hour to get to the airport. And I'm not sure Emily will be ready to fly."

"Emily? Why not?" Garcia and Rossi were reminded that they'd not yet heard about what had happened in Pennsylvania.

JJ left spouse-mode and went back into agent-mode. She told them about the blackout, and the fire, and the shooting. Even she marveled at how detached she sounded as she recounted it. She couldn't help but notice her father having the same impression.

"Emily has a deep graze to her shoulder. They're taking care of it here, but I think she needs a real emergency department. And I can't just leave my parents here with the kids. They have no home."

Agent-mode or not, she had to suppress a sob at the last sentence. Charles tightened his grip on her shoulder, and laid a hand over her phone. He had something to say.

"I gather Spencer is hurt…..is that true?"

She could only nod.

"Then go to him. He needs you, and you need to be there. We'll stay with friends tonight, gather up what we can in the morning, and start down with the kids….and Casey." He nodded his head in the direction of the dog and her boy, hoping to have put a smile on his daughter's face. He wasn't disappointed.

"But what about Em?"

"Your mother and I can drive, you car and ours. It will be better that way, anyway. We can spread our things between the two cars. We'll be down by tomorrow night, Honey."

She nodded. "Okay." Lifting her phone again, she told Garcia and Rossi the plan. "I'll head to the airport as soon as I can get a ride."

"No worries, Jayje. Just remember that we love you. All of you."

"She speaks the truth, Cara. I'll meet you at the airport, and bring you to the hospital."

* * *

"JJ, I'm all right. It's just superficial. Please, go, be with Reid. It would make me feel better….really."

And she really meant it. Emily Prentiss was very skilled at worrying about everyone but herself. And Reid….was a special case. She would never admit her fear, but Emily was terrified that the amazing brain with which she'd bonded so strongly was no longer. Nor the awkward youth who'd grown into the man who so humbly commanded her respect.

"Please go and be with him. Tell him he'd better wake up ready to go and watch some ridiculously obscure film with me. In a ridiculously obscure language."

JJ laughed. She actually laughed. Emily was so good at skewering her husband, in the most affectionate way. "I love you, Em." She hugged her friend, sparing the bad arm. "And I'll be sure to tell him. I'm sure it will be incentive to..…"

She may have laughed, but she couldn't finish the sentence.  _Incentive to wake up. From a drug-induced coma. And maybe addiction. And maybe flashbacks. Please, God._

The conversation may have been internal, but Emily read it in her face. She reached her good arm around her friend.

"He'll be okay, JJ. He has to be. He's….he's  _Reid_."

* * *

She made her way back to her family to say goodbye. Charles had already explained the situation to Sandy.

"Just take care of Spencer, Honey. We'll be down tomorrow night, just as your father says." Sandy was still holding Rosie, who was out cold on her shoulder. She leaned in and kissed her daughter, whispering into her ear. "You saved us, Honey. I'm so proud of you."

Charles took JJ into his arms and hugged her tightly. "Your place is with your husband. I'll take care of things on this end. Don't worry about anything."

JJ teared up at her father's words. "Thank you, Dad. But I think we all did it, together."

They released one another, and JJ moved on to say goodbye to Henry. She wasn't prepared for his reponse.

"NO! No, Mama!" He leapt up from Casey and threw his arms around his mother's legs. "NO!"

She bent to talk to him face to face.

"Sweetheart, I'm just going to see Daddy. He needs me right now. Meme and Papa will bring you home tomorrow."

"NO!" The terror was evident in his voice. Any question JJ had about how much her young son could take was being answered in this moment. "NO! I want you to stay here! Stay here with me!"

Emotionally and physically exhausted, JJ didn't know what to do. Until Emily ambled over, her arm in a sling. She whispered in JJ's ear. "Bring him with you."

JJ swung her head around, toward Emily. "What?"

"Bring him with you. Hotch won't mind if he's on the plane. Garcia can look after him. And maybe Reid will respond…."

Their bond was that strong. Maybe Henry could pull Reid back to himself. But JJ wasn't so sure she wanted her son to see his father, lying unconscious on a hospital bed.

Emily may not have been a parent, but she did own some human wisdom. "He's already been through the worst, JJ. You can't hide anything from him. Why not let him be a part of making things good again?"

JJ stood, looking back and forth from Emily to Henry. Thinking. Praying. Deciding. Then she bent to her son again.

"Henry, would you like to come for a ride on a plane?"

* * *

It was the middle of the night. Henry had fallen asleep in the sheriff's car that gave them the ride to the airport. JJ carried the dead weight of her son on board and laid him on the bench seat, covering him with a blanket. She sat on the bench as well, running her fingers through his hair as she stared out the window into the night sky.

She was in the unfortunate position of being very able to picture what awaited her at the hospital. They'd been here before. The wires, the tubes, her husband lying unconscious on a hospital bed. The waiting. The endless waiting….for him to wake up….for finding out if he was still whole, intact….for finding out if he could battle back that addiction demon once again. She felt so exhausted, she wasn't sure if  _she_  could battle it once again.

The computer uplinked from Quantico. Garcia.

"Hey, Jayje, how are you doing?"

"All right, I guess, considering…."

"Considering. Yeah, I know. I'm so sorry about your parent's house. Can it be fixed?"

"Fire chief says its got a lot of internal damage, but it's structurally sound. But it's more the loss of the things in it, you know? The pictures, the hand-made stuff….the things that made it feel like a home. A lot of it's gone."

Garcia was sympathetic. Her own apartment was filled to the ceiling with tchotchkes that were of no real monetary value, but made her place uniquely her place.

"I get it. I'm just so sorry. But I'm also so glad they're all right. That all of you are. Well, except Emily. But she told me she'll heal pretty quickly."

JJ smiled. "That's Em. We'll see if the doctors agree with her. I made her promise to go to the hospital and get it really looked at."

"Jayje, what will your parents do?"

The profiler sighed. "They'll go through the house in daylight tomorrow, and save what they can. Then they'll come down here with Rosie, and Casey and Em. I guess they'll stay with us until they can get back in the house. Although, knowing Dad, I'm sure he'll want to be there to supervise."

"Ha. Speaking of control issues, Rossi is just finishing up some things for Hotch, and then he's on his way to the airport. It looks like the FBI has won custody of the unsubs. Hotch wanted the Bureau to have it, considering. And you know Rossi is just waiting to pounce on the ones who got away. He's betting they're the same guys who were in your yard tonight."

JJ had already reached the same conclusion. "There wasn't exactly a lot of finesse in trying to start an 'accidental' fire with Molotov cocktails. And then shooting at the intended accidental fire victims. It would pretty much go with how they handled Strauss and Rossi."

Garcia nodded, getting excited. "So we're thinking that they're probably also not smart enough to stop using the cell phone whose number I can track. Right now it's stationary, so we gave our security detail the location. They're on their way as we speak."

The second piece of good news for the evening. JJ could only hope the trend would continue at the hospital. Which made her think to ask…

"Hey, Pen, do you think you could do me a favor?"

"Anything, dear heart, you know that. What do you need?"

"Henry's out cold. I know he wants to be with me, but I think he would be all right with you if he was in his own bed, in his own home. Do you think you could come with Rossi to the airport? We could stop by the house first, and…"

"Say no more. I'm there. And then I can hug some happy back into you!"

JJ smiled again at her good friend. "Can't wait."

* * *

Garcia was true to her word. JJ could barely breathe in her embrace.

"I love you, girl. We all do. You remember that!"

Before JJ could answer, Rossi stepped over and took his turn.

"It will be all right, Cara. In time, you'll be looking back at this. Just remember, one step at a time."

JJ returned the embrace. "I know. I wish I didn't, but I know."

Henry roused a little as Rossi lifted him.

"Mama?" He looked around for JJ.

"Here, Baby. I'm right here." JJ brushed his hair out of his eyes as he hung over Rossi's shoulder.

""kay." And he was out again.

As they approached Rossi's car, he went to the trunk and pulled out a booster seat. Both women were shocked.

"David Rossi owns a car seat?" JJ put it into words.

"David Rossi has a goddaughter who will one day be chauffeured in style. Of course I have a car seat. I have a baby one, too." He showed them in the trunk.

The women looked at each other and laughed. And then JJ remembered Emily's prediction about Rossi, and Rosie, and the convertible in the driveway when she turned sixteen.  _Oh, my._

* * *

The transfer at the Reid home went smoothly, Henry not awakening at all. JJ expected he would be disappointed when he rose in the morning to find that she wasn't there. But she also knew he loved Penelope, and would be comfortable with her. And some solid sleep would do his emotional state a world of good.

As it would hers. But she wouldn't be getting it this night. She rode in silence on the way to the hospital, trying to prepare herself for whatever news might await her. As they pulled into the parking lot, Rossi reached over and squeezed her hand.

"It will be all right, you'll see."

She gave him a quick smile of gratitude. "I hope so."

They were directed to the fifth floor, where they heard voices as they approached a small waiting area. Hotch was in conversation with a man whose face both agents recognized. Rossi wasn't surprised to see John, who had helped him secure the case for the FBI. But JJ hadn't been informed of his involvement.

"Sir. Thank you for coming." She sounded confused as she shook his hand, thinking it unusual for so high ranking a member of the Bureau to turn out for a non-life-threatening injury to one of their agents. She was even more confused when John spoke.

"I think very highly of your husband, Agent Jareau. He's a very courageous and dedicated young man."

JJ flashed a look at Hotch, who took his turn embracing her in greeting. He whispered into her ear, "I'll explain later."

Hotch released her, saying, "Morgan's with him. Room 523. Go on in."

Rossi escorted her down the hall and stood back to let her enter the room before him. Morgan was seated at Reid's side, head down. They couldn't tell if he was sleeping, or contemplating, or praying. But he looked up when they came in.

"Hey, Blondie." He hugged her. "I'm so sorry…about everything."

She spoke to Morgan, but her eyes were only on her husband. "I'm just glad you got them, Derek. Thank you."

Morgan shook Rossi's hand and whispered, "They said not to crowd the room. You visit. I'll be down the hall."

JJ stood looking down at Spence, taking inventory. He looked peaceful enough now. Sleeping. Or unconscious. Nasal cannula. Wires leading from his chest and limbs. Several IVs going. Arm in a sling. Some bruising. But no massive swelling, no breathing tube. Nothing broken. Except, maybe, on the inside.

She bent and brushed the hair back from his eyes, kissed his forehead, cupped his cheek.

"I'm here," she whispered. "I'm here, Spence."


	36. Chapter 36

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 36**

"I'm here, Spence," she whispered into his ear.

JJ stood back up and turned around to see Rossi watching her, arms opened wide. She stepped into them.

He could feel her sag against him, completely exhausted. She still smelled like smoke from the fire.

"You need some rest. Why don't you let me take you home for the night. They say they won't know anything for two days…he won't be awake until then, at least. Let me take you home, Cara."

JJ pulled away, sniffling. She ran a hand at her eyes. "No. Thanks, Rossi, but no. I want to be here. I  _need_  to be here. Tell the others to go on home. I'll be all right here by myself." She made a quick correction. "Not by myself. I'll be with Spence."

Rossi's eyes could be incredibly kind, and they were so, now. "All right, young JJ. I will leave you here with Spencer." He pulled her in for another quick hug and started to leave.

"Rossi…" she called after him, "…..would you ask Garcia to bring Henry tomorrow? And a change of clothes for me?"

He smiled at her. "Anything, for you, Cara. I will see you tomorrow."

When he'd gone, JJ pulled a chair to the bedside and sat, stroking his hand through the bedrail. Her thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of a nurse. Apparently David Rossi had been working some of his magic at the nurses' station.

"Mrs. Reid? I'm Marie, Mr. Reid's nurse for the rest of the evening. I understand you've been through quite a lot today." She didn't wait for a response before delivering her goods.

"Here's something for you to change into, and some toileting supplies. You can use Mr. Reid's shower. It's right over there. And, in case you didn't know, that chair pulls out into a bed."

JJ smiled her gratitude. "Thank you so much."  _And thank you, Rossi._

Twenty minutes later, she emerged clean and clad in blue scrubs. The shower had done nothing to change her energy level. She was completely out of fuel, both physically and emotionally. But at least every inhalation didn't remind her once again of the fire.

JJ sat again in the chair by Reid's bedside and reached for his hand. But it wasn't enough. She needed more. She needed  _him._

Giving no thought to whether it was allowed, JJ lowered the bedrail and leaned in to lay her head on her husband's chest. It still wasn't enough. She needed to feel him. All of him. So she gently lifted his right hand, which held an IV, and fit herself into the bed against his right side. She lowered his arm over her, and lay, head on his chest, stroking his face, his neck, his hair, intertwining her legs with his.

She'd been given only a synopsis of what had happened to him, leaving her imagination to run rampant with visions of him being threatened, frightened, assaulted, drugged. And then her imagination brought her forward in time, to what he might be like when he awakened. To what he might have to go through  _after_  he awakened. All of it brought on the tears again.

She spoke softly, as she caressed him with every word.

"So hard. It's so hard. It's  _always_  so hard. I don't understand.  _Why_  does it have to be that way for him? Everything in his life has been so hard. His childhood…what boy is asked to endure such suffering in every part of his life?"

She'd been talking to herself, but now her words were directed elsewhere.

"And then he somehow, miraculously, survives it….and he's hurt again. The drugs….he never asked for that. He never deserved that. He didn't live his life that way. Why? Do You just pick some sort of sacrificial lamb for the rest of us? Is that what he is? Why? He worked so hard to get past that….and then he had to fight for his life in some hospital in New Orleans. And why? Because he tried to save a little girl! Wasn't that enough sacrifice? He  _chose_ that one! And he had to fight his way back, every step of the way. And now that he's done it…..this is what he gets? This is his reward? More pain? I don't understand! I don't….. I don't….."

She dissolved. JJ buried her face into her husband and cried for the injustice. The abandonment. For all the questions she knew he would never ask himself. She fell asleep that way, lying against him, feeling the weight of his flaccid arm across her shoulder.

Nurse Marie saw them when she made her patient rounds. She'd heard the story. She wouldn't separate them. Instead, she covered JJ with a blanket, and let them be.

* * *

The change-of-shift bustle in the hallway wakened JJ. She'd had only a few hours of sleep, but she felt infinitely better than she had before. She lifted herself up in the bed and kissed Spence before slipping out and raising the bedrail back up.

JJ went to the window. It promised to be a clear day in Virginia. She hoped it was the same in Pennsylvania, where her parents would have to spend the day sifting through the charred remains of their life spent together. The thought of it brought wetness to her eyes immediately, cueing JJ to the fragility of her emotional state.

_You're gonna have to hold it together, Girl. Spence needs you. Henry will be here later. He needs you. And your parents…..oh, God. My parents…_

There was a knock on the doorjamb. "Mrs. Reid? I'm Peggy, Mr. Reid's nurse for the day. How are you?" She was probably a decade younger than Sandy.

"It's 'JJ', please." She had a feeling they were going to get to know one another well. And it never hurt to have the nurses feel more intimately connected with you. At the same time that she had the thought, JJ wished she hadn't been so well-versed in the concept.

Peggy smiled. "JJ, then. Marie gave me sign-out. I'm so sorry about the fire. Glad that everyone is all right. Physically, anyway." She'd cared for many fire victims, and knew that the physical harm was only a part of the whole.

"Thanks."

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

JJ started to decline, then realized. "Actually…..I have nothing with me. My wallet and purse are in Pennsylvania, probably gone. I don't even have a dime. Do you think I could get some coffee?"

"Sweetheart! Of course, I should have thought of it. I'll get you a breakfast tray. The doctors didn't order anything for Mr. Reid, because…."

JJ nodded. "I understand….and, it's 'Spencer'."

"'Spencer' it is. I'll get the tray. Let me warn you, the doctors make rounds early, and they tend to move in a pack. Don't let them intimidate you."

JJ laughed. She'd take on a bunch of residents over an unsub any day.

* * *

The calls started at eight. Hotch first.

He asked after both of them, and then gave her an update.

"Gendreau's got an attorney coming in, but he knows we've got a lot on him. My guess is that he'll broker a deal for leniency."

"Will the FBI go for it?"

"Only if he gives us enough. And by 'enough', I mean the upper levels in the other agencies. Anything short of that, and he'll be turned down."

"How about the others?"

"Morgan will interview both Stuart and Dave today."

"They won't get a deal, will they?" The men who had most directly, and devastatingly, hurt Spence.

"Not on the table," Hotch was glad to be able to assure her.

"Good."

"Are you up for visitors later?"

She knew how much her team cared about both of them. Ready or not, she had to let them come. She agreed, and rang off.

Next up was Morgan.

"Hey, Blondie, how's my girl?"

She teased him, showing him how she was. "Not your 'Baby Girl'?"

"Baby Girl's got Henry, I know, she told me. Something about chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast."

Morgan had obviously touched base with Garcia already this morning.

JJ was disproportionately glad to hear that Henry was feasting on his favorite breakfast food.  _Thank you, Fairy Godmother!_

She answered Morgan's original question.

"I'm much better after a few hours' sleep and a shower."

"And my man?"

"Nothing different. The doctors came by this morning and said they don't expect anything different until tomorrow. Except…."

"Except what?"

"Well," she sounded concerned, "I didn't understand this before. But they said that the drug is sort of parked, or stored, in some places in his body. And the reason they still have him on the monitor is that he could get a sudden release of a lot of it, and his breathing could be affected again."

Morgan hadn't understood that either. He'd truly thought Reid's life was out of danger, if not the  _quality_  of that life.

"JJ….I didn't know. I'm sorry, I would never have left you alone there."

Morgan so typically nurtured his gruff exterior that it was only those closest to him who knew how sensitive he was. JJ counted herself lucky to be among that small group.

"Thanks, Derek. But I'm okay. And Garcia will be here later, with Henry. And, besides, Peggy….she's the nurse…she came and talked me down after the doctors left. She said they were just over-explaining everything they were doing. She said it's pretty rare for it to happen."  _But then, of course, it's Spence. Whipping boy for the universe._

"Glad to hear that. You had me worried for a minute."

JJ spoke again. "Morgan, Hotch told me you'll be interrogating the men who hurt Spence."

"I will."

"Don't let them make any deals, please, Derek. No bargains for them. Not after they were willing to throw Spence away."

"You know it, Blondie. Those bastards hurt my boy. They'll be paying full price for that."

* * *

JJ checked in with Emily and her parents. They'd been offered shelter with some neighbors, but had been encouraged by the fire chief to go to a local hotel.

"He told me he always tries to get the families to go to some place where they can't look out the window every two minutes to see their home smoldering. Gives them a chance to get a little emotional balance under them before they have to deal with the next step." Emily explained it to JJ.

"How are they, Em? And how's Rosie?"

"You know, JJ, you come from some remarkable stock. They're pretty amazing. Your dad went around and shook the hand of everyone who'd responded to the fire. And your mom just focused totally on the rest of us."

JJ nodded, knowing. "It's how she copes."

Ever since that first great tragedy, it had been different. That first time, when her daughter had taken herself out of the world, Sandy had turned completely inward. And it had nearly cost her the rest of her family. She'd learned from that. Face out, take care of the rest, and let that act of caring take care of you. JJ was a subscriber to that philosophy herself.

She gave Emily the update on Reid, and the status of the case.

"Okay, Sweetie. You take care of yourself. We're still planning on coming down later today, but if it's too late, I'll see if I can get your parents to wait until tomorrow. None of us got enough sleep last night."

"Thanks, Em. Give them a hug for me. And squeeze my little Miss Rosie for her dad and me both, will you?"

"Hmm. Can I find it in myself to hug the cutest goddaughter in the world? Why yes, yes I can."

JJ laughed. "My friend Emily, the master of the one-armed squeeze."

* * *

She'd stretched the chair bed out and nodded off in it. Somehow she incorporated the soft knocks on the door into her dream, so John had to bang it hard a few times. She startled awake.

"What…oh, Sir."

"Please, it's 'John'." At work they would be burdened with the disciplines of hierarchy. But not in this place.

"Sir…John."

"Agent Reid…."

She put her hand up and smiled at him. "If it's 'John', then it's 'JJ'."

He returned the smile. "JJ, then. I just wanted to come by and see Spencer. And talk with you, if that's all right."

"Of course, Si…John." This would take some getting used to.

"How is he today?"

She gave him the update, including the concern about his breathing.

John's brow furrowed upon hearing that. "I hadn't understood…"

"I don't think any of us had."

"So he's not out of danger?"

"They think, if it doesn't happen by tomorrow, that the drug deposits will be low enough that his breathing won't be affected."

"Then I'll pray that it doesn't happen today, and that he'll come back to us tomorrow."

His comment reminded JJ of last night's argument with God. She was feeling some remorse today. But not much.

"Sir…..John…how do you know my husband?" JJ could guess, but wanted to hear it.

"I…..we met, a few years ago. At a BCC meeting."

A look of realization came over JJ's face.

"Was it you? Did you give him the token?" Reid had only told her he'd been saved by someone he greatly respected, when he'd come the closest to losing his sobriety.

John shrugged. "Guilty."

JJ wanted to hug him, even so many years after the fact. But he was far her superior in the Bureau, and she worried he would think it improper.

"Thank you. You saved him, that night. He told me so, several times. He was so close to losing everything he'd worked so hard to get back…"

"We all look out for one another in the BCC. At least, we  _have_. Until recently, it seems."

John's facial expression asked for permission to sit with her. She waved him to the extra chair.

"I wanted to see you, to tell you how proud I am of your husband. He was out of BCC, living his life….quite well, I hear. I understand you two were married last year, and that you have children."

"Two. A boy and a girl."

"I'm so glad for Spencer. Children are a blessing." He seemed to fall into a brief reverie, and JJ wondered about the status of John's own family. Then he continued.

"Well, I appreciate the sacrifice he made, getting involved again. And all for the sake of men he didn't really know. I know it was a great personal sacrifice for both of you…physically, and in terms of your family. I just wanted you to know that it's recognized. And appreciated. Spencer is a brave man, and I can see that he married a brave woman."

JJ didn't know what to say, except, "Thank you, Sir."

"John." He thought it might break the ice, and it did.

"John."

He leaned forward in his seat. "I'm a vain man, JJ. I let my vanity, and my concern about my position in the FBI, get in the way of my good judgment. It kept me from letting my involvement with BCC be known, especially to certain individuals."

Both of them realized he was talking about Erin Strauss. "And that kept me from being as helpful to Spencer as he needed. I am truly sorry that I couldn't….that I  _didn't_ ….do more."

From the accounts given to JJ, it seemed John couldn't have gotten more openly involved with the investigation without compromising it. And, she understood, he just might have saved her husband's life.

"John…..the doctors told me that, if the EMTs hadn't gotten to Spence when they did…if they hadn't started breathing for him….he would have died from the overdose. Agent Hotchner told me you were responsible for getting the EMTs there so quickly. There's no need for an apology. I need to  _thank_  you."

Impropriety be damned, JJ reached out and squeezed John's arm. He responded by taking her hand and raising both of them, ending in a short embrace.

"I'll leave you to your husband now, JJ. Might I come by again?"

She smiled at him. "Of course. Spence will like that."

* * *

Garcia was getting ready to leave the house.

"How did he do this morning?"

"He kind of wandered out into the living room, still pretty dazed. I think he didn't realize how he'd gotten into his own bed, since he was asleep for most of it. But he was surprised to see his Auntie Penelope on the sofa!"

"Pen, why didn't you take the guest room? You would have been so much more comfortable."

"I didn't think he would know to look for me there, and I didn't want him to wake up and think he was alone in the house."

_I should have thought of that. That's how off my game I am._

"Well, thanks, Pen. I hope your back survived."

"Back and front. I'm fine, don't you spend a second worrying about it. So, then I made my handsome little godson some chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast.."

"Did he eat? Did he have an appetite?"

"Well, everything is relative. Compared to how much he eats his vegetables, he ate a ton. Compared to his usual chocolate chip pancake intake….not so much. He's good, Jayje, but he's not great."

She'd take it. At least it wasn't 'devastated'.

"So, I thought I'd bring him in close to lunch time. That way, we can have our visit, and then go to the café there for a treat. Make it a little bit fun for him."

"My son's godmother is one of the wisest women in the world. Did you know that?"

"Only due to the wisdom of the woman who chose her. Anything else I can bring you? Rossi already told me about the clothes."

"Cash. I have, literally, nothing. It's all in PA. They gave me Spence's wallet, but we'd frozen all the accounts and he literally had under a dollar to his name. I can't even get coffee with that."

Garcia made a silent pledge to undo the freeze on all of the Reid accounts, and visit an ATM on the way to the hospital. From her work with the survivors' support group, she was well aware that it was the compromise of the concrete, every day needs that often put people over the edge.

"You shall have it. Jayje, give him a kiss for me, will you? Love you, girl!"

* * *

JJ shooed Peggy away when she wanted to bathe Reid. She'd learned how to do it in New Orleans, and she would take care of her husband, probably better than a busy nurse could do.

Lovingly, she ran the sponge over every inch of him. He was light enough that she could roll him up to get his back as well. Lighter than he should be, she realized. He really had been living the life of the homeless during this ordeal.

The thought brought her back to her argument. She was a little more conciliatory today. A little.

_Okay, I know You got him this far. I know I could have lost him at any point along the way. Still can, according to the doctors. I know You didn't do it to him. I hope You didn't. Maybe You stepped in to save him. Maybe You look a lot like John. But I still don't understand. Why do You let it happen? Why? Isn't there another way? Can't You spread it around? How much is he supposed to take? How much am I supposed to take?_

Her internal conversation was interrupted just as she poured the bathing water down the sink. She peeked out of the bathroom when she heard a light knock.

"Pen!"

Garcia came into the room and enveloped her friend. Then she turned to her gentle genius, lying in the hospital bed. She sniffed.

"He looks so….young. And so….I don't know…..peaceful, I guess….but vulnerable. Oh, Jayje, he's so harmless, how could anyone have done that to him?" Garcia sniffled.

JJ put her arm around one of her best friends. "If you ever figure it out, please tell me." Then she looked around. "Where's Henry?"

"Oh! I left him with a very lovely…but very busy….lady named Peggy. She says she's Reid's nurse. I just wanted to make sure it was a good time to bring him in. I better go rescue them now."

"Them?"

"He's a little scared by his surroundings. And, you know, sometimes when he gets scared, he clams up. But sometimes he's.."

"Chatty. I get it. Better go and rescue Peggy."

* * *

"Mama! Mama!" Henry looked like himself, but the use of that particular name gave him away. He was struggling emotionally.

JJ had come out to the hallway, and now squatted so he could run into her arms. "Little Man! My little sweetheart! I'm so glad you're here!"

He clung to her tightly, forcing her to rise holding him.

"Henry, honey, did you have a good sleep last night?"

She could feel him nodding against her. "But you weren't home, Mommy! You and Daddy and Rosie and Casey weren't home! Only me and Auntie Penelope!"

"Honey, Rosie and Casey are with Meme and Papa. They'll come home tonight or tomorrow. Do you remember taking the ride in the plane?"

He leaned back from her now, confused. "A airplane?"

"Mm-hmm. Don't you remember?"

He shook his head. JJ could only hope he'd forgotten the fire as well.

No such luck. "Mama, where did they sleep? The house is on fire!"

"It's not on fire any more, Honey. The firemen put it out. Meme and Papa are going to see how to fix it, and Auntie Emily is helping them. Then they'll come and stay at our house for a while. Won't that be fun?"

Henry's face reflected his dilemma. Having his grandparents visit was  _always_ fun, but his young mind knew that there was something about the circumstance that detracted from that.

"I guess."

A passing med cart reminded him where they were. "Mama, where's Daddy?" Garcia had prepped her godson about the reason for the hospital visit.

"He's just here, sweetheart." JJ nodded her head in the direction of the room. "But he's sleeping. There's some medicine that's making him very sleepy. He probably won't wake up, but you can visit him." Henry was definitely not ready for the rest of the information. JJ wasn't sure  _she_  was ready for it.

Henry's face became very solemn as he wriggled himself back to the floor. He walked into the room on tiptoes, as if trying to avoid waking his father. Once he'd crossed the doorway, he stood, stock still, staring, wide-eyed.

JJ moved around him and into the room. "It's okay, Honey. You can come close. He's only sleeping."

Then she realized what had paralyzed her son, and mentally kicked herself for forgetting to prepare him for the wires and tubes. She made a quick prayer for guidance….and then realized what she'd done.  _Okay, I guess we're friends again. Sort of. Show me._

The guidance came in the form of channeling her husband.  _He would be proud of me._

"Henry, do you see these wires? It's so cool, they're connected to this little TV here…" She pointed at a bedside monitor…"and it tells how fast his heart is beating, and how fast he's breathing, and everything! And they can see it in the nurses' station too, so they don't even have to be here to know how Daddy's doing!"

She watched for the little guy's reaction. Not scared. Maybe interested. So she finished.

"And this little tube here lets him drink even when he's sleeping, so he won't get thirsty. Isn't that cool they can do that?" She pointed to the IV line. "But we have to be careful not to jiggle it. That's what the nurses said." She watched him again. "Okay?"

Her reconciliation with God took another step forward when Henry responded. "Okay."

The little guy moved closer to Reid, still staring. "Why does he have that?" Pointing to the sling.

"Oh, just a little problem with his arm. It got twisted, so the doctor put the sling on it to make it feel better. But it's not broken. It's okay, Henry."

JJ moved up behind her son. "You can touch him, sweetheart. He won't mind. In fact, I think he would like it."

Henry was intimidated by the bedrail, so JJ lowered it. "The doctor said that, even though he's sleeping, he might be able to hear us. So you can talk to him too, Honey."

Henry looked back and forth between his mother and his comatose father, silently. He reached a small hand out and stroked Reid's forearm. The gesture nearly brought the two watching women to tears. Then Henry placed his hand in Reid's much larger one. He sat like that for a good three minutes, silent, staring, the women watching him with the same stance.

At the end of that time, Henry addressed his mother.

"Mama, can you go outside? I need to talk to Daddy. By myself."


	37. Chapter 37

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 37**

JJ wasn't sure Henry really understood the situation.

"Honey, I know I said Daddy might be able to hear you, but that doesn't mean he can answer you. Do you understand?"

"Yeah." But did he?

She flashed a look at Garcia. Her six year old son had just asked to be left alone in a hospital room with his unconscious father. Who wasn't yet out of danger. Henry had sounded so decisive when he'd said it. And yet…..

JJ was still too emotionally spent. She needed wisdom, and wisdom was not forthcoming. So she turned to the person she knew loved all of them.  _What do I do?_

Garcia slowly nodded toward the hallway. "Henry, baby, we'll just be outside if you need us, okay?"

He looked away from Reid long enough to nod at them. "'kay." They were dismissed.

In the hallway, Garcia pulled JJ just out of sight of the doorway to Reid's room.

"We'll be right here. We'll hear if he needs us."

JJ nodded uncertainly. She was worried about something else as well. "As long as we can tell if any of the monitors start alarming."

"It will be all right, Jayje." Garcia squeezed her hand.

From their position in the hallway, they would also be able to hear what the little boy had to say to his father. But neither of them would try. There was something about this that made them reluctant. This was about the bond between father and son, and it felt sacred. So they moved away a little bit from the doorway, to keep from intruding on words softly spoken.

* * *

He whispered. He knew it was what you were supposed to do when somebody was sleeping. So Henry stood next to the bedside, where he could just reach his father's ear if he stretched in close. He kept his hand on Reid's shoulder as he spoke.

"Daddy…it's me, Henry. Your little boy. I flyed on the plane to see you, but I don't remember. Mommy said I was asleep. Rosie couldn't come on the plane 'cause they don't have a car seat. She stayed with Meme and Papa but she couldn't stay at their house 'cause it burned down. And the fireman saved Casey!" A six year old synopsis of events.

As he spoke, he felt Reid's shoulder move under his hand, just the slightest bit. But then, nothing. So Henry continued.

"It was scary, Daddy. Somebody throwed a bottle in the window and it was on fire! Papa tried to put it out, but Mommy said to stop hiding in the bedroom and come outside. But we couldn't go all the way outside 'cause they were throwing firecrackers."

Henry knew it was a rule that you didn't play with fireworks of any sort.

"So Auntie Emily went out to say 'stop throwing the firecrackers', but they didn't. They throwed one at her, and they hurt Auntie Emily!"

Now Reid's right hand, the one with the IV in it, began to thrash. Henry grabbed it. He'd been warned about not letting anything happen to the tubes or wires. He held Reid's hand and, this time, felt the fingers close in around his.

"Daddy? Are you waking up? Wake up, Daddy!"

He waited for….. _forever_ …..but his father didn't rouse. So Henry went back to his story.

"Then Mommy said to come out, and Papa gave me a piggy back ride, and Meme brought Rosie, and we ran and we saw a firetruck! And then the fireman got Casey, and I told God to make her okay, and He did! But she couldn't come on the plane either, 'cause they don't 'low dogs. So Papa and Meme and Rosie and Auntie Emily are gonna come tonight. And, wait 'til you see, Daddy…Auntie Emily has one of those on her arm, just like you!" Henry was pointing at Reid's sling.

With that statement, some of the tension went out of Reid's grip on his son's hand.

Henry had recounted the events of the last twenty fours from his unique point of view, catching his father up on all he would need to know. That task completed, he could move on to what he really wanted to say.

"Daddy, when are you going to wake up? 'Cause we have to play baseball, remember? Mommy says you hurt your arm, but it's not broken. So, can we play when you wake up? 'Member, I have to hit a home run for you!"

It was the plan they'd made together. Henry just knew he could bring his father back, if only he could find the right incentive.

"And we have to make 'smores, and we have to look for shooting stars, and..." More father and son plans. The summer Henry had  _thought_  he'd be having.

It was six year old wishfulness outweighing six year old wisdom. The child clinging to childhood.

But there  _was_  wisdom in Henry, born of the sorrows visited upon him so early in life. And that wisdom gave him a knowledge that outstripped his youth. The knowledge that tragedy can come at any time, that loss happens, that love can go unrewarded. It drove what he had to say next.

"Daddy, please don't go away. Don't leave us. Please don't go to heaven yet. When my first Daddy Will went away, you said you would be my new Daddy. You said you would stay with me. Didn't you mean it? Don't you want to stay with me anymore? I don't want another new Daddy. I only want  _you_!

"I know Heaven is fun. You told me all about it. But….we can have fun here, too, can't we? I could make sure you have a  _lot_  of fun, I could make you laugh, I could play with you, I could wrestle with you…. _please_ , Daddy, please can you stay here?"

The fingers around his tightened again.

"Rosie wants you to stay here too. She told me. She wants to play with you, and learn magic, and  _everything_." Going for strength in numbers.

The mention of Rosie reminded him. There was something else on Henry's mind. Something that reflected a new understanding on his part.

"I know that I'm not  _really_  your little boy. My friend Joey 'splained it to me. I'm not the same as Rosie. She's  _really_  your little girl. So, if you can't stay here for me, could you maybe stay for Rosie?" Thinking he understood the hierarchy of parenting.

Henry felt new pressure on his hand. He stopped talking and stood by Reid's side, holding his father's hand, studying his still figure, trying in vain to imagine a future without him. When he spoke again, Henry's voice was firm, serious.

"Daddy…..if you  _have_  to go away….if God won't let you come back….I don't want another Daddy. You tell Him that you will be my  _last_  Daddy. I don't want a new one."

_They just leave you, and make you sad._ He would tell that to Rosie. She wouldn't want a new one, either.

"But, maybe, if you say 'please' to God….maybe He'll let you stay here. I said 'please'. You say 'please' too, okay?"

One of the monitors started beeping loudly and Henry jumped back in fright.

JJ heard the sound from the hallway.  _Oh, my God, his breathing!_  She ran into the room, followed closely by Garcia.

"I didn't touch anything, Mama! Just Daddy's hand!"

JJ had no time to comfort her son. Her eyes flew from monitor to monitor, seeking which was emitting the alarm. Before she could identify what was happening, Peggy, the nurse, ran into the room.

"Is it his breathing? Is he breathing?" JJ shouted at her, terrified that this would be, after so much else, the moment of ultimate loss.  _And in front of Henry!_

"It's all right, honey, it's not his breathing." Peggy's voice was soothing, even as she scanned the monitors herself. She silenced the alarm and then manually checked Reid's vital signs.

"There, better now. He's slowing down."

"What's slowing down?"

JJ's hand was to her chest, where her heart was racing. Garcia held the same pose. Henry was standing away from the bed, by the window, tears silently streaming down his face. Had he hurt his father somehow?

Peggy walked over and put a reassuring hand on JJ's arm. "His heart rate. It shot up suddenly, but now It's back down. His breathing is just fine."

Now she looked around the room, and saw the frightened child.

"Well, now, who do we have here?"

She walked over to Henry and squatted in front of him. "Did that scare you, honey? Don't let it. It was just a noise. The machines just like to let us know what's going on now and then."

JJ offered, "This is Henry, our son."

Peggy nodded her understanding. "That's your Dad, huh?" She received a nod. "Bet you're kinda worried about him, aren't you?" Another nod. And then a response.

"But I didn't touch anything! Mommy said not to, so I only touched his hand. I was just talking to him."

That intrigued Peggy. "You were?" She spoke to Henry, but moved her eyes between him and JJ. "Well, I'll bet you I know what happened, then. I'll bet your dad was listening to you, and he got excited. You know, sometimes that happens. They can hear what you're saying, but their body won't let them talk yet. So they show you they heard you, but only in a different way."

"Like making the machine beep?" Henry was calming under the experienced nurse's TLC.

"Exactly! You're a pretty smart fellow, aren't you?"

Henry grinned at her, while JJ restrained herself from running over and hugging the woman.

"Thank you, Peggy." She motioned toward the doorway. "If you have a second, could I see you outside?"

Garcia took her cue. "Hey, most favorite godson, what do you think about us getting some lunch? I hear they have the best chocolate chip cookies for dessert here."

"Better than yours, Auntie Penelope?"

"Hmph. Of course not. But they'll have to do."

* * *

In the hallway, Peggy spoke first. "Your son and your husband seem to have a very close bond, don't they?"

JJ smiled as she asked, "Do you really think that was it? Was Spence responding to him?"  _Or is there some other unforeseen complication headed our way?_

"I wouldn't have said this to your son, because I know it's never good to make promises. But I can tell you that, almost every time I've seen this happen…..and I've been here for over twenty years…..almost every time it means they're responding. That they can hear you. They don't always remember it when they wake up…but it probably means he's lightening…he's coming out of it."

JJ wanted desperately to cling to what Peggy was saying. But she'd also heard the 'almost' and the 'probably'. "So, no promises…..but it's promising?"

Peggy smiled at her. "Very. Now, go and take care of your son. He looks like he could use a good hug."

JJ was more than happy to follow the good nurse's advice.

* * *

Garcia exercised finesse in getting JJ to lunch.

"Come on down with us. You can get something and bring it back up." Knowing that, once she had JJ in the hospital café, she'd get her to sit and eat with them. She knew her friend needed a break, and she knew how to make her take one.

They made their way to the café, which was remarkably stylish for a hospital-based eatery. JJ ordered hers 'to go', but brought it to the table with them. She was still helping Henry organize his food when she heard a voice speak her name.

"Jennifer? JJ? And here's little Henry!"

"Father O'Neill, what are you doing here?"

"Well, I'm just making my usual rounds. The more important question is, what are  _you_  doing here?"

Henry was comfortable with the cleric he saw so often. "My Daddy's in the hospital."

Father O'Neill brought concerned eyes to JJ's. It was unusual for one of his younger parishioners to be sick. "Oh? What's wrong?"

JJ opened her mouth to answer, then realized that she couldn't exactly tell her parish priest that her husband was upstairs recovering from a heroin overdose. Not in public, anyway.

"He…he got hurt on the job."

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Do you think he'd mind if I looked in on him?"

"He's…not conscious, Father. Not yet."

The priest knew he wasn't getting the whole story. With Henry present, he wasn't surprised. But he didn't need to know the story, to do what he had to do.

"Again, I'm sorry. Shall I stop by and sit with him for a few minutes?" Father O'Neill knew of Reid's reservations about formal religion. He would offer only his presence, not his ministry.

JJ smiled at his sensitivity. "That would be very nice, Father. Thank you."

Before the cleric could leave them, Henry called out to him. He knew the good Father was 'connected'.

"Can you tell God not to take my Daddy to heaven yet? I'm not done with him."

It was heartbreaking and funny at the same time. Father O'Neill stroked his chin to cover his smile.

"You want me to pray for him, Henry?"

"No. I just want you to tell God to leave him alone. Me and Rosie need him."

When the priest removed his hand, his face was completely serious, matching Henry's demand.

"I shall tell Him. And I'll tell Him it came from His good friend Henry."

"Thanks."

* * *

"We probably won't get down there until almost ten. I tried to get your dad to postpone until tomorrow, but he's insistent. He wants to be with you and Spence."

JJ teared up, thinking about her father putting her needs above his own. He and her mother were now homeless, after all.

"Were they able to salvage much?"

"Most of the damage was from water and smoke. The house can be repaired, but it will take a lot of work. Your parents were able to save most of their clothes, although…"

"You don't have to tell me. They'll smell like smoke forever." JJ had already discarded the outfit she'd been wearing in Pennsylvania.

"Yeah. So they'll probably need a whole new wardrobe, each. Same goes with the furniture, and the flooring. Basically, everything will have to be replaced."

"Em, how are they holding up? Really?" She knew her friend might be tempted to protect her.

"Really, they're amazingly good. I think it's because of having Rosie to take care of….and because they're feeling like it's so important to be there with you."

JJ was familiar with it, especially from her years as the unit liaison. The family hadn't let down yet, because the crisis wasn't over. Once it was, she expected, her parents would feel the full brunt of the loss of so much that had been dear to them.

"What about knick-knacks? Pictures?" The things that had been so important to her mother.  _What about the pictures of my sister?_  The photographs were all that they had left of her.

"Most of them just had smoke damage, since the fire was mostly against the outside wall. I think they can try to restore them. And….I wasn't going to say anything, but it sounds like you need to know….I found your mom totally dissolved in tears this afternoon. She found a box of photos in the guest room closet…..completely intact. She said she could get by without anything else, as long as she had those."

JJ was familiar with every photo in that box. She completely understood, because she felt the same way. "Oh, thank God! I was worried they were gone."

Emily heard the relief in her friend's voice. "Well they're still here. She showed me some of them. Nice high school hairdo."

JJ laughed. "Well, it was the _style_."

"And thank God we've moved on….stylistically speaking, of course." Emily enjoyed hearing the laughter on the other end of the phone. "How's Handsome?"

"He's…stable, I guess. They'd told me he still wasn't out of danger, which had me scared out of my mind, but every hour makes him less likely to decompensate, and more likely to wake up . His doctor says that the heroin should be out of his system by tomorrow. After that, we find out the effects of the low oxygen. And then, we get to find out what it looks like when he goes through withdrawal."

She'd started out sounding optimistic, but by the end of her report, JJ sounded bitter, resentful. Emily heard both the words, and the emotions behind them.

"Is it certain that he'll have withdrawal?" Like the rest of them, she harbored her own guilt about not having been there for him the first time he went through it. "I mean, he didn't have it the last time, did he? After he was shot?"

By plan, neither JJ nor Reid had shared it with the others. And, really, neither could know how much was withdrawal, and how much was recovery from a life-threatening gunshot wound. As soon as he'd regained consciousness, and realized he was receiving narcotics, Reid had refused them. Like this one, it had been a short-lived, but significant, exposure. Afterwards, he'd had the fevers, and the shaking, and the nausea. But even the doctors couldn't be sure it wasn't part of the wound recovery process.

"I don't know, Em. The doctors don't either. But there's something about the size of the dose…..it was pretty massive, and pretty pure…..and the 'saturation of the receptors', whatever that means. Something about that makes them think there will be at least some withdrawal."  _And maybe full blown._

There was a silence on the line, ended with, "I'm so sorry, JJ. As soon as I get there, anything I can do, you know I will."

JJ laughed softly. "My good friend Emily, whose arm is in a sling because she took a gunshot to protect my family. Do you really think there's anything  _more_ we would ask of you?"

"You know I love him, JJ. I'll do anything. You guys don't deserve any of this any more than I do."

"We love you too, Em. And you're doing more than your share, just looking after my parents and Rosie."

"Speaking of….how's Henry?" Emily was aware of how traumatized JJ's son had been. She'd heard his screams that night.

"Fairy godmother Penelope has been tending to him, and her magic seems to be working." JJ told Emily about Henry's visit to Reid earlier in the day, and his demand for a private conversation. "And, by the time he was done, he had Spence's heart monitor alarming all over the place. I think Spence really heard him!"

In Pennsylvania, Emily Prentiss was smiling. "From Henry's mouth, to God's ear."

"Amen."


	38. Chapter 38

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 38**

In the end, the Pennsylvania caravan hadn't arrived until after 11. JJ insisted that they remain at the house. She would be fine, staying the night again with Spence, and would see them in the morning. Garcia would spend the night at the house as well, to help them out.

JJ had the chair bed pulled out and made, and was about to spend her second night in scrubs. She'd asked Garcia to bring clothes, but neglected to anticipate the need for sleeping attire.

_Maybe they'll hire me._

Nurse Marie was on again tonight. She greeted JJ, and promised to accomplish her tasks as quietly as possible, having recognized the exhaustion in the woman's face.

JJ was just nodding off when she heard a faint knock on the doorjamb. She played possum, assuming it was an aide checking to see if she was awake before getting Reid's vitals. When the knock was repeated, JJ opened one eye, just a slit. Then she leapt from the chair bed.

"Dad!"

"Hi Honey. I'm sorry I woke you. I just…"

"Dad, I thought you were going to stay at the house tonight. It's so late, and you must be exhausted."

She hugged him as she spoke, and held on tightly, savoring the strength in the arms that returned the embrace.

"I won't stay long. But I couldn't rest until I'd seen if my little girl was all right."

She couldn't help but smile. Here she was, an FBI agent, wife and mother, and her father was worried about his little girl.  _Watch out, Rosie!_

"I'm fine, Dad. Well….you know."

He was holding her at arms' length now. "You're fine…..but you're scared about your husband, and worried about your son and daughter, not to mention your mother and me. Oh, and did I forget to mention that you just survived a fire and one of your best friend's being shot?"

She had to concede, with a wry smile. "Okay, so maybe not 'fine'….but I'm upright."

Charles had known it over twenty years ago, when they'd had to face that first, searing, scarring, family tragedy.  _This_  daughter was steel. He'd often worried that her strength, rooted in that cold firmness, would cost her. That it would make  _her_  cold, and unfeeling. That it would render her unable to bend, when bending was called for. That it would make her impenetrable, and alone.

But she'd proved him wrong. She'd shown him that her core of steel could be cushioned in caring. That she could use that core to hold her firm, while lifting someone else out of sorrow or despair, as she'd done for so many years as the unit liaison. And, these past few years, when she'd been faced with such incredible personal cost and challenge, it had held her upright, just as she'd said.

He pulled her close once again. "My little girl." It was all he had to say, and all she needed to hear.

They stood together, gaining and giving strength, for a long moment. When they separated, Charles asked about Reid, and JJ told him. She spared none of the detail with her father. They'd always been completely honest with each other.

"So, they think the heroin will wear off by tomorrow, but they're not sure exactly when. It's anybody's guess as to when he'll wake up. And, because they're not sure if his oxygen was too low for too long, they don't know if that will affect him regaining consciousness…or what he'll be like when he does."

Charles looked at his daughter for a long time, trying to read her level of concern. It sounded like the coming day would be more tense than the two previous.

"What do  _you_  think, Honey?"

She actually  _had_  an opinion…..not that the medical people had asked for it.

"He responded to Henry, I _know_  he did. Of course, I can't prove it, but I'm sure that's what happened with his heart. I think he's in there, Dad. I think my Spence is in there."

_But can he find his way out?_ Charles knew that was the ultimate question. Still, he wouldn't test his daughter's optimism.

"You know him best, sweetheart. My money's with you."

He filled her in on how the others were doing, and then Charles asked for a few moments at Reid's bedside. JJ stepped out of the room to give him privacy.

The older man wasn't so sure about the idea that Reid could hear what he was saying. But, just in case, he spoke his words aloud.

"Spencer, you are a lucky man. I know you know that. You have my little girl in your corner. No one needs more than that. She's an amazing, strong, young woman. And I'm not just saying that because she's my daughter." Despite the situation, Charles chuckled to himself.

"But, no matter what she thinks, no matter what she says, I know she's also fragile. She draws her strength from within, but she also draws it from you. I've seen it. I've seen her fighting for you, when you couldn't do it for yourself, last year in New Orleans. And I know she held on only long enough for you to hold her up again. I know this, Spencer. I heard her crying with you. Did you know that she didn't shed a tear until she could shed them with you?"

"Jennifer has told me about your life before her. I admire that you've overcome so many obstacles, so many challenges. In some ways, I think, you must be made of that same steel that comprises Jennifer. Maybe it's what brought the two of you together."

Charles smiled to himself, a wry smile. "It's funny, I think I see it in Henry, too. I know he's not your son, but he's got your qualities. He's an incredibly strong little boy."  _And I'm so sorry that he's needed to be._

Reid's father-in-law laid a hand on the young man's chest. "You have a rough road ahead of you. But you'll not have to go it alone. Come back to her tomorrow, Spencer. Find your way out. She'll help you with the rest. And  _we'll_  be there to help  _her_. You have a beautiful family, and a wonderful life, ahead of you. Tomorrow, I want you to claim it."

With that, Charles became silent. The rest of what he had to say wasn't directed at Reid. When he was done with his prayer, Charles rose, and summoned JJ back into the room. He insisted upon her getting into her chair-bed, where he tucked her in, and kissed her on the forehead.

"Good night, sweet daughter."

"Good night, Dad. I love you."

* * *

JJ watched the last of the residents walk out of the room, fuming. They were the new 'team' starting today, one had explained. And they'd had to summarize each case for their supervising doctor. It was what had set her off.

"Massive heroin OD, day three. Apneic at admission, required life support for four hours before stabilizing in the ED. Parked here waiting for his levels to fall enough to regain consciousness. That's expected to happen today, unless the apnea caused brain damage."

JJ stared right back when a few of the team openly gaped at the attractive young woman involved with the drug addict. She heard a titter when one of them made a whispered comment. "How can you tell when a junkie is brain damaged?"

She cleared her throat, prepared to skewer the offender, when another resident posed a question to the attending doctor.

"Would we use methadone with him?"

"Or, what about buprenorphine?" asked another.

"Why don't you research both options and report back to us at afternoon rounds?"

JJ couldn't tell if the supervising doctor didn't know the answer, or if he simply wanted the learners to manage their own learning. But she appreciated his next command.

"And make sure you individualize your answers to Agent Reid's case."

At the 'agent', the same residents who'd stared at JJ before now looked back at her, puzzled. She gave them a semi-satisfied grin, but was still angry. Once they'd all left, she moved back over to Reid's bedside. She'd been crowded out before.

"Mrs. Reid?" Obviously the senior physician wasn't aware that she was also with the FBI. He'd come back to the room alone. "I just wanted to apologize for the behavior of some of the group. It shouldn't have mattered, but they didn't understand the whole situation. I don't think it's a mistake any of them will be making twice, if you get my drift."

Some of the steam left her. "Thank you for coming back. Doctor, now that you're here….what about those other drugs? Will they help him if he withdraws?"

He came all the way back into the room now. "He's not a candidate for the buprenorphine. That's for the chronically addicted, and it's not without risk. As to the methadone…..if he has severe symptoms, it's something we can think about. But, remember…..there's ultimately some withdrawal even from that."

JJ sighed. "No easy answers."

"None, I'm afraid. But I'm hoping this conversation will be moot. There's certainly a risk because of the size of the dose and how long we've had to wait to get the level down. But we may luck out. And, if not, we'll get him through it. Right now, we just need to wait for him to wake up and show us…"

His voice drifted off, unsure exactly how to phrase it. So JJ did it for him.

"And show us that he's still 'him'."

"Exactly." The physician started to walk toward the door, then turned back. "I really am sorry about this morning. Most of them aren't like that. But it only takes one. I think you'll be seeing that one later today, proverbial hoof in mouth."

* * *

"Can you believe the gall of that guy?!" Morgan was furious as the remaining team had a late morning meeting at the BAU.

"It's all hubris," said his unit chief.

"Hotch is right." Rossi was now back with the team. "The arrogance comes with the position. It's hard to rise in the ranks without it, if you're unwilling to stab someone else in the back." He was all too familiar with the machinations of climbing up the ladder in  _any_  of the government agencies. And rueful that someone very close to him was still struggling with the concept.

"But, what choice does he have, really?" Emily was also at the table, driven in to work by Garcia. She would be one-armed for another week, but that didn't mean she couldn't think. "He was caught meeting with two low-level operatives. And both of them are willing to sing a whole opera about him if it will get them some leniency."

Morgan had been an intimidating figure in his interrogation of Dave. Stuart had proven a tougher interview but, ultimately, had cracked. The former police officer was afraid of being locked up with those he'd put away as an active LEO.

On the other hand, DHS Deputy Chief Gendreau had refused to speak without his lawyer, and was, apparently, going to do his best to obstruct what remained of the investigation.

"What I don't get is…why? What does he have to gain?" Like the others, Garcia had expected the DHS man to bargain for his own leniency by giving up names of his high level counterparts in the other agencies.

Hotch thought she was on the right track. "What  _does_  he have to gain? Or, maybe more importantly, what does he have to  _lose_?"

"What are you thinking?" Prentiss asked her boss.

"Gendreau looked like he was ready to sing when he was brought in. And that all changed after he met with his attorney. Suppose he was given information….maybe instructions?"

"Or a threat," added Rossi, now following his friend's train of thought.

"Exactly. Garcia, we need everything on Gendreau. Family, financial, anything that could act as a reward or a threat. Morgan, get a unit on his family. I want to know their status at all times."

Emily had another thought. "Hotch, what if he's just playing for time? What if they're covering up as we speak?"

Hotch turned back to his technical analyst. "Garcia, can you see when the back door to the agency servers is being accessed?"

"Oh, I can do  _sooo_  much better than that!" She'd been so worked up when her friends were in peril that she'd only been able to calm herself by performing feats of technical wizardry.

"I analyzed all of the codes they gave Reid, and I was able to figure out how they accomplished the routing out of the FBI and then into the other agencies. And then I was able to replicate the process, only I routed everything from that rogue server into a server here. Once they're in my system, I tag them with a virus. Then I release them to the agency servers and voila! I can see everything they're doing!"

Every one of them looked at her with wonder. She may as well have been wearing a witch's hat and waving a magic wand.

"Well, good work Hermione!" Prentiss congratulated her. Neither Morgan nor Rossi picked up on the cultural reference.

Hotch was still staring at his computer whiz. "Garcia, how long have you been able to do this?"

"Since the night before last. But we were in the middle of…"

"Understood. All right….do it. We need to see if they're trying to hide evidence electronically. Prentiss, you and Morgan have been digging through the federal investigation. I'd like a status report on each agency involved. We need to alert the current investigation teams that their work may be in the process of being undermined."

Emily nodded her assent. "But how will we know if we can trust the people we're talking to?"

Rossi had a hunch. "We can't. But I'm guessing that our intrepid IT genius has a way to follow them electronically?"

Garcia gave him a grin. "I'll be accepting accolades in my lair. Yes, now that I know how to get into the agencies, I can look at pretty much anything." She caught a stern look from Hotch out of the corner of her eye. "Not that I would dream of doing that. Sir."

"Need to know only, Garcia." Her unit chief felt a need to be clear…and official. "All right, let's get busy."

"Wait." Morgan wasn't ready to break. "Any word on Reid?" He looked to his two female colleagues, both of whom had spent the night at the Reid home.

Emily answered him. "I spoke with JJ this morning. They've said the drug level should be low enough today that he should be able to regain consciousness. I guess he'll still be under the influence, but it won't be enough to keep him obtunded."

"If he's intact." Morgan couldn't keep the bitterness from his voice.

Emily nodded grimly. "If he's intact."

As the profilers filed out, the heavens were bombarded from the round table room of the BAU.

* * *

It took a conspiracy with daytime Nurse Peggy, but JJ managed to have her parents bring  _both_  of her children to the hospital. She leapt to her feet from Reid's bedside when she saw them.

"Rosie!"

The littlest blonde in the room recognized her mother immediately and reached out, grinning and shrieking. JJ ran to take her daughter from her mother's arms.

"How's my baby girl?" JJ's grin split her face. "Hi, Mom," she managed as she took the busy bundle.

Sandy released her treasure, and stepped to JJ's side, offering a kiss on the cheek. "How's  _my_  baby girl?"

JJ gave a small laugh. "I'm fine. I got better sleep last night, if you can believe it. The night nurse took pity on me, I think, and kept everything to a low roar."

Sandy put her hand on JJ's arm. "How's Spencer, Honey?" They both looked over to the bed, where Reid was lying, almost completely still.

Henry had taken Charles by the hand, and had solemnly brought him over to see his father. The two women watched the scene.

"He's asleep, Papa. Mommy says the medicine is making him sleepy."

"That's right, little man. But I have a feeling he'll be waking up pretty soon."

Henry got excited at that. "When, Papa? Now?"

Charles regretted having forgotten the youngster's very different concept of time.

"No, Henry, no. Not right now. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, who knows? But, the important thing is, we need to be ready for him when he does. So, when we get home, I think you and I have some baseball to practice in the backyard, right?"

That got the little guy excited. "Right! So I can hit a home run for him when he gets home! And we can make a movie of it!"

"For instant replay?"

"Yeah!"

The two women turned to each other and smiled. "To answer your question, he's the same. Maybe a little 'lighter', as they say. He's moving a little more in the bed. The only time I've seen him move much before this was when Henry was here yesterday."

"Penelope told us about that. It sounds like they really connected. That's a good sign, isn't it?"

"I hope so, Mom. I hope so."

JJ brought Rosie over toward the bed. The child in her arms started flailing all of her limbs.

"Da! Da! Ay!"

There were too many medical necessities that could be displaced, so JJ could lower Rosie down only over Reid's abdomen.

"Go ahead, sweetie. You can touch him."

Of course, Rosie couldn't understand the instruction, but she was able to follow Sandy's example.

"Here, honey, just make nice on Daddy like this." Sandy stroked her hand over Reid's middle as Rosie watched. Then the infant followed suit. "Da!"

JJ smiled through tears. Here was proof that Rosie knew his name…..and he couldn't hear it.

"That's right, sweetheart. That's Da-Da."

* * *

_Sunset. I should be marveling at how beautiful it is, shouldn't I?_  JJ was looking out the window at a spectacular display of color.  _I should be grateful for it, shouldn't I? But I'm not. It's muted. Because I can't share it with my husband. Spence can't see it through closed eyes, can he? That's what I would be grateful for. If he could just open his eyes._

There had been a fairly steady flow of activity in and out of the hospital room today. Her family. The wayward resident begging forgiveness. Rossi. Garcia. Emily. Hotch. Lastly, Derek Morgan. He'd sent JJ to get a decent dinner while he sat with Reid.

"I'll keep Pretty Boy company, Blondie. Go and get some real food. Take a walk, get away for a while."

JJ knew her gruff companion too well. He would never admit to needing time alone with his 'little brother'. But it was clearly what he wanted. "I won't be long, Derek. Maybe thirty minutes?"

"Take your time. Neither of us are going anywhere."

When she'd left, Morgan pulled a chair to the bedside. "Hey, Kid. JJ says it's time to wake up now, you hear me? Enough with the Sleeping Beauty routine."

A non-responsive moment later, he tried another approach. "Maybe this will help. Your buddies Stuart and Dave are singing like canaries. They gave us the SOBs who got Rossi and Strauss. Turns out they're the same two who torched your in-laws' place and shot Prentiss. All four of them are living as guests of the government right now."

Reid still hadn't budged, so Morgan continued. "That bastard Gendreau clammed up, though. But Baby Girl's got him. She's tracking all the activity through that phony server, and anybody in any agency who even looks at the stuff that got changed. Turns out Gendreau's eyes were on everything in DHS. She thinks she's got a line on somebody at DEA and CIA….and somebody in the Bureau."

Reid's arm thrashed at the last bit of information, raising Morgan's brows.

"You hear that, Pretty Boy? Did you?" When there was no further response, he went on.

"The deputy director is clear, if that's what you're worried about. Your friend John decided to come out into the open. He helped you at the scene, man. He may have saved your life. He's a good man, Reid."

The thrashing eased. Now Morgan nodded, a smile crossing his face.

"You're in there, Pretty Boy. Time to come on out now. Give Blondie a break. She's tough, but she's not unbreakable."

Reid's face revealed nothing. Not pain, not pleasure, not consternation. He looked, if anything, at peace. Morgan maintained his bedside vigil in silence until JJ returned. She looked flushed, and sweaty.

"What the hell did you eat?"

She laughed. "I didn't. I went for a run. I needed it, badly. So, thanks."

Morgan shrugged. "You're welcome. Pretty Boy and I had a good talk. I told him if he takes too long getting out of that bed I'm gonna make him come to every Nats game with me for the rest of the season. And next."

JJ laughed again. "He's developed a taste for little league, but only if Henry's playing. Otherwise, I'd say you came up with a pretty good threat. Let's just hope it works." Her voice, and her facial expression, both changed as she spoke. Morgan saw the fear.

"Hey, Blondie, don't worry." He told her about what he's said to Reid, and what he'd interpreted as a response. "He's there. He'll wake up."

"God, I hope so, Morgan. Please, God."

The senior profiler hugged her, and squeezed his little brother's hand, before he left.

Now, watching the summer sunset, JJ tried to remain upbeat. But her spirits were waning. They'd expected him to come out of it today. The apologetic resident had told her that the level of drug in Reid's blood was no longer enough to account for his lack of consciousness. They were now firmly in the realm of the unknown. He would wake, or not, on some time schedule, or serendipity of circumstance, that was completely unpredictable. She could feel her resolve shaken by the uncertainty, the fear. And it threatened to allow all that had happened in the past week to come crashing down on her.

JJ moved away from the window, rejecting the unshared beauty. She moved over to Reid, lowered the bedrail and sat on the thin mattress, next to the man she loved most in the world.

Looking down at him, she stroked his face with her gaze. Once upon a time, she'd seen him as gawky, geeky and so…. _young_ , despite being only two years her junior. And then, the gawkiness had transformed…. _or was it me, and the way I looked at him, that changed_ …. and she'd been able to see what made so many heads turn when he walked into a room.  _He's handsome_ , she'd thought.  _So good looking, without even knowing it._

But now, as she looked at him, she went right by the high cheekbones, the cleft chin, the deliciously long hair. She knew him so well, she could no longer look at his face without seeing the man behind it. The heart that she knew, and inhabited. It was no longer a  _face_  that she saw, but the man. The one she desperately needed back in her life.

"Spence, I need you to come back to me. I  _need_  you. I can't do this without you. You always tell me how much I've changed your life. But have you ever stopped to think how much you've changed mine?" She caressed him with her hand, running it through his hair, playing with his ear, stroking his cheek.

"Before I was with you, I was afraid to feel too much. Afraid of getting hurt. Even with Will…..it just wasn't  _sure_ enough. I never felt like I could let go. Like I could  _lean._  But, with you, I learned it. I learned the freedom that you feel when you really trust that someone else will hold you. When you start to learn who you really are through the eyes of that someone. You gave me that, Spence. You still do. Every day. And I want our children to know that."

She lowered her hand to his chest, and held it over his heart, able to feel the outline of the ECG leads as she did so.

"I want our children to know this heart. I want them to grow up with it. I want them to know that they have two parents who love them. Two who are  _present_ to them. Neither of us had that as children, did we? But I want Henry and Rosie to have it. I know you do, too. So, come back to me, Spence. Come back to us."

There was a twitch. Just that. Only a twitch. But it was there.

"You can hear me, can't you? You know I'm here. Just follow my voice, Spence. I'll lead you out. Just come to me."

She kept talking, hoping the sound of her voice would guide his way back to her. She recounted their lives together, citing memory after shared memory…..the day they were introduced at the BAU…the football game…the triumphs and tragedies of so many cases, of the work they did together…..the birth of Henry, Spence's becoming a godfather…their time with his mother, before her death…..their first real date…her accident...his proposal…... the test of their strength in New Orleans...the wedding..…Rosie, and her birth .by the side of the road. JJ narrated every memory she could summon, certain she could bring her husband back. She talked far into the night, until she fell asleep in mid-sentence. And when she shook herself awake again, she resumed the task of bringing her husband back from that dark place, and into the light.


	39. Chapter 39

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 39**

"She looks like you. She might have my hair and eyes, but she's got your nose, and your chin _." And, I hope, your cheekbones!_

Having settled herself on the hospital bed next to her husband, JJ had kept up the chatter throughout the night, for as long as she could remain awake. And whenever she  _did_  give in to sleep, she soon startled awake and began talking again. She'd seen that spark, and she was determined not to let it go out again. But now, with the predawn twilight painting the sky outside, she was exhausted. And discouraged. He'd stopped moving entirely.

She was near tears, and it spilled into her voice.

"Spence…Spence. I know you're in there. I  _know_  it. I know you heard Henry yesterday, and Morgan last night. I know I saw you respond to me, too. Please, Spence….come out. I need you. I love you."

She was sorely tempted to shake him awake, but instead continued showering him with gentle caresses all over his body. And still, no response.

_Maybe he needs a break. Maybe I'm pushing him too hard. Maybe I need to let him rest._   _Maybe I need to let both of us rest._

She started to back out of the bed. "All right, Spence. You win. I'll leave you alone for a while. But not forever….not even for very long. I love you too much. You hear that? I love you."

"Nooo." So soft, it was barely audible. So soft, in fact, that she wasn't sure she'd heard it at all.

She shot up. "Did you just say something?"  _Or do I just have 'wishful hearing'?_  "Spence?"

She waited him out for a solid three minutes, but nothing else was forthcoming.  _Did I imagine it? Do I just need it that badly?_

She backed all the way out of the bed and bent to kiss his forehead. "All right. I'll give you a break. But don't think I'm giving up. Not on your life, Spencer Reid." She bent and kissed him again. "I love you."

"Nooo." Louder. Definite. And this time she'd seen his lips move.

"Spence? Spence!"

"Nooo."

"No?"

_No, you don't think I love you? No, you don't love me?_  So many things ran through her mind at once, but chief among them was the idea that there had been damage to his brain.  _Please, God, no!_

It made no sense in the circumstance, but she had to test it. She had to know.

"I don't understand, Spence. You know I love you, don't you?"

"Nooo."

"You don't know….." And then the light went on. "Not 'no'. You're not saying 'no'. It's 'know', isn't it? You  _do_  know that I love you. You were answering me!"

It was what they always said to one another. "I love you", answered with, "I know." Because they showed each other, as often as they could, in as many ways as they could.

"That's it, isn't it? You're talking to me, aren't you?"

She watched as his lips moved, but no sound came out. He seemed to become agitated by that, and began thrashing all of his limbs….including the injured shoulder.

JJ put her hands on his upper arms, trying to keep him from hurting himself.

"It's all right, Spence. It's all right. Don't get frustrated. You can take your time. Take all the time you need, sweetheart. As long as you're there, you can take all the time you need coming out."

Her words seemed to settle him even more so than her touch. JJ was still holding on to him when Nurse Marie came by. It was still the overnight shift. She'd known of JJ's active vigil at her patient's bedside throughout the night.

"I'd say 'good morning' if I thought you'd had any sleep, JJ." The profiler was on a first name basis with all of the staff by now.

"It  _is_ a good morning, Marie. He spoke to me! It was just one word, but he spoke to me!"

JJ recounted the exchange with Reid. She worried that Marie would downplay the breakthrough, and that it would feel like a defeat. But the experienced nurse did no such thing.

"I'm so happy for you, honey. Now, I have to tell you that sometimes these recoveries start small, like this, and move slowly. So don't be discouraged if that's all you get for a day or so. When he's ready, it might very well happen all at once. He'll go from one word to a thousand, in the blink of an eye."

"Which means…?"

"Which means that you should get some sleep now. You've won this battle. But you also know there may be more ahead of you before the war is over."

They both understood that Marie was referring to the possibility of withdrawal symptoms. "You're gonna need your strength, sweetheart. Why don't you lie down for a couple of hours and get some rest. Let your man get some as well. Okay?"

She'd walked JJ over to the chair-bed as she was speaking, and now gently prodded the young blonde into it. "Peggy will get you up before the resident posse shows up, don't worry. Sweet dreams."

_Sweet, indeed_. JJ started to drift off, but fought it off long enough to have one more conversation.

_Thank You. I'm still mad, but…thank You._

* * *

It wasn't until late afternoon, during a one way conversation with Henry, that Reid really began to come around. The youngster was recounting his 'vacation' in Pennsylvania, detail by detail, to the visage of his sleeping father. Omitting, at his mother's instruction, anything about the fire.

"He can hear you for sure, Henry. Go ahead and tell him all about the fun you had."

JJ hoped the sound of his son's voice would draw Reid further out. Or that the constant chatter would annoy him into waking up.

Whichever did it, it worked. Reid began moving more in the bed, and then emitted a long moan as he shifted too much onto his bad shoulder. It was the first real sign that the drug in his system was no longer enough to control his pain.

JJ moved around to that side of the bed and tried to support the shoulder while he moved. Finally, he seemed to find a position of comfort.

"Is that better?"

"Mmmm. Better." This time, the word was clear. Definite. Deliberate. It was just one word, but it thrilled her.

"Spence? Spence, I want you to open your eyes now, okay? Open your eyes, Spence."

He did. Just like that. He opened his eyes and he looked at her. And smiled.

Henry saw it too. "Daddy!"

Reid slowly turned his eyes to the other side of the bed.

"Hi, Buddy." He lifted his good hand to Henry's and squeezed, still smiling. Then he turned back to JJ.

"What are we all doing here? Where  _is_  here?"

The more he spoke, the less clear his pronunciation. But the grin was still on his face. Gradually, JJ realized.  _He's loopy._  The drug may not have been offering total pain relief, but he was still a little high. And now, he was trying to get out of the bed.

"Whoa! The boat's rocking!"

JJ ran back to Henry's side of the bed and quickly put the railing back up. "No getting out of bed yet, Spence. Wait until the doctor comes back, okay?"

He was looking all around the room, at the strange surroundings. "When did we move?"

JJ caught the look on Henry's face. Reid's strange behavior, though benign, was frightening the young one.

"It's all right, Henry. The medicine that made Daddy sleepy is wearing off. But the same medicine also makes him silly."

'Strange' may have been scary, but 'silly'….that, Henry could relate with. He laughed at his father.

"You're silly, Daddy!"

Reid giggled. "Silly I am, my man!" He put out his good hand to high-five Henry. Then he turned to JJ again. "When do we get to port?"

She couldn't help but smile. She'd never actually seen Spence under the influence….of anything. Except maybe that first time, in Georgia. But there had been too much else going on then to notice.

He was still trying to sit up in the bed. JJ stood next to him…..she wasn't about to put the bedrails down anytime soon…..and pushed him back against the pillow.

"Take it easy, sailor. You're not going anywhere."

She reached across him for the nurse's call button. When it was answered, she explained.

"My husband is awake. But he's not oriented. I think I may need some help in here."

"Orientation. The relative direction of a person or thing. The awareness of one's position in relation to place, time, person and circumstance. A self-identification regarding sexua…"

The rest was muffled as JJ bent and kissed him on the lips to shut him up.

"Mmmm. That was nice. Let's do it again."

"Spence!"

It was a male nurse for this evening's shift. Robert arrived to the room to find Reid's good arm around JJ, trying to pull her over the bedrail. Reid realized right away that they had company.

"Porter! Can you bring our luggage on deck? We're ready to disembark."

The nurse and JJ locked eyes, and both burst out laughing.

"At least he's having a good time," Robert observed.

"But what do we  _do_  with him?"

Robert was younger than Peggy, but still quite experienced. "Don't worry. They never stay awake for very long."

It was as if he'd commanded it. When they looked back to the bed, they saw that Reid's head had fallen back to the pillow, and he was gently snoring.

Robert assured JJ. "He's only sleeping this time. My best guess is that you'll have your husband back by the time he wakes up. The real one."

He noted her relief, but couldn't resist adding, "Although  _this_  guy seemed like a real pip."

* * *

At JJ's request, visits were curtailed after that. As entertaining as his teammates might have found Reid, she knew he would be embarrassed about it later. She was preparing for what she hoped would be their last night in the hospital when the attending physician stopped by on late evening rounds.

"Mrs. Reid….Agent Reid…" JJ's role had been clarified for all of them now. "….I'm glad you're still here."

"I haven't left the hospital in three days, doctor."

He seemed surprised. "Really? I hadn't realized." The man gave her an appreciative look. "Your husband is lucky to have you."

"It goes both ways." JJ wasn't in the mood for small talk. "Was there something you needed to speak with me about?"

The man nodded. "Yes. I thought we should talk about what to expect next."

_If he needs to talk with me about it, it can't be good._  It seemed like yet another obstacle was being thrown into their path, just when they were about to find their way home.

The physician recognized the body language of his patient's wife. She'd just moved to the defensive, shoulders back, arms crossed, trying to be ready for anything.

"Please, I didn't mean to alarm you. There's nothing new. No setbacks. But we need to talk about how he comes down from the heroin."

She visibly unwound at that. Not that it wasn't troubling. But it wasn't a  _new_ trouble.

"All right, Doctor. What do you think will happen?"

The physician motioned JJ to a chair, and took one across from her.

"As you probably know, there is both chemical addiction and behavioral addiction."

JJ nodded. She was familiar with this from her visits to the Al Anon meetings.

"Chemical addiction is what triggers withdrawal symptoms. Behavioral addiction happens over a longer period of time, and is often related to some life circumstance that triggers a desire for escape."

"Can he have a chemical withdrawal from a single dose of heroin?"

"Normally, no. But I've checked with our addiction experts. They all say we're in unknown territory here. Your husband had a single dose, yes…..but it was the equivalent of five doses. Which means that his serum level was extraordinarily high. That's what caused him to stop breathing. We've had to wait three days for his level to drop enough for him to have any degree of alertness. Which means that he has, essentially, been on a narcotic bender for three days."

JJ could see where this was going. "So it's not a typical 'single dose of heroin'."  _If there is any such thing._

"No, it's not. So we aren't at all certain whether to expect physical symptoms or not. But we think the behavioral component will be under control."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that, while he may have the physical symptoms, he won't be looking for narcotics to relieve them. For many family members, it can be the hardest part of the whole withdrawal process…..that their loved one is begging for the very thing that's trying to kill them."

JJ's heart skipped a beat, until she clarified. "And you're saying that  _won't_  happen with Spence."

"We don't think so, no. Not if his history is how you've told us."

"It is." JJ took it in for another few seconds, then, "Doctor, what symptoms are we expecting?"

He shifted in his seat. "Well, hopefully, none. But if you see any, they will likely be fever, shaking, sweating, vomiting, diarrhea. Basically, it's like a very bad flu, minus the respiratory symptoms."

She'd known they were headed in this direction. She'd known it since they'd told her about her husband's assault. And still, she could never get beyond the idea that, having suffered so much already, Spence was expected to suffer so much more _. Where's the fairness in that? Why does he have to bear the brunt of it all? I'm asking You again. Is he our sacrificial lamb?_

All she said was, "How will you handle the symptoms?"

The physician fidgeted in his seat, looking uncomfortable now.

"That's the problem. First of all, there isn't much we can do medically, except to give him IV fluids if he's dehydrating. I'm willing to offer him methadone if he's really struggling, but from what you've told me about him, I doubt he'll want it. But the bigger problem is the uncertainty. Most likely, he'll be fully alert and himself in the morning. And we can't know if he'll have any withdrawal symptoms at all. Medically, we'd have no reason to keep him here. So…we will need to discharge him."

"Without knowing?"

He put a hand up to assure her. "If he becomes too ill, you can always bring him back through emergency, and we'll do what we can for him."

Now JJ was getting upset. It felt like they were being abandoned.

"So I'm supposed to take him home and let him go through withdrawal on his own? In front of our kids?"

He was apologetic. She couldn't know, but he'd gone into battle over this during the afternoon….and lost to the hospital administrator.

"I'm so sorry, and I completely understand your concern. But the hospital simply can't hold a patient based on something that might or might not happen."  _Or so I'm told._ "If it's any consolation at all…and I would understand if it wasn't…..it will only look like a bad stomach flu. No one else would have to know."

JJ was quiet for a long moment, absorbing this. Then, "How long will it last?"

He shook his head in another apology. "Another unknown, given all of the circumstances. But my best guess is that it wouldn't go beyond 36 hours. 48 at the most."

JJ went into full 'management' mode. Figuring out what to do with her parents and the kids while she took care of Spence. How she would lift him, if she needed to. How she would spoon liquids into him, if she needed to.

She was so caught up in trying to assure herself that she could manage the situation that she barely noticed when the doctor apologized once again, bid her goodnight, and left.

* * *

She'd tossed and turned in her chair-bed all night. But the pre-dawn hours offered some relief. JJ finally fell into a sleep in which she dreamt every step of bringing her husband through a 'maybe' trial to come. It was her psyche's way of winning control.

When she blinked awake, roused by the usual start-of-shift cacophony, JJ was greeted with the sight of Reid, sitting up in bed and eating breakfast.

"You should try the eggs. They're really good."

Her hands went to her mouth, covering her surprise. Then she began to laugh, hysterically.

"You're sitting in bed, eating breakfast."

_Oops. Was I not supposed to be?_  He wasn't exactly loopy anymore, but he was definitely…relaxed.

"Well….yes. But why am I here? What happened?"

"You don't remember?"

Reid made a look of heavy concentration. He started to shake his head, but corrected himself.

"Wait..the case! I was on a case…I was at a BCC meeting…..and then….."

He struggled with the rest, so JJ filled him in.

"And they thought it was insulin, like it had been for the others, but it wasn't."

She knew the next statement would be difficult for him to hear. "Spence, it was heroin. They overdosed you with heroin."

It might be in recovery, but even a slowed-down Spencer Reid brain was faster than those of 90% of the planet's population. It took in her statement, and ran all the implications of it.

He threw his head back, eyes closed. "Oh, God….they gave me heroin?"

JJ teared up immediately. "I'm so sorry, Spence. But you're over the worst of it now."  _Maybe._

She thought he would ask her about the withdrawal, but he didn't. His mind had already brought him to that conclusion. And, just that quickly, he'd resigned himself to fighting the battle once again.  _But this time I have so much more to fight for._ Which triggered another part of his memory...

"Wait! JJ, what happened with the kids? You were going to your parents, because they'd threatened Henry and Rosie!"

The full story could wait for later. All she told him now was, "They're okay. We're all okay. And we've got the guys who did it."

"All of them? The ones who threatened the kids and the ones at BCC?"

"All but the very top in the agencies. But we have one of those, too. Gendreau, from DHS. We're hoping he'll give us the others."

Most of it was flooding back to him now. "JJ, what about Stuart? And Dave?"

"Both in custody, and singing loudly. They were running the guys who threatened the kids, who were also the same ones who shot Rossi and attacked Strauss. We've got all of them. And all because of the work you did. You broke it, Spence. You broke the whole conspiracy."

It should have made him happy. Instead, he looked like he had something else to ask, but had swallowed it back down. Thinking it through, JJ thought she knew.

"John is clear. He's on our side, Spence. He's been to see me….and you…..here, in the hospital."

"He's.." He was surprised to hear her say the man's name. "...so he's not keeping it quiet any longer?"

"He is proclaiming himself a proud member of BCC. He feels like it's such an important organization, and he doesn't want to see it go down over this. So he's pretty much 'outed' himself."

Reid was feeling more and more like himself. He smiled a sad smile. "He's a good man, JJ. He saved me."

She agreed with him. "He saved you more than once, Spence." And she told him about John's assistance to him in the field. "The doctors said that, if he hadn't gone to you when he did, if he hadn't called for help….we might have lost you."

They'd been talking all this time from their respective beds, as though it was any other conversation, over any other day's breakfast. But the subject matter reminded them that it was not, and they both needed to close the distance between them. Reid pushed away his tray and started to open his arms in invitation, but was reminded that one of them was in a sling.

"What did I do?"

"You dislocated it. But they put it back in place. That was just to keep you from moving it too much."

Having been told to leave it alone, he felt compelled to test it, and slipped the sling off. "Not too bad," he reported through a grimace.

JJ just shook her head at him as she lowered the bedrail. "All male."

He looked back up at her with a smile on his face. "Yep. C'mere." And he opened both arms wide, doing his best to mask his discomfort.

She wanted those arms too badly to stop him. JJ slipped into the bed and into the embrace of her husband, the anxiety and stress of the prior days melting away in his familiar grasp _._  She cuddled into him, relishing the feeling of being held.

There would be time enough to rehash all the details of what had happened. Time enough to worry about what might be to come. For now, they each just craved the comfort and strength they always found in the arms of the other.

Though neither said it aloud, they shared a single thought. _Even if we have another battle ahead of us, at least we know we'll be in it together._

They needed nothing more.


	40. Chapter 40

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 40**

There was no keeping them away once he got home. They'd been too worried for too long, throughout the whole undercover operation and its devastating aftermath. JJ realized how much the team cared for one another, and she couldn't get in the way of the others' reuniting with Reid. But she was concerned that he preserve whatever stamina he still had, just in case….

So it came to be that there was an impromptu pot luck supper at the Reid residence the evening Reid was released from the hospital. All the visits would take place at once, allowing him some time to really recuperate afterward.

JJ had broken the news once they'd gotten settled into the car. Reid had discarded his sling, wanting to arrive home looking healthy.

_You mean as healthy as one can look after barely eating for a week and a half_ , thought JJ. He may have had two arms, but she still insisted on driving.

"They do wonderful work in that hospital, Spence, but I am still glad to be seeing it in my rearview mirror."

He'd barely had a few conscious hours there, so Reid was less enthused about leaving. "They really did have an unusually good breakfast."

She shot him a look. "Ha! You're just starved. No worries, I'm sure my mom has been cooking up a storm for you. She was thrilled beyond belief at having the opportunity to fatten you back up."

He laughed at that. His waistline had been Sandy's pet project since before he and JJ had been a couple.

"How long have your parents been down here, JJ? Did they come when you did?" He thought they'd come in order to be supportive.

The long silence that followed made Reid think he'd said something wrong. But he couldn't think what.

"JJ?"

She kept her eyes on the road as she spoke. "There's something I haven't told you yet. Something else that happened."

All trace of humor was gone from both faces now. Reid could tell this was something she'd thought she needed to shield him from.

"What, JJ? What happened that you couldn't tell me?"

Her gaze flashed to him, and then back to the road.

"My parents came down here because they couldn't stay at their house. Because…. a lot of it is gone."

Her voice broke with the last word. Reid stared at her, watching her in profile, fighting back tears. Something had obviously hurt his family, and he hadn't known. Hadn't been there.

In a grim voice, he asked, "What happened?"

So she told him. Everything, from the power going out to the cocktails being thrown, to Emily being shot.

"I had to leave right from the scene of the fire, so I didn't see it afterwards. But Dad says the structure is okay. Just most of the inside is ruined."

He hadn't realized. Hadn't known. She wasn't just carrying the stress of worrying about her spouse. She'd lived through a very real threat to the lives of  _everyone_  she loved. Reid's eyes filled as he started to comprehend exactly what she'd been through.

"JJ…..God, JJ…..I'm so sorry. God, their house! They've lived there for what, forty years?"

"A few more than that." Said in a quiet voice.

"And they've lost everything."  _And you've lost your childhood._

"Well, not everything. Emily stayed with them until they could all drive down together. She said they saved the photos and Mom's memory books. As Dad says, the rest is replaceable."

"Still…..God, I'm so sorry. If I'd thought…"

She cut him off. She'd known from the start that he would try to own the responsibility here.

"No. No, Spence. It's no one's fault except the two men who actually did it. Not yours, not mine. Dad made sure  _I_  knew that, so I'm making sure you do as well."

His eyes were closed, and he was shaking his head. "What about the kids? How did they handle it?"

She shot him another quick look. "I'm worried about Henry. He was terrified, Spence. Screaming. And then, Casey…."

"Oh, my God, did we lose Casey?"

"No! No, it was just that….well, I'd thought we had. She was stuck in the house. Spence, I didn't even remember her until Henry started calling for her! A firefighter heard him and went inside and found her. I thought she was dead when he carried her out, but…." And she told him about Henry's prayer, and how their son had known Casey would be okay, because God told him.

"And I turned the corner….and she was! She was our little miracle on that god-awful night."

"Well, thank God then. But what about Henry?"

Reid was worried about the little one who'd had to bear the burdens of one much older.

"I've only seen him at the hospital since then. He's been okay there. Do you remember him talking your ear off yesterday?"

Reid didn't have specific recollection of any of the conversations held in the hospital before this morning. But he had definite senses of them.

"I don't, but don't tell him that, okay? In fact…"

"I know. As far as we're concerned, it was Henry who woke you up. It kind of was, anyway, you know."

"Then, as far as we're concerned, that's exactly what happened."

* * *

There was a banner across the front door, written on a roll of wrapping paper.

"WELCOME HOME, DADDY!" was printed in Henry's best block letter style, and surrounded by marker drawings of their family and home.

Reid's grin was huge as they pulled in front of the house. "JJ, if I ever again take coming home for granted, kick me!"

The door was thrown open, and a blonde rocket burst forth from within.

"Daddy! Mommy!"

Reid squatted so Henry could run right into his arms, protecting the injured left one by leading with the right. "Henry!" Reid folded both arms around the little boy and held him close.

"I love you, little man. I'm so happy to be home with you. And that is a  _great_  poster you made me!" He whispered into his son's ear.

Henry was beaming when he pushed back. "I did it all by myself!"

_Growing up already, are you?_

By now, the elder Jareaus and Rosie had also emerged from the house, along with an insistent Casey. The dog wouldn't refrain from getting between Reid and anyone else, so he took the time to scratch the scruff behind her ears.

"How's my girl, huh? Have you been a good girl?" Then, remembering the story about having almost lost her, Reid bent and put his arms around the canine's neck. "I love you too, Casey."

He turned to his father-in-law and put out his hand. Charles shook it, and then used it to pull him into an embrace. "Glad you're all right, son. I'm proud of you."

Reid wasn't ready for the emotional response triggered by the simple statement. He had to swallow before he could speak again.

"Charles, I'm so sorry about…."

His father-in-law shook his head. "Not a conversation for now, Spencer. We need to celebrate. We  _need_  to celebrate."

Reid heard him. There had been entirely too much hardship and heartbreak for all of them. They needed this interlude of goodness in their lives.

Sandy was holding Rosie, so Reid stepped over and put his arms around both of them. "Thank you so much for helping JJ."

"My grandchildren are hardly a burden, Spencer. And I am so very happy to have you home!"

It took Rosie an additional twenty seconds to recognize her father. But when she did, all four limbs started going. "Da! Da!" She tried to thrust her body over to him.

Reid looked at JJ in wonder. "Was that "Da-da"? Did she just call me "Da-da"?"

After all the linguistic buildup, JJ could only laugh. "Yes, Daddy. Your daughter just called you by name."

He reached his hands out for her, and Sandy made the transfer. "Rosie! My baby girl!"

"Da! Da! Ay!" And she clapped her hands.

Reid just held her, amazed, grateful, overwhelmed. Then he caught Rosie's eyes and held them, communicating something in articulable. In response, she buried her face into his neck for a mind-melt. Reid and Rosie, father and daughter, spent a moment outside of time with one another.

The spell was broken when Sandy announced, "Well, we'd better get inside. The others will be here before we know it."

He'd known they were coming, but suddenly Reid wasn't sure he had the stamina. JJ saw the look on his face.

"It will be all right. Go in and take a nap before they arrive. You know you want to see them as much as they want so see you. We'll keep it short. And then you can have all the time you need to rest."

Or so they all prayed.

* * *

Fortunately, Morgan and Garcia arrived together, else Reid might have been smothered by her exuberance at seeing her boy genius.

"You're home! You're not in the hospital! You're not living in a car, or some roach motel. Oh, I'm so happy to see you, I could pinch you."

Reid looked wary until Morgan interceded.

"Baby Girl, leave my boy in one piece, will you?"

Reid wondered who would rescue him from Morgan when the senior profiler pulled his little brother into a rare full embrace.

"Glad you're back, Kid. You had me worried for a little while."

Reid gave his shy half smile. "I kind of had  _me_  worried for a little while too." Although, he'd realized, it had been JJ who'd borne the brunt of it. He'd been unconscious for the denouement of everything.

Emily arrived soon afterward, chauffeured by Hotch.  _Her_  sling was still in place, and he'd insisted. She went first to the Jareaus, concerned with how they were handling things emotionally.

"Are you holding up?" she asked Sandy.

Sandy gave a wry smile. "Taking care of my grandchildren is a good distraction. And a very pleasant one."

She and Charles locked eyes over that. Emily thought there might be a deeper meaning, but couldn't discern it. Shrugging it off, she inquired of Charles how the recovery efforts in Pennsylvania were going.

"Well, you were there when the insurance people came through. Getting the estimate was easy. Deciding who will pay for it seems to be a lot more difficult. It seems there will be some holdup while they determine how to deal with the fact of it being caused by arson."

Emily couldn't imagine there was an insurance company that didn't know how to handle an arson complaint. This was probably just a purposeful delay. To what purpose, she would never understand.

"But what does that mean for you? Where will you stay until the work can be done?"

"They'll be staying right here, with us." JJ had come over to greet her good friend.

Seeing that her parents were about to protest, she added, "I've already discussed it with Spence. Neither of us will have it any other way. And if you think your grandchildren are going to make it easy for you to leave…."

Sandy leaned in and kissed her daughter. "You are very generous, dear. But we don't want to crowd you."

"Mom…how can you even think that we'd worry about that?"

The two women loved each other dearly. But they'd always gotten along better from a distance. Charles recognized a mother/daughter tiff in the making and stepped in. "Jennifer….thank you. And Spencer as well. Your mother and I will be happy to visit until we can make other arrangements."

JJ knew when she was being managed. And she knew when to step back. "All right. Just so long as you both know you're welcome any time, and for however long."

* * *

Arriving late to the party was Rossi, who'd brought along an unannounced guest.

"Chief Strauss!" JJ started looking around for something to straighten up. "Welcome to our home."

Erin Strauss was uncomfortable in the setting, and she looked it. She was grateful that the case was coming to a close, but chagrined that her participation in a recovery support group had been highlighted. She was glad that all of the team were alive and at least relatively well, but ill at ease being with any of them in a social setting. Save Rossi, who'd insisted she accompany him.

"Thank you, Agent Jareau."

"Please, ma'am….it's Jennifer. At least, for today."

Not surprisingly, the first-name-basis invitation wasn't reciprocated. But Strauss  _was_  gracious enough to approach Reid.

"Agent Reid, I want to express my appreciation for all that you did. I know you and your family suffered hardship, and you should know that the FBI is grateful."

That was it. That was all that would be forthcoming. Reid took pity on her discomfort, and simply accepted her statement.

"Thank you, Chief Strauss."

* * *

An hour later, drinks had been served, backs patted, relief expressed, humor shared, as the crowd moved back and forth between the house and the yard. Having visited both in the past minute, Emily noticed the absence of the guest of honor. After a few moments of searching, she found him, alone, on the front porch. He looked exhausted.

"Hey, Handsome. You all right?"

Reid startled at her voice. "What? Oh, yeah. Fine. I'm fine."

Emily joined him on the glider, and pushed off so that they were rocking back and forth.

"Why are you here all by yourself?" As if she didn't know. Reid had always needed more alone time than most. And what he'd been through….what he still might have ahead of him….would be enough to make anyone feel isolated.

He shook his head. "I just needed a minute of quiet, that's all. Just a moment to myself."

She started to get up, but Reid caught her wrist. "No, you don't have to go. It's all right. Stay."

She sat back down and started them rocking again. It was easy between them. They'd never needed chatter. On some level, they just  _connected_. So they sat there, rocking, in silence, for a time. Then Emily, who could pass easily between diplomatic and blunt, chose the latter.

"It sucks."

Reid gave her a sideways glance, and then a wistful smile. It wasn't language he usually used, but….

"You're right. It sucks."

He'd made her laugh.

"You!" She raised her hand to take his chin. "You know I love you. You and JJ both. And the kids. And this whole thing sucks. I'm so sorry. I can't even tell you how much. And, to think that it might not be over…."

She shook her head, not wanting to complete the thought.

Reid took her hand from his chin and squeezed it.

"It is what it is. If there's more to it, we'll get past it. And then it will be behind us."

Emily smiled at her genius little brother. "I love you. I really do. I don't know that I could have that attitude about it."

His smile was grim. "You could. You wouldn't have any choice."

She thought to argue with him, but realized he was right. He could choose bitterness and resentment, and suffer through what lie ahead. Or he could see it as another hardship on the way to a better future. How he handled it was, after all, a choice. And she greatly admired his strength in making it.

Emily was still thinking about it when Reid interrupted her internal conversation.

"I haven't thanked you yet. You were there for my family when I couldn't be. And it's very likely they're all alive because of you." He could see her becoming uncomfortable, so he added, "There's a 97.8 percent probability of it."

Her eyes shot up to see if he was serious, and caught his smile. Then he spoke again.

"You took a bullet for them, Emily. And you saved them. They mean more to me than my own life. I  _owe_  them to you. I don't have the right words. All I can say is 'thank you'. I love you, too."

She was too moved to respond in words. Instead, Emily took his face into her hands, bent it toward her, and kissed him on the forehead.

In a hoarse voice, she told him, "They'll be looking for us. We should join the others."

He let her pull him up and lead him back inside.

* * *

"And God bless Mommy, and Daddy, and Daddy Will, and Rosie, and Casey, and Meme and Papa. And thank you for my Daddy coming home. And please fix Meme and Papa's house right away!"

Henry didn't see the need for dealing with insurance companies and contractors. Why deal with the middleman when you could just ask the Master Builder? Reid sat with him on the bed, too tired to stand through prayers. He kissed Henry good night, and followed JJ out of the tyke's room.

"Go on to bed, Spence. I'll just be with Mom in the kitchen for a little bit."

Sandy had insisted upon getting the remains of the party cleaned up. It had gone on a little longer than expected, as the team all savored the opportunity to celebrate something.

Reid and JJ had been granted family leave for the next several weeks, to allow them "to deal with any current and anticipated health issues", and to help the Jareaus recover from the fire.

Before he left, Hotch pulled Reid aside.

"Take as long as you need. We'll be on stand down for as long as it takes. Make sure you feel ready when you come back."

Reid heard the underlying message. He  _was_  expected back, but he was also expected to be fully functional when he returned to duty. There was no room for martyrdom in the work they did.

Reid also heard something else, when Hotch spoke again.

"You did good work, Reid. It went far beyond what the FBI had any right to ask of you. I'm proud to have you on my team."

The young profiler was moved. He knew he was valued for his intellect. He knew he contributed to the team's work. But it was rare to hear these words of praise from the unit chief. Especially when it involved something other than the use of his mind.

"Thank you. Thank you, Hotch."

* * *

Sandy wouldn't think of letting JJ help her.

"You've been living in that hospital for days. You're almost as exhausted as Spencer. Go and get some good sleep in your own bed tonight."

JJ was too tired to argue.

"Let me just get Rosie down. She likes her routine, you know."

Sandy rolled her eyes. "Believe me, we know."

"Uh-oh. Did she give you a hard time?"

"Only the first night. Then Henry gave us the step-by-step. Bottle, burp, crib, prayers and story. Although she spent more time rolling around the crib than listening to the story. But then, by the end, she was out. Just like that." Sandy snapped her fingers.

"Miss Rosie is definitely a creature of habit. And it's a good thing she has a big brother to help look after her."

"He really was sweet with her, Jennifer. I know you've said there's been some jealousy, but I think he's quite protective of her."

JJ smiled. "That's my boy."  _My sweet, smart, traumatized little boy._  The thought made her ask.

"Has Henry been sleeping all right?"

Sandy hesitated, not wanting to worry her daughter. But there was no point in not telling.

"He's had a couple of nightmares. One when he fell asleep in the car on the way down here, and one the other night."

She saw the concern on JJ's face. "But he was fine last night. Maybe having seen Spencer up and talking helped."

"I hope so."  _But I don't think so. Not with our luck.  
_

* * *

She crept into their bedroom quietly, not wanting to wake her husband. JJ stood for a moment, just watching him sleep. Lying on his back, hair tousled, one arm over his head, snoring softly. She realized how vulnerable she was feeling when the sight brought tears to her eyes.

_My Spence. Thank God you're home. And, please, God, don't let it be hard for him._

There was still enough bitterness in her that she was sure they wouldn't be spared the withdrawal. She could only hope it would be attenuated _._

_But I'm not sure I trust You anymore. You let them hurt him. You let my parents' home be destroyed. You let my son be terrified._   _Why would I trust You to make the next few days easy for him?_

She slipped into a nightie and then into the bed, laying herself right beside Reid, her head on his chest. Reflexively, without waking up, he lowered the arm from over his head and cuddled her to him. JJ felt such relief in that moment that it overwhelmed her. She'd been unconsciously trying to steel herself for a life without him. But now, feeling the weight of his arm around her, taking in his scent, in the familiar surroundings where they'd so often demonstrated their love…..she was overwhelmed.

_Thank You. You gave him back to me. You saved him. Thank You._

The words had come to her thought stream unbidden. She was so accustomed to acknowledging her gratitude that she'd forgotten her anger. And then another idea occurred to her.

_You saved us all in Pennsylvania, didn't You? But…why? Why did it have to happen at all?_

She was too tired to tangle with the theological question tonight. She only knew that she felt some of the distance between herself and her Deity closing.

* * *

"Mooommmmmyyyyy! Daadddyy! Maammaaa!"

The scream woke everyone in the house, save Rosie. JJ leapt from the bed and ran to Henry's room. It was probably a nightmare but, having been so recently under attack in her parents' home, she couldn't be sure. Reid took an additional few moments to get oriented, and followed her. He bumped into Sandy and Charles in the hallway, and all three stood in the doorway of Henry's room.

JJ was already holding her son, rocking him. "It's all right, Baby. Mama's here."

"Mama.." He was crying. "Mama."

"Shh, honey. Mama's here. And Daddy's here too." She continued to rock him as Reid made his way over to the bed.

"Hey, Little Man. Did you have a bad dream?"

Henry moved from his mother to his father and clung to Reid. He nodded his head. "Yeah," sup-supping.

"Wanna tell me about it?"

The little blonde shook his head adamantly. "No! It was too scary!"

Sandy and Charles waved a silent goodnight and headed back to the guest room. The parents had this one.

Reid tried another tack. "You know, sometimes if you talk about something, it doesn't seem so scary anymore."

Henry considered that for a second, then decided. "Tomorrow. It's too scary. It's too dark."

Reid nodded his understanding. "Okay. If that's what you want. Do you think you can go back to sleep now?"

"No, Daddy, I'm scared!"

JJ tried. "How about if I stay with you for a while, huh? We'll let your Dad go back to bed."

Henry already knew what he wanted. "I want to sleep in your bed."

JJ and Reid shared a look. Henry hadn't been in their bed for a couple of years. He'd needed the assurance after they'd returned from New Orleans, but any bad dreams after that had been handled in the confines of the little boy's bedroom. The parents held a silent conversation and made a joint decision. Extreme circumstances called for unusual measures. Henry would be welcome in their bed tonight.

"All right, Little Man. Grab your pillow. We're having a sleepover in Mommy and Daddy's bed tonight."

Reid's heart did a little joy-flip when he was answered with a soft "Yay!"


	41. Chapter 41

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 41**

Even before he opened his eyes, Reid was reminded that they had company in the bed. He could hear Henry's soft snores next to his ear. And he could feel the heat of golden retriever on his feet. He tried to roll over onto his back without disturbing any of the crowd.

He needn't have worried. Turning his head, he could see that JJ was already awake and watching the men in her life. "Hi," she whispered.

"Hi."

Just then, they heard babbling on the baby monitor. Rosie wasn't crying, but they both knew her babbling could get pretty loud, as she enjoyed the sound of her own voice.

"I'll get her," whispered JJ, slipping out of the bed. A few seconds later, Reid heard "Ma!" come through the monitor.  _I guess I shouldn't have been so excited about 'Da-Da'._  But he appreciated JJ letting him have his moment.

Both ladies joined their gentlemen in the room a moment later. Rosie saw her father, and Reid thought she brought the sun up when she beamed at him. "Da!" And then, "Da! Da! Da! Da!"

Both adults tried to shush her, but Rosie didn't understand "Shush!" So she just enjoyed the interaction and got louder and louder with each repetition. Soon, Henry stretched awake and realized the whole family was in the bed.

"Yay! We're havin' a  _big_  sleepover! Even Casey! Yay!" He started bouncing up and down on the mattress.

Rosie answered with an "Ay!" and Casey barked her approval as well.

JJ was concerned that the commotion might not be good for Reid. She tried to get some control over the inhabitants of the bed, but gave up when Reid looked at her with a big grin on his face.

"I never knew," he shouted over the din.

"Never knew what?"

"That heaven would be so  _loud_."

* * *

Charles spent much of the morning on the phone with the insurance company, while Sandy and JJ took the kids to a local park. Reid may have enjoyed the chaos of family togetherness earlier, but he'd tired out quickly after that, and JJ was determined to keep the household as calm as possible for him. Mostly, that would mean keeping the kids busy elsewhere.

Around eleven, Charles wandered out to the patio, where his son-in-law seemed to be napping in a lounge chair. The older man quietly took a seat next to Reid, enjoying a moment of peace and bright sunshine. He studied the man his daughter loved, thinking about how much his impression of Reid had changed over the years.

_I'll admit it. When we first met, I thought you were odd. Jennifer seemed to like you though. She thought your quirks were 'cute' and she admired your intellect. But I don't think she saw you as someone she could make a life with. Far from it. My little girl was into jocks. Every boy she ever brought home to us was an athlete. And then, she stopped bringing them home altogether. That was when she got serious about her schooling, and her career. Once she was in the FBI, she didn't share much with us. We'd never even heard of Will until she was pregnant with Henry. That was a tough conversation. I know I'm old fashioned, but I'd never thought my own daughter would have a baby before she had a husband. But I guess she really did know better. She knew he wasn't the person she wanted to spend her life with. No….that person was you._

_When she started talking about you that way, when she started telling us how much you'd helped her and my grandson…..I had trouble picturing it. It didn't fit my impression of you. But, Spencer, I'm man enough to admit my mistake. You were everything she described and more. You stood by her and Henry when they needed you. You stood up for what was right, even when it cost you. You did it in New Orleans, and you did it again just now._

Charles chuckled to himself.  _You even stood up to me, asking for her hand. You looked like you might pass out, and I didn't make it easy for you, did I? But you did it. And now, I'm proud to call you my son-in-law, and the father of my grandchildren. Hell, I'd be happy if you were my own son._

Reid moved in his chair and gradually roused. He noticed his father-in-law next to him.

"Ooh. Sorry, did I fall asleep talking to you?"

"No, you were napping comfortably when I came out and made too much noise. Sorry I woke you, Spencer."

The young man shook his head. "No, I need to stop sleeping so much. It's just that I can't….." He started to go out again, but fought it. "Maybe I should make some coffee. Can I get you some?"

Charles put up a hand to stop him.

"Don't, Spencer. You've been through a lot, and you need to rest. Your body is just telling you that."

Reid pushed himself upright in the chair. "You've been through quite a bit yourself, Char…..Dad. I'm so sorry about the house. I can't even imagine….. And I'm so sorry you all had to go through that. We had no business sending our problem your way."

His last words irritated Charles. "Spencer, Jennifer is your wife, but she is also my daughter. Anything that threatens her is my problem as much as it is yours."

Reid was instantly contrite. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

Charles was apologetic as well. "Don't. I know what you meant. And I shouldn't have challenged you on it. I guess I'm just a little on edge myself."

"The insurance?" Reid realized how frustrated his father-in-law must be with the less-than-helpful company's reluctance to meet its obligation to help them rebuild.

"Yes. I made some progress, but I don't know why every step needs to be so damn difficult. Isn't this what all those premium payments were for?"

"Sir, I'm so sorry…..I know you don't think it's our fault. But it doesn't have to be, does it? For me to be sorry for your loss? And I know you helped take care of JJ and the kids. I just want to tell you how grateful I am that you were there to take care of my family. I can't imagine….I don't  _want_  to imagine…going through life without any one of them."

Charles looked off, into the distant past. "No, Spencer, you  _don't_  want to imagine it."

Reid understood where Charles' thoughts had gone, and was silent, respecting that long ago loss. The silence was broken by Charles, speaking again, almost in reverie.

"The house is the last tie we have to her. The last physical tie, anyway. I think that's what makes it harder for Sandy. I _know_  that's what makes it harder for me."

Reid didn't know how to respond to that, nor even if he should try. So he simply sat in what he hoped was companionable silence, until Casey's bark alerted them that the rest of the family had returned home. They soon had company in the yard.

"Daddy! Papa! Can we play baseball after lunch?"

Henry still owed his father a home run experience. But Charles could see that his son-in-law wasn't up to sports yet.

"How about just you and me, slugger? We can let your father rest after lunch."

Henry didn't like that idea at all, and his face told the story. He'd been  _waiting_  for his father to get home.  _Waiting_ , for a really,  _really_  long time. Reid saw, and read him correctly.

"It's all right. I'm sure I can put in a couple of innings in the backyard." He was heartened when he saw the grin back on Henry's face.

"Yay!"

* * *

Three innings and two 'inside-the-yard' home runs later, both of the adult males were ready to call it a game. JJ and Sandy were watching from the patio as Rosie took a short afternoon nap. As the men came in for lemonade, JJ took one glance at her husband and shooed him inside.

"You look like you need a nap more than your daughter. Go and lie down. We'll make sure you're up in time for supper."

"Lemon chicken tonight, Spencer." Sandy knew it was his favorite, and was in a hurry to put more flesh on his bones.

"Mmm." He grinned at his mother-in-law as he obeyed his wife and headed for the bedroom.

* * *

"Henry, when did you learn to be such a big help around the house?" Sandy was impressed when her grandson volunteered to set the table for dinner.

"Daddy showed me. He said we have to help Mommy 'cause she works too hard."

Both Sandy and JJ melted over the little one, and started thinking about how to reward the big one. The third female in the kitchen was too busy putting cheerios into her mouth to notice anything else. Another 'early' accomplishment, according to her father.

"The chicken is almost ready, honey. You might want to go and wake Spencer."

"Daddy's a sleepyhead!"

"Well, Henry, he was in the hospital. When you're a grown up, it takes longer to get better." JJ tousled her son's hair as she walked by.

She knocked softly as she opened the bedroom door. The blinds were closed, leaving the room in dim light.

"Spence? Are you awake?"

He didn't answer, so she crept over to the bed. And then felt the bed moving. JJ flipped on the nightstand lamp and then gasped, hand to her mouth. Reid was lying on his back, shaking, vomit on the sheets next to him and running down his chin.

"Oh, my God! Spence! Honey, can you hear me?"

He opened his eyes and turned them to her. Then he dropped them down to the soiled sheets.

"Sorry." He could only mumble it. "I…" He waved his hand in the direction of their bathroom, trying to indicate that it was about to happen again. JJ read his body language, but it also looked like it would happen too quickly for her to get him to the toilet. She overturned a plastic trash container and ran it to him in the bed. This time he was able to spare the sheets, but she had to hold it steady for him. His hands were simply shaking too much, as was the rest of his body.

JJ lifted a hand to his forehead. "Spence, you're burning up!"

He couldn't respond to her. Instead, he heaved for a good five minutes, and then fell back on the bed, pale and exhausted.

JJ's eyes were already overflowing. They'd known he might face this, but hoped it would pass him by.  _Prayed_  it would pass him by. And now, what she'd absolutely dreaded was staring her right in the face.

_I knew You wouldn't listen! I knew You would make him go through this! Don't You even care about us anymore?_

She wanted nothing more than to fold herself into the fetal position and cry. She hadn't recovered emotionally from the danger and the loss in Pennsylvania, nor from the imminent threat of losing her husband in the hospital. In truth, she hadn't even recovered emotionally from the feigned argument and separation from Spence a few weeks ago. She felt like she had nothing left. She just wanted to curl up and shut out the world.

But she couldn't. The man she loved most in that world needed her. Badly. Right now. Wherever the strength had to come from, she would have to find it.

She wet a cloth in the bathroom and used it to clean his face. She placed a second one across his forehead, to calm his fever. JJ sat by him on the edge of the bed. Stroking his head, holding his hand.

"Is this it, Spence? Is this what it's like?"

His mouth dry. He could only croak, "Worse." Then it looked like he had another wave of nausea.

"Help...up."

He was still able to participate in the movement, so getting him to the bathroom this time wasn't so bad. He propped himself against the tub, near the toilet. "Go. 'm okay."

"No, you're not. I'm just going to change the sheets, and I'll be right back, okay?"

"'kay."

The linen closet was in the hallway. JJ had just stepped out of the bedroom when her mother came down the hall looking for her.

"Honey, doesn't Spencer want to eat?"

JJ was pulling sheets out of the closet. "No, Mom. He's not feeling that well."

"But he was fine just.…oh. Oh, no. It isn't…?" But Sandy could tell from the look on her daughter's face. It was.

"Oh, Honey, I'm so sorry." Then she realized the task JJ was about. "Let me help you."

"No, Mom. Thanks, but Spence wants to be alone. You know, we talked about it."

He'd been adamant. He didn't want anyone seeing him in withdrawal. He didn't even want JJ seeing him, but he'd known he wouldn't win that battle.

JJ continued with her mother. "I'm going to call Garcia, and she'll take care of the rest. You and Dad have dinner with the kids, and then we'll do what we planned."

It had come together during their welcome home gathering. Rossi had been offering the Jareaus to stay in his spacious home while they waited for theirs to be repaired. They'd declined, wanting to be with their grandchildren. But JJ, overhearing, had swallowed her pride and approached Rossi afterward. She had an important request to make of him.

"Of course, Cara! I should have thought of it myself. It will be my great pleasure to host my most beautiful goddaughter and her family for a few days...should it be necessary." And now, it was necessary.

Garcia had helped with the planning. If and when they should need for the Jareaus and the children to be out of the house, Rossi would invite them for a special treat. An evening movie in his screening room. A pool date in his backyard. Whatever fit the circumstance, he would make it happen. Garcia would join them to add to the party atmosphere. JJ was very attuned to the fact of Henry's life being disrupted yet again. But given the choice between a playful few days in the Rossi mansion, or witnessing his father going through withdrawal….well, it wasn't even a choice.

So JJ called Garcia, and the plan was put into motion. Henry already knew that Rossi had a real popcorn machine, and he was very anxious to put it to use. He had a moment of doubt when informed that his father was too tired to join them, and that his mother would stay home to take care of his father. Henry's eyes went from one adult to the next, looking for any sign of artifice. But, if it was there, the trusting little boy didn't see it. He would take them at their word. And, later, if they said Uncle David wanted them to have a sleepover after the movie, he would go along with it. Whether he believed them or not.

JJ was in and out of the bedroom until the family left, checking on Reid, helping to pack for the overnight. She kissed each of her departing family goodbye.

"Call us if you need us, honey. We'll say a prayer."

"Thanks, Mom. I have a feeling we may need it."

Her father embraced her. "I love you, sweetheart. Spencer is lucky to have you."

She hugged him. "It's the other way around, Dad."

* * *

It went on for hours after that, well into the overnight. Between episodes of vomiting, Reid lay back on the floor, still shivering. With each episode, he looked weaker, and his pallor deepened. Although he didn't complain…. _couldn't_ complain….JJ sensed that he was in pain.

JJ tried to give him something for his fever, but he couldn't keep it down.

She was trying to open his shirt and let him air-cool, but he flitted her hands away.

"Cold."

"You're burning up, Spence. You're hot."

"Feel cold….. Fever…..makes cold. Hypothalamus. Feel… hot… when down. Sweat."

JJ couldn't help but smile, and Reid did his best to return it. He was giving her a lesson in physiology…in shorthand….in the middle of a withdrawal episode.  _My Spence._

"All right then. But I think we should try to get it down somehow. What about ice chips? Do you think you could try them?"

He tried to shrug, but he didn't have the strength. JJ went to the kitchen to fill a cup with ice and returned. In just that short a period of time, he'd gotten sick again. This time, he didn't have the strength to raise himself back up from the toilet.

JJ was determined that he shouldn't spend the duration of this awful siege on the cold, hard floor of their bathroom. She wouldn't let this horrible attack on his system completely rob him of comfort….or dignity.

"Spence, let me help you get back to bed. I'll give you a basin or something. At least it will be softer for you." She recognized his lack of 'padding'.

His teeth were still chattering. "C..can't…..up."

"I'll lift you. Here, let me help you."

From behind, she put her arms under his and lifted. He tried to assist her, but his legs wouldn't get under him. He was dead weight. He fell back to the floor, bringing her with him. She ended up propped against the tub, holding him with his head against her chest. She could feel her body shaking with his.

"Spence."

No answer.

"Spence!"

When he still didn't respond, JJ panicked. She felt quickly for his pulse, found it racing. She breathed a sigh of relief. He'd simply passed out, whether from exhaustion or dehydration, she couldn't say. But the frustration of being unable to help him, the anguish over what his body was doing to him, caught up with her. She held him against her, buried her face in his hair, and wept.

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "Spence. My Spence. I'm so sorry this is happening. I'm so sorry I don't know how to make it stop. Please, God, make it stop. Please."

After a while, he stirred in her arms, and she thought he was going to be sick again. But he was trying to turn, to see her. Weakly, he raised one arm and tried to brush the tears from her cheek.

"No…" His voice was weak, hoarse. JJ could see that his mouth was dry. "….cry."

He fell back against her, spent. It took her a moment to notice that he was no longer shaking. His brow felt wet.

_Sweating. That means the fever's broken. Oh, thank God. Thank You, God._

JJ held him, drawing her fingers through his thick mop of hair. She'd had her moment of despair and, with this small sign of progress, she was ready to fight again.

"Let me give you some water."

He started to shake his head 'no', but she insisted. "You're getting dehydrated, Spence. You need it. Else we'll be at the hospital." And she was sure neither of them wanted that.

The ice chips had melted, so she used the spoon to dribble water into his mouth. She could practically see it absorbed even before he had a chance to swallow.

"There you go. That's it. Just a little at a time." It felt like she was feeding Rosie. He tired out after only a few spoonfuls. With his eyes closed, it looked like he had fallen asleep. But, this time, he looked restful.

For a moment. Then he thrust himself forward and started to heave again, the moment of respite all too short and unenduring.

Two hours later, the morning twilight had arrived, and JJ was in tears once again. Her husband was still lying in her arms, now shivering incessantly. The fever was back. The vomiting had resumed. She'd been able to get some liquid into him, but she was sure it wasn't enough.

I _don't think we can do this. I don't know how you ever survived doing this on your own before, Spence. It had to be some kind of miracle. Which we could use right now, if Anyone is listening._

Throughout the night, her phone had vibrated, but she'd ignored it. She hadn't wanted to leave Spence, and she wouldn't talk about him in front of him. But now, she felt compelled to reach for it. She scrolled through her contacts, found the name she needed, and texted a message for help.

* * *

"Blondie? It's me."

"In here, Morgan."

He followed the sound of her voice until he found both of them, lying on the bathroom floor. Reid was so pale, and the darkness under his eyes so deep, that Morgan thought he looked dead….or would have, if his body hadn't been shaking. JJ didn't look much better. The young blonde was visibly exhausted, tear tracks marking her cheeks, her eyes also sunken from lack of sleep.

She saw the look on their friend's face and could only imagine what an impression they made.

"He's passed out..or asleep. I can't tell. He hasn't vomited in the last hour, so I'm hoping that's over. But I can't lift him. As light as he is, he's like completely dead weight, and I can't get him to the bed. Can you help me get him to the bed?"

It sounded pathetic, even to her. Such a small desire, yet so difficult to accomplish.

Morgan didn't speak. He simply bent and put an arm under Reid's knees, and the other under his arms. He lifted his burden, walked over to the bed, and laid him down, all with such remarkable tenderness that JJ was moved to tears once again.

Her legs were cramped from Reid laying on them, and it took her a moment to get up and join Morgan.

Speaking very softly, she said, "He didn't want anyone to see. He's embarrassed. But I couldn't leave him lying on that floor…."

Morgan kept his voice quiet as well. "You did the right thing. He doesn't even have to know I was here. Unless you want a break? You look like you could use one, JJ."

She smiled her thanks. "I'll be okay. I'm just relieved to have gotten him into bed. Thank you, Morgan." She gave her colleague a quick hug. "I just wish this damn fever would go. I know he's in pain with it. It broke for an hour or so before, but it's come raging back."

"Does that mean it's not close to over?"

"The doctor said that it might come and go…..I was just hoping that we'd only have one round of it. But, if it goes for good….that probably means we're almost at the end."

Morgan couldn't help but notice that JJ used the word 'we' whenever she spoke about the ordeal. It actually made him wistful.  _You'll never again have to go through anything in life alone, Kid. She's with you all the way._  And he wondered if it wasn't time for him to find his own permanent partner.

"Listen, you might need to move him again, right? I mean, you might need to lift him?"  _Like if he messes the sheets,_ he didn't say. "Let me stay. I can be right outside, he won't have to know I'm here at all. But if you need me, you'll have me."

JJ was about to decline, not wanting to impose. But then she noticed the look on Morgan's face, and knew  _he_  needed it. He needed to be there for his little brother. And, truth be told, she needed  _him_. So she nodded, and he kissed her head on his way out of the bedroom.

* * *

Twenty-seven hours. He'd had twenty-seven hours of hell on earth. But, in that twenty-eighth hour, the fever broke. Permanently. The hour after that, he vomited for the last time. Two more hours later, the pain in his muscles began to subside, and he could move them without groaning.

Reid opened his eyes for the first time in ten hours. He felt the weight on his chest and, looking down, saw the hand. His gaze followed the arm back to its owner. JJ lay on the bed next to him, asleep. She'd laid her hand on him to feel the rise and fall of his chest, to know that it still took in breath. But her vigil had exhausted her, and she'd succumbed to sleep after more than a day of her husband's ordeal. Now, her eyes flew open when she felt her hand jostled back to the bed.

"Spence? Spence! You're awake!"

He tried to answer her, but no matter how much he moved his mouth, nothing would come out. It was too dry. He had to point to let her know.

"Water! You need water!"

She'd probably only had an hour or two of rest, but JJ was remarkably energized.  _Joy will do that to a person, won't it?_  She leapt from the bed and filled a glass with water. Coming back to his side, she propped his head up and helped him drink.

"Not too much at once. I don't want to wake your stomach up again."

He took a few sips and tried his mouth again, then took a few sips more. Now he had a voice.

"Is it over?"

"God, I hope so. It's been hours since you were sick. And I think the fever's been gone for even longer than that. Does that mean it's over?"

He nodded slowly. "If it's anything like the last time, yes."

She was immediately in tears again, emotionally defenseless in her current state. "Spence, I don't know how you did it. I can't even imagine trying to go through it alone. That you survived it was a miracle."

"Exactly." He tried to push himself up in the bed, but JJ had to help him. Upright, he looked at her and smiled.

"You look terrible."

She laughed. After more than a day of uninterrupted fear, and anguish and despair, he was barely awake and he had her laughing.  _And they think I married you for your brain. Or your looks. Well, maybe…_

"Thanks, I needed that."

Now  _he_  gave a little laugh. Then he became very serious as he reached for her hand.

"There's a lot I don't remember. But what I do remember is being held by the most beautiful woman, with the most tender hand. And do you want to know what it felt like?"

She squinted at him. "What did it feel like?"

"It felt like I was in the arms of an angel. It felt like love."


	42. Chapter 42

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 42**

The jig was up when they heard the clatter of a plate hitting the kitchen counter. Reid looked sharply at JJ.

"Is someone else here? I thought you were asking them to leave, JJ. Weren't they going to Rossi's?"

He was afraid of the impact his withdrawal would have on his children, especially Henry. "He didn't see any of this, did he?"

"It's not them, Spence. They  _did_  go to Rossi's."

She'd broken a promise in having anyone else witness to the ordeal, and she saw the disappointment in his face.

"Then?"

"It's Morgan." JJ rushed to explain why she'd done what she'd agreed not to do. "I couldn't lift you, Spence. And I couldn't leave you lying on that cold, hard floor. I was desperate. I didn't know what else to do."

She tried, and failed, to suppress the tears that wanted to fall. "I'm sorry, Spence. All Derek did was to come in and carry you to the bed. Then he stepped outside, and he hasn't come back in since. I promise."

She could see the disappointment in his face, and was distraught at having betrayed his trust, even in the process of helping him.

Both of them were emotionally frayed. But, as upset as he was, Reid had always been susceptible to her tears, and his fuzzy cognitive state did nothing to change that.

"Don't cry, JJ. It's all right….it's all right," he soothed. "It's my fault. I didn't think it through enough. I shouldn't have put you in that position. It's all right. I'm sorry."

"I promise it was only because there was no other way. I couldn't…..and then I couldn't….."

She was still crying, but it was no longer because of the failed promise. It was because….because…..she didn't know why. But now that she'd started, now that it was all over, she couldn't stop. JJ covered her face with her hands and sobbed.

It threatened to bring him to tears as well, and might have, if he hadn't been so dehydrated. He could only imagine what she was feeling, what she'd been through. For him, it had been almost purely physical. The draining of his energy had been so total as to keep him from cognitive awareness or emotional processing. But  _she'd_  been aware.  _She'd_ watched. He  _did_  know what he would have felt like if he'd watched  _her_  go through it.

They were both over-tired, overwrought and under-resourced. There was simply no reserve left. He pulled her down to him and they clung to one another, collapsed in a paradoxical mixture of grief and thanksgiving.

* * *

JJ woke up when she heard the house phone ring. The sun told her it was probably late morning.

When the ringing cut off abruptly, she realized that Morgan must have answered. Checking to make sure that Spence was sleeping comfortably, she slid from the bed and crept out of the room.

"I haven't been in there, I promised I wouldn't go back in. But I haven't heard him being sick for a long time now. So I'm guessing…."

Morgan saw JJ coming into the kitchen looking like she'd just woken up. But he also saw a smile on her face. "Well, here's the lady of the house right now. And, from the look on her face, I'd say there was good news."

She nodded at him as he covered the mouthpiece of the phone with his hand and whispered, "Your mother."

She mouthed her 'Thank you' to him as she took the phone.

"Hi Mom. Morgan's right, Spence is doing better. He's sleeping right now. We think it's over."

She watched Morgan's face as he took in the news and broke out in a bright grin.

"But, Mom? I think we need the day. Neither of us really got any rest last night. Do you think you could possibly stay one more night with Rossi?"

Morgan watched as JJ smiled at something her mother said. Then listened as she asked, "How are the kids? How's Henry?"

Morgan watched her face become more serious.

"Oh…. Oh…. Okay….. We'll figure it out. I still think it would be better if you didn't come back until tomorrow, okay?" …..Okay, thanks, Mom. And please thank Rossi again, okay? And Garcia, too. I love you.  _We_  love you." She ended the call.

"So, it's over?" Morgan asked even before she'd replaced the receiver.

She gave a weary grin. "It's over. He woke up a few hours ago and we talked for a couple of minutes. But then we both went out again. I'm sorry, I didn't even think to come and tell you it was all right to leave."

"No problem, Blondie. I just caught a little sleep on the couch. And I made myself a little breakfast. I hope that was all right."

The noisy plate.

"He knows," she told him.

"He knows? Who knows, Pretty Boy?" When she nodded, he added, "What? What does he know?"

"Spence knows that you're here."

_Damn!_  Morgan took that in for a moment. "Is he mad?"

She shook her head. "He understands. He'll be okay with it."  _How could either of us be anything but grateful?_

Morgan was content. "All right. Guess I'll be on my way, then. Unless you think you'll need me again?"

"We'll be all right. I think we just both need some sleep. And then I'll try to get him to eat." She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the muscular shoulders.

"Thank you, Derek. For helping to get him comfortable, but also for just being here. You made me feel like we really could get to the other side of this….and I was having my doubts."

He hugged her and kissed the top of her head. "You had it going on, Blondie. I just put a little muscle into it. I sure wouldn't want to be the menace going up against the Pennysylvania Petite. Pretty Boy is lucky to have you."

She laughed. "And we're both lucky to have you. You're a good friend, Derek."

He smiled at her. "Do you think he'd mind if I poked my head in…"

JJ gave him permission. "But he's sleeping, finally, so I wouldn't wake him up."

"Wouldn't dream of it. You take care now, JJ, all right?"

Morgan headed off down the hall, and knocked softly on the bedroom door. He hadn't expected an answer, but thought he heard a soft reply, so he opened the door.

Reid was trying to get himself back to a sitting position.

"Stay there, Pretty Boy, I'm on my way out."

Reid continued to struggle up. "Thank you," he croaked.

"For what? Eating all the food in your refrigerator?"

Reid granted him the smile he sought. "For helping JJ. I was stupid to think she could do this alone."

"I better not hear you say that again, Kid. Blondie was a trouper. They don't come better than her."

"Don't I know it." Reid gave his 'little brother' smile. "But thanks for helping her."

Morgan shrugged it off with a grin. Seeing Reid past this final challenge had done wonders toward alleviating his festering anger about the entire episode.

"I couldn't have my Pretty Boy and Pennsylvania Petite fighting this all on their own now, could I?"

Reid gave a soft, wry laugh. "You never  _could_  just answer with a simple 'you're welcome'."

* * *

They slept until late afternoon, wrapped around one another, JJ rousing every few hours and forcing Reid to drink. By the time she finally had the energy to get up, the sun was already working its way into the western sky. She turned when she heard her husband move in the bed.

"Come back." He lifted a hand toward her.

She did. "You're up. How do you feel?"

"Like I've been hit by a bus. But the fever's gone. And the headache. And the nausea."

She grinned. "Then it's behind us, isn't it? We're all done."

A sleepy smile spread across his face as well. "We are."

"Well, I was just going to take a shower and fix us something to eat. But how about we turn it into a bath and I help you work out those kinks?"

She almost laughed as she saw him fighting to come to full alertness, eager to take her up on the offer.

"Would this be a bath where no little people will be interrupting us? Nobody needing a glass of water, or their bottle, or just some parental attention the minute we get wet?"

She  _did_  laugh now. "I believe it would be, yes. And everyone's under strict orders not to call us until tomorrow…..Morgan saw to that."

"Then, let's go, woman." He started to get out of bed and immediately winced. His muscles had been so cramped that every movement was painful. He really did need that promised massage.

JJ started the tub and helped him undress before walking him into the bathroom. She'd taken a moment to freshen it up, and lit a scented candle to remove any olfactory reminders of the ordeal. It was difficult for him to fold himself into the tub, but once his limbs felt the hot water, they started to relax. JJ moved the soap over him in gentle, caressing circles as she washed away the physical assault on virtually every muscle in his body. She could feel the tension gradually release under her tender ministration.

When she was done, she undressed and joined him. This time, as she again held her husband in her arms, there were no tears. Just peace. And gratitude.

And something else. Reid was feeling so much better, and they really hadn't been alone in the house at all since well before Rosie was born. So, really, there was nothing they could do but take advantage of it. Which they did.

* * *

They didn't make it to the kitchen for another few hours. By that time, Reid was feeling fully recovered,  _extraordinarily_  relaxed…and famished. He felt like he was getting his heavenly reward when he looked into the refrigerator and found a plate with his name on it, laden with Sandy's lemon chicken.

"Ahh, there  _is_  a God!"

JJ sniffed. She knew he was kidding, but….."Yeah? Well, if there is, we're not exactly on speaking terms right now."

Reid's head snapped in her direction upon hearing the out-of-character declaration. He squinted at her.

"You okay?"

She was looking out the window, at the waning sunset. "Since I was a little girl…since I was born, really…I was taught that God answers prayers. That God is there whenever needed. I know, it sounds crazy, given what we see in our work. I mean, it's not like all of those victims and all of their families weren't praying, right? I should know better, right? I should grow up about it."

Reid abandoned the chicken and moved over behind her, wrapping his arms around her, looking over her head at the same sunset. JJ leaned back into him, feeling much needed comfort in the cocoon of his embrace.

"And I know it's not punishment when bad things happen, I do. But…..I don't know….somehow I've always thought that God would hear  _me_ , you know? Like we had a relationship. I know it's stupid. I know I'm not special. But I've still always felt that way. Even when my sister died, I thought…..well, 'it must be some part of a plan'. I  _trusted_. But now I'm not a child any more. If there's a plan, I can't see it. All I _could_ see was how our family could be hurt in this. So I prayed for help…and look what happened."

The sun was down. Now they could see their reflections in the window, and Reid could see the glistening of JJ's eyes. She shook her head.

"I don't know anymore, Spence."

He heard it. Not just the doubt, but the shaking of a foundation. JJ had been raised in a faith-filled household. It was integrally a part of who she was. And, having come to her as a child, it was heavily rooted in emotion.

His own experience couldn't have been more different. It was only in reading through her journals after her death that he realized Diana had been a believer. But her illness had robbed her of her belief, and he'd grown up with her sense of God as the Great Tormentor. It was his experience with Tobias Henkel, his near-death encounter, that made him begin to wonder. To question. To search for, and try to connect with, something beyond. And, like almost everything else in his life, his faith was intellectual. He could examine the problem of good and evil without becoming emotionally entangled. He could acknowledge that freedom of will left humanity inherently open to evil. And he could do so without assigning theological blame. Not so his wife.

Reid had grown in wisdom during his relationship with JJ. He knew she didn't need an existential debate at this moment. Instead, he met her where she was.

"So, you're mad at God because you asked for help and didn't get any?"

"I asked that you be spared. That it not happen to you."

He nodded slowly. "Well, it's true, I didn't get a miracle. But it's  _not_  true that I didn't get help."

He could see her looking at his reflection in the window. He placed his hands on either side of her head, drawing her gaze to her own face.

"Some would say God sent me an angel. Two of them, if you count Morgan." He flashed her a grin, and then got serious again. "Maybe we all have to be God for one another, JJ. Isn't that what Father O'Neill always says?"

She stared at both of their reflections for a long time, still not settled.  _Maybe…..but, still…_

* * *

They'd only been up a few hours, and had just eaten. But they were nearly ready to head for bed again.

"Should we call the kids? Say goodnight?" Reid hadn't been up to saying goodbye when they'd left. He missed them, and he was worried about what Henry might be thinking.

"Good idea. Mom said Henry was enjoying himself, but I'll bet he's ready to come home by now anyway."

"Did she say anything else about him?" His eyes asked the rest of the questions.  _Is he struggling? Is he angry or scared?_

JJ sighed. "Mom said he was playing, and enjoying everything at Rossi's, but he wasn't himself. More quiet than she thought he would be. She thinks he's worried, but not talking about it."

"He's been through an awful lot, JJ. Last year, and now, just when things were sort of normal….for us, anyway…." They both had to smile ruefully at that. "….just when things are even remotely normal, they completely blow up. He goes on a 'vacation' with his grandparents, and knows there's something wrong down here. He's too smart not to catch on. And then he's in a fire, and there's shooting. And his dad is in the hospital."

She took it up. "And he knows…he doesn't remember it well, but he knows because we've talked about it….that both of his dads were in the hospital before, and only one came out."

Reid nodded. "And then he's banished because there's something wrong with me again."

"I know. Spence, do you think...?"

"I think we need to have him see someone. We should do it now, before it has a chance to fester. It was nice he could meet with the school counselor last year, but I don't think it can wait until school starts."

"You don't think we can just talk to him?"

Reid's memories of childhood rose within him. Talking within his family hadn't been an option for the young boy he was, traumatized in a completely different way. But he knew what he'd wished for.

"We can. And we should. But there are things you don't tell your parents, even when you're six. Things you think might hurt them. I think he needs someone who can just listen, and not take sides, or have an opinion."

His words rang true with JJ. She hadn't received help either, when she'd most needed it. It simply wasn't something that was done in that time and place. So she'd had to keep things to herself, and find her own way out of her grief when her sister died. It was a large part of what shaped the way she was as an adult. How she held herself in check in front of others, showing her feelings to only a trusted few. But it wasn't entirely healthy.

"Okay. I'll call Dr. Lucia in the morning, get a few names. But let's call the kids now." She was already dialing her mother's number.

"Hey, Mom, it's me… Yes….. Yes, he's right here. And he's fine…Oh, yes, he found it. It's gone now. He ate the whole thing…..Right. Mom, we called to say goodnight to the kids. Are they still up?"

She looked at Reid. "She's on her way to 'the screening room'. Henry convinced Rossi they needed a double feature tonight."

Reid grinned. "With double the popcorn, right?"

"Ha! I'll bet."

When Henry came on the phone, JJ put it on speaker.

"Hi Mommy!"

"Hi, Baby! Are you having fun?"

"Yeah! We're having real popcorn, from a real popcorn machine!"

"Hey, Buddy, you have a hello for your dad?"

"Dadddyyy!"

"Hi, Little Man. Sorry I didn't get to say goodbye yesterday, and tell you to have fun. I wasn't feeling so good. But I'm all better now."

"You are?"

"Yep, I am. So, tomorrow, we have to play baseball again. You ready for that?"

"More home runs, yay!"

"More home runs. And, you know what? I just remembered tomorrow night is a special night."

"Why?"

"Something special is gonna happen in the sky tomorrow night. So, if we both take a nap, maybe your mom will let us stay up to watch it."

"I don't take naps any more, Daddy."

"Well, I do. And so does anybody who wants to stay up and watch shooting stars with me."

"Shooting stars!" Reid had taught Henry about them, but the youngster had never seen one. " Okay, I'll take a nap. A  _short_  one." Master negotiator.

Reid grinned. It felt good to be making plans with his son again. And to hear the enthusiasm back in the little boy's voice.

Next came Rosie, who, by report, was all bubbly excitement at the sound of her parents' voices.

"Ma! Da!"

They heard Charles' voice next. "We think she's learned a new name, now. Rosie, who's this?"

They couldn't see him pointing, but expected he was pointing to himself. It would make sense if she'd learned the 'papa' babbling sound. But then they heard it.

"Enny!"

"That's me!" they heard their son declare. "Rosie knows my name!"

JJ saw the words on her husband's lips even before he said them. So she joined him.

"She's early!"

* * *

They changed the bed one more time, putting a period at the end of the withdrawal sentence. Reid was about to put his phone in the charger for overnight when he realized he'd missed a text.

'935 PENNSYLVANIA DEP DIR OFF 0900 TOMORROW'

FBI Headquarters. He was being summoned.


	43. Chapter 43

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 43**

"Oops! I don't know how I missed that!"

JJ had received the same text as Reid the day before, but hadn't caught it.

"Maybe you were a little distracted?"  _You know, by having your husband splayed out on the floor, half-dead?_

"Hmm, maybe." She pursed her lips. "So, what, are we in trouble?"

"I can't think why we would be. I didn't exactly break any training rules  _this_ time. And you  _never_ do."

"Ha! I never get caught, you mean."

His brows went up. "Why, Agent Jennifer Jareau, you never cease to surprise me."

"And I plan to keep it that way. A little mystery goes a long way in a marriage. Isn't that what they say?"

Bantering felt good after what seemed like an endless series of ordeals over the past few weeks. Now all they had to do was to reunite with the rest of their family and reclaim their lives.

"I should call Mom and Dad and warn them we'll be out when they get home. I don't want Henry to think we've disappeared again."

JJ picked up her phone and punched the number. There was no answer on the other end, so she left a voice mail to her mother and a text to both of her parents, hoping they'd find it.

* * *

They'd only rarely been to the FBI Headquarters building. Once, to be sworn in, and JJ another time, to formally apply for reinstatement to the BAU after her forced stint at the Pentagon. While the FBI itself had been in existence for more than a century, the headquarters building was a product of the '70s…imposing, but not exactly an architectural work of beauty. But being near it  _did_  convey the energy of the city it inhabited. It was either that energy or a latent anxiety that fueled the adrenalin rush both Reids were feeling as they entered the edifice and made their way toward security.

As they waited to be badged through, as they waited for the elevator, as they rode in the elevator, Reid kept up a constant chatter.

"The message said 'Deputy Director', so it's got to be John, right? That can't be bad." He was trying to talk down his nerves at being called into the second highest office of the FBI.

"Maybe he just wants to see how you're doing." But JJ knew it had to be other than that. He had Reid's number. He could have called.

"Guess we're about to find out."

They exited the elevator at the top floor, and wandered down the hallway until they'd located the right office. Reid swung the door open for his wife, and entered behind her. An administrative assistant looked up at them.

"Agents Reid and Jareau? Go right on in."

Not kept waiting for a bigwig. Something was definitely up.

Reid opened the door again for JJ and started following her into the Deputy Director's office. He walked right into the back of her when she stopped short.

"What…..you're all here!" She was staring across the room at the rest of her team, joined, apparently, by their Section Chief. Erin Strauss was standing beside David Rossi.

"And us too, Mommy!"

JJ whipped her head around to see Henry standing near the window with her parents, her father holding Rosie.

"Ma! Da!" Rosie tried to squirm out of her grandfather's grasp when she saw her mother and father.

Reid recovered from his collision with JJ and looked around the room. They were surrounded by everyone in his life who meant anything to him.

"What's going on?" He turned to where John seemed to have been in conversation with Aaron Hotchner. "Sir?"

John made his way over to the couple. He shook Reid's hand as he gripped the opposite shoulder.

"I'm glad to see you looking well, Spencer. I hear it was a rough couple of days."

No one in the room knew better than John…and perhaps Erin Strauss….what he'd been through. Reid shook the hand of his Deputy Director. "It was. But it's over. For good, God willing."

John smiled at him and motioned both of them further into the room. JJ was now holding a happy Rosie, and Henry had attached himself to the hem of Reid's suit jacket.

John centered himself against his desk and, having their attention, addressed those assembled.

"Regretfully, the case that brings you all here today cannot be made public. It's not simply a matter of it being classified. To honor your actions publicly would risk the identities of innocent law enforcement officers being disclosed in a way that might put their careers in jeopardy. So we're relegated to this office. But regardless, you should know that the FBI, the CIA, the DHS, the DEA, the NSA and Metro PD are all indebted to you. To  _e_ _ach_  of you."

He made a point of making eye contact with each member of the team before continuing.

"I wish I had a medal to honor the going about of one's usual duties under conditions of extreme stress. As you are well aware, nearly every member of our Bureau would deserve it, including all of you in this room. But I  _do_ have the privilege of recognizing recent acts of heroism by members of our esteemed Behavioral Analysis Unit."

Said unit exchanged glances among themselves as the Deputy Director reached behind him to lift an item from his desk.

"The FBI Star is awarded to an agent seriously injured in the line of duty. SSA David Rossi was injured by gunshot in coming to the aid of Section Chief Erin Strauss. Agent Rossi sustained a wound to the neck that required surgery and extended hospitalization. It is my privilege to award Agent Rossi the FBI Star. Agent Rossi, please come forward to receive your medal."

Reid was excited at Rossi's reward, but concerned about the effect on Henry of hearing the description of what had happened to his teammate. He brought the youngster around in front of him and pretended to play with his ears, hoping to disrupt enough of the verbal input to shield his little one from yet more frightening knowledge.

They all congratulated Rossi as John reached back for another medal. JJ noticed when Strauss laid a hand on Rossi's arm as he settled in next to her.

"May I have SSA Emily Prentiss step forward, please."

The brunette agent looked surprised. But she  _had_  been shot. And she  _had_  required emergency care. Reid and JJ both smiled at her as she moved uncertainly toward John.

"Agent Prentiss, you were shot in the act of protecting the Jareau and Reid families from a potentially deadly attack."

Reid stepped up the pace of his tapping on Henry's ears. He knew John meant well, but he did  _not_  want his son hearing this.

"Agent Prentiss, the Bureau awards you the FBI Star."

Emily blushed as the senior FBI man handed her the medal. And she blushed even more when the room erupted into applause for her.

As she moved back to her place, John took two more medals from his desk.

"We are here, at the conclusion of this case, because of the bravery of one man. SSA Spencer Reid put himself in jeopardy for the sake of his law enforcement brethren. In doing so, he doubtless prevented the deaths of many, both law enforcement and lay citizens. In the process, he was assaulted, and suffered significant and persistent injury to his health. I am pleased to say he is now on the road to full recovery. Agent Reid, please step forward."

Emily might have turned a pleasant shade of pink, but Reid was now covered in deep red blotches, creeping upward from his neck to his ears. He had to let go of Henry to move toward John. As he did so, he heard, "Yay, Daddy!" "Ay!"

Reid turned to look at his son. Henry was grinning, and clapping. As was Rosie. And the Jareaus. The team applauded him as well. Finally, his eyes rested on JJ. His wife just looked at him, smiling, conveying a full conversation with her eyes.  _I love you. I'm proud of you. You deserve this._

John shook Reid's hand as he gave him the FBI Star.

"Congratulations, Spencer. I couldn't be prouder."

"Thank you, Sir."

Reid started to move away, and was surprised when John's hand pulled him back.

"Sorry, son, I'm not done with you."

He moved Reid off to his side as he addressed his comments to the rest of the room.

"The FBI also honors those who have demonstrated remarkable bravery in the line of duty. The FBI Shield of Bravery is awarded to those who face the extraordinary dangers of working under cover, or crisis negotiation, for some of our highest priority cases, such as this one. Agent Reid, the Bureau hereby proudly awards you the FBI Shield of Bravery."

More applause. More blushing. The tribute would have been a fitting end to the brief ceremony. But it wasn't over yet.

John cleared his throat to get their attention again. Now he lifted a large medal, hanging from a ribbon.

"From time to time, the FBI sees fit to honor an ordinary citizen. One who has demonstrated the traits of fidelity, bravery and integrity. The FBI would like to bestow such an honor today."

John looked around at all of them, settling his eyes on the Reid men.

"It has come to our attention that a young man assisted the fire department in saving the life of one Casey Reid."

Henry had started to fidget as the ceremony progressed, but upon hearing Casey's name, his attention was again riveted on John.

In that moment, every member of the Reid and Jareau families fell in love with the FBI Deputy Director. He was reaching out to their little boy, so battered by the work his parents chose to do. In his own way, he was trying to turn it around. JJ could barely see through the tears in her eyes.

"Firefighter Brady has informed the FBI that he would not have been able to save Casey from the fire had he not been alerted by this young man. He said the young man saved Casey's life."

Now John narrowed his gaze. "May I ask Henry William LaMontagne Reid to step forward, please?"

Reid, grinning, pushed his son toward John. Henry's eyes were as big as saucers.

John lowered the ribbon over Henry's head, allowing the medal to fall against his chest.

"Henry William LaMontagne Reid, you are an FBI Hero."

* * *

"Does he know?" Rossi asked his good friend Aaron.

"About the medals? No. I didn't see any point in telling him. The Bureau's always at least a couple of years behind. This thing today wouldn't have happened at all if it hadn't involved the Deputy Director."

They were talking about Reid. It may never have occurred to him, but he'd already earned both the FBI Star and its Shield of Bravery from his work in New Orleans.  _That_ ceremony would be public. But, as with most things bureaucratic, it would take its time in arriving. And, Hotch knew, the delay sometimes meant things got lost. He would only tell Reid if and when it was imminent. The public ceremonies were well attended. He didn't think Reid would be able to handle that kind of attention without substantial warning.

"So, how many FBI Stars does that make now?" Hotch teased his good friend.

"Enough to make me feel immortal. Except that this one took a lot out of me. Not sure how much I have left, Aaron."

Hotch looked at his old friend with affection and respect. "I'll trust you to make the decision when the time comes. But I'm hoping it won't be for a long while yet."

Nearby, JJ and Sandy were congratulating Emily. JJ hugged her good friend while still holding Rosie.

"I love you. And I'm glad the FBI finally saw fit to acknowledge how awesome you are."

"Ay!" Rosie clapped again.

Emily, now slingless, reached for her goddaughter. "Well, I couldn't very well have my little Miss Rosie in trouble now, could I?"

"Emy!" Rosie stretched her arms around Emily's neck in her version of a hug.

The godmother raised wide eyes to her friend. "Did she just say my name?"

JJ laughed. "Why not? As Spence would point out, she does  _everything_  early."

Reid heard his name mentioned as he and Henry made their way over. He hugged Emily and Rosie together.

"Did I hear my name?"

"No,  _I_  heard  _my_ name. Rosie called me 'Emy'!"

"She did? Emily, did you know? She's early!"

Emily was still laughing at the besotted father as she bent to Henry.

"May I see that?" She lifted the 'FBI Hero' medal from his chest. "That's awesome, Henry. Congratulations! You are a very special young man."

The little guy was beaming. "Thanks, Aunt Emilyyyyyy...!" Before he knew what was happening, Henry had been scooped up from behind.

"Uncle Thunder, put me down!" the little guy giggled.

"Hey, I'm under orders, Sir Henry. Your godmother wants to give you a big hug!"

Henry looked warily over to his father.

"Go ahead. Yell if she's squishing you. I'm sure 'Uncle Thunder' will save you." Reid gave his good friend a mischievous look.

In the far corner of the room, Charles Jareau was speaking with John.

"Thank you. For all of this." He waved his hand at the rest. "You helped to save Spencer's life. And I think you might have helped save my grandson's as well."

Like the other adults in the family, Charles was concerned about Henry. Maybe this act of kindness would start to turn things around for the little boy.

John acknowledged the thanks with a smile. "I have a grandson myself. And I know how hard this work is on families. I may not have been in a position to do right by my own family, but I am happy to help Spencer's get through this."

He moved in conspiratorially toward Charles. "To tell you the truth, I think your son-in-law saved my career. I was feeling pretty removed from the field, and I was starting to make decisions that looked like I'd forgotten what it was like to be on the front lines. Spencer brought me back there. I was thinking about getting out, but now I think I  _need_ to stay here. Be the voice of sanity at some of these ridiculous administrative meetings. Spencer just may have helped in ways he doesn't even know."

* * *

They'd had a little reception in the conference room, and most of the family had eaten their full. Only Rosie required a formal lunch when they arrived home. So Henry insisted upon baseball the minute they walked in the door.

"Remember, you said, Daddy!"

"That I did. Grab your ball and bat, Little Man."

All three males in the household spent a couple of hours tossing, and batting and running. They'd done it a few days ago, but with the spectre of withdrawal hovering over Reid. Now, it felt like a celebration. Only good things to come.

As the afternoon wore on, and the adults wore out, Reid reminded Henry, "Big happenings in the sky tonight, Little Man. Who's up for a nap?"

"Aww, Daddy." He'd been hoping Reid would forget.

"Just a little one. Come on, I'll lay down with you."

Reluctantly, Henry agreed, and they went in and settled themselves on his bed, spooning as they were accustomed to, in order to accommodate Reid's length. Reid's eyes were already closed when he heard Henry speak.

"Daddy?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm proud of you."

Reid came alert at that. "Really?"

"Yep. Mr. John said you beat the bad guys and saved a lot of people. Didn't he?"

Reid began to wonder just how much Henry had heard, until the little boy added, "That's what Papa said."

Relieved, Reid answered, "I had a lot of help. It's what a team does together. You remember, like your baseball team."

"Oh. Yeah."

"And, Little Buddy? I'm proud of you, too. Look at you. You're only six, and you've got a medal from the FBI."

"Yeah!"

* * *

Two hours later, JJ woke them up.

"C'mon, guys. Home-made pizza for dinner!"

She'd been having trouble rousing them until she appealed to their appetites.

"Pizza? Yay!"

Henry was already out of bed and on his way to washing his hands. Reid was still trying to stretch himself out when JJ took a seat on the mattress next to her husband and grinned at him.

"This was a good day."

He returned the look.

"The best."

"I was already proud of you, of course. But I'm glad to know the FBI sees what I see."

"Oh? And what is that?"

"A pretty damn good agent. And a selfless, wonderful man. Whom I had the good sense to marry." She punctuated her statement with a kiss.

He laughed. "Well, thanks. I know it would have made the FBI insider news, but I could have kissed John for what he did for Henry. Our little man was so excited. He seems pretty happy, doesn't he?"

She agreed. "He does."

"But I still want to talk to him. There's just something….."

"Daddy! Mommy! Time to eat! Hurry up!" Once Henry was hungry, there was little he would allow to come between him and his food.

"Coming!" they shouted together.

* * *

After supper, the Jareaus asked for their attention.

"We know you've been very preoccupied. But  _we've_  been busy," Sandy started.

"We've talked about it at length." Charles' gaze was directed specifically at his daughter.

JJ was suddenly wary. "What? What's going on?"

Charles reached into his pocket, slowly removing his hand to reveal that it held a set of keys.

"Your mother and I have discussed it. Up, down, and sideways. And we've decided. It's time."

Sandy couldn't contain herself. "We're moving! We're going to live down here!"

JJ's eyes were wide, and shifting from her mother, to her father, to Spence, and back again.

"What?!"

"We're moving! Your father and I have talked it over. We'll miss the house, of course. But it will never get back to being the home we remember anyway. And we miss you and the children terribly when we're apart. And you, too, of course, dear." She patted Reid's hand.

Charles supported his wife. "I haven't been willing to admit it, but the upkeep on the house has been a bit much for me.  _It's_ old, and so am I. Those two facts of life just don't work well together."

JJ's jaw was dropped. "But…..but you l _ove_  living there."

Sandy nodded. "We _have_  loved it. And we'll miss some good friends. But we want to be near our daughter, and our grandchildren. We _want_  this, sweetheart. Really, we do."

Reid watched the family tableau, involved and yet not. He looked at Charles, and then at the keys.

"So, you've found something?"

Sandy answered for them. "Oh, yes! It's the cutest little townhouse. They said we can rent it and decide if we want to buy it. It's only about ten minutes from here!"

JJ was having trouble taking it all in. And she was torn. She loved the idea of her parents being nearby. Of the kids  _really_  knowing them. Of them being able to provide some stability when she and Spence were away. But they were also talking about giving up the place she'd always known as  _home_. It was a bittersweet situation.

"Are you sure?"

Charles had always been the one who could read her the best. He put his hand across the table and covered hers.

"We'll still have our memories, Jennifer. And you will, too. But you're making new memories now, with your own family. We want to be a part of that."

Reid smiled as he put his arm around his wife and squeezed. "We want that, too."

* * *

It was late, and the others had turned in for the night. By plan, only father and son held vigil in the backyard.

Despite the triumphs and excitement of the day, Reid had a sense that Henry was still unsettled, that he needed something more from his father. He couldn't say how, but he _knew_  his son had been struggling with yet another worry. And he was fairly certain he knew what it was.

_Did he tell me in the hospital? Is it something that I heard but don't consciously remember?_

In the end, it didn't matter how he knew it. He just knew. So, while they were outside watching for meteors, he pulled Henry over from the lounge chair next to him, and laid the youngster out on top of him. The little one was still wearing his 'FBI Hero' medal.

"There. Now we can be sure we're looking at the same stars."

"When I get bigger, we can't do this any more, Daddy. I'll squish you!"

"I think we've got a little time before that happens, Buddy."  _And I'll be in mourning on the day it does._

The night wouldn't be in full regalia for almost an hour, but there was an occasional herald star to be found shooting through the sky.

Henry sat straight up. "Look! Did you see that one, Daddy?"

"Sure did, Buddy. That was pretty cool."

"Yeah." Henry lay back again and snuggled against Reid. The former godfather recognized his opportunity.

"Sure am glad we can do this together, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"I wonder if you were a little bit worried that we might not be able to do things like this any more."

Silence.

"You know, like when I was in the hospital."

Long pause. "Yeah."

"Henry, I think maybe you helped me wake up in the hospital. Did you know that? I don't think I could have done it without you. You know?"

Another long pause. "Really?"

"Really. But, then, I'm not at all surprised that you helped me so much. After all, it's what a son does for a father."

Reid put the statement out there, his antennae up. He was listening with his ears, and with every cell that was in contact with Henry. This was what he'd thought was troubling his son.

He knew he was right when he felt the usually fidgety Henry go perfectly still.

"What do you mean, Daddy?"

"I mean, Little Man,…" Reid sat up and shifted Henry so that they were looking at each other. "….that, when fathers and sons love each other, they take care of each other. Just like you took care of me."

Henry broke eye contact with Reid. "But…."

Reid turned Henry's face back to him.

"No 'buts', Henry. You are my son, and I am your father."

"But…. _Joey_  said…Rosie…"

_So that's where it came from._  Reid begged for wisdom. He could only hope it had been granted when he spoke again.

"Henry, God gave Rosie to our family because He knew we were the right people to love her. Maybe He knew she would be the right person to love us, too. And He gave  _you_  to your Mom and Daddy Will for the same reason."

The little blonde was listening with rapt attention.

"And I was soooo lucky when they asked me to be your godfather. I met you on the day you were born, Henry. Did you know that? And when I did, I thought…wow, I love him already! And then you smiled, and I thought…..look, he loves me too!"

Henry smiled at that. "Do you think God knew that you would love me? Is that why He let you be my God-father?"

Reid nodded back at him through wet eyes. Wisdom coming from everywhere now.

"Exactly that. So, then, when Daddy Will had to go to heaven….."

"God thought…..Uncle Spence will be his daddy!" Henry finished it for him.

Reid hadn't heard the 'Uncle Spence' in a very long time. He thought back and remembered how much he'd loved the youngster when he'd been known simply by that name. He marveled that he hadn't even been aware when the love had changed. Hadn't noticed it turning into what it was now… the deep, visceral, forever bond of being the little boy's father.

"That's right. So, even though it happened one way for you and another way for Rosie…..really, God gave both of you to me and your Mom to love. It's not really all that different, is it?"

Henry appeared to be pondering that for a long minute, and then nodded, satisfied. "Okay."

He shifted himself back around to look at the night sky with his father.

"Daddy?"

"What?"

"Joey's dumb."

* * *

They were still under the stars a few hours later, Henry out cold lying atop his father, Reid watching a final few stray meteors after a spectacular heavenly display.

One day, he thought, he would tell his son more of the story. One day he would share with Henry the events of his own life on the day the little boy was born.

How he'd learned, finally, that _his_  father was someone to be pitied, rather than hated. How William had admitted to his own weaknesses without apology.

How Diana had demonstrated such strength, such ferocious mother-love, that she'd been willing to face her delusional demons for the sake of giving her son the truth, in the hope of bringing him peace.

How he'd thought, at first, that it was JJ who'd saved him on that awful day. How he'd grown to realize it was also Henry who'd saved him, just by coming into being.

How one of the most emotionally brutal days of his life had come to an end in a DC hospital room, holding the infant Henry, sharing a moment of bonding with the child and his mother. How he'd managed to replace self-pity and anger with hope, and gratitude.

How he'd never dreamed they would become such an integral part of his life. How he'd never dreamed they would  _become_  his life.

How he would never have embarked on this adventure of life without the unspoken invitation of the boy and his mother.

How Rosie was a product of the love all three of them shared.

How he would be forever grateful to the woman whose demons wouldn't allow  _her_  to live the life  _he_  was now living.

How, this very night, they'd followed her final advice.

_"Be engaged with life. Read the great stories. Gaze upon fine art. Listen to beautiful music. Explore the night sky. My adventure is coming to an end. Yours is still being written. Enjoy your life, my heart. Be happy."_

One day, when they were both ready, he would share the whole story with Henry. For now, he would only love him. He would love all of them, and be loved in return. He  _would_  enjoy his life. He  _would_  be happy. And he would treasure every day as a gift. He would make Diana smile.

FINIS


End file.
